My journey has been accelerating

Posted by: @subhubphx

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Posted by: @lovemypet

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"In the meantime, do you have suggestions for how the woman in an FLR can get past the deep seeded (cultural I believe) duty of always looking to pleasure/satisfy the man without much regard to ourselves?"

I know you didn't ask me, but that's never stopped me before.  *wink  All I have to offer is what Mistress K. and I have experienced throughout our marriage.  Both the vanilla beginning and since we became an official WLM.

What you speak of has been the single most difficult thing for Mistress K. to grasp and feel comfortable with.  My Wife, like many other wives in the Dominant role, is a caring, sensitive, loving, giving, warm-hearted person.  She has always been that way and finds great pleasure in helping others if they have a problem, or even just making an already good experience better.  It's how she is wired.  

Intellectually, she fully understands the concept of me getting my main source of pleasure by being in service to her.  In practice, she feels bad when her instincts tell her I'm uncomfortable or that I deserve something (like an orgasm).  It was really hard for her to finally understand that her being selfish when it came to me, gave me a tremendous amount of pleasure.  She felt obligated as a nice person to reciprocate things.  Even small things.  She would subconsciously worry that treating me like her slave husband would cause me to be angry, disappointed, pouty, whatever, and even ultimately might cause me to fall out of love with her when in reality the opposite was true.  For example, and again, early on, in a moment of weakness, she would give in and allow me to orgasm because she felt like I was secretly resenting her for denying me after weeks, even months. She felt it was mean and even though I would beg and plead for an orgasm whenever we had sexy time, because, you know, the heat of passion, I only ever wanted for her to deny my orgasms.  I knew that if I were allowed an orgasm there would be a refractory period when it was very difficult for me to be the kind of attentive and loving slave husband we both want and expect me to be.  Once she began to discover the benefit of denying my orgasms, she no longer felt she was being selfish by denying me.  This ultimately led to me being caged 24/7/365 (mostly).  Permanently being then led to me no longer focusing my sexual desires around my cock.  Now, when I'm feeling randy and horny, the focus of that is now on, first and foremost, her having the orgasms and the type of sex exactly like she wants at any given moment, and secondly, on being penetrated by her cock.  These have now become my sexual desire focus.  If I'm lucky enough and able to orgasm from either of those activities, then it's a wonderful bonus.  

Now, she's somewhat past struggling with those feelings of guilt about being selfish.  She will now literally summon me from another room because her wine glass needs feeling, or she wants a blanket or the TV remote that is just a few feet from her grasp.  In other words, it takes time for things to be rewritten in our brains, but the time and effort are well worth the wait.  She has literally evolved her man

 

 

@lovemypet - Did you mean to say something as a reply here?

In another forum, She Makes the Rules, one of the moderators recently asked other contributors, “How do you express appreciation for your partner?”  By coincidence, on the same day I saw his post, my wife showed me a letter that I gave to her almost six years ago that she came across in her desk.  I immediately thought of the post on SMTR and realized that, for me, I probably show my appreciation through words. 

The coolest thing about the letter is that it foreshadows the female-led relationship that lay in our future.  When you read the letter you can see that I had already, back then, seen something in her that spoke to my desire to be led by a strong, confident, smart, and sexy woman.  It took another three and a half years for us to start gently exploring an informal, unspoken FLR.  Our confidence slowly built to the point where we were willing to be totally vulnerable with each other, and our FLR became formal about two years ago.  We got engaged eighteen months ago based on the written terms of our FLR contained in the proposal.  Finally, we married last December.  We are both “all-in” in our FLR and have never been happier.  But it is fun to see that there were clear signs that we were already headed in that direction by our first Valentine’s Day.

Here is the letter.  I have replaced her name with “Q” for my Queen:

February 14, 2018 

Dearest [Q],

“Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

• Lou Gehrig 

Lou Gehrig, voted the best first baseman of all time, had both his professional baseball career and his life cut short by the horrible disease, ALS.   His diagnosis was made public when he was 35 years old.  The New York Yankees announced his retirement two days later.  It was at Lou Gehrig Appreciation Day at Yankee Stadium on July 4, 1939, that he made his famous statement to his fans.  He had played major league baseball since he was 18 years old, won 6 World Series, and was so successful he still holds 13 Major League Baseball records.  Within two years he was dead. 

He was wrong.  He was an incredible man and lived an incredible life.  But he still is not the luckiest man in the world.  I am. 

Today is February 14, 2018, Valentine’s Day.  There are exactly 3,834,768,669 men on the face of the earth today (I know, I looked it up).  Of all these men, I am the only one who has the stunning, great good fortune to be in love with you, and even more, the incredible privilege and honor to be loved by you.

[Q], you are loving and lovable, gentle and stern, smart and silly, funny and serious, classy and sexy, and one hell of a kisser.  You have the amazing ability to understand me and bring out the best in me.  You have an uncanny ability to support me and lead me at the same time.  You make me feel nurtured, inspired, loved, and liked.  You make me feel so very, very special. 

I have no doubt that there are many lucky men on the face of the earth, but NONE is as lucky as I am today.

With all my love, 

[AAH]

Saturday, December 23, was our first wedding anniversary.  In the days leading up to the big day, we did a lot of talking.  We shared our mutual feelings of incredible satisfaction with our marriage.  We both recalled the challenges of the first year of our respective first marriages; the adjustments, the compromises, and how reality differed from expectations.  But this time around, we have none of those feelings.  We both agree that we have never been happier in our lives.

Our first thought was that the reason this time is different is because we are more mature.  My wife suggested that we had both become more aware of who we were as individuals and what we each needed in a partner.   I agreed that what she said was undoubtedly true.  But, I said I thought there was one fundamental reason for our joy, peace, and success as a married couple:  Our FLR.  She agrees.

The conversation unfolded over several days as we had time off work and were spending almost all of it together.  Being completely honest and open with one another is standard operating procedure for us.  But, with our anniversary approaching, we began to plow new ground.  We not only reflected on how satisfying we both found our FLR to be, but we also began to look forward to the future and how it would continue to evolve.

The effect of these conversations was to enhance the intensity of our FLR.  My desire to submit and her desire to dominate both increased in equal measure.  In recognition of this further evolution in our relationship, she finally gave me permission to refer to her as “Mistress,” at least on a temporary basis.  The term had always conjured up visions of a whip-wielding sadist in her mind.  I explained that some people might use the terms in that sense, but for me, the term more accurately conveyed my desire to fully submit to her power and control over me.  She said she could be comfortable with that and agreed to “try it on for size” for a while.  I have been using the form of address exclusively in private (and when I can get away with it in public) for almost two weeks, and she hasn’t asked me to stop.  I do think that my addressing her in this manner is helping her be more comfortable in freely exercising her dominance over me.  We have fewer and fewer conversations about the inhibitions that follow from her traditional conditioning, and she accepts my pampering with fewer and fewer feelings of guilt.

On Wednesday morning, our last day of work before the holiday, she mercilessly teased me and denied me.  That night she permitted me to pleasure her while she totally indulged herself without reciprocating in any way.   My pleasure came from holding her as she fell asleep in my arms.  Far from feeling frustrated, the time I held her in my arms was exceedingly peaceful.  I reflected upon how satisfied I felt despite the fact that my rock-hard erection remained completely untouched across her hip. 

The next morning, she teased and denied me again.

On Friday morning, I was permitted to make love to her.   She lay back on her bed and had me bring her to five orgasms.  After her last climax, she slumbered in my arms again.  She woke up after about 20 minutes and felt my still-erect penis against her belly.  She took mercy on me and gave me permission to jerk off for her.  Only at the last second, after several refusals, did she say “yes” when I asked for permission to cum.

The next day was our anniversary.  She started the day off with another wonderful tease and denial.  We spent the day together making final preparations for the family visit on Christmas Day. 

As the sun went down, we headed out to a country inn for a gourmet dinner.  We spent most of the trip talking about our FLR and how it had made our first year of marriage so special. 

She told me that she loves the feelings that she gets when she relaxes on the couch in the evenings while I serve her dinner, clean the dishes and kitchen, serve her champagne, and prepare the coffee machine so I can have coffee ready for her as soon as she wants it in the morning.   She explained that she no longer feels guilty when I do this for her.  Quite the opposite, she said.  She told me that I have taught her that she is smart, self-confident, capable, compassionate, funny, strong, and worthy of being adored.  She says always felt this way about herself deep down inside, but that no person in the world other than me has ever treated her that way.

She has a much more global view of the “balance” of things than she used to.  She knows she is very valuable to me and my law firm.  She knows she runs our personal lives well.  My pampering and adoring her is simply accepted as my recognition of her worth.

We agreed during the next year she is going to try to “lean in” to her natural dominance and more consciously push herself to let go of her remaining inhibitions.  She confessed that despite my constant admonishment not to feel that way, there are still times when she feels the need to do what pleases me.  She says that while she loves being pampered and being in control, she loves me, too, and wants to give me pleasure. 

My response was that I know she loves me, and I have never felt more loved in my life.  She is the first person who has ever truly “gotten” me and accepted my submission.  I asked her if it had ever occurred to her that by not commanding me to do what she wants, and by forcing me to focus on my own pleasure, she is actually depriving me of the pleasure I want most in the world; the pleasure of serving her.  She admitted that she had never looked at it that way.  She said she thinks this will help her feel more comfortable fully coming into her own over the next year.

Our dinner was out of this world.  We enjoyed sturgeon caviar, escargot, and a tasting menu with carpaccio, hand-made pasta with black truffles, duck, scallops, and halibut, and two bottles of Winston Churchill’s favorite, Pol Roger champagne.  We finished with light desserts and French press coffee.  More talk about taking our FLR further spiced up the meal.

We held hands the entire way home while we talked more about our love.  The ancient Greeks had three words for love:  Agape, altruistic, spiritual love; Philia, platonic love; and Eros, romantic, passionate love.  We agreed that there really needed to be another word, at another level, to describe the way we feel.  Something deeper than “eros.”  Something that also conveys a total mutual trust and the ability to be completely vulnerable to the person you love.

I know, pretty mushy stuff.  Forgive me.  Just telling the story as it happened.

When we returned home, I went to the bedroom to turn down her side of the bed, light a few candles, and put Diana Krall on the stereo.  While she undressed and got herself under the covers, I went back downstairs to let the dog out, put away our coats, and prepare her coffee for the morning.

As I came back into the bedroom, she told me to take off my clothes and come kiss her.  We made out like teenagers for almost half an hour, snuggled, and talked about our date.  Then she asked me, “What did we do on our wedding night?”

“You denied me,” I replied.  “I remember it very well.”

“Well,” she said, “I guess it would be appropriate if that’s what happens on our anniversary too.  Maybe it will have to become a tradition.”

I thought I knew what that would mean, but instead of having me service her, she had her way with me.  She started with a teasing hand job, then got between my legs and gave me a blow job that took me to the edge.  “I want you to let go and enjoy this, but I don’t want you to cum,” she said. 

When she had had enough, she then climbed on top of me and rode me until she had two orgasms.  She rolled onto her back and had me had me mount her for another orgasm, but strictly prohibited me from cumming.  As she recovered from her climax, she had me snuggle up beside her and caress her.  After resting for a few minutes, she told me to use my fingers to give her a “big one.”  When she could take no more and her clitoris was too sensitive for me to touch it anymore, she rolled onto her side and took me back into her hand.  She repeatedly edged me, bringing me closer and closer to the brink.  I begged for permission to come as a thick thread of pre-cum formed between the tip of my cock and my belly.

She simply said, “No.”  She let go of my penis, kissed me, put her head on my shoulder, and put her arm around my chest in a full embrace.  By the time my breathing was back under control, she was gently snoozing on my chest.

I cannot wait to see where she takes us during the next year.

In late December, when my wife and I passed our first wedding anniversary, I shared here that we took the opportunity to engage in some especially deep reflection on our relationship and the state of our FLR. We agreed that we were both satisfied beyond all expectations with the positive things that our FLR had brought to our relationship. The inhibitions that my wife was laboring under because of 60 years of “traditional” conditioning are fading away faster and faster. We agreed that we were both ready for her to start “leaning into” her role as my dominant in the next year.

I thought I report on how that has been going.

Those who have been following our story know that we agree that I am in charge at work where I am the owner of the law firm that employs us both and she is in charge everywhere else. You could break down “everywhere else” into inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

Outside the bedroom, my wife has become completely accustomed to a lifestyle that we summarize as “my goal is to make her life extraordinary.” She shows no sign of guilt at being pampered. It is obvious that the thought of doing the dishes, doing the laundry, or making the bed never crosses her mind any longer. She expects that I will make coffee for her every morning. Once or twice, I have forgotten to prepare to prepare the pot before we get into bed. She simply had to say, “Did you make the coffee?” to have me apologizing and popping out of bed to get it ready. She doesn’t offer even a pretense of objection when I suggest that we go to a five-star restaurant or that I give her a pedicure. While I know she is grateful for being able to live this way, much is just “normal” and “expected.” I always get a sincere “thank you” when we do nice things, it is as if my doing chores around the house is just seamless and goes unnoticed, or at least unremarked upon.

When I think of how she exercises her leadership in the bedroom, one phrase comes to mind: “Command and control.” I just went back to look over the notes I keep in our Nice sex tracker. In the last 28 entries, going back to early January, 17 of them have ended with her teasing and denying me, giving me a ruined orgasm, or increasingly frequent, just plain total denial after servicing her. Over those sessions, I was permitted to have an orgasm 11 times. Only one of those times was I allowed to cum inside of her during PIV (I have been allowed to enter her only 3 times in that period). She has given me permission to cum 4 times while giving me a hand job, but each time whether I would be granted a release was in question until the last second. Increasingly, she enjoys her “state of bliss” after I have serviced her. 9 times she has simply told me to jerk off for her while she relaxes. Six of those times she gave her approval when I begged for permission to cum. Three times she did not.

Two sessions, in particular, summarize the current state of our sex life. In the first session, kissing for 10 or 15 minutes she pushed me onto my back and took me into her mouth. I know enough not to expect that she intended to make cum in her mouth. One, she always cums first, and two, I have only been allowed to cum in her mouth once, and that was years before we adopted our FLR. She takes me in her mouth when she wants to enjoy the sensation and effects of taking me in her mouth. Once my erection was ready to burst and my breathing had changed to show that an orgasm was approaching, she let me go and rolled onto her back. She told me to touch her with my fingers. Then she instructed me to get between her legs and lick her. When she wanted no more orgasms, she pulled me up to her side and held my head to her shoulder as she recovered. After ten minutes or so, she told me to jerk off for her. As my arousal built, her instructions became more controlling. Eventually, she was leaning over me, micro-managing the way I beat off for her. As I was reaching the peak, she told me, “Look me in the eyes as you jerk off for me.” After refusing me permission to cum several times, she said yes, “But, look me straight in the eyes as you cum.” Very deep subspace with that one.

On Valentines Day, after I had been denied for 3 or 4 sessions in a row, she knew just how horny I was. I had given her a Magic Wand as one of her Valentine’s Day presents and she wanted to try it out. After making out for an unusually long time, probably half an hour, she told me to go down on her. After several orgasms, she tapped my head indicating that I should come out from between her legs and come up to her side. She told me to take out the Magic Wand. We had fun experimenting with the new toy. I encouraged her to take control of the device so I could see what she liked. She said she preferred for me to hold it while she gave me directions. The rolling orgasms she had while I was eating her out, and the strong orgasms she had from the Magic Wand had me about as horny and turned on as I have ever been. When she had had enough, she told me to take the toy away and leaned into my chest. I kissed her forehead, eyes, and cheek, hoping beyond hope that she would perk up and at least give me permission to jerk off for her. But it was not to be. The only thing she said was, “Thank you” as she lingered in her mellow twilight. She didn’t fall asleep for the longest time, probably more than 15 minutes. She just luxuriated in my arms as I kissed her and told her how much I loved her. This was a different kind of subspace where I had to get my breathing under control and consciously channel the hormones flooding my bloodstream from intense arousal to submissive contentment. God, I wanted to cum desperately that night. But, the next day, I explained the incredible sensation of submission she created for me and thanked her profusely for denying me.

We have grown closer in our work life as well. We are so synchronized in our thinking that I have promoted her to Practice Manager of the entire firm and the two affiliated businesses I own.

Life is good.

Glad to see you around my friend.  It's good to see something here other than ads for pills from god knows who.

Posted by: @allabouther

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As I was reaching the peak, she told me, “Look me in the eyes as you jerk off for me.” After refusing me permission to cum several times, she said yes, “But, look me straight in the eyes as you cum.” Very deep subspace with that one.

This is my very favorite way to be allowed to cum.  I'm rarely allowed to cum, but when I do, staring into her eyes is my favorite!

Posted by: @allabouther

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When she had had enough, she told me to take the toy away and leaned into my chest. I kissed her forehead, eyes, and cheek, hoping beyond hope that she would perk up and at least give me permission to jerk off for her. But it was not to be

My second favorite way is to be denied, especially when I REALLY am desperate to cum.  Like you, I thank her the next morning for denying me.

My wife’s New Year’s resolution was to start “leaning in” her dominance over me after we reflected on how wonderful our first year of marriage was thanks to our formal FLR. I recently posted that the New Year of Leaning In was off to a good start.

The week since that update has been even better and included a new “first.”

We had Monday off for the President’s Day holiday, but it was a busy day for us. We had to get a bunch of things wrapped up because on Tuesday we were driving from Northern Virginia to Baltimore to see Andrea Bocelli in concert. On Wednesday, after dropping her off at home, I was continuing straight on to a professional conference in Williamsburg, Virginia, and other personal business in Richmond, Virginia. I won’t get back home until tomorrow afternoon.

So, on Monday, I was doing some work from home and she was running errands. I was still working when she got back home. She announced that she had finished her errands and was going to go take a shower and start relaxing. She gave me a kiss and headed upstairs. About 10 minutes later, she called down. “Would you like to lick my pussy?”

As you might imagine, I was halfway up the stairs before my laptop hit the floor. “Would you like to kiss first, Mistress, or would you like me to get right to it?” I asked. She was lying on the bed wrapped in her bath sheet.

“I’d like you to kiss me first,” she said.

I did as she asked, and then worshiped her pussy for about 15 minutes. When she was finished we snuggled (I got to be the big spoon) for another 15 minutes. Then she said, “We’d better get dinner started or I will fall asleep for the night.” No reciprocity was offered. I simply thanked her for allowing me to lick her pussy.

The trip to Baltimore was originally planned as a surprise anniversary present from me to her. I had snagged front-row tickets for the concert originally scheduled for December 5. I had rented a nice suite, with a huge Jacuzzi tub, and planned to serve her champagne and a picnic while we lounged in the tub. But Bocelli was ill and had to reschedule the show at the last minute.

So, the surprise was spoiled because I had to explain all the food and wine that I had packed up for the trip. Plus, I couldn’t very well, have nothing for her on our anniversary. So, I told her about the show and we decided that we would turn the rescheduled concert into a Valentine’s Day date. We had the picnic and champagne in our own bedroom instead.

I rebooked the suite and planned on another champagne picnic for the rescheduled show last Tuesday. We packed up in the car and headed north. I told her that I had heard a podcast by a male Dom and his submissive where he talked about how he loves his Hitachi Magic Wand. Since I had given her one on Valentine’s Day proper, I asked she would like to listen to the podcast while we drove. The topic of the podcast was different tips for the new Dom (male or female), one of which included ideas for using the Magic Wand.

She really enjoyed the podcast and it took us all the way to the edge of the city. Even though she knew of the plans for the picnic and the concert, the beautiful suite and the huge soaker tub were still a surprise. When we settled into the room we still had almost 3 hours before we needed to leave for the show. I arranged candles around the bathroom as she unpacked the picnic. She told me to run down the hall to get ice to fill the champagne bucket. Before long we were naked in the tub, sipping Veuve Clicquot and eating caviar and shrimp by candlelight with soft music in the background.

It was very romantic, very relaxing, and very fun, too. My wife steered the conversation to our FLR and was seeking reassurance that I was fully satisfied with our D/s relationship. I told her that I have never been happier or more fulfilled in my life and, if anything, it has only gotten better since her New Year’s resolution to lean into her control. I told her how wonderful I felt when she called me up to the bedroom the day before to have me lick her pussy. I tried to explain the pleasure of subspace and told her that the only thing that would have made it more satisfying for me would have been if she had told me to come service her instead of asking me if I wanted to.

“I know you are just being polite,” I said. “But, it is a turn-on and really gets my submissive juices flowing when you just outright command me to do what you want me to do.” I reminded her how hard she made me cum the previous week when she ordered me to look into her eyes when I was under her control. I also brought up one of the tips from the podcast, that I thought was pretty good for a new, and somewhat hesitant, Dom. The podcaster suggested that when giving instructions, the Dom should think about the game Simon Says. “You don’t have to speak like a harsh sadist,” which my wife is definitely not, he said. “Just speak in a straight-forward, measured tone. Imagine saying, ‘Simon says get on your knees,’ or ‘Simon says lick my pussy.’ Just drop the Simon says. It comes across in a nice even, but commanding tone.”

She said she liked the idea and would give it a try. She said she loves being in control, but she wants to be loving too. What a wonderful problem to have!

We finished the second bottle of champagne and still had an hour and a half before we had to leave for the concert. We moved from the tub to the bedroom. I gave her a Valentine’s card and a couple of presents. The main present was a teddy bear wearing her main gift, a gold necklace. She loved the bear and the necklace. She wanted me to make love to her. After kissing and cuddling she told me, “Lick me now,” in a very direct manner.

After a series of rolling orgasms, she tapped my head in the way she does to indicate that she has had enough and wants me to hold her in my arms. I brought her to more orgasms with my fingers. After cuddling in her state of bliss for 10 or 15 minutes, she instructed me, “Jerk off for me.’ Like the last time, she specifically controlled how I performed for her, she reminded me, “No cumming without permission, and you have to ask me for permission.” We both know that I don’t have to be reminded of those rules. But, it gives her a wicked thrill to repeat them.

As the pressure built she told me, “I want you to cum for me.” I know that was not permission. It was just her way of telling me that she had decided the session would end with an orgasm for me.

“Oh, Mistress. I am getting close,” I said after a few minutes.

She said, “Look me in the eyes as you jerk off for me.”

“Yes, mistress. I love you, Mistress!” I moaned as I stared into her brown eyes. “Oh, I am so close, May I have permission to cum.”

“Yes. But don’t take your eyes off mine as you cum.” It was an explosive orgasm.

As we snuggled, I asked her what she was going to name her bear.

“Flora.” She said. “Get it?”

I furrowed my brow.

“FLoRa,” she repeated. “Just drop the vowels.

“I see what you did there! Very cute.” I said.

Eventually, we got dressed and walked across the street to the arena for the show. (It was awesome, by the way). She knew we were going to the concert, but the front-row tickets were a total surprise. We returned to the hotel suite very late. We got ready for bed, and I pulled out a t-shirt I bought for myself off Etsy. It says:

“TO DO LIST”

Followed by four lines with check marks:

“Worship mistress
Serve mistress
Submit to mistress
Be a good little sub”

The last line has no check mark and one word scratched out:

“__ Cum”

She laughed out loud and kissed me. She said, “I don’t think I’d wear that around the hotel lobby if I were you.”

The next morning, she had be make love to her again, after which she teased me to the edge of a ruined orgasm. She was literally half a stroke away. She denied me instead.

We packed up and headed back South. After taking her to her car, I continued on to my professional program. On Friday, the program ended, and I drove to Richmond for an event with my sons. When I checked in with my wife Friday night, she was on her way home after going out for drinks with two other ladies from the office. She told me about it.

“They were both complaining about their husbands, like women do,” she said. “But I just smiled. When they gave me my chance to share my frustrations, I said, ‘Sorry, but I have nothing to complain about. He does my laundry and the dishes. He makes my coffee and makes the bed every morning. I get a pedicure whenever I want one. He may be in charge at the office, but he makes sure that I am in charge everywhere else. I pretty much have it made.”

Music to my ears. I cannot wait to get home to my lover today.

My wife blew my mind this week. She went out to dinner with her best friend, a woman I will call “E” in this post. The story is repeated as it was related to me. I was just climbing into bed into bed when my wife got home.

She hurried to catch up, taking out her contacts, and changing into a comfy night shirt. While she changed, she told me about the restaurant they went to and shared all her friend’s latest news.

Then, as she got into bed, she said, “Guess what I did tonight?” I made three guesses that I thought were pretty good. But, after each guess, she said, “Nope.”

“O.K.,” I said. “I give. What did you do tonight?”

“I told E that I have an FLR!” she said.

My jaw hit my chest. “Are you serious?” I asked.

“Yep,” she answered.

“Oh, my God. And what was her reaction?” I replied.

“In the end, she was clapping, she was so excited,” she said.

“Holy shit. Maybe you should start at the beginning,” I said.

My wife told me, “E really opened up about how she has been kind of hurt that some her friends from the Air Force Academy have made so little effort to maintain their friendship. She was speaking from her heart and really confiding me. It felt like the right thing to do to return the favor.”

“O.K.,” I said, encouraging her to go on.

“So, I told her, ‘I have something to tell you,’” my wife said.

E replied, “What is that?”

My wife answered, “I have an FLR!”

“A what?” E asked?

“Have you ever heard of a ‘female-led relationship?” my wife said.

“No,” said E. “What is a female-led relationship?”

My wife told her, “It means that I am in charge of everything and it is all about my pleasure.”

E gave her an open look and raised her eyebrows. “Can I find out about this on Google?”

“Sure,” said my wife. “But you are going to see that there are different kinds. Some can be pretty extreme. Whips and chains kind of stuff. I am not into that. No humiliation or degradation. He simply makes my life extraordinary. I get my way all the time."

"Well, anyone can see how happy he makes you and how much he pampers you," said E.

My wife went on, "He has a way of drawing out my best, most confident, and competent self. He trusts me absolutely to lead him in every way outside of the office, where he is the firm's boss.”

E cocked her head and raised her eyebrows even farther.

“Yep,” my wife said looking her in the eye. “Even in the bedroom. That means that if I have had what I want and I just want to drift off to sleep, he is SOL. He just cuddles me and kisses me while I drift off to sleep.”

E shrugged her shoulders, “Well, he can just go off and do his thing.”

“No,” my wife said pointedly. “He can’t.”

Her friend just stared her in the eyes in disbelief.

“I control all of them, too. He is only allowed one if it is for my pleasure.”

That is when E clapped her hands and bounced in her seat like a schoolgirl.

They went on to have an extended conversation about why an alpha male like me would voluntarily want to submit to his wife. As an alpha female, and former fighter pilot, her friend got it instantly. “He finds it liberating to be able to put his life in the hands of someone he trusts,” she said.

“Exactly,” my wife replied.

After sharing a few more details, my wife asked, “You’re not upset that told her, are you?”

“Upset? You’ve given me a raging erection,” I said as pulled back the covers to show her my reaction to her act of dominance.

She smiled and responded by saying, “Earlier today, you told me that you were fantasizing about licking my pussy.”

“As I do pretty much all the time,” I replied as I nodded.

“Well, get to it,” she said.

I answered, “Yes, mistress!” and I moved down between her legs.

After giving her two orgasms with my tongue, she told me, “That’s enough.” I moved up to her side to hold her in my arms and she spread her legs invitingly. I immediately began making love to her pussy with my fingers while I kissed her and held her close with my left arm. After two screaming climaxes, she closed her legs and rolled into my full embrace.

She slid off into her "state of bliss." I gently kissed her cheek and hair while I caressed her back. After about ten minutes, I took a moment to smell my fingers. She quietly said to me, “You like my smell?”

“The scent of your pussy is intoxicating to me,” I responded.

She kissed my chest softly and said, “Can you jerk off for me without me having to move?”

“Of course,” I said. “If that would bring you pleasure.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I want you to cum all over me, but I don’t want to move from this position.”

“Yes, mistress,” I replied as I began to stroke myself.

In almost no time, the cum in my balls was starting to boil.

“You may not cum without my permission,” she admonished me.

“I know, mistress." I continued masturbating for her. After a few minutes, I asked, "May I have permission to cum for you, mistress?” I asked.

“No,” she said sternly. I gasped and released my hardon. “I haven’t decided for certain yet if I am going to allow you to cum. But I certainly want it to build for a while longer. Resume your stroking.”

I worked very hard to bring myself closer to orgasm without jostling her body or disrupting her rest. Finally, after extended begging, she gave me permission to cum and I shot almost a week’s worth of manly goodness across her body.

She kissed me and said, “Don’t forget to blow out the candle when you go to the bathroom.” Then she kissed me a buried her head in my chest.

In the winter of 2022, my wife (then girlfriend) and I agreed to a formal FLR.  There were three main reasons for why I introduced the idea to my girlfriend:  (1) My feelings of compersion - Nothing makes me feel better than seeing my wife happy and making her life extraordinary; (2) My girlfriend's natural dominance - As trust built between us both my girlfriend and I became increasingly comfortable with being vulnerable and open to each other.  I learned that my girlfriend had been conditioned by her mother and ex-husband to suppress her natural leadership, self-confidence, and assertiveness; (3) I am an alpha male in the business world and was enticed by the idea of being liberated of the drive to be in charge all the time by surrendering control to someone I love and trust.  Our FLR defines our relationship both inside and outside the bedroom.

While my wife loves being in control, she is also a very loving and compassionate woman.  She said all the right things about sharing my desire for an FLR and appeared to be enthusiastic about the new dynamic in our relationship.  I loved the FLR and sexual dominance, but I would rather have a vanilla relationship with my wonderful wife than a kinky one if she is just doing it to make me happy.  Actions speak louder than words, so I began tracking our intimate activities on the Nice sex tracker app.  I started doing this in May 2022 and now have two years of amazing data on our sex life.

And the data is clear.  Not only does my wife enjoy our FLR as much as she says, but her sexual dominance is only growing.  The list of activities is instructive, in and of itself:  Since we started our FLR, I have not had an orgasm without her express permission.  I voluntarily offered, and she accepted control of my orgasms.  I do not masturbate except at her instruction and in her presence.  We have PIV sex only about once per month when she desires it for her own pleasure.  She wants me to cum inside her about once every three months or so.  She does take my penis in her mouth once or twice a month, but it is only because she enjoys playing with her toy and teasing me.  I am not allowed to release in her mouth and it has never even gotten close to that.

Certain stats make it very clear that she truly enjoys being sexually dominant and having the focus solely on her pleasure.  The frequency of my orgasms has declined steadily.  Before I surrendered control of my orgasms, I estimate that I had approximately 35 releases per month, or between 8 and 9 per week.  By the time I started keeping track in the Nice app, the number had dropped to an average of 3 per week, or 12 per month, in the first 45 days.  Now, as of the last couple of months, she permits me less than 1 week (usually on Saturday morning after I have made love to her), or about 4 per month.  The reduction has occurred steadily over the last two years.

While my full orgasms are way down, tease and denial sessions, ruined orgasms, and outright denial after she has her releases are way up.  In the first 45 days that I kept track, she would deny me about 6 times per month, or between 1 and two times a week.  The ratio between orgasms and denials favored orgasms heavily.  I would be permitted an orgasm twice as often as she would deny me.  Compare that to the last 45 days, where she has denied me more than 11 times per month, or about 3 times per week.  The ratio is now almost 3 denials per orgasm allowed.

Most telling about her comfort with our new dynamic is the increase in one particular sexual activity.  It has become such a desired activity for her that we have given it a name.  We call it “sending her off.”  Sending her off means when she is ready to go to sleep we kiss for as long as she likes and then I bring her to orgasm with my fingers while holding her close.  Sometimes she wants only one.  Other times she will instruct me to give her more.  But it always ends with her closing her legs around my hand and rolling over to put her head on my shoulder.  I hold her and gently kiss her cheek and forehead while she gently falls off to sleep.  We both love it.  In fact, she told me that she wants me to do it for her tonight.

It is wonderful to be so happy and in love.  Our FLR has definitely taken our relationship to a whole new level.

@allabouther   Congratulations on having the courage to bring it up to her and for staying true to the reasons why you want to submit to her in the first place.

"I loved the FLR and sexual dominance, but I would rather have a vanilla relationship with my wonderful wife than a kinky one if she is just doing it to make me happy. "

THIS!  This is the key to a truly successful WLM!

My wife and I just passed another acceleration point in our FLR journey.  I describe our FLR as formal, not only because we both openly acknowledge it (her favorite t-shirt says “I Love My Submissive Hubby” and my favorite t-shirt says “I Only Cum with Permission.”  No, we don’t wear them in public, lol), but also because she accepted my marriage proposal based on written FLR terms (that were referenced in our marriage vows, too). 

We both find our dynamic satisfying and fulfilling.  The terms in my proposal were clear and unambiguous, so far as they went.  But in our day-to-day lives, we have been left to make it up as we go along.  This hasn’t been too difficult because we have great communication.  But our conversations mostly have to do with how we can each support the other to be the best person she or she can be.  We don’t do much talking about rules.

Early in our FLR, when we were still single and living separately, I made a self-discovery that led us to talk about committing to a new rule.  We had already agreed that having an FLR meant that sex was for my girlfriend’s pleasure.  But I was still allowed to masturbate when we were apart from each other.  I confessed to her that I felt that I was not living with integrity.  I was talking the talk (I regularly acknowledged that all sex was for her pleasure), but I was not walking the walk (masturbation is certainly sex and me doing it by myself was obviously not for her pleasure).  After discussing the issue, we agreed that my girlfriend should own all my orgasms and that I would no longer make myself cum without her presence and permission and, most importantly, for her pleasure.

We have been at this for well more than two years since that new “rule,” but I recently a came to another epiphany regarding my integrity. 

I was driving family home from my niece’s graduation party a few weeks ago and I beginning toying with some of the mind-boggling, high-end features in my brand new KIA Telluride.  My wife asked me politely but firmly to stop because she saw that it was distracting me from my driving.  I continued to fool around, thinking I could run out the clock and find the feature I was looking before she go to insisting.  Bad choice.  She had to repeat herself several times and raise her voice before I finally stopped.

After we dropped off the other passengers and were alone in the car, she really let me have it.  It was the sternest scolding I have ever received from her.  Her points about dangerously distracting myself and making her nervous were irrefutable, of course.  But, when she brought up our FLR she cut me to the quick.  “You preach about our FLR all the time:  ‘We’re in your space, you make all the decisions.’  In the bedroom, that works just fine for you!  But, outside the bedroom, sometimes you just pay lip-service to submitting to my authority.”  She went on, but you get the point.  Frankly, I was humiliated by my behavior, but mostly by my lack of integrity.  Later that night, after she had cooled down, I came to her and apologized.  I promised to do better.

Last week I had to go into the hospital for a procedure that has a long recovery period.  Before the procedure she sat me down to set expectations.  She told me that she would be in complete control of my recovery, including every aspect of the strict recovery restrictions (bed rest, time off, diet, and exercise).  She told me that she expected me to comply fully and without being argumentative. 

As she was talking to me, I thought about her recent scolding and my commitment to our FLR.  When she was finished, I said, “Absolutely, Mistress.”

She wondered if I was teasing her.  “Are you just saying that or are you serious?” she said.

“No, you are right,” I said.  “You will take great care of me.  And it will make it easier for me.  I can just focus on getting better and you’ll just tell me what I should do.  I absolutely trust your judgement.”

I was released from the hospital on Saturday and have been at home on bedrest since then.  My recovery has been amazing.  And it has been super easy for both of us.  I am totally liberated from having to micromanage all the details and she has it all under control, with no frustrating arguments from me.

Thinking on these recent experiences, yesterday it occurred to me that perhaps the time had come for us to clarify some more rules to help me walk the walk, not just talk the talk, like when we adopted the “no masturbation without permission” rule.  The upshot is that I started drafting an FLR agreement for us.  I always thought that FLR agreements were only made by men to feed their masturbatory fetishes.  But I presented the draft to my wife this morning.  She understands why I think it is a good step for me and kind of likes the idea.  She has taken it to work with her to review and she says she may have changes to make.  We are to talk again tonight.  I cannot wait.

In a previous post, I explained how my wife and I have been discussing extending the formal nature of our FLR from the basic elements that were agreed upon as a part of our marriage proposal and wedding vows. I'm a lawyer so I created the first draft in June. My wife has had lots of additions, changes, and comments and we have met several times to work on the language. We found time during a business trip last week to put the final polish on the agreement.

It was very exciting becuase when we agreed we had it just right, she was very turned on and led me through a very dominant love making session after we sealed the agreement with a kiss. We have since returned home and yesterday I printed the final version out on paper. After I finished her pedicure, I presented it to her for signature with glass of champagne to enjoy while she gave it one final review. She read every word and asked me a couple of questions to make sure that we had the same interpretation of certain language. Once she was satisfied, she signed and give it to me for my counter-signature.

She pronounced herself very happy.

Every couple is different, but here is our version of marital bliss.

      The _______ Female-Led Relationship (FLR) Contract

This agreement is entered into freely and consensually between ___________ ("Mistress") and ____________ ("Submissive") (collectively referred to herein as the “Parties”) on this 4th day of July, 2024.

Recitals:

Whereas, When Submissive proposed marriage to Mistress, he proposed that the marriage should be acknowledged by both parties as a “female-led relationship.”

Whereas, Mistress and Submissive have mutually endeavored to develop and improve their female-led relationship and, in furtherance of this objective, made reference to their commitment to an FLR in their wedding vows.

Whereas, Submissive has proposed to Mistress that they further formalize their female-led relationship because of the benefits they have seen for themselves as individuals and, more importantly, for them as a couple and because they recognize that it aligns with their personal preferences and strengths.

Whereas, Mistress and Submissive agree that there are two principal objectives for their FLR:
1. To help Mistress and Submissive become the best versions of themselves possible, and
2. To provide Mistress with an extraordinary life (collectively, the “Principal Objectives”).

Whereas, The Parties agree that this dynamic provides clear roles and expectations, reducing conflicts and misunderstandings. The Parties believe it empowers the Mistress by allotting to her more of the control and decision-making power that she enjoys wielding.

Whereas, The Parties agree that Submissive finds liberation, fulfillment, compersion, and satisfaction in his supportive role. And,

Whereas, Mistress and Submissive wish to leverage their strong communication and mutual trust to promote a deeper, more loving, more erotic, more intimate, more respectful, and more enjoyable connection.

Now, therefore, in consideration of the foregoing premises and the Parties’ mutual love and affection, it is hereby agreed:

1. Purpose

• The purpose of this agreement is to outline the roles, responsibilities, and expectations of the Female-Led Relationship (FLR) between the Mistress and the Submissive for the purpose of enhancing their intimacy and mutual satisfaction and promoting the Principal Objectives of their FLR.

2. Term and Renewal

• This agreement is a lifelong commitment between Mistress and Submissive.

3. Authority of the Mistress

• The Mistress's authority under this agreement extends to all times and matters. Mistress is honored and respected as Submissive’s second-in-command at work, and her authority there is only subject to his rights as owner of the business.

4. Decision-Making and Conduct

• The Mistress may ask the Submissive for his advice or opinion on matters involving the couple's personal life, but the final decision will always rest with the Mistress.
• Mistress shall have final decision making authority with regard to use and expenditure of all joint accounts.
• Both Parties agree that humiliation and degradation are not acceptable in the relationship and that they shall always endeavor to treat each other with the highest respect.
• The Submissive will not talk back to the Mistress when she is exercising her authority.
• To reinforce his acknowledgment of her power in their relationship, the Submissive will generally respond to requests and instructions with "Yes, Mistress" when they are in private and “Yes, Love” when they are in public.

5. Intimacy and Communication

• Both Parties commit to communicating openly and honestly with each other about their feelings, needs, and desires to ensure mutual satisfaction and understanding.
• Both Parties commit to having a regular “check-in,” no less than once per week, on a weekend morning of Mistress’s choosing, where Mistress and Submissive will retreat to an intimate space where they will discuss the state of their relationship and FLR in order to maintain its strength and consider enhancements. So that Submissive may mentally prepare for the meeting, he may ask Mistress in advance which morning she intends to use for the intimate check-in.
• Mistress and Submissive agree to designate Wednesday evenings as an “evening of refuge,” away from the whirlwind of daily and business life, designed to (i) allow the Parties to focus on themselves as a couple, (ii) promote peace in their lives, (iii) and maintain a high level of intimacy in their relationship. The designated day of the week may be changed by mutual agreement of the Parties, but shall occur at least once per week. The Parties commit to leaving work no later than 5:00 (hard stop) on the designated evening of refuge.

6. Responsibilities of the Submissive

A. The Submissive will perform the following tasks and duties for Mistress:
• Provide pedicures and personal grooming for the Mistress upon her request.
• Mistress shall control the TV remote.
• Complete household chores including, but not limited to:
o Doing dishes after every meal, unless excused.
o Doing laundry every week.
o Making the bed every morning.
o Making coffee every night and bringing it to the Mistress in bed when they are both beginning the day at the same time.
o Regularly clean the yard of dog waste.
o Perform other duties as assigned by Mistress.
• Greet the Mistress at the door with a glass of chilled champagne (or favorite seasonal alternative) when he has arrived home before her.
• Serve the Mistress drinks and meals at her pleasure.
• Snuggle and kiss with the Mistress at bedtime to her satisfaction.
• Rigorously comply with and promote the Sexual Dynamics set forth herein.

B. In pursuit of Mistress’s Extraordinary Life, Submissive shall fulfill his role in the FLR and his duties hereunder with the following intentions:
• To actively help Mistress in her intention to achieve her aspirations and become the best version of herself possible.
• To provide Mistress with a sense of high financial stability.
• To maximize the space wherein Mistress doesn’t have to deal with argumentative responses to her decisions and supported when she has no choice but to suffer fools around her.
• To pamper Mistress.
• To support Mistress in being a doting grandparent.
• To provide Mistress with a life of adventure.
• To ensure that Mistress always has a safe-space of refuge with Submissive.
• To support Mistress in controlling the whirlwind of life and work to the greatest extent possible to maximize Mistress’s potential to live an enriching life.

7. Sexual Dynamics

• When it comes to sex Mistress gets what she wants, when she wants it, where she wants it, and how she wants it.
• The sole objective of all sexual activity is for Mistress's pleasure.
• The Mistress is entitled to free use of the Submissive for her sexual pleasure at any time and place she desires.
• The Submissive may offer sex to the Mistress, but she is not obligated to accept.
• If the Mistress has orgasms, or is given orgasms by the Submissive, Mistress shall be under no obligation to reciprocate.
• All sexual activities will be conducted in the manner, timing, and involve the activities that the Mistress chooses at her discretion.
• The Mistress owns the Submissive's orgasms and may grant or deny them at her sole discretion for her pleasure. Submissive’s orgasms are only allowed upon express permission of the mistress, including by masturbation which will only allowed with the approval and presence of Mistress.
• Sex represents a gift between Mistress and Submissive, not an act. It is about intimacy, not just orgasms. Mistress will be mindful of Submissive’s desire for intimacy and will strive to satisfy that desire, not because of any obligation of reciprocation (of which there is none), but because of her love and affection for Submissive. As a means of satisfying Submissive’s desire for intimacy, he may request sexual teasing and denial but Mistress shall be under no obligation to do so.

8. Confidentiality

• Each Party agrees to maintain confidentiality regarding the details of this agreement and their FLR dynamic except with the consent of the other Party.

9. Termination Provisions

• After good faith communication with the other Party, either Party may terminate or suspend this agreement at any time and for any reason, should he or she feel uncomfortable with the arrangement.

10. Amendments

• Except as provided herein, any amendments to this agreement must be made in writing and agreed upon by both parties.

Witnesseth the following signatures and seals:

___________            ____________________________________
Date _______           ____________, Mistress

___________            ____________________________________
Date _______           ____________, Submissive

@allabouther I'm wondering what the arbitration process is like with a contract like this. There probably isn't much legal precedent in FLR contract law and it is like the wild west. If you have an equal say at the negotiating table if she wanted to alter the contract, does that undermine her position in the relationship and elevate you above your agreed upon position? You must be a pretty good lawyer if you can afford chilled champagne every night when she comes home. Good thing she had you representing her .

@allabouther   That was wonderful.  Almost as if a lawyer drew it up.  *wink  Would you mind if I were to present this contract to my wife for consideration?