Haven’t had “the talk” yet
I’m Jay, my beloved wife and I have been married 16 years. We’re a vanilla couple that have occasional sex, which is quite explosive when we have it. We’ve always had passion for each other. However, we have 3 kids and life is really getting in the way regarding sex at the moment. I’ve recently realized that I am masturbating 2-3 times a week compared to sex once a month or two. I have experimented with abstaining from orgasms and have noticed that I really REALLY adore her during these periods. I now feel strongly that I only want to have orgasms with her, that my pleasure belong to her. I want chaste for her and need to be caged periodically (or often) but am not sure how to talk to her about it without freaking her out. I’ve been a take charge husband in many regards and she is not going to want a female led relationship. Any words of advice?
Do you guys ever do kinky stuff now? Or talk dirty to each other? If you do, that could make it a lot easier. Also, the whole relationship doesn’t have to start off female led, nor does it necessarily have to be something you tell her you want. There is a possibility that once she sees how attentive you are and the benefits of chastity, she might start taking control herself little by little.
No kink, but we talk dirty a little bit. I have an approach in mind, which I'm carrying out. Partly, I'm giving her a little more control in small ways: We just bought a bed, I let her pick out everything. I wait on her in the mornings with coffee and breakfast. I bring flowers on random days. And lately, I jump at the chance to serve her in any small way around the house.
As I mentioned, I'm going as long as I can without release on my own and I think doing this (in the spirit of doing it for her) is making me more attentive and attentive to her needs. I do very much hope she sees the difference in me.
I did something sneaky, which is that I viewed a fairly vanilla chastity book on Amazon with it linked to our Prime account. It is now in the recently viewed items. I hope this lets her see chastity in a positive light before we discuss it.
Just wanted to check in and see how things are going. I don't necessarily agree with your sneaky method, I always think a conversation is the best way. Just explain to her that you are addicted to masturbation and explain the physiological changes that happen to you when you ejaculate. She has no idea because we are simply different. Five orgasms later and I am just as attentive and doting as I was prior. We don't know what we don't know and I personally just think you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you don't have an honest conversation with her about it. You may eventually become resentful that she doesn't "just know" all of these details. Enjoy the journey together.
Thank you, Emma. The sneakiness is only to force me into a conversation. I suppose I should forgo this and just talk to her. What you say makes sense, I'm just concerned she'll think I'm in some way not the man she knows and loves. It all feels risky.