Taking Charge: How it Makes Him Feel

by | Mar 31, 2021 | 3 comments

Strong women are typically honest, independent, confident and they aren't afraid to be themselves. I haven't always felt the level of confidence that I do now. Confidence was especially hard to find during high school while I was finding myself. Once I found myself, I realized that I am pretty happy with the person that I've allowed myself to become. A strong woman usually emotionally dependent since she usually has a career, family, friends, hobbies and other interests that she uses to frame her happiness.

So you are a strong woman and you are in a relationship with a man, how will taking charge make him feel? What are the benefits? How should you go about starting it? Do you want to take charge in the bedroom or are you thinking of other aspects of the relationship? As you can tell, there are tons of options when it comes to taking charge.

If you don't normally take control, it might feel weird. For the longest time, sex was something that boyfriends would do to me. He did sex to me. He fucked me. At some point I became comfortable with myself and did sex to him. I fucked him. I felt timid about being dominant. I feel like society paints dominant women as bitches or Karens and I didn't want to be that. It also thought that guys don't want a dominant woman. Boy was I wrong. Taking control makes him feel wanted and makes him feel desired. No respectable guy wants to have sex with a woman who doesn't want to sex him back. Part of the allure of sex for mature adults is the fact that another human wants you just as much as you want them and that feels good.

When you show him or tell him what you like, he feels empowered and he feels like you are getting what you want. Most guys are visual learners so showing him will work better than telling him. You can even show him what you like without his participation. Let him sit across the room and play with yourself, show him what gets you off. No touching allowed. By not being focused on his own pleasure he might just learn a thing or two.

Most guys last an average of 120 seconds which isn't nearly enough for us to get close to even thinking about an orgasm thus resulting in an orgasm gap where women have far fewer orgasms than men. If we take charge, we can save the traditional sex for the end when we might actually have a chance of getting off in that 120 seconds. Even better, safe his orgasm for after you have achieved one or two orgasms of your own. For more experienced couples, consider skipping his orgasm entirely.

Most men thrive with structure and clear expectations. Whether you are creating a female led structure for the bedroom or for the entire relationship, it eliminates the power struggle. In the bedroom he can feel like you are completely satisfied simply by following directions and instructions. Some guys are inherently submissive by nature and that's just fine. Other guys are more dominant and/or have a position of authority during the day but when they come home, they are exhausted and want to mentally relax when they are with the woman they love. …

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jay

Excellent Emma!

J.S.

If we do have sex on the day I determine for his release day, we usually stop and I’ll masturbate him with my hand to completion. This further reinforces a distinct separation between sex and orgasm.”

Great post Emma – as always.

You have spoken before about trying to get him to cum from pegging – have you considered making every release day a pegging day and making sure that you are penetrating him when you do use your hands to bring him to orgasm? I wonder if getting him used to cumming while being penetrated could help him cum from penetration alone.

Husband62

This 120 seconds to orgasm stat is fascinating to me. I sure hope Emma is right on this as it makes me feel slightly better about myself. I think I am generally closer to 4-5 minutes, which I realize is not impressive. Seems like I read some other claims of 2-7 minutes or even 5.4 minutes on average. I know porn is not really realistic but many of those guys seem to be able to go hard for 20+ minutes. It is humbling to watch that.

I really don’t think my wife would be happy with 20 minutes as she is one of the 70% of women who she struggles to orgasm with PIV. We usually get her to come first manually. Anyway I would appreciate any thoughts at all on the 120 seconds. Is that fairly accurate and realistic in your mind? Thanks again Emma for all your terrific blogs of late.

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