In a monogamous relationship, society expects our needs to be completely met by our partner without exception. Stress, age and health concerns can throw our sexual desire from one end of the spectrum to the other and our partner suffers the consequences. Some of us are fine with sex once a week and some are biting their lip in sexual frustration without a daily fix of sexual attention. This is a very broad topic but as a curator of a blog about sex, I get questions all the flippin' time. I decided to write a blog about it.
Sexual desire is a psychological need and not a physical need. When she says that she needs to feel intimacy and needs to feel closeness from sex, she is using sex as a tool to get at intimacy and closeness. When our needs aren't met, our minds will start to rationalize ways for our needs to be met. This is where resentment and cheating come into play. Couples that communicate well and address unmet needs early can come up with ways to address misalignment of sexual desire. While eating directly satiates hunger, sex doesn't directly satiate emotional needs.
Regular sex can help you avoid feelings of depression and low self worth. Regular sex can boost analytic thinking skills and boost nutrients and oxygen to your brain cells, increasing brain activity and memory. Sex makes you feel younger and more desirable.
Not having a partner and not having an active sex life is often seen as problematic in our society. Going at life alone is seen as unhealthy and stigmatizing. This hasn't always been the case. In the 19th century, it was quite common for people to have little or no intercourse. Remember that prior to birth control, contraception was very unreliable and sex often resulted in pregnancy. The concept of sex as a means for psychological well being is arguably a construct of our society but nonetheless is a very real need for many of us. Myself included.
I won't speak for all females, I can only speak for myself and my own needs because I have firsthand experience with my own needs. Sexual attention is a need for me. I need an orgasm two or three three times a week or I feel a genuine lack of well being. I feel insecure and I feel an emotional hunger that is difficult to describe. I don't need penetrative sex, my need is for the spine arching, leg shaking orgasm. I need to be touched almost daily, touch is a very sensual thing for me and frequent physical contact makes me feel amazing. Hold my hand, clasp my arm in your hands, rub my shoulders, grab my butt, hands on the small of my back above my butt. Cuddling. All of it. I love physical touch and it makes me feel loved and wanted. This physical touch is amazing but it doesn't fulfill my sexual needs. My sexual needs are related very directly to penetration and orgasm. While orgasm gives me a mental release, penetration gives me a feeling of completeness, of being whole. I need that feeling of wholeness of fullness.
I don't have the proper qualifications to discuss what sex means to being a man but I often interview the man in my life to get his perspective on how sex makes him feel. I'm an inquisitive partner and I want to make sure that I am giving what my partner needs and not just what I want to give. I guess I've always been that way, especially as I learn more about my own needs. Society doesn't allow men to have emotions or feel sexy. Sex is a highly emotional experience which unlocks emotions and allows him to feel things that he isn't otherwise permitted to feel. Women can feel and create emotional connections in their lives without sex but for men, sex is tied to emotional connection. …
