Humiliation is deeply arousing for men. I’ll be honest, I don’t really get it. If he told me that his ex had bigger tits than me (she did), I’d just shrug and say “great”. If I flip that around and tell him that my ex had a bigger cock than he does (he did) it makes him feel humiliated but also deeply aroused. I won’t get into the why, that is a topic for other blogs that I’ve written and it is equally fascinating. Turns out that it is healthy to experience sexual humiliation assuming it is followed by conversation if you strike any chords.
Your dick is small and that is why I lock you up
Ouch! That is something I never would have never uttered six months ago but guess what, he loves it! It plays into his humiliation fetish and it gives him a rush of testosterone and oxytocin that he so craves. Is his dick small? It really depends on who you are comparing him to and the the importance of size to me. I’ve said before that there are many reasons I actually like them small especially in a deep loving connection like I have with Kev. For the one night wham bam thank you ma’am I would probably prefer something larger/thicker and guess what, that is OK. That’s why Kev has an arsenal of cock sleeves and why I have play partners equipped with different shapes and sizes.
Cuckold humiliation
I should first clarify that humiliation is frequently tied to the cuckold fetish but I want to emphasize that not all cuckolds are into humiliation and not all guys who enjoy humiliation are also into cuckolding. They are not mutually exclusive. For the fellas that enjoy both cuckolding and humiliation, they typically crave sexual submission. Remember that the penis is not the biggest sex organ on the male body, the brain is. Anyone can rub a penis but not everyone can stroke his mind in just such a way that he craves every inch of your being.
Humiliation in the cuckold context most often states something that could be an obvious conclusion such as:
- I am fucking him because he has a bigger dick than you.
- He is younger and better looking than you, I want him but I don’t want you.
- You are sitting in the chair watching me fuck another man.
Another context for humiliation might be making him do something that he wouldn’t otherwise do:
- Get the other guy a beer.
- Compliment the other guy.
- Acknowledge that the other guy is bigger, better, luckier, whatever.
- Help the other guy get hard or perhaps other sexual things with the other guy.
The catch is that he should be TOLD to do these things since the fetish is around submission. If he does it on his own, there is little/no submission involved and therefore the hotness factor is much lower.
Boosting things to the next level takes him from an observer to a participant. Rather than just stating what is going on, involve him in the response and don’t accept anything but a complete sentence as an answer.
- How does it feel to know that I am fucking him because he has a bigger dick than you?
- I want you to tell him that your wife wants him because he is younger and better looking than you.
- You are sitting in the chair watching me fuck another man. Tell us how much you love watching us.
- Come over here and compare your cock to his. Hah, someone doesn’t quite measure up. Now you see why he is getting attention and not you.
Yes, these sound insane. I know. All of them have a small amount of truth but they are intended to raise his blood pressure and boost his sexual response. Guess what, they work. Despite knowing they are coming, they hit like a freight train and you can see the panic encrusted pleasure in his eyes.
So why hasn’t he asked for this sooner?
You can’t just ask to be humiliated, that defeats the purpose. Humiliation must be unexpected to feel authentic. If an attempt at humiliation seems inauthentic, it won’t be humiliating.
Husband: Tell me that I have a small penis.
Wife: You have a small penis.
Husband: Ok… thanks…
See what I mean? It just doesn’t work. How about initiating sex with him and at the last moment telling him that you want him to get a cock sleeve so you can “feel him”. During your fun time, say things like I wish you were this thick all the time! Think how much sex we would be having. This plays into both the SPH fetish and his denial fetish, yum.
Are you kidding me? Nobody does this.
I’m not kidding you. Over 58% of men have this fetish. That is a huge (pun intended) amount of guys and while some may not want their partner to exercise this fetish they’ve found themselves aroused by size play.
When not to do it?
Set aside specific play times with a defined start and end for your SPH play. Yes this means you shouldn’t tease him about the baby carrots in the grocery store unless you can make time to end the play session afterwards. I’ve actually done this baby carrot example once. We were grocery shopping and I held up the single baby carrot and said “Does this look like anyone we know?” and giggled a little bit while he got red in the face and several produce shopping onlookers tried to hide their giggles at the poor man’s misfortune. It is important that you not make SPH part of your everyday life, this can be detrimental to his overall well being. In the grocery shopping example above I was intentional to grab his butt, kiss his neck and tell him that I loved him and I appreciate the way we can play in public like that.
Specific Examples
If you’re like me, I’m not great about this type of unless I have specific examples that I can use immediately so here are a few.
- Verbal teasing and insults like the example above at the grocery store, little hand gestures or snide remarks. Terms like baby dick, underdeveloped penis and clitty as a reference to his little guy can be fun.
- Physical ideas like pulling out a tape measure in the bedroom and measuring his penis. Laugh and mock as you put the tape measure away. You can even incorporate this into sexual denial and say something about needing to be this big to ride.
- Schedule weekly measuring sessions to see if he is growing and confirm he isn’t.
- After you measure it, refer to him by the number of centimeters or inches he is when he is soft. Hey hubby, why don’t you bring old two and a quarter over here so I can laugh at it.
- Sexual denial and SPH go hand in hand, literally any type of testicular restraint can be used to immobilize him and give him a randy teasing. If you were a little bit bigger you would be fucking me instead of tied up in that silly contraption.
- The concept of “a real man” is problematic yes but fetish overrules in some cases with proper aftercare. Explain how real men are bigger and how he can only hope to be as big as a real man capable of satisfying you.
- The SPH handjob is a fun one where you stroke his cock and explain how much bigger your lover or your dildo is and why his little penis cannot come close to the parts of your body that bring you pleasure.
- While having sex, express how much better it would feel to be fucked by a real man.
- When he attempts to initiate sex, laugh and say with that little thing? I don’t think so.
- When you initiate sex tell him you got horny thinking about getting fucked by real men and you want him to fuck you so you can laugh at the difference.
- Tell a friend. This one can be hit or miss but SPH jokes in front of friends especially in describing the motivations behind your hotwife or cuckold lifestyle can be incredibly exciting.
- If you are a cuckold couple, using references to his little guy while he is watching you enjoy your bull can be a wonderful time especially if there is a sizable difference between the two.
- When viewing porn together, make him apologize for being smaller than the men that are in the videos.
- Make him google “what women think about small cocks” and have him read the articles that he finds.
- Buy a shirt that says “I only fuck men with big dicks” and wear it around the house.
- Invite a friend over and have him stand in front of the two of you while you are clothed. Make fun of his penis together. This is called CFNM or clothed female nude male and it can be deeply arousing for both.
- Make him wear panties and tell him that he might as well be a woman with a penis that small.
- Look bored or yawn when having sex and comment about not being able to feel him. For bonus points, tell him that you might as well stop because you can’t feel him anymore.
- Tell him to tuck himself back between his legs and laugh at his lack of penis. Taking pictures can be fun.
- Tell him to masturbate while you watch and make fun of him stroking his little penis. For bonus points, make him ejaculate on your feet or the floor and lick it up because “that’s what little dick boys do”.
- CBT or cock and ball torture can be a great part of this kink. Whip or flog him as punishment for being equipped with an inferior penis. The balls can take quite a beating and won’t undergo serious damage. Do a web search for the practice before starting.
- Tether him by the balls to an object in the room and tell him that a real man would be unlocked. Use this time to talk to your boyfriend on the phone, video chat or even masturbate in front of him to show what he is missing out on by being underdeveloped.
- Have him post his little guy online in a SPH forum and open it up to ridicule by others.
- Explain that he doesn’t deserve to put his tiny nub of a cock inside you and make him repeat it.
- A great backhanded compliment in these types of scenes is a comment like “I don’t love your cock but I love you”.
- Masturbate beside him and tell him that you are thinking of other men because you could never be satisfied by his pathetic penis.
- For cuckold couples, make him stand beside your bull and compare cocks with the bigger fella. Make him acknowledge the size different and compliment your bull’s “superior” penis. You can even have the bull participate in the SPH but make sure the bull is ok with it prior to the session. This can feel weird if he isn’t prepared beforehand. For bonus points, have him suck your bull and worship “a real penis”.
- Buy condoms that are too large for him and deny sex when he can’t make the condom fit.
- Make him use a pocket pussy or flesh light and humiliate him with comments while you watch him use it. Tell him that the only pussy he can satisfy is a rubber one.
- Record yourself having sex with a larger man and make him masturbate to that video and keep a dialog going about how much bigger he is. See how he made me moan, you never do that because you are too small. Be sure that this is a two way conversation!
- Compare his penis with your ideal size dildo.
- Dress him up in sexy/feminine clothes and peg him while he is dressed. Remind him how much bigger you are than him.
- Explain to him that this isn’t a temporary thing, you’ve been unhappy for quite some time and you are thrilled that you don’t have to live a lie with his tiny pathetic cock any longer. You will never be satisfied by him again and need to find better men to satisfy you.
- Get a cock sleeve for him to feel like a real penis and use that with any intercourse.
- Make him wear a pair of your yoga pants and make fun of the lack of bump in them.
- Put a pink bow around it and have him walk around the house nude.
- Have him use a large size dildo on you and then fuck you immediately after. You will have adjusted to the size of the larger object and neither of you will be able to feel anything.
- Fuck me wearing a strap-on. I have needs and your little penis can’t satisfy them. Wear my strap-on so I can feel what it is like to be fucked by a real man for once. Be absolutely over the top with your moans and make it known how much better it feels.
- When having sex, ask if it is in yet.
- When having sex, call your lover (or pretend like you are) and talk on the phone.
- Text other men while having sex with him and act disinterested or disconnected.
- Hold a ruler beside him the entire time he masturbates. When he cums, make him cum on his tummy and feed it to him with your fingers.
- Listen to some audio stories together. like this or this or even this. How about this or this or this as well?
Do you have any more to add to this list? Leave them in the comments below!
Storytelling – With a Twist!
Tell him about your latest adventures either real or made up and ensure to spice it up with reasons behind why you are adventuring outside of your relationship. The devil is in the details but not the details of the encounter, instead the details of why you are meeting your needs elsewhere. Here is an example.
I know you sleep right beside me at night but I chose to drive an hour to see him because he is so much more attractive so much bigger and so much more manly than you can ever hope to be. When I got there and saw the size of his cock and his beautiful body, I knew that you would never come close to satisfying me and why I resort to finding other men to satisfy that missing part of our marriage. You will forever be my emotional rock but an innately sexual woman like me needs her physical needs met and let’s be honest, you’ve never quite measured up in that department or come close to satisfying me sexually. Our relationship has always been about on our strong emotional bond and we are best friends and soul mates, right babe? Right?
Aftercare
As I mentioned above, this is all well and good but it is important to give proper aftercare after every single session. This involves righting the wrongs and reminding him that it is just a fantasy for the both of you to enjoy together. Don’t even consider a single one of these things unless you plan to do aftercare. This isn’t about emotional abuse, it is about enjoying a mindset and a fantasy together. This is about enjoying your relationship and sexuality together and ultimately having fun with it. The moment you both stop having fun is the moment that you should stop. Until then, enjoy!
This happened with a regular partner who loved being teased about his tiny penis. He was only about 3 inches hard, and very, very thin. We only had ‘sex’ once because it did absolutely nothing for me.
We had played before, but he had never entered me. After an extensive warm up and some truly phenomenal oral for me, I told him that he could fuck me. He was thrilled, obviously, and I handed him a condom. It was impossible to keep from smiling as I watched him struggle with the Magnum that I’d given him. “Oh, does it not fit? Are you too small for the condom?” I made him admit it before handing him a smaller one.
I positioned myself so he would enter me from behind, and told him to fuck me. If he hadn’t groaned when he entered me, I wouldn’t have realized that he had. “Are you having problems with the condom again? Come on, fuck me.” I wish I could have seen the embarrassed look on his face when he admitted that he was as already inside me. “I can’t feel anything. But hump away all you want.”
I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. I opened Reddit, and my favorite subreddit featuring dicks I might actually enjoy. While he continued to hump, I put the phone down so he could see exactly what I was looking at. I liked and commented on some photos. Occasionally I’d turn and show him a particularly large one and tell him how I wished he was big enough to fill me up.
When he came I didn’t move, just kept scrolling. It wasn’t until he rolled over, exhausted, that I acknowledged he’d stopped. “Was that fun for you? Because it wasn’t for me. I’m never letting that little thing inside me again.” I showed him the best picture I’d found while scrolling, and made him order me a dildo in that size for next time.
You said to post a dick so we can make fun of it but can I do that on this site?
My husband cums every day and this is part of what we do together as our bonding time. He usually cums on himself while I make fun of his penis and then I masturbate while he holds my phone with pornhub on it. Making him cum first gives him a different headspace and thats how I like cuckold too. He cums first before anything starts and it puts him in a submissive place so he can watch my enjoyment in a very clear headspace and not clouded by his own arousal. Watch me enjoy me make this about me and mine not you and yours.
This is lovely!
The problem with humiliations is that they become “temporarily to permanently invalidated” once used by a person. It’s not particularly demeaning anymore when for the second, third, fourth time the pinkie is shown or I’m told how small he is.
Like a cartridge that becomes an empty case after being fired. The magazine can of course have many cartridges, Emma’s list provides a lot of good ideas.
But at some point you become dull, it becomes business as usual. Even if new cartridges are fired again and again. This is because the goal of SPH is always the same: SPH.
At some point everything that needs to be said has been said.
Unless the humiliating person changes.
So I love it when my wife makes me deal with how small he is, how inefficient, why he needs to be locked up, why she deserves better, and so on.
Writing essays, researching literature, taking photos of him with a tape measure, writing stories, getting her new and better sex toys, taking care of the big dildos and vibrators, making her orgasm with big things, apologizing adequately….
Very much active “ME” and little active “SHE”.
I am not always humbled directly by HER, but she makes sure that I humble myself in front of her (and possibly others as well). It’s ME who has to beg, SHE rejects my request, the reason for her refusal she hits me hard in the face or tells me a riddle or lets me fathom it in a question and answer game.
In this way, my largest sexual organ, as Emma wrote, it is the brain, is always involved. In addition, all my efforts serve to entertain my wife, because she too has a large sexual organ that deserves to be fed. A win-win situation within a win-lose story, so to speak.
Just can’t see how humiliation of any sort can end well. Even if he says he “likes it” and even if she says she doesn’t mean it … because she does mean it. Eventually, the cut will be deep enough to be cause permanent pain and damage.
As much as I find this entire blog titalating, it is not reality. All of this is emotional abuse masking a bigger problem with desire in the relationship. If a couple is not having sex, the natural course is for the male to disconnect and get his needs met elsewhere. Of course yes the cock cage would prevent that as would emotional trauma of being told he is not good enough, not man enough or too poorly equipped to satisfy a woman. I recommend this read https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/not-having-sex-in-marriage and I think you may identify in your relationship a level of disconnection around not having an intimate connection or at least a somewhat exclusive physical bond between the two partners. Ask him what the relationship means to him and if he values your relationship more or less than when you had a mutually exclusive sexual bond. Some of you might be surprise to find that how close he is mentally to simply walking out that door and not coming back. How do I know this? I was this man. She locked me in a cock cage, she conditioned me to feel like I was consistently never good enough. All of my advances for sex were rejected and I felt inadequate as a man, inadequate in the relationship and even inadequate at work. I had no idea how deeply hurtful this sort of mental conditioning could be. If you choose to take this path, please focus heavily on the aftercare and do not let negative thoughts take over your love life. If you are stuck in a relationship that does not have a healthy sexual component , please be strong and leave. I don’t care if you thank me later but you will thank yourself later. She isn’t worth your mental well being and until she chooses you both mentally and sexually, she doesn’t truly love you. She is using you emotionally and perhaps financially as well. You are being too nice and expecting her to change. She has already made her decision the moment she started turning down your sexual advances. Go to counseling and be brutally honest with your feelings or simply get out. Humiliation is mental abuse and she is using it to suppress your self confidence so you will feel unable to leave the relationship. That is the mind game behind turning down your sexual advances and the mind game around cock cages, and even some types of BDSM. If you feel aroused when she tells you that you aren’t good enough, she is conditioning you to feel that way and it is called emotional abuse. Talk to any sex therapist or psychologist and they will tell you the same.
Interesting perspective and I understand that you may have some emotional triggers around SPH, humiliation and even around sex with your partner. I’d like to message you separately and learn more of the specifics about your situation. Would that be alright with you?
“Some of you might be surprise to find that how close he is mentally to simply walking out that door and not coming back.”
This is true. How many men will say what they think their woman wants to hear for fear of losing them? Especially men that have assumed a submissive position in what might otherwise be described as a loving WLM? Even if it is just joking or supposedly intended to feed his fetish, there is always a level of truth in the words and actions necessary to humiliate another person. Eventually, that truth builds to a point where the man is confident that the love of his life honestly does look down on him in a meaningful way.
Once on that patch, what is a man supposed to do that no longer wants his wife to fuck and have relationships with other men? Threaten to leave?
I agree with you. “Humiliation is mental abuse.”. Even the just-kidding and fetish appeasement kind. How happy are these men that say they crave or enjoy their wife fucking someone else, being told they aren’t adequate enough to please her fully? I would venture to say their acquiescence to the ‘You’re my rock. I just fuck him because I need newness in my relationships, life, and sex’ role is a fuse that is lit on relationship-ending bomb, and that fuse only burns faster when he is humiliated.
When you comment that they have a “level of disconnection around not having an intimate connection” It sounds like you have only read this one post and none of the 4 years of extensive other posts. You seem obviously to be triggered by this one post and reacting by projecting your feelings about your own past relationship onto Emma and Kevin’s quite mutually happy relationship.
“Ask him what the relationship means to him” – there are probably close to 100 previous posts where she mentions exactly this, communication is probably the number 1 element in their quite happy marriage and something she mentions and advices others quite often.
“I was this man… All of my advances for sex were rejected” I’m sorry for your past relationship, but it has nothing to do with Emma and Kevins.
You need to read more before making comments like what you have done here. Kevin has both PIV and other sexual acts with Emma frequently, as he desires and enjoys and it is mentioned often in their blog.
I don’t doubt that you had the issues and negative experiences in your past relationship, and I am sorry for your pain, but even a brief scan through this site would show how well they communicate, believe in fully informed consent and both desire and enjoy their relationship.
I’m not a fan of SPH but I AM a fan of turning my husband on and he craves it so I am very interested in that aspect. If gardening turned my Kev on, I’d have the greenest thumb around. The power aspect and the submission aspects do something for me but the humiliation by itself isn’t something I personally need. That doesn’t mean I can’t bring it!
Thank You Emma, it’s amazing how many people still project their own dislikes, tastes and fears onto others. Even when what they enjoy would be just as offensive and disapproved of by some others.
I love erotic humiliation, but not SPH, it just does nothing for me as a turn on or turn off, but I would never criticize others who do like that.
I have an exactly average size cock, so about half the men in the world are bigger, and half are smaller, I’ve never felt either proud or embarrassed about it. And I’ve had years of great sex and provided countless orgasms with my average sized equipment. I would guess anyone in the range of 4.5 to 6.5 inches would include about half the men in the world and would be perfectly capable of satisfying the majority of women.
I’m sure there are many women who size does matters to, who have a requirement for above average penis and that’s great, like any requirement it limits the pool of prospects for them, just like height, facial features and ethnic or race preferences. Although those criteria are what people were born with and don’t reflect someone’s personality and beliefs like being physically active, in a certain religion, being a writer, musician or other creative, being overweight or a heavy drinker – but these are all still things we have every right to acknowledge are what we are attracted to. I’ve had female friends who would joke about “checking out the bulge” on guys in the bars, and I just laughed and thought that was great, I was happy they were having fun with it.
And Jay, I have to disagree with “Humiliation is mental abuse.” it’s actually my strongest turn-on, I desire it and have never felt abused in the slightest. You must admit many people would say having a loving Woman Led Relationship was “mental abuse” as are some of the other things you practice and enjoy.
I think we all need to work on being less judgmental and more openminded and accepting of other people’s sexual activities and kinks, even if some do cause problems and lead to failed relationships, so does perfectly conservative vanilla relationships. Over 50% of marriages fail, that includes those with SPH, cuckolding, FLR and all those without anything out of the accepted norms.
Hot… and true… even if didnt show it or acted the other way… humiliation is a arousing.
I am so glad to see you are back at it again! I really missed reading your blog. First off I have to say I’ve never seen a women fundamentally understand the incredible thrill that SPH can bring to a man perhaps beside my wife lol. When I was reading your article you hit on virtually every form of SPH that excites me personally. Put there is one that you didn’t mention possibly bc it’s so obscure and not technically SPH but it hit all the same buttons for me SPE small penis encouragement. By the name alone it sounds like the opposite but in my humble opinion it’s more like the most gentle and loving form of SPH I’ll link my favorite video below. One more time so happy your back in business 😊
https://spankbang.com/ttlg/video/riley+reid+joi