I am not a dominatrix. I am not a mistress. I don't believe in female supremacy. I don't think women should rule the world. I don't even think that I am better in any way than my lovely husband Kev. As my Twitter following grows, so do the unsolicited daily requests for me to be someone's dom. They usually start with "Hi Mistress Emma, may I be your submissive?" or "Mistress Emma, how much do you charge for femdom or findom services?". The answer, zero, zilch, nada. Nope.
That's not what this site is about. Nothing against the pro dommes out there, you provide a service that many men (and some women) love. I'm simply not that. I work for a marketing company and I do food delivery on the side. Neither of those things translate to me whipping you or doing anything like that. You wouldn't ask me to build you a fence in your yard. Why? Because I'm not a fence-builder-person. Carpenter? I dunno. Anyway.
Ok, now for some gratuitous dominatrix cartoons.
A woman shouldn't need to don red or black patent leather to be allowed to have some caricature version of confidence. This fetish fashion might make you feel like you have confidence or might help you slip into character but it doesn't change who you are. It doesn't make you any more confident than wearing a stethoscope around your neck makes you a doctor. Despite being a mechanism for tapping into the power of your sexuality, I don't think female sexuality is something that should be on the fringe of society. Just as Fifty Shades of Grey may have gotten many things in the BDSM community wrong, I think the dominatrix stereotype gets female sexuality wrong. Female empowerment is about more than just sexually dominant positions for doin' it such as the Amazon position (not to be confused with the online retailer).
Another interesting thing is that the dominatrix isn't always what you think. Sometimes the dom is just a vehicle to other fetishes. Due to the way we villainize fetishes in our culture, men see the dom as the only path to acceptance for their foot fetish or tendency to a strong female archetype.
Let's take another quick break for some more gratuitous dominatrix cartoons.…
Sadly the request from most men in this area miss the point as they are trying to top from the bottom. Real confidence that women can feel is when they are supported in what ever path they choose. Maybe all the dress up is what they want and if so, support it however most I believe, go along with their partner not for themselves. When we as men support our partners in things they want by asking and honestly accept their desires, it gives them the confidence in and out of the bedroom.
You hit the nail on the head. It is like they have this whole script of how they want to be dominated. Guess what, if you are writing the script then you aren’t being dominated at all. In fact, you are forcing a narrative on someone which actually makes you the dominant one who is acting out a play that you wrote. Dominance inception.
Wait … what? You are not a Pro Domme?
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone! Just keep “donating” to my OnlyFans!
As someone who is active in the bdsm community, and sees what passes for Femdoms and Mistresses nowdays, i think most men seeking this would be disappointed..and that’s coming from someone who finds the kink wear extremely hot. However, putting on leather or platform boots is not what makes the Domme…its the mental aspect portrayed. Out of a half dozen or so I currently know, one does that in a way that I can honestly say, is a true pro….and not a head case.
This is well said, “…., putting on leather or platform boots is not what makes the Domme…its the mental aspect portrayed.”
I would add, the look can invite, but it’s the person inside that matters.
Female led relationships can take many forms from mild to intense. There is no “one size fits all.” It’s generally wise to begin with some short term chastity lock up sessions, then in the following weeks begin to experiment with other ideas such as corporal discipline, longer lock up periods, pegging, edging, queening, spooning, feminine clothes, and cuckolding; to find what combination of these work and which do not. Whatever the couple decides on, doing different things at different times (at her choosing of course) will keep their love and sex life interesting. 🙂