In the honeymoon phase of a relationship, every touch, glance, and word feels electric. The thrill of getting to know someone new—of being seen, desired, and validated—fuels a rush that psychologists refer to as limerence. This stage of infatuation is intoxicating, especially for women, whose arousal often intertwines with emotional connection and novelty. But as the years pass, those butterflies inevitably fade. Long-term relationships, no matter how loving or committed, rarely maintain the spark of early romance.
In this blog, we’re tackling an uncomfortable truth: modern marriage, as beautiful as it can be, cannot replicate the high of newness. And for many couples, particularly women, this loss of novelty can have a profound impact on sexual desire. The good news? There are creative, consensual, and deeply rewarding ways to reignite that spark—ways that challenge societal norms but can transform a relationship for the better. One such approach? Exploring consensual marriage dynamics within the framework of ethical non-monogamy (ENM).
Research consistently shows that women’s sexual desire is more context-dependent than men’s. While men often respond predictably to visual stimuli or physical arousal, women’s desire is intricately tied to emotional, situational, and novel factors. A groundbreaking study by Dr. Marta Meana found that women are particularly aroused by the feeling of being desired. This desire for validation and novelty isn’t just psychological—it’s biological.
Women’s sexual desire is often governed by the dual-control model: an interplay of excitatory and inhibitory systems in the brain. New experiences, validation from a new partner, and feelings of exclusivity all stimulate the excitatory system, ramping up arousal. But over time, as familiarity sets in, the inhibitory system kicks in, dampening that response.
Data from multiple studies highlights that women in long-term relationships experience a sharper decline in sexual desire compared to men. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that women’s sexual satisfaction begins to wane significantly after just 1–4 years of a monogamous relationship, while men’s satisfaction remains more stable.
This discrepancy stems from societal, psychological, and evolutionary factors:…
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