In our culture, the female form embodies sexy and men are not permitted the luxury of feeling sexy. Did you know that only 12.1 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 65 in committed relationships feel desired by their partner? That same study found that 95 percent of men found it very important to feel desired. The gap of unmet needs is incredible and what’s worse, nobody talks about it! So why on earth are females the only ones that are allowed to feel sexy and desired?
Grooming & Wellness
A haircut, a fresh shave or a shower. All of these things will help a guy feel a boost of self confidence about his presentation. Need to feel good about yourself, a nice shave and a haircut will do it. How about a signature scent? I’ll throw exercise and fitness into grooming as well. Sleep can make you feel sexy too! Waking up fully rested and ready to face the day? Yes please!
Clothing
There is no question that clothing makes us feel sexy. Sometimes I like to try on clothes just because I like the way I feel when I wear them. Men in suits or better yet, uniforms. Yum! Here is the problem, those two things I just mentioned don’t accentuate their bodies, they accentuate their careers and cater to our sense of security rather than accentuating physical traits. A nice, well fitted suit implies success and wealth. A uniform implies a commanding presence and a good job. A look into gay culture shows some fashion built around accentuating the male body but very little in the hetero world. I think the male body is beautiful and I think we should start allowing men to dress sexy. Women have lingerie and let’s be honest, Halloween for women is more of a sexy-dress-up competition than a scary mask competition like it is for the boys. Kev and I have done some dress-up play at home and Kev and I find it funny more than anything but the fact that female sexy clothing exists but is absent for men is telling.
Nudity
If clothing makes us feel sexy, what about the absence of clothing? If you are comfortable with your body then you should love being nude. If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, feel free to email me a body pic and I will give you at least one heartfelt compliment. Every body is beautiful, it really is.
Compliments
As women, we generally compliment each other. We expect compliments from our guys but we (myself included) aren’t great at returning compliments to our fellas. Guys don’t get compliments like we do and it needs to change. Men (all humans) like to feel validated especially when it is clear that he made an effort or is proud of something. Be intentional about giving genuine compliments about everything from his intelligence to his butt.
Initiate Sex
What could make him feel more desirable than eagerly initiating sexual contact and coupling it with a compliment. This doesn’t need to result in sex every time. This morning for example, Kev woke up with my hand on his cage (it is Locktober after all) and a compliment about how sexy and manly his black cage looks on his body. I kissed down his chest and blew my warm breath on his cage. It didn’t go any further than that but guess what, that two seconds of effort made him start his day with a smile. Why should I keep my feelings about his sexual desirability a secret? He is hot and I liked what I saw this morning so I let him know. When you initiate sex and accompany it with a compliment, it is something you need. Feeling wanted is lame, make it clear that he is needed. Men don’t know what to do with compliments since they are generally rare so that is the part that will take you from a C effort to an A+.
End Sex Early
How on earth will ending sex early help him feel sexy? Men often use sex (orgasm) to satiate feelings of anxiety and intimacy. Ending sex early forces him to experience feelings of intimacy in the absence of the orgasm. Sex in the context of a relationship can be addictive and his orgasm can be used as a substitute or mask for experiencing real connection. In long term relationships, sex can become routine. Ending sex prior to his orgasm prevents it from becoming machinelike and forces him to confront feelings and experience intimacy.
Objectify His Body
While objectification of female bodies is something which we are all familiar, men are often objectified for their social status, jobs or wealth. The male needs for physical attraction is frowned upon and the female need for security is acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, none of us don’t like feeling like a decorative object defined by our physical attractiveness/usefulness. For men, feeling sexually objectified will most likely be exciting and quite likely a huge turn-on. I would argue that we all need some level of objectification, even as partners we must maintain a baseline level of compatibility. I suggest that objectification forms that baseline or foundation for which the rest of the relationship is built upon.
Male Chastity & Orgasm Control
How on earth would orgasm control make a man feel sexy? Well, I’ll tell ya! Men are typically in charge of their own sexuality and when left to his own devices masturbation happens. OFTEN. Masturbation isn’t inherently bad but men release sexual energy and temporarily lose the ability to build emotional connections. Male chastity prevents the orgasm and allows him the opportunity to experience a full rainbow of emotion that has been masked since he was a teen.
Pegging
Men typically experience a very different form of sexual pleasure than we do, they experience an acceptance of their body into another. Women’s bodies on the other hand accept another into them. Pegging allows men to feel vulnerability and accept sexual submission from another.
Feeling Emotions
Men aren’t allowed to feel emotion, they are taught from a young age that feeling is bad. Boys don’t cry. Like hell they don’t! Why do you think we have so many confused young men, so much violence in schools? Boys are very alone with their emotions and they don’t feel comfortable to express themselves. Rather than teach them to have deep emotional connections and express their feelings, we medicate them. While the medicines may or may not work, they imply that something is wrong or broken with them. In very few cases is something wrong, they simply don’t know how to express themselves! I guess I went on a bit of a rant there.
Conclusion
We need to shift the objectification to the boys to help them feel sexy. There is absolutely no reason that only 12.1 percent of men should feel sexually desired. I wonder if the recent trend of trans women is related to the objectification of the female body. While gender dysphoria is certainly a thing, I wonder if some go through a transition in search of feelings that they weren’t allowed to experience as a male. I certainly don’t mean to be insensitive to any trans people so I apologize if that came off wrong. Anyway, give me some love or hate in the comments below. Thanks for reading!
