I received an email from a reader named Samira and her story is a powerful example of how exploring new dynamics can revive sexual energy in a marriage. After struggling with sexual disconnection, she and her husband decided to bring a "bull" into their lives. This choice helped her rediscover her desire, not just with the new partner, but also with her husband, ultimately repairing a broken bond.
What stands out in Samira’s email is the importance of communicating sexual needs openly. Her experience shows that with the right approach, couples can reignite passion and bridge emotional distance Samira's story proves at least in her case that changing something that isn't working is a path to a very real path to a more fulfilling, connected relationship.
I never thought I would be in this place, you know? Looking back, it feels like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, the memories are still fresh—too fresh.
Before Patrick came into our lives, my husband and I had already stopped pretending. We had gone through the motions, we had tried all the recommended “fixes”—date nights, intention, communication—but it never addressed the core issue. The truth? I just didn’t want him. Not sexually. Not anymore. And it wasn’t just about him—it was my desire in general. It was like something in me had shut down. I felt stuck in this hollow space between wanting sex and knowing I didn’t want it with him. I loved him, of course, but that spark had long since faded.
We eventually just stopped. The pressure of making love when I didn’t want to, the disappointment in his eyes when I wasn’t emotionally there with him, it all became too much. We let it go, and without making a conscious decision, we found ourselves in a sexless marriage. I still had needs, of course, but I took care of them myself. In secret. That part stings the most when I look back on it. I remember waiting for him to leave the house, listening for the sound of the door closing, feeling a sick sort of excitement because it meant I could finally have a moment to myself. I was rewarding myself sexually for his absence and I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for it. I only felt pure joy that he was gone so I could give this sexual gift to myself. It was, after all his own fault in my head.
That’s not what marriage is supposed to feel like.…
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