If you've ever found yourself leaning into kink as a way to spice up your relationship, you're not alone. There's something undeniably thrilling about exploring boundaries, taking control, and letting go in these dynamics. But if you're anything like me, you've probably noticed that, for some, these experiences can also become a kind of emotional shield—a way to avoid true vulnerability and keep intimacy just beneath the surface.
Let’s dive in, shall we? Today, I want to talk about how BDSM can be used as emotional armor for those who fear intimacy. Yes, these kinks are fun and exciting, but they can also act as a barrier, keeping couples from delving into real, deep emotional connection. I'll break down the attachment styles that may find kink especially tempting as a way to avoid vulnerability and how, with the right changes, you can turn these practices into powerful tools for building emotional closeness.
In relationships where emotional depth is scary, BDSM can provide a safe, structured way to explore intense feelings without actually revealing too much about yourself. The rules and roles inherent in these dynamics can give a sense of control, allowing partners to play out fantasies while keeping real emotions locked away.
My latest obsession/fascination, cuckolding is a kink where one partner (usually the man) derives pleasure from their significant other being intimate with someone else. This dynamic creates a heightened sense of arousal, jealousy, and excitement, but it also keeps the focus on the kink rather than the actual emotional landscape of the relationship. The same can be said for BDSM, where power exchanges, dominance, submission, and even pain are used to generate intense physical and emotional responses.
While these activities can be incredibly satisfying on a physical level, they often prevent couples from getting to the heart of their relationship. Instead of asking the hard questions—like “What do we really want from each other?” or “What are our long-term goals as a couple?” or "What are our core values and how do they align?" —the focus remains on the kink. It's a clever way to skirt around deeper emotional issues, giving the illusion of intimacy without truly connecting.
Let’s bring in some psychology here, because our attachment styles play a huge role in how we navigate both relationships and kinks like cuckolding or BDSM.…
So let’s talk about what I know about being a Dom …
So first what is a Munch….. It’s a get together of all the kinksers in a area a meet and greet
I was invited to the Dom table to sit and chat it up and I learned the biggest rule all Dom’s must follow
All Dom’s must know when to much is to much this gos for both of them it’s the responsibility of the Dom to stop even if the Sub is begging to keep going if
1 There can be permanent fiscal or emotional damage
2 consent is removed
3 if there is unknown factors ( like whos this guy or something like that )
4 any time the Dom or Sub do not feel safe
….. These rules are not only ethical they also provide protection against mental abuse… And possibly legal ramifications
Hope these help …… And yes I go to Munch’s and yes I run down a lot of rabbit holes 🤣😂🤣
Oh some clarification on 2 some times there is a thing known as theard party consent … ( A wife or husband gives consent to a Dom to play with her/his Sub )
Once her sexual needs have been fulfilled by her bull, she can remove this “surface level intimacy” by spending time with her locked-up guy. She should cuddle with him and ask questions such as:
Talk to him at length about each of these things. Get him to open up and express his feelings about all of them. Encourage him to cry if he feels the need to. Listen to what he says, remind him what he agreed to. Encourage him to suck on your breasts if he’s especially agitated. Gently grind your womanhood on to his hard chastity cage as you cuddle. DON’T unlock him….
I’m actually suggesting that the entirety of kink can be used as an escape from actually having to feel and share deep feelings with your partner. Let’s look at pegging for example, it creates a deep intimate bond but is that deep intimate bond a substitute for a more “real” type of connection? What is real anyway and you can obviously have both but I’ve found myself trying to substitute one for the other and it is good to be self aware enough to call yourself on it and ensure that you are very intentional about keeping a very real and intimate connection with your partner.
Ok some people won’t say it so I will good for you Emma it’s always hard to look at your self and self assess it takes a lot of bravery….. We are always are harshest critics good job 👍
Thanks! You don’t learn anything about yourself unless you are willing to look at your life and behavior with a critical eye.
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