Your fella confessed that he has a fantasy of watching you with another man. That is a pretty big leap for even the most secure relationship. While many of us may entertain the fantasy, it is something that may do more harm than good if we try to fulfill it. Cuckold is a strong term and frankly, I don't like the derogatory connotation. With that said, it makes for a dramatic headline so I'll leave it for the sake of the search engines. Here's to you Google.
Many guys have this fetish and it is a direct result of sperm competition. Knowing that their mate is desired by others, makes their blood absolutely boil with sexual arousal. Assuming you have a boundary in your relationship that restricts sexual intimacy to the two of you, how can you harness this sperm competition arousal while respecting the boundaries that you've set?
Accept first that you both bring certain things to the relationship. He likely brings security through commitment, love, and respect. You expect his communication, respect, trust and support. With that foundation, bringing sperm competition arousal to your relationship or marriage might just kick your sex life into high gear. We should start with the distinction of sperm competition and sperm competition arousal. Sperm competition is when two males ejaculate in a female and the resulting semen competes to fertilize an egg. We've established that this isn't on the table for conversation at this point. We are going to take baby steps and try to experience some of the massive testosterone boost related to this experience without actually experiencing it.
A 1996 study showed that adult DVD sales (lol. DVD sales, whaaat?) with movies depicting multiple males were higher than movies depicting multiple females. I looked through the most recently published "year in review" stats from PornHub and I wasn't able to see much information about threesomes. The search term threesome was there however there wasn't anything distinguishing between the two boys and two girl variants. Anyone know where I can find this data?
There are many things which go into female sexual selection from environmental conditions - things we cannot control to specific characteristics about potential mates. In the top right of the diagram below, you will see the PSR or primary sex ratio. Simply put, the ratio of available mates. In the top left, you will see more environmental characteristics among the available mate pool. PRR in the diagram below refers to the potential reproductive rate or the reproductive rate if given unlimited mating access. The merging of the left and right sides of this diagram gives the OSR or operational sex ratio. The OSR is the ratio of males and females make up the mating pool of the population at any given time.
We are not ready to make this leap either but it makes a wonderful tease. Some times I get all dressed up to go out and refuse to tell him where I am going. I leave for a few hours making sure to return with clothes and makeup disheveled. Did I have a meeting with one of the partners from work/run an errand at the supermarket or did I do something far sexier than that? I guess none of us will ever really know the truth.
Emma, you said it best in another blog that it is unfair for society’s expectation that one man is sufficient to please one woman. The bull may be the quarterback but the cuck is the coach. He is the support when she is done playing and the glue that holds things together and fills emotional needs. When a need must be filled, he selects the player that is best suited for the play that the team needs. If she is feeling especially carnal, the bull may be the best player. If she needs an emotional connection, he is probably the right guy. A relationship is a wonderful bond between two people and if something works for the two of you, do it more. If something doesn’t work, stop doing it. Play slow and talk frequently. The steps above are a good way to test the waters for some red flags of jealousy. Love each other and run the plays that work best for your relationship.
My husband has this fantasy of watching me with younger man he is much older than I am. We tried one night and I was nervous because I we found a handsome man but I was watching my husband carefully and maybe distracted myself but I enjoyed myself. We tried once more and I was more relaxed this time and paid less attention to my husband present. Now this is part of our marriage and a exciting part. I love my husband he is my rock to count on but we have emotional bond and physical bond is sometimes nice and to feel desired like I still got it. We talked many times after this and I feel like with our age difference it make him feel like he satisfy me even though it doesn’t always be with him. Now I have a steady boyfriend and my husband is friendly and even golf with him sometimes. Everyone can look at their own relationship and do what they want because this works for us but maybe it is not for everyone.
You probably can but Lynn would lock you up forever!
The social-biology research has finally caught up with human behavior and has been allowed to come out of the closet. Married women having lovers was always part of the landscape, now it is better understood and celebrated, instead of scorned.
Although I’m fond of dictionary definitions, “cuckold” doe hold too many loaded meanings. It depends upon which perspective or community you are coming from. I also prefer “lover” over the term “bull.”
Wandering eyes are part of any relationship over time, as well the wandering minds. Time allows partners to mature more past the clingy and jealous phase of early bonding. Once the male and the relationship matures, his readiness arrives for accepting his partner as a loving sexual person with an appetite far greater than he on his own can satisfy.
Defensiveness and perceptions of threats to the security of the relationship has to be alleviated in his fears. It’s a huge lift at the start of extramarital adventure for her, and this continues to require a certain level of effort for maintenance. Mostly good communication.
In the Hotwife/Cuckold world, mostly the men propose the half open relationship for the wife. Some are lead into it by a wandering spouse. Either way, I see many times the husband wants it to happen because of the sexual excitement but has not evolved and matured enough to endure the ego challenge that occurs when the wife embraces her sexuality “too much.” She was ready all along, him not completely so. His evolution needs work.
Which brings me to my reaction to your article. Your suggestion to try male chastity first is brilliant. It is a journey of letting go of control and hangups we males are filled with; both innate and cultural. Far better preparation for the male to later enjoy a partner having lovers.
As with both male chastity and hotwifing, it works best when it is female oriented and stops being just a male fetish.
“Evolving Your Man” was a wise choice for this web site.
A great article, I appreciate the research and careful, structured thought that Emma puts into her pieces. I always get to learn something new and can begin to question my experiences or previous opinions on the topics.
Personally I noticed an increased interest in ‘cuckolding’ (not keen on this loaded terminology myself) as I grow older, so you’ll find me partially responsible for those PornHub stats 😉 I feel I’m not alone in that, there seems to be a sizeable group of people exerimenting with this online as described, on sites like NewbieNudes, etc.
Whether I’d handle it well in real life, I can’t tell yet – but the fantasy has appeal, and now that I am much clearer on its roots, it makes it easier to accept as a natural urge.
Thanks! The interesting thing about cuckolding and emotional pain is it causes the same reaction in the brain as physical pain. Pleasure and pain are both tied to the dopamine and opioid systems in the brain (pain/pleasure) which tie directly to rewards and motivation. Your newfound interest in cuckolding is quite possibly an addiction compounded by your brain finding that to be an emotionally hurtful experience. You may experience a high, just as marathon runners experience an athletes high after running a race.
This doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthy of exploring, just take things extremely slowly to see if it should stay a fantasy or if it might be fun and safe thing to take into reality.
These are good. When we got started I would make him go outside the bedroom while I masturbated to see if it made him jealous. He would wait for me and come back in the room to cuddle when I told him that I was done. It did make him feel excluded, jealous and gave him some of the feelings that he would feel later but not as strong. Cuck him softly before you go full cuck mode.
I could go for 1 and 2, but 3 would cause me to have a meltdown. Watching a woman pleasure herself with a dildo while I am tied to a chair and locked in a cage is a fantasy of mine. But I could not do cuckolding. Emotionally, that would devastate me.