Love ist the key
Love ist the key
In contrast to women, male sexuality seems to be focused on penetration and orgasms for a long time, depending on the phase of life, of course. Only in orgasm dissolution, fusion, and maximum closeness appear possible. Similar to nuclear fusion, the merging of the opposite can only be achieved for a fraction of a millisecond, if at all. And so every orgasm turns out to be nothing more than an approximation of a state that we desperately strive for, but will never reach steadily. Just like a man who drinks salt water to quench his thirst.
At all times the phenomenon of love - often described as a kind of mild insanity - has preoccupied people and especially philosophy. A particularly beautiful and early example is the myth of Aristophanes. http://www.connellodonovan.com/hen.htm
The libido gradient mentioned above has an evolutionary biological function - even if it has been reshaped by civilization and culture. In the animal world, too, the male only comes into play when she has made her choice and is ready.
And so in relation to the human species it can happen that - when the reproductive purpose of sexuality is fulfilled or we are at an age that it can no longer be fulfilled, a change in meaning and function takes place. And the evolutionary biologically meaningful control of partner choice and willingness to couple becomes an instrument, sometimes a weapon in partnership disputes. And even if we are not always aware of this fact, in this way sexuality may become a battleground on which we work on our conscious and subconscious (partnership) problems.
From my private as well as my professional experience, it is often the women who in this phase begin to use sexuality to settle or collect bills, or to drive out those little bad habits that each of us does. Even those, which under normal circumstances would hardly be worth discussing. Once this struggle has begun, there is a risk of entering into a fateful vicious circle. The man, in return, will at some point begin to deliberately deprive his partner of the attention, appreciation and love that she basically longs for and needs. The couple enters a phase of mutual rejections and disappointments. The relationship begins to deteriorate. An effect that often manifests itself physically (body shape, alcohol, clothing style, personal hygiene). In the end, neither of them gets what they so vitally need. They starve to death at a richly set table.
In the end there is aggression, auto-aggression, the flight into substitute acts such as - with men - internet consumption, masturbation, infidelity and the loss of mutual respect. This process can be reversed as long as a spark of embers remains beneath the ashes of mutual disappointments. I found nice reports for it in this forum. It takes courage to leave instilled feelings of guilt and shame behind, to speak openly about hopes, wishes and desires. It takes mutual trust, tolerance and openness as partners.
In the end its always about intimicy: Coming together, being and staying together – and it is always about sex. What we need to understand first and foremost, is how fundamentally different the needs of women and men are. On closer inspection, of course, we understand the principle of complementarity behind these apparently incompatible opposites. Once we understand this, our view opens up to completely new possibilities.
The concept of female leadership can be one such path. In many relationships, in my opinion in most of them, there is a female-led relationship anyway. Because let's not kid ourselves: It's the women who choose us, not the other way around. A woman, unconsciously or consciously, is most likely to choose from among various possible partners the one whom she believes she can control. In the long run, it is always women who determine when and how we have sex. The man, on the other hand, is looking for sexual satisfaction on the one hand, but he is even more looking for belonging and closeness.
If we seize this chance, if we are ready to change ourselves and to allow ourselves to be changed, and if we - as described above - are able to leave behind guilt and shame, then doors may open to a new quality in our relationship. But no matter what we are ready to do, it takes the will, understanding and activity of both parts.
When a couple opts for FLR and this is actively implemented, a special and new form of responsibility for one another arises at the same time. Lock and key do not symbolize the final result, but only the beginning or the intermediate stage of a new dynamic in their relationship. It is a learning process that can fail or relapse at any point in time. But above all, it is a manifestation of love and trust
Love is the key!