The human body is a masterpiece, a canvas of arousal, connection, and intrigue. Whether you’re squarely aligned with your Kinsey number or a bit of a slider, exploring how sexual fluidity and attraction works can unlock a world of new experiences. Today, we’re diving into the juicy world of arousal training, specifically the fascinating journey of conditioning my husband Kev’s responsiveness to male bodies.
This might seem like a wild leap for some, but our experiments are rooted in understanding and curiosity. Sexual fluidity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s an inherent aspect of many people’s desires. Research, including Lisa Diamond’s work, shows that arousal can be flexible, adapting based on circumstances and emotional contexts.
Apparently I am smack dab in the middle of the Kinsey Scale.
The Science of Sexual Fluidity
Sexual fluidity refers to “situation-dependent flexibility” in sexual arousal. Historically, this concept has been more widely studied in women, but men are not exempt. Diamond’s research on fluidity highlights how specific stimuli can shift desires without altering core orientation. For Kev, this journey started with asking a simple question: If I find certain visuals and contexts arousing, could he?
Studies suggest that conditioning can play a role in altering arousal patterns. For example, repeated exposure to certain stimuli, combined with sexual release, can rewire the brain to associate those stimuli with pleasure. Think of it like Pavlov’s bell, but way more fun and consensual.
Our Experiment
It began innocently: Kev and I pondered why visuals of a ready male partner triggered intense arousal for me but didn’t do the same for him. We realized Kev wasn’t entirely rigid in his preferences—he leaned middle-left on the Kinsey scale but wasn’t opposed to exploration. With Erik, our boyfriend, in the picture, the dynamic opened up further opportunities.
We introduced Erik’s presence into Kev’s arousal conditioning, starting small—Kev watching intimate moments and escalating to holding Erik’s penis while masturbating. Over time, the association between Erik’s body, our intimacy, and Kev’s release grew stronger. This isn’t about flipping anyone’s orientation; it’s about overcoming his own conditioning and expanding comfort zones and finding new paths to pleasure.
How Conditioning Works
Conditioning involves two key factors: stimuli exposure and positive reinforcement. In Kev’s case, the steps included:
- Visual Integration: Kev began associating visuals of Erik with our intimate moments. This was enhanced by all of our enthusiastic participation, adding emotional and sensory layers.
- Tactile Bonding: Holding Erik while engaging in self-pleasure created a safe, affirming environment. Erik’s approval and attention to our mad science experiment were key motivators for Kev.
- Repetition and Escalation: Consistency reinforced the link between these experiences and enhanced Kev’s arousal over time.
What’s fascinating is how this aligns with research suggesting that same-sex responsiveness can be nurtured situationally, even without a person fundamentally altering their own orientation. This highlights the malleability of male arousal, often underestimated but arguably more prone to sexual kinks than females.
The Role of Normalization
For our throuple, normalizing consistent male-male intimacy has been pivotal because they need to get over the gross factor and get over each other. Watching Kev and Erik cuddle or share intimate moments now feels as natural as our earlier hinge dynamic. They don’t need to be in love and nobody is forcing them on each other, they can be platonic or even indifferent but I have no time for the squeamish; eww, gross boy reactions. I am absolutely fine if we can all be comfortable with ourselves, our sexuality and make a decision from there. Research into sexual fluidity supports this shift as a form of “desensitization,” where repeated exposure to a once-taboo stimulus reduces discomfort and gives us a true gauge into sexual preference.
The same principle applies in various humiliation or cuckolding scenarios, where sexual roles and dynamics are explored in nontraditional ways. These practices can challenge traditional masculinity, creating space for new forms of arousal and vulnerability.
Sexual Fluidity as Evolutionary Strategy
To anchor this exploration in science, consider Barry Kuhle’s Alloparenting Hypothesis, which ties sexual fluidity to evolutionary survival. While Kuhle’s focus is on women, parallels in men suggest that flexible desires could foster cooperative bonds. For instance, male fluidity might strengthen group cohesion or secure partnerships in polyamorous dynamics.
In our case, these theories resonate as we’ve transitioned from a hinge relationship to an integrated triad. Kev’s adaptability isn’t just sexual; it reflects emotional resilience and a willingness to redefine his own intimacy. Sexy!
Lessons Learned
Conditioned arousal is about trust, patience, and mutual consent. It’s not about forcing changes but inviting possibilities. Watching Kev and Erik grow closer has deepened our bond as a throuple and reshaped our understanding of masculinity and desire.
Love and intimacy are far more colorful than society’s black-and-white labels. 🌈
Evolving Your Conversation
- How do you feel about the idea of conditioning arousal? Does it excite or challenge your assumptions about sexual boundaries?
- Could exploring arousal flexibility strengthen your relationship or help you understand your partner better?
- What role does trust play in pushing sexual boundaries, and how can couples foster that trust?
- How do you navigate societal expectations while exploring nontraditional dynamics in your relationship?
- Does the concept of sexual fluidity change your view of desire or make you curious about your own?
- Have you taken the Kinsey test? Give it a shot and see where you end up.
