On twitter, I will tweet about femdom related things, and female led relationship (FLR) things, and often conflate the two; because its fun. Kev and I enjoy a wonderful loving FLR and to be honest I love to brag about the dynamic we’ve built with intentional conversation and communication.
Let’s start with the basics.
Women are no longer expected to hold traditional roles in their households and relationships. In fact, many women have taken to more dominant roles in their partnerships with men. A FLR is an amazing kind of relationship, because it matches two people up who have opposite sexual charge. In other words, they need each other’s energy like crack cocaine.
The deeper they explore together, the deeper the addiction to each other. It’s a good kind of addiction though, because its full of love. A FLR represents a relationship in which both partners can be vulnerable with each other, and explore their sexuality. Submissive men, need the structure she provides, the control she offers. That does not mean he is weak, it simply means, she opens the door for him to support and provide for her. The same as any other man submissive or not could do. She has no interest in an aggressive male that takes away her control because she is dominant so a submissive man is the perfect match for her. He provides, and supports. All of the rest of it, the kink, the degradation, the humiliation, the sissification, only become a part of it if that’s something agreed to.
Female Led Relationship or Femdom?
Femdom has capitalized on this, and made it into a huge deal, because it’s what sells. It’s arousing to see a dominant woman forcing a submissive to lick her feet. Or whatever other kink they’re up to. Femdom has portrayed that submissive men are weak stupid doormats. Unfortunately, this has been portrayed so far and wide, that most people only see that version of submission. This is unfortunate, because there are many submissive men out there that know their worth, and they are looking only for one woman, the right woman, to give their devotion to. They’re not interested in submitting to any random woman.
Femdom again, has created a bunch of men that are lost in that fantasy, and can’t escape it. But there are many that have escaped it, and know who they are. They know at their core, that they respect women, that female beauty captures them. They want nothing more than to be there for her, and they crave her attention. A dominant woman, wants this quality in a submissive. He is offering to her, all of her dreams, pleasures, desires, and liberating her from any guilt or inhibitions, while remaining as her rock steady and trustworthy support. If that doesn’t scream intimacy, bonding, romance, chivalry, and amazing sex ( kinky or not), I don’t know what does. A FLR works with those who match each other this way, and there’s a lot of people that want it. It’s just taboo and misunderstood. In the first place. I would really love to shout from rooftops that to be submissive does not mean you are weak and unworthy of female attention. While also shouting, that to be dominant, you don’t have to be mean, cruel, uncaring, or selfish.
These taboos don’t allow a FLR to shine for the beacon of love that it is. A FLR is a way of creating harmony with another human being. Is it the only way to do that? No, it’s not. Many conventional relationships are happy. But many conventional relationships are also unhappy. Many relationships need a FLR don’t know it.
Although it can be. 😈
Acceptable relationship dynamics in our culture
Culture has told most of us who we are, without us really knowing who we are. We have not explored who we are, and we expect others to understand us. Then the relationship goes bad when they don’t. We try to possess others, and abuse others and manipulate others to stay together. There’s so much power struggle and miscommunication out there. A FLR cuts right through all of that, and says look, she’s dominant, and he’s submissive, you’re already a match. Now you just have to figure out where else you match, and you explore your own core desires from there. If it works and you align on deeper levels, then you get to discover true vulnerability, intimacy, bonding, and spiritual mating with them. There is no stronger human relationship that exists than this. It’s a level of sexual fulfillment, and romantic passion, that few human beings have truly experienced.
When you’re in that flow of harmony with your partners, you value and cherish each other so much, that you can almost read each others thoughts. Their presence alone is like getting high on life. Diving into domme space and subspace together is like experiencing heaven on earth. It is total freedom for both partners. They just find that freedom in different ways. He finds it in a cage, or in bondage, or in service. She finds it through power, or control, or empowerment. If submissive men truly knew themselves, they would understand that their sexual energy, their submissive energy, can actually be re-directed into other areas of their lives. Many athletes use their sexual energy for endurance. Others use it to be more creative. Others still use it as a healing mechanism for the mind. Sexual energy when brought upwards has incredible healing potential, and eradicates many negative thought patterns. When he submits to her, he offers all of that energy to her, and she provides the structure, that forms their lives. It’s an incredible responsibility. She can direct his energy to empower him, to work out, to write that book, to start that business, to improve any area of his life, and he will because he’s devoted to what she wants. Men are problem solvers by nature and thrive when given a very clear and well-defined purpose, she gives herself to him as that purpose and that is an incredible way to love.
Moving forward together
Maybe you have found yourself in a female-led relationship (FLR) or are looking to be in a relationship that fits with your dominant personality. If so, we have gathered some information to help guide your non-traditional partnership and answer questions you may have about what a female-led relationship and female-led households look like. Dominant women in a FLR have struck gold, but so have submissive men. A FLR brings out that self worth in both partners, and it can lead to an incredible family life, children can be brought up and see actual functional parents instead of the common dysfunction seen around the world today.
It can also lead to an incredible sex life, that leaves no stone unturned, and it sexualizes everything. Living a life sexually charged is like entering the invincibility cheat code into a video game. Women experience far more confidence, happiness, and manage stress far easier while men experience a sense of accomplishment, purpose, and a greater sense of self while being alive and in touch with his body. It really is a shame that so many people see submissive men as weak, and uninteresting, because they’re just not aggressive, they just don’t make that first move.
For the woman that understands this, she can step up and claim him, and never have to deal with the so called ” Fuck boys” ever again. Submission is a gift, and dominance is a privilege. The privilege of serving, and the gift of accepting his service. They compliment each other so well, that those who reach this achievement unlocked, never need to achieve anything else. It is the summit of fulfillment, it is living life in that state of knowing you are exactly where you want to be, with them at your side, in their respective D/s roles. That’s why I write about FLR. Because people do not deserve to miss out. Even if culture tries to make us think we do.
The negatives in female led relationships
Many submissive men default to thinking they are worthless, hopeless losers. Which is truly sad, because they have so much love to give. They are goldmines waiting to be discovered and seen. They’re not meant to live alone, never were, that’s the lie. That’s the taboo to destroy. While there are many benefits to a female-led relationship, many conflicts can also arise when you turn the tables on a traditional partnership.
Whether you are seeking to shift the dynamics of an existing relationship or looking to be in a woman-led relationship, it is important to consider ahead of time the issues that could come up in the future. Here are a few examples of potential problems that could arise in your relationship.
- Your partner may not feel comfortable in a submissive role.
- You may experience judgment.
- Your partner may not have experience in this role.
- You may find taking a dominant role feels like mothering which in turn may decrease your arousal toward him.
So how do you acknowledge these potential pitfalls and move forward together? The key is to expose your deepest relationship needs through communication and ensure that you are meeting each other where both of you need to be met. Give freely with your communication and adapt your relationship styles to meet your unique personalities. After all your relationship is your own and is what you make of it. If something is painful or challenging you have two ways to address it, discuss and manage the feeling or sexualize the emotion.
Sexualizing strong emotions
One of our coping mechanisms for strong emotions that appear within the realm of our female led relationship is sexualization. If he feels not good enough, we may adapt that as a bedroom activity and fantasy talk. I’ll tell him he is too small, too weak, too feminine, too passive and his lizard brain will accept that as valid rationale for his subservient relationship role. If we use the topics that we are most sensitive to as a bedroom kink, we move those insecurities to the world of fantasy. Don’t get me wrong, you still need to communicate about them and manage them in a healthy way but sexualizing them provides a healthy outlet for those emotions. Remember that any fantasy needs to be coupled with aftercare and confidence inspiring discussion about a clear separation between what is sexualized fantasy and reality.
Thanks for reading! What do you think? Sound off in the comments below!
Glad you brought this up. What we make of of our relationships doesn’t have to fit a “strict” definition.” Lifestyle labels are handy datums to deviate from. Nothing is hard and fast (oh sorry the puns).
There are plenty of women who crave being dominated, I think as many as men. In either type of relationship the leader has an awesome responsibility to be fair and guide the relationship into healthy territory. A good leader succeeds when they have good followers. Ones that provide good feedback when appropriate and follow directions without complaint when necessary. Effective leadership is situational; highly directional when compliance is a must and during conditioning, more supportive when the situation allows and after the follower behavior is consistent.
I’ve seen plenty of male led relations end in agony, and a few female led relations as well.
“There are plenty of women who crave being dominated, I think as many as men.”
May I add to this? There are plenty of women in decidedly Dominant roles, like my Wife, who occasionally wants to be dominated. Taken sexually. Punished even. When we do it and she orders me into the dominant role, and although if anyone were to witness it, they’d have no doubt that she is being submissive, there is never any doubt about who remains the leader in our relationship. She can pull the plug at any moment when we switch roles for any reason that she doesn’t ever have to explain.
Switching is impressive.
Great article. I’ve been letting go trying to control aspects of my marriage and doing all I can to make sure my wife has her way. It’s been an amazing change, and I’ve seen her becoming more confident, direct, and assertive, which in turn makes me more attracted to her. Both of us struggling for control just didn’t work. I’m much happier letting her control things and serving her, and I’ve noticed her increased attraction to me as a result of giving her this.
Excited to see where all this goes in due time.
While I agree with much of this, I would point out that FLR and Femdom relationships though not exactly interchangeable, are a great deal alike. In both the Female is the dominant partner. I would also suggest, that though this does not make men weak” in the physical sense, they are weak in other ways. Few realize that 90% of these men didn’t start out life this way – – they were made this way through systematic servitude to dominant Mothers, Aunts, female counselors, teachers, and workplace supervisors (as I was) expecting these same men suddenly shift gears to being the dominant partner when married to a lady is unrealistic. As was pointed out here in the past, FLR and Femdom can have different levels, from mild to intense, but let us not deceive ourselves, FLR and Femdom are not generally going to enrich a loving relationship, they are simply going create a relationship where the woman dominates, and the male submits – regardless of whether its loving or not.
Insightful article. I’ve been in an FLR as a feminised, chaste submissive man for some years now, and agree with the distinction between FLR and Femdom.
I have rules to follow and chores and challenges to complete, and while in the “bedroom” we do have a Femdom element with impact play, bondage, pegging etc, that’s the only area where I’m utterly submissive and completely passive.
In daily life, even when I’m ironing naked with a plug buzzing inside me, my opinions are sought and considered, and I still have responsibility for aspects of our lives, for instance finance, that she doesn’t have the inclination to control. I don’t spend the evenings being a footstool or such (though I am kept naked in the house except perhaps for hosiery), and I get to watch some TV I like, especially sci-fi.