Chastity Saved My Marriage
My wife suffers from very severe vaginismus. During our ten years of marriage, we have tried many treatments recommended by her gynecologist, with no luck. Penetrative sex and intercourse are painful and excruciatingly unpleasant for her. Up until three years ago, our sex life was nearly nonexistent. Coming from very religious upbringings, we were both virgins when we got married, we did the whole “purity” thing leading up to our wedding and had no sexual experience to indicate that we would have this problem.
When my wife found sex painful and cried on our wedding night, I was scared and felt bad about hurting her, but I figured since we were new to it things would get better over time. Except things never got better. Seven long years and many trips to the gynecologist resulted in a nearly dead sex life and a lot of anger and resentment between us.
I was searching for vaginismus treatments online and somehow something about male chastity devices popped up in my search results. I’m still not sure why it came up in the search results, since the page had nothing to do with vaginismus. But I looked at it and found it intriguing. The idea of effectively locking up the part that made sex unpleasant for my wife made me curious and I wanted to try it.
I talked it over with her, and though she was skeptical and concerned that it might hurt me, she agreed to let me order a chastity device and give it a try.
After it arrived I put it on and showed her. She said I looked cute in it and I enjoyed the sexual praise. I wore it for a few days before we had any time for anything sexual. The third night of wearing it was our first time having a sexual encounter with me wearing it. My wife actually initiated things that night (VERY unusual for her). As we were engaging in foreplay things were getting hot, I asked her when she would let me out so we could finish things off. She said, “I thought that was the whole reason why you’re wearing this thing. Let’s just keep it on tonight”.
Not having any means of satisfying myself since I was staying locked up, I just kept at foreplay and while I was stimulating her manually until she experienced the very first orgasm of her life.
That first experience with having me locked up made a big impression on both of us. She loved it and never wanted to go back to the way things were. I felt a new feeling of sexual confidence, having given my wife an orgasm for the first time and wanted to experience more of that. We spent several months where I tried to negotiate how long I would be locked up between being allowed regular sex. My wife held her ground and said she really never wanted regular sex again, but would suffer through it for my sake if I just couldn’t handle staying locked up for her.
I reluctantly agreed to try to stay locked up for as long as I could endure. I started going a week, then a few weeks. Eventually I got to where I could go an entire month without being let out for anything other than washing. Staying locked for me is very difficult. For the first few days, it is annoying and but it becomes mentally excruciating after three days. After a week I find myself dry humping the pillow when I wake in the morning. From a week forward, I find myself frustrated in a way that I cannot explain. All I can do is take that energy and redirect it toward her. Yes I mean physical attention such as massages or touching but I also mean emotional energy in terms of conversations and affection.
Each time that I would ask to be released and she would politely decline my request, I could see her eyes light up with energy and enthusiasm that I hadn't seen from her before. The dominance over my sexuality was lighting a fire inside of her that I had yearned to see for our entire marriage. I love my wife and above all else, I want to bring her sexual satisfaction because I feel like it is one of my core responsibilities as a husband. I know her vaginismus is not something that I can control but I feel like it is something that I want to overcome with her. I want to enjoy a health sexual relationship with my wife no matter what form that takes.
We now have an active sex life (2–3 times per week, compared to a few times per year before chastity). It is still painful for her and we keep penetrative sex brief and do oral sex and mutual masturbation. We are much happier as a couple than we ever have been. Our arrangement is certainly unusual, but it works very well for us.
I am new to the site but I have been reading for some time. I thank you for having a positive place for us to discuss our unconventional sexual relationships.
Wow. The story of your marriage is wonderful. Would you mind if I email you separately and maybe extend this into a blog? Even if we don't go that direction, I would love to hear more.
I've had couples on my blog reach out with similar situations, although the fact you found chastity as a solution is awesome, well done both of you for being prepared to try.
A few suggestions, including one that sounds a bit crazy.
First, have you guys tried counselling rather than a gynaecologist? Psycho-sexual therapy can be very effective. It obviously varies but I've found gynaecologists, especially male ones, deeply unsympathetic to anything that can't be fixed physically. There are even some kink positive therapists who will likely love your current solution.
Secondly, you talk about foreplay, but what's that involving? A lot of readers of my blog report that giving oral sex provides the men with a much greater sense of sexual release than just manual foreplay. Hubby finds that's particularly the case when his caged cock is pressed into the bed, the fact he can physically push into it as I orgasm does something amazing in his head. Also, if you aren't using your sexual frustration to give your wife amazing oral sex you are BOTH missing out.
In a similar vein, have you tried using a slim dildo as part of your foreplay? If you can get her to enjoy any kind of penetration it might switch something in her that relaxes the mental aspect of it. And if that's 'okay' then a g-spot vibrator can help her realise just what all the fuss about penetration is about.
Okay, and finally, here's the crazy one. Have you tried anal sex? I know several couples where the woman prefers it! A couple have been because of painful sex, others just found they had a preference. I know it's probably way out there but I was against it for years and when I finally got over my objections realised it can be really sexy and hot. I don't orgasm from it but I know a small, but sizeable proportion of women do.
I hope some of those help!