My name is Callie and I go by Callejara, and I am writing today because I wanted to share my story with Emma and all of you who read here. Maybe my English is not perfect, but I hope you hear my heart. I do not want to sound like a professor or overly trying to be clever, only like a woman expressing words of her truth.
I wrote to Emma because when I found her blog, I felt like finally someone was speaking the things I never dared to say out loud. In Spanish culture, we have some different ideas about love and marriage, but still, many things are the same. The jealousy, the passion, the desire to feel like a woman who is loved and wanted. This is my story, why I think a boyfriend saved my marriage, and why, gracias a Dios, my cuckold husband now treats me like the queen I always wanted to feel like.
Before Antonio
I was married many years to my husband. We are still married, of course, but the way we lived before… it was comfortable, too comfortable. You know what I mean? We joked, we teased, we had this friendship that was nice but not seeming sexy. Sometimes, I felt like he was one of my brothers instead of my lover. We would laugh, say silly insults, make fun of each other. Fun, yes, but they killed passion.
And for me, passion is the air. I need it. Without passion, a marriage feels like only a business. I know my husband loved me, but I did not feel desired. It was like we lived side by side, good partners, but not fire.
I began to read things, this blog of Emma, some books, and little by little, I understood something important: I did not want to throw away my marriage, but I also could not live without passion in my heart and in my body.
The Decision
We decided to try the boyfriend approach. In Spanish, we might call it something like tener un amante, but it is more than only infidelity, because my husband was involved. He was not betrayed; he was part of the plan.
I found Antonio. He is younger, almost ten years younger than me, it was somewhat uncomfortable in the beginning because he is the son of my best friend. He is younger, has this energy, always full of life, always ready. From the first moment, he was under my spell, and I loved it. To be adored like that, to be looked at with hunger in his eyes, it awoke the fire in my heart again.
Antonio works nights, so in the mornings he is free. My husband goes to work early, and often they pass each other in the doorway with my husband leaving, Antonio arriving. Sometimes I see them look at each other, this strange exchange. My husband knows exactly what Antonio is coming for, and Antonio knows my husband accepts it. There is a knowing respect, even if unspoken.
Mornings With Antonio
The mornings are my favorite. I am awake, aroused. We go to the patio when the sun is warm. Sometimes we are nude, just laying there, touching each other. He massages me, he kisses me, he adores me like a goddess.
This, my husband appreciates, because my needs are satisfied. I am not hungry in the way that makes the hearts of many women coarse, bitter or cold. Instead, I am glowing, alive, always ready to laugh and share. Antonio is like a drug that awakens a glow within my heart.
In contrast to Antonio and I, my husband and I do not have much sex, not often. When we do, it is more about connection, not about fire. He is more proud that I am desired and desirable than he is directly turned on by me. It is strange, maybe, but it works.
I think many times when he looks at me, he does not think of himself with me. He thinks of the times I ask him to watch me with Antonio. He remembers my moans, my joy, my body alive. He sees that memory, and it makes him love me more.
In fact, I love when he is involved. When I am the center of attention, the most important person in the room, with Antonio giving me his passion and my husband watching, oh, this is when I feel like the true queen.
My cuckold husband stands in the corner, quiet, with his penis hard and arms toward his sides. He sees Antonio unleash all his passion on me, and still he stays, because I ask him to. This is a heart of devotion.
And nothing is better than the end, when I look at him and say, limpiarme. Clean me. He comes, he kneels, he does it with desperation. He wants every bit, every drop, because he knows this pleases me and shows me a deep heart of acceptance. And when he pleases me, he feels alive too. He feels driven with a purpose.
Spanish Culture vs. American
Now, let me explain something, we see things a little different. Emma writes from an American view. But here, the word cornudo (which means cuckold) is old, very old, and not always negative. Sometimes, it is insult, yes, but also there is pride. A man who supports his wife, who makes the money, who keeps the house, but allows her passion elsewhere, is not always seen as a fool. He is maybe even a man of honor, because he gives her everything.
In my culture, infidelity is not so rare. We do not pretend it never happens. Women take lovers, men take lovers. But for women, sometimes it is even expected. Maybe not spoken, but known. The difference is that we do not always hide. We accept it.
So for me, to have Antonio, to have this dynamic, is not shameful. It is part of being real. I am still married, still loyal in my very own way. My husband is not less of a man. He is the provider, the partner, the friend. And Antonio is the passion. Both are important.
What Has Changed
Since Antonio, my husband changed completely. Before, he loved me, yes, but he did not treat me like his treasure. Now, because he sees competition, because another man desires me with such hunger, he treats me with reverence.
He opens doors, he compliments me, he does little things. He is chivalrous, tender and looks at me like maybe he could lose me, and this makes him careful.
I do not think he sexualizes me directly so much anymore. Instead, he thinks of Antonio with me, and that picture is enough but it works. For me, it is perfect. I feel desired always, by Antonio, and I feel adored always, by my husband.
This is why I wrote to Emma. Because I think this perspective is perhaps different in my culture and for me, it is not shame. It is love, it is honesty.
My husband, mi cornudo amor, he is proud to see me shine. He tells me, “You are more beautiful now than ever.” And I know it is true, because I feel it inside. I am not saying every woman must do this. But for me, and for us, it saved our marriage. I love my husband more now than before, and he appreciates me more than ever.
The Balance
My husband makes the money, he keeps the house safe, he supports me emotionally. Antonio gives me passion, fire, energy. Together, I feel complete.
I know in America, some women feel they must choose: the husband or the lover. But I say, why not both? Why not have stability and also excitement? Why not let each man give what he gives best?
For me, this is the balance. And my husband, instead of being angry, is grateful. Because without Antonio, maybe I would be bitter, cold, always complaining. With Antonio, I am happy, glowing, generous. And my husband receives that happiness too.
Compared to America, where sometimes marriage is imagined like a box you must never step outside, here we know that people are not boxes. We are human, we desire, we need. So when I tell friends about Antonio, they are curious, they laugh, but they do not shame me. They know this is life.
So this is my story. I hope it makes sense, I wanted to share from my heart. For me, for this marriage, with a boyfriend and a cuckold husband, is not shame but salvation. I love my husband, I love Antonio, and I love myself most of all, because now I live with passion again.
Gracias, Emma, for giving women like me a place to speak.
