Interpersonal relationships are complex and many of us will agree that marriage is an outdated construct. That doesn't have to mean that partnering with another individual with the intention of having a fulfilling and enduring love must also be outdated. Partnerships can work and couples create their own rules to set their relationship up for success. I think most of us would consider ourselves emotionally monogamous people but even in the best emotional relationship we often yearn for more. We can squash those feelings down and suppress them or we can embrace them. If we squash them down, they will fester and those repressed feelings will come out in other ways such as resentment or anger toward our partner. The reality is that women as a whole are told that they are the standard of sexuality but not allowed to do anything with it. We simply cannot and should not accept this as reality or as a cultural norm.
Human males have evolved over time to have and prefer multiple sex partners; short term hookups to better spread their seed. Women on the other hand search for emotional security in a partner while still exploring short term hookups with sexually virile mates once they have that "safe harbor" emotional connection with a partner. The safe harbor partner fulfills a need of protection especially during pregnancy and post child birth. Subconsciously we divide men in our lives into two groups, those who will be the emotional partner/safe harbor and those who will be the short term hookups. Those roles can change with different partners and as we age but we see potential suitors in those two roles and it vastly changes the attributes we look in a mate. Kindness, amiability and intelligence? You are likely in the emotional connection group. Cocky and arrogant, you might be the latter? You may not have trouble finding short term hookups but might struggle with long term committed relationships.
Newness, or novelty, plays an enormous role in female arousal. The excitement and unpredictability of being with a new partner can increase sexual interest and excitement. Arousal and desire are complex and can be influenced by many factors, including emotional and psychological connection, physical attraction, and individual experiences and preferences. Every woman is different so the impact of newness on female arousal can vary greatly from one woman to the next. Ultimately, what is most important is that women feel comfortable, safe, and respected in their sexual experiences.
Women are attracted to novel mates, or mates who are new and different from their current partners. This idea is sometimes referred to as "mate switching." Some research suggests that women may be more likely to seek out new partners when they are in the fertile phase of their menstrual cycle, when hormonal changes may influence their preferences for novel partners. As a evolutionary benefit related to reproduction, the female body seeks out new mates to fulfill her reproductive needs. Of course with birth control and contraception we prevent this but capitalizing on those most fertile periods with new exciting sexual adventures is key to the fulfillment and enjoyment of sexual novelty.
However, it is important to note that sexual preferences and behavior are complex and can be influenced by a wide range of individual, cultural, and societal factors. Additionally, what is considered "novel" can vary greatly from person to person. Not all women may crave mate novelty, and many may be perfectly satisfied with long-term, committed relationships. Some women way shift in mate/mating preference from one season in their life to another. Women in their early 40's especially those who have not yet borne children often feel a resurgence in sexual energy as their body reminds them that their biological clock is ticking. This is of course subconscious and completely separate from the desire to have a child.
As women we often see problems our sex life being indicators of problems in the relationship but many times those problems in the sex life are just that. We lack new and creative sexual fulfillment. We've found that new sexual experiences often enhance the relationship. Common therapist wisdom says that if you fix the relationship the sex will follow but what if sex was the underpinnings of the problem in the first place. When I am sexually unfulfilled, I bring components of that deficiency back into our relationship as criticism and resentment toward my husband. It is then difficult for me to pinpoint my frustration from the laundry not being done or the bed that isn't made to unmet yearnings in my nether regions.…
