If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know I’m all about adapting, evolving, and strengthening relationships. I believe that as long as you have two (or more) people who are compatible and committed, almost anything can be worked through.
But recently, I received an inquiry that made me pause. A reader described a marriage so toxic, so inherently imbalanced, that for the first time, I found myself saying something I’ve never said before: You should break up.
If I’m being honest, breaking up has never really occurred to me as an option. Not because I think every relationship is perfect, but because I’ve always seen love as something we shape, mold, and refine—not something we throw away when it gets tough. But the reality is, some relationships aren’t just struggling; they’re damaging. They sap your energy, diminish your self-worth, and leave you feeling more alone inside the relationship than you ever would outside of it.
I won't mention much about alternative relationship dynamics that many of us explore and that’s intentional. Those dynamics are not a replacement for the foundation of a strong relationship; they are things you build onto an already solid, loving, and mutually invested partnership. No dynamic—no matter how exciting, freeing, or unconventional—can fix a relationship where love, respect, and the desire to show up for each other are missing. If the connection at the core isn’t strong, if both partners aren’t actively working to be better for each other, no amount of new rules, shifting power dynamics, or external stimulation will create the bond that simply isn’t there.
Not all bad relationships are abusive, and not all unhappy relationships are toxic. But when love itself becomes a source of pain, rather than comfort, something is deeply wrong.
We outgrow those who don’t appreciate us—the ones who become indifferent to our presence, comfortable with our absence. The ones who let the distance between us grow, until one day, we realize they never really fought to keep us close.…
