new to this forum

Hi there,

I am a 39 year old male, almost 20 years together with my wife, in a very loving relationship.

We have three young kids.

My wife is very vanilla and we both love sex. No kinky play.  I have tried to introduce some things like buying lingerie, cuffs, a paddle and  some toys, but the only thing that is used is the magic wand… for back massages.

Like many men, i lost myself in watching porn and jerking off, one to sometimes three times a day.

Because of different reasons (I will write about that later) I decided  about 8 months ago to stop this. Stopping such a habit(?) is not easy. After reading on the internet, I found some articles about masturbating habits. In one of them a chastity device was mentioned.  So I bought a chastity device and selflocked when i was working on the laptop at home  or home alone in general. The temptation to watch porn was too great.

A couple of months back she found the device in my closet. I knew she found it and we both kept quiet. She began talking about it two weeks later. Ik was weird, for the first time ever we talked about my porn watching/ masturbation  and sex in general.

Despite that it is not easy to get seated for the second talk. Now I am trying to gather the courage to talk about  the subject to her. It is difficult to bring it up. I’m most afraid her thinking I am a freaky pervert or some sort of. On the other hand: she would never leave me. So why do I feel fear?