Hey there! Welcome back to another “Ask Emma,” where I take on your most intimate relationship questions. Today’s question is a heavy one, but also incredibly relatable for anyone who’s explored open relationships or felt left behind in their own marriage.
A new supporter reached out with a story about his 20-year marriage that’s hit a sexual dead end. After opening up the relationship, his wife has shifted her focus to others, leaving their once-loving marriage feeling more like a roommate situation. Let’s get into his story, unpack what’s happening, and figure out some ways forward!
Mark's Story:
"I’ve been married for nearly 20 years, and my wife and I opened up our relationship a while ago. At first, the idea of playing separately and together sounded thrilling, especially for her. In fact I was the one that approached her with the idea! She was so excited by the attention from new men—it was a confidence boost, and I supported her. We wanted to play together and even talked about cuckold scenarios but over time, the 'together' part of our play faded, and our sex life dried up.
Now she focuses on other men, and our relationship feels more like roommates than partners. She told me she craves men who are bigger and can last longer—something I struggle with since I can only last about five minutes and I'd say I'm average sized. Meanwhile, I’ve found a girlfriend who fulfills the emotional and physical needs that I’ve been yearning for in my marriage. My wife seems checked out sexually, and while I still love her, I don’t know how to move forward. I want to feel desired again by her but don’t see a way back. Emma, what can I do?"
My Response:
Oh my gosh, my heart goes out to you. First off, thank you for sharing your story with me. This kind of emotional honesty isn’t easy, but it’s the first step in figuring out what’s next for you and your wife. What you're experiencing isn’t uncommon, especially in marriages that span decades, and it’s even more common in couples who open up their relationship. Let’s take a deep dive into what might be happening emotionally and sexually, and I’ll give you some advice that will hopefully help you find a way forward—whether that’s together or apart.…
Communication is an important part of any relationship, no doubt about it. I see only a few options here: 1. This is an FLR, and he should do as she wants. 2. This is an equal partnership marriage, and these 2 should either agree on how things should be, or if they can’t, they should part ways. It takes 2 to make any marriage last, and if only 1 is making an effort, it won’t work.
I’m sad I can’t give that 2 part 4 tums up 👍👍👍👍
Ok I can do this I can say this ok I have done this a million times
Ok Emma is right on lots of points find out what you need what you can live with all this is good but I’m going to tell you the biggest part you need to build up your self worth
You are worth a lot more then your giving your self credit for and it’s time to look at what you do do for the relationship and value it …. When she sees the value you put on what you do she will probably value it as well
Second though Emma has provided grafts and charts to say how things can go with her sexuality and her needs….. And all is true…. At the same time she made a continuous choice to change the sexual rules without your say that is something that should never be forgotten she didn’t look for or ask your consent to that change
That’s something your going to have to think long and hard about if she will do it once well ……
Without knowing all the details I can’t really tell you how to move forward other then the one thing I know 100%
No woman I have ever known on this earth is ready for the man they say they love to say the words ( I don’t give a fuck what you do just do it some where else! )
Do everything you can before you reach that point
I’m sorry for the point your at and wish you all the best 🙏 hopefully this passes fast and is just a speed bump to a happy ever after
And if you need a ear I got more then one
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