There is a big disconnect in the world of male chastity. Men like to hint to their partner about wanting to be locked up. In many cases the men simply show the woman a link to a cock cage and say something cryptic like "I want you to lock me up". Ok but why? The reasons are far deeper and the intent is far more pure than many women think at first glance. What some of you might not know is that I spend some of my time as an amateur life coach for couples. This site has given me the opportunity to enter the lives and the bedrooms of many couples and learn what makes us all tick.
Let me start with a email that I recently helped a man write to his wife of ten years. I've copied and pasted this letter in its entirety with his permission.
Writing an email like this must be tough but showing his wife why he wants to control his orgasms is essential to her understanding that this isn't just some weird sexual fetish. The response from his wife was brief but quite positive.
If you want to copy and paste this message to your significant other, please do so. I encourage you to explain orgasm denial in such a way that promotes her needs and not just your own. This message was sent several months ago and since then the couple has continued to grow together.
Very nicely worded email Emma. Thanks for sharing. What a nice thing you did for this man … and in particular, his loving wife.
I like everything about this, except for one thing:
“I know you are at work but if you can reply and let me know, I would appreciate it because I am nervously waiting for your response.”
I’m in no way opposed to composing and sending a long e-mail message from time to time, nor for asking for time and attention from someone with whom I’m in an intimate relationship. However, what this is is a non-emergency for which the husband is asking for notable attention during her work day. He is asking that she read and respond to a very long e-mail message while she is still at work, and exactly while she has made an explicit commitment to give honest service to her employer. He’s pressuring her: “…if you can….” Of course she can. It’s within the realm of human possibility, therefore he expects it.
Sure, he didn’t ask for an equally long reply, nor demand that she read his message in its entirety and reply while she was still at work, but this is something to be shared during non-work time. Moreover, he indicates that he works at home. Possibly if not probably, he composed his outgoing message to his wife while he was supposed to be working. He didn’t compose that message in 90 seconds, nor on a 30-minute lunch break. Being honest and sharing with each other should not require being dishonest with either of their employers.
There’s a time and a place for everything; for this one, not the time, not the place.
Makes sense. I suppose everyone’s dynamic of work/life balance is going to be different. I didn’t change anything about this email aside from the omission of the names. This worked for them but I can see that line as almost topping from the bottom.
Emma even makes it as easy as copy and paste for a man who wants to encourage his female partner to entertain an FLR. Can’t get much easier than that!
Very helpful, thanks
I ordered some chastity devices and other sex toys. Once the cages came in I gave my wife the key and sent her a long email and walked out. That night we had a great time and it was not frightening to my wife. Since then we have spoken a little more about the chastity cage and orgasm denial. She is comfortable with both and so am I. I think it is easier for her because I addressed and acknowledged her concerns and questions the best I could. Because of that she is willing to go further and enjoys a husband who is much more attentive to her needs.
This really hit the nail on the head for thoughts I was trying to put into words. As a man I want to feel sexy but society tells us that men should not be afforded that luxury. Men are to be admired for their character and their utility which I think is bull shit. I want to feel sexy and I deserve to feel sexy. You have found ways to make me feel sexy and reverse that dynamic in my marriage and I am forever in debt to this site and to you personally Emma for normalizing it. Prior to this site both chastity and pegging was a fringe bdsm kink that was so far from normal for us. Men and women are not so dissimilar really. We both want many of the same things and society should allow us to feel sexy.
As usual is this a great post. Most men with an interest in chastity struggle to, first, understand what they want, and second, how to write things down without het running away as a result.
I’am lucky enough to have read this site (and others) for a while before bringing this up to my wife. I wrote her a letter to let het know how much I love her, and that we could have an even better relationship, if we could even out our biological differences. I could never have write the letter without reading a lot before.
So thank you Emma and fellow members here for all that shared wisdom.
She read the letter, stated that she was happy that I would not like to involve in BDSM or anal sex (so I guess she was relieved with what the letter was about???) but nothing more has happend since (several months).
I read the book Locked in love by Key Barret (recomended by an other menber here) in bed beside her, so she know I’m still interested, but this also led not to the conversation that I would like to have with her. I also translated some English articles/blogs in our own language (Dutch), so she can easily read them.
After some months of no talking about the subject, I wrote her another letter in witch all the bennefits for her, me and us as a couple are mentioned. I also made sure to point out again the biological differences between us and how we could use that and try the male chastity thing so we could explore the changes.
I have to hand her this last letter yet. I am hoping that she understand, that is not some sort of kink feeding for me, but me trying to get a deeper connection and more intimate time together, and above all a better communication beween us. I know one day we have a good talk about is, and Iám sure she is eventually ready to thy this. But man, being patient is key here.
Hello from the future! How did it go? Were you able to talk to your wife?