In and of itself, the human mating process is a very simple thing. Boy puts his thing inside girls thing until one or both of their bodies climax. Our society adds some complication to that with religion and societal expectations. Couple that with a layer of homophobia and ever-changing hormones. No wonder the sexual dynamic in our relationships can be so challenging!
What if we hit the reset button and played it by the science. No I am not talking about making sex clinical and sterile because science tells us that boring sex doesn't turn us on. In fact, science tells us that none of us are hard wired for monogamy. Both men and women can be monogamous however only if they allow their sex drive to be ignored or subjugated.
When we enter relationships, the science tells us that both of us are aroused by newness and hormonal excitement. There is a race against better judgement to become sexually connected with each other. Once the couple is physically intimate with each other, the female libido goes from partner acquisition mode to relationship sustainment mode. This brings the sexual energy in the relationship from a 10 to somewhere between a 5 and a 6. The man's libido will usually slow down to match the female as well but sometimes he is still in high gear especially with younger males. Females will start redirecting sexual energy to building or solidifying the comfortability and security of the relationship. This can involve financial, career, home selection and even home decorating. I know I am guilty of this, my body shifts to making sure that we have all of the components that we need as a family and my sexual urges became secondary. My sex drive in and of itself became a nice to have instead of a must have. Over the last few years, my desire levels have changed from feelings of nearly insatiable horniness to a periodic scratching of a sexual itch. This seems to be a common theme for many females in intimate relationships while the male sex drive tends to stay more constant.
Examining what little I know from firsthand relationships and reading extensively, I think most male minds are hardwired for a couple things:
This doesn't always mean sexually, this also means providing value to a woman to the extent that she sticks around. In the hunter/gatherer cave man world, a man who was in capable of bringing food home would be less valuable than a man who brought food home every night. Can you imagine the Joneses in the cave next door with a nice fat wildebeest while you and your family are snacking on berries? Many men take this very literally and think that pleasing a woman sexually is the end-all-be-all way to keep her happy. As most of us know, sex is third or fourth on the list for most of us. I don't even desire sex unless my emotional needs are met.
In the context of a relationship, he is wired in a way that requires that his testicles are emptied on a regular basis. The higher his testosterone, the more frequently they need emptying. He expects to have regular intercourse or regular opportunities to fulfill this need. Don't question if it is a want or a need, it is most certainly a need. Secondary to releasing his seed is to feel that his sexuality is valued. Why do men prefer if you swallow rather than spit when it comes to that? The reason is because they want their swimmers to feel valued and not go down the bathroom vanity sink. This value is as metaphorical as it is literal, he wants to feel that his sexuality is of value to you. Feeling valued is something that we all hold in high regard. His may be different but just because it is sexual in nature, it isn't optional or any less important.…
