Hi, Grom,

Welcome.  It seems like you have made a lot of progress in justv10 months  (maybe a bit too quickly if your wife wasnt fully "into" it?).

But you dont explain why it isn't working.  Do you two communicate more?  Are you in tune with her thoughts/feelings/wants?  What does she tell you?

From your side, are you possibly expecting too much, too soon? Could it all actually be working, just not quite the way you imagined?

Chastity for us has brought us much closer as a couple by simply changing the sexual dynamic (OK, its not "simple" but you know what I mean).  Every couple is different but I am certain of this:  communication is key.

You sound very loving and devoted, and I hope you (both) can be very happy.

@headtrip

Thank you for your answer.

Never expected things too change so fast for me to be honest.

Yes I have spoken too her and told her she mean more too me then life and insured her that the contract is no joke i mean every word in it and she smilled so i think she understod.

Well she dosent say mush and try not too push her, fearing she will go in to defensivstance, trying too be as carring, loving and devoted too show here my feelings.

She knows its her touch and love that fuels me and shes my rock, gives me the strenght to carry and be honest i dont know what to expect im new to this.

I even tested her and said you have not even tested my devotion, all to encourage her and to say what she wants and needs.

I feel bad beause its feels like im the only one who have gained something, growth and emotional.

I think you already know the answer to your question.

If not sure ask these questions yourself.

1) Have I pretended to be OK with something that I really wasn't ? To avoid upsetting /disappointing someone. How did it made you feel ?

2) Have I met somebody, whom I thought respectable but turned out to be so subservient to the point I start loathing him/her.

3) How hard is it for somebody like that to gain my respect back again ?

4) If you like Marmite , and somebody doesn't , then you beg that somebody on your knees to eat it for you (doing so would please you) how would that person feel ?

5) If you've had an ex, just imagine the moment she disappointed you. If she came to you the next day and ask you to share your innermost feelings with her , how would you feel ? 

Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it at the same time. If you don't like parties and somebody always wants to drag you into one, how frustrated would you feel? ................what happens if you get to be alone as long as you want and you get invited to a party may be once every two months, you won't mind going, would you ?

I implore you think.Go out for a walk. Do something you really like doing and get off this mindset. Look at your life as you've grown very old and you're in your deathbed. What advice would you give to you ? Sometimes you have to do hard things in life to grow as a person.

I myself am in awe/love/adore/ with somebody which was never returned to me in the way I expect and it never will. It pains me to no end. But that's life. Disappointment is part of it.

Do what makes you proud. Do what's right although it seems almost impossible to do it. You'd be happy in the end.

Wish you the best from the bottom of my heart my brave soldier, you can do it. You know you can.

@nika

Thank you for your wisdom and reinsuring words.

What ill would be prouded off is too keep trying, giving her time too grow and hopefully start open up regarding her needs and feelings.

Posted by: @grom

We started our journey 10 months ago, my wife was feel low and tired and we just touches BDSM.

 

So I took insperation from the BDSM world and drafted a contract and presented it to here  saying I do

all the work att home and put here needs  and will first, she seemed happy and agreed.

She seemed to become happier and feel better, so i presented here with a key and pormist here my orgsams, i was ony to be allowed to orgasm with here.

She accepted and my strategy looked like is was working she became more calm and happier less strested.

We did the honor system for 6 months and for her birthday i prensted here with a chastity cage and told here i had worn it for a week and it was here desiction if i should continue, she wanted me too do so.

 

She owns my heart, loyilty  so why not the rest of me seemed like the natural thing and i truly enjoy the benifts and whom i have become with chastity.

I love my wife more then ever and feel like i have a deeper bond to here.

 

Been in chastity for 4 weeks now 24/7 and last time i orgasmed or any sexual act was 3 weeks ago (i have gone for 8 weeks within the honor system with out any sexual acts).

Now to the losing faith part, it seems like shes no feeling all same benifts as i do, sure shes happie our home is always clean but i cant see that she feeling the emotional part and its killing me.

Our marriage feels like its evolved into some kind of WLM(light) and im embrasing it with all my heart and soul.

I strated this journey to empower HER and strenghten OUR relationship and it feels like im failing.

 

Is this doomed to fail ? Am i doing something wrong ?

Or should i just accept defeat and go back to where we started ?

 

Sorry for the long explination but i feelt you needed to know as much as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

@grom,

Thank you for your vulnerability and the trust you have placed in this group. You are in good hands. 

The answer is that you are off to a good start but that’s all it is. You need to go deeper, you need to give more. 
What more can you do for your wife? What has she mentioned? Can you take on more of the chores? Have you encouraged your wife to spend more time with her friends? Have you let her know that you would be willing for her to branch out and try new hobbies? If you have smothered her with jealousy in the past have you apologized? Have you encouraged her to have the freedom to develop male friendships?

Your post has an undercurrent that you are expecting something from your wife, when in fact what is needed is more from you. That is always the answer. 

“Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien.

Thank you all for your advice

Have stopped using the cage due too the fact she either isnt ready or intrested in it.

I have been supporting husband for over 10 years and that will not change.

Will probably keep livinging a semi WLM but without the chastity element.

It seems she wants it that way and im not losing my marrige over this.

@grom

I'm happy for you ?.

I think you chose well. I think its safe to say, you just saved more than just your marriage.

I'm glad you understood her. If you try to get a feel of what she wants, probably you both could find some common ground. Never ask her cause she'll either never tell you or just lie. Instead try to get a feel of what she's trying to say. Trust your instincts. Experiment. 

She doesn't have to worry @grom , you're with her. ? 

Communication is the key, but not all women are into this lifestyle. My wife does a lot of this because she loves me. She feels this love as I dote on her and try to predict her needs. Today, as usual, I brought home flowers after shopping. I surprise her a lot with gifts like that and it brings me joy to please her. But none of these things replace talking open and honestly. It's the hardest part for us. Explaining why I feel differently about sex and relationships than our society's preconceived notions has led to arguements and frustration and apologies. But because we love each other we manage to work through it and every kinky act of intimacy has brought us closer though it felt ridiculous and awkward at first. Love is nurtured by novelty. She still hasn't gotten into dominance much, but likes service and submission. She role plays some. We even got over a major sticking point to include erotic spanking in our intimacy recently. She hated the idea of hitting me, but then found herself giggling while she did it. Lol.  Talk, talk, talk, don't wait for her to suddenly get it from your submission. You can move further toward your goal, but not past her comfort zone. Try not to hang your joy on some fictitious distant point, but on moving toward that point as far as she is comfortable. Good luck. 

I started this journey with one goal and it remains the same: a happy and strong wife who knows and feels that i love her.

Chastity has  been a nice bonus that i enjoy and have teached me important things.

My wifes love matters more to me than any orgasm?,they feel empty without her love.

Her love energize me and helps me too be a better husband

I have just started this journey and will continue where ever it takes me as long my wife wants me too.

Posted by: @spfccmt

You can move further toward your goal, but not past her comfort zone.

Best quote all year 🙂