When a movie about a topic that you are genuinely excited about comes around, you don’t sit on it. You watch it, you share it, and you contact the team behind the movie for an interview. Ok maybe that last part is just me. But that’s exactly what happened when I got my hands on More Than Monogamy, the feature-length documentary by filmmaker Dillon Birdsall. I bought it the day it dropped and watched it immediately, contacting Dillion as the closing credits started rolling.
Then I watched it again, while texting Kev. He was trying to work but work is overrated, right? I was so excited that I reached out directly to the team behind the movie because I was that fired up about what I watched. This is the perfect movie for anyone even remotely curious about modern relationship dynamics. Someone curious about ethical non-monogamy, or simply wondering whether the traditional one-size-fits-all model of marriage is the only option on the menu. If this sounds like you this film is your starting point.
I do my best to educate on this site and I think I do an alright job. Admittedly, the site does follow a more cuckold theme right now because that’s the world I’m living right now and that’s where my interest lies. If you read a couple years back, it was almost completely male chastity driven and then I shifted my focus to pegging. This movie does a better job of spreading itself evenly across the world of modern marriage dynamics and non-monogamy themes. Dillon must be less ADHD than I am, just a guess. I don’t know him but i do know he was super accommodating and excited to have the movie featured on my site.
“The Lifestyle” is a massive umbrella term that encompasses swinging, polyamory, kink…and so much more; this documentary is all about highlighting and explaining why it might be perfect for your relationship and maybe why it won’t.
Designed to be both educational and entertaining, let’s look at why there can be so much more to a relationship than monogamy.
Sexuality is complex.
Sexuality is diverse.
Sexuality is More Than Monogamy.
Table of Contents
ToggleA Love Letter to the Filmmakers
First things first. Thank you, Dillon. Seriously. Thank you for having the courage and creativity to make a film that most mainstream studios wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Modern marriage dynamics are rarely spoken about openly and honestly in a way that educates without judgment. More Than Monogamy changes that, and the lifestyle community owes Dillon a standing ovation for bringing this conversation into the light in such a thoughtful, accessible way.
This film features a beautifully curated lineup of real couples and experts who bravely sat down, got vulnerable, and shared their stories and expertise to help viewers understand that love, relationships, and intimacy can look wildly different from what we were taught to expect. To every couple and individual who shared their journey on camera, thank you. Your honesty is what makes this film feel real rather than preachy.
I also need to give a massive shout-out to our friend of Evolving Your Man, the brilliant Dr. Justin Lehmiller, sex researcher, social psychologist, and author of Tell Me What You Want, one of the most eye-opening books on human sexual fantasy ever written. If you can’t tell, I am definitely a fangirl of anything he lays his hands on. Book. Podcast. You name it. Justin’s shame-free, science first approach to sexuality is exactly the kind of voice this documentary needed, and his insights are a highlight of the film. If you don’t already follow Justin, you need to fix that immediately.
Monogamy Is a Choice
Monogamy is a valid, beautiful and intentional choice, but it is a choice and this film helps to illustrate that it is not the only choice. More Than Monogamy doesn’t come in swinging a wrecking ball at traditional marriage. It doesn’t shame couples who are perfectly happy being exclusive. What it does, brilliantly and gently, is hold open a door and say “Hey, if monogamy isn’t working for you anymore, or if you’re curious about what else is out there, here’s what the landscape actually looks like.”
Because here’s the truth that Kev and I have lived, relationships evolve. People evolve. Sometimes you evolve your man, sometimes your man evolves you. Most often, you evolve together, as a couple. What worked in year one of a marriage might feel suffocating in year ten, and that doesn’t mean the relationship is broken, it might just mean it’s ready to grow into something new. For us, exploring non-monogamy opened up a level of communication, trust, and intimacy that I genuinely didn’t know was possible.
The film is brilliantly structured in two halves, and that format is one of its greatest strengths because it helps show structure and intentionality of modern marriage dynamics. The first half is essentially the glossary you never knew you needed. Terms like ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging, relationship anarchy and all sorts of other things are defined clearly, and backed up with testimonials from real people living these dynamics. I’d be willing to bet the film teaches you at least a few things that reframe how you understand it.
The second half is where the magic really kicks in. Once you’ve got the vocabulary down, the film shifts into practical territory exploring how these dynamics can actually work within real relationships, the honest pros and cons, what jealousy looks like and how couples navigate it, and how communication becomes the absolute backbone of any non-traditional arrangement. It’s balanced, realistic, and it seems to inform not arouse the viewer and I think that’s a breath of fresh air.
Let’s Meet Dillon
Dillon Birdsall is an award-winning documentary filmmaker out of Albuquerque, New Mexico, he builds his entire career around the parts of human experience most people are too uncomfortable to talk about openly. He produces, directs, writes, and edits his own work. His debut feature V-Card: The Film won Best Documentary Feature at CineKink, and his follow-up More Than Monogamy dives deep into non-traditional relationship structures with the same raw honesty that made his first film impossible to ignore.
What makes Dillon genuinely different is that his films aren’t just subjects he finds interesting, they are deeply personal. He’s been openly vulnerable about his own journey through intimacy, sexuality, and relationships, and that lived experience is the heartbeat behind everything he creates.
Dillon was gracious enough to let me ask him a few questions about his journey as a filmmaker and about More Than Monogamy. I think you’re going to fall in love with Dillon’s passion for this project just as much as I did. So here goes!
After the success of your V-Card documentary about losing your virginity at 23, what personal “aha” moment ignited the seed for More Than Monogamy?
Dillon: Well, I lost my virginity to someone in the lifestyle; she was in a poly relationship. I had, of course, been doing a lot of research for that film on sexuality and came across so many different relationship dynamics. So, over the course of making that film, and after spending more time in ENM, Open Relationships, and The Lifestyle spaces, I thought it might make for a good second film to work on.
I also had seen a lot of documentaries on the lifestyle, and I just didn’t love them. I thought about what I’d like to see when it came to talking about ENM, and that’s kinda where the whole idea for More Than Monogamy started.
I see that you made this film in conjunction with Spark Erotic. How did you meet them?
Dillon: I was incredibly lucky to meet them at Cinekink. We both won awards at the festival; they picked up the award for best erotic short film, and I won best documentary feature at the festival. We got to talking at the after-party and became fast friends.
When I started the outline for More Than Monogamy, they were the first people I reached out to to get advice from and pick their brains. The more we talked, the more we kinda saw how passionate we both were about bringing this film to life, and decided to partner up to make it come true.
The first half is this brilliant newbie primer defining swinging, polyamory, and more with real couples. How did you sequence those terms to hook new viewers without overwhelming them?
Dillon: Thanks! Yes, we spent a lot, and I do mean a lot of time trying to make this script not only educational but very fun for the viewer. We wanted to make sure these terms and ideas that everyone going into the lifestyle should know were fun and easily digestible for the vanillas watching the movie.
We also wanted to follow a logical progression that we felt a lot of lifestylers follow. It was a lot of trial and error trying to get the tone, educational elements, and vibe right, but I think we managed to do it!
Weighing the pros and cons of modern marriage dynamics felt so balanced, how did it challenge your own views on ethical non-monogamy?
Dillon: We love the lifestyle, but we definitely know it’s not for everyone. We knew that we couldn’t make a documentary about ENM without pointing out its great benefits, but also its massive drawbacks. We as a team always said we didn’t want to make a documentary that shamed people for being monogamous, but instead create a film that could show people all of the joy and complications that can happen when you open your life up to ENM.
It’s our job as filmmakers to give you both the highs and lows of what entering this lifestyle is like, so that you, as a viewer, can make an informed decision on whether you want to keep looking further into whether the lifestyle is right for you.
Justin Lehmiller gives some truly fantastic info during this movie. What was one of your favorite concepts that he brought to the film?
Dillon: We were so lucky to have all of our experts in the film, honestly, this movie could not have been done without them, and every single one of them has incredible lines throughout the movie, but my favorite moment from Justin is when we are talking about how complex polyamory can be, and he starts breaking it down into different shapes.
It’s such a brilliant way to not only explain the concepts but also allows us to have fun in the edit and bring those shapes to life visually. It’s a fantastic combo of both interesting information and fun visuals, which is always fun to do when you’re making a movie.
Dr. Liz Powell’s relationship psych insights added a tremendous amount of depth, can you share a standout quote from her?
Dillon: My favorite quote from her comes closer to the end of the film, where we’re talking about how, when you enter these new spaces, especially when going to your first sex party, you should be open to seeing and experiencing things you’ve never done before.
Dr. Liz, “Anything you can imagine, somebody likes fucking with it. Whether that’s fucking emotionally, whether that’s fucking physically, anything you can imagine, there are people who are into incorporating it into their sex or kink or romantic lives. And so I think it’s helpful when you move into these spaces to go into it with a space of like humility and curiosity…”
This is such a true statement about life, not just sex parties, be curious and don’t be so judgmental, it will probably lead to a more interesting life.
Filming your first dominatrix session or Shibari tie-up must’ve been electric—what nerves turned to thrill on set, and how did you direct couples to spill intimate truths without crossing consent boundaries?
Dillon: So we were going to have a whole kink and dominatrix session in the film, we even filmed me getting flogged and dominated. I have to say it was a pretty fun time, and I really want to thank the Mistress who we worked with that day.
As we were editing the film, though, we kinda just came to the conclusion that it wasn’t really working in the movie. Kink is obviously a part of the lifestyle, but it’s so big and so complex, and we already had so much other information on swinging and poly and ENM that we needed to cover in the film that we didn’t want to go too deep into the kinky stuff.
If, after watching our film, you want more info on that part of the lifestyle, there are plenty of other places they can go to get that info, and who knows, maybe I’ll make a documentary on kink someday.
Making a movie must be difficult, so many moving pieces from equipment to logistics and everything in between. Were there any bloopers or mishaps?
Dillon: Very happy to report we didn’t have anything crazy happen when we were filming, we got so lucky that every interview went off pretty much without a hitch except for one…
One of the interviews was slightly out of focus; we think it happened when we stopped the interview halfway to take a break and get some water/have a bathroom break.
So Kama and I had to spend a very long time fixing and sharpening that whole interview in post; it took a long time and wasn’t very fun, but we were able to save it. Drop a guess on which one you think it was after watching the movie.
But that’s just the nature of filmmaking; sometimes stuff happens, you gotta just roll with the punches.
From V-Card’s comedic take on virginity stigma to this empathetic ENM deep-dive, how did your late-blooming lifestyle explorer perspective give you an edge over “experts” who’ve been open for years?
Dillon: I don’t know if it’s given me an edge, but it has definitely allowed me to take more time to look not only at my own sexuality but how sexuality is maybe being portrayed in public as well as film and documentaries.
Making V-Card gave me so much info, and it really helped me find angles of looking at how we talk about sex, and I used a lot of that info to start making More Than Monogamy.
Overall, though, I think all art is about trying to find yourself in the material. Our whole team is part of the lifestyle and has been for some time. Our team has seen a lot of documentaries on sex, and our whole team has a lot of empathy. I think all three of those characteristics allowed us to make a movie that is not only informative but also very aware of how important it is to try and meet newcomers entering the lifestyle on their level. To not shame monogamy but to show a different way you might want to live your life.
V-Card snagged that Cinekink win—did that taboo cred fling open doors to kink leaders and experts here, or did you still face slammed doors pitching non-monogamy to mainstream collaborators?
Dillon: It never hurts to have an award-winning film about sexuality on your resume when reaching out to potential interview subjects to show them that you care about making a good movie with them.
Every single person we reached out to, we did so because they had a proven track record of great educational knowledge and insight. Once I explained that’s exactly what we were looking for in this movie, it kinda all just fell into place. Sadly, we couldn’t get a few interviews because of scheduling conflicts and other issues, but overall, we didn’t really have slammed doors as much as polite no thank yous.
Lucky for us, though, everyone in the movie gave incredible interviews, and we couldn’t be happier to share them with you.
Post-COVID intimacy shoots scream complication—did masks, testing protocols, or vibe-killing delays cramp the raw energy, and what creative workaround kept those play party scenes sizzling?
Dillon: One of the great things about the lifestyle is that everyone is already pretty big on being as safe as possible, especially when it comes to being close to someone, so it was pretty easy to make sure we were always masked, tested, and following safety protocols on set (funny enough, I was actually a certified COVID compliance officer for other films as well) We’re just very happy that we don’t need to follow those guidelines anymore for our in person screenings 🙂
The documentary featured a great diversity of voices. How important was it to show that the lifestyle can be for everyone?
Dillon: It was extremely important. One of the things I dislike about a lot of the lifestyle documentaries I’ve seen in the past is that they sometimes don’t show how diverse and accepting the lifestyle can be for almost anyone. We thought it was important to show that diversity in our documentary because we hope to reach as many people as we can with our film, and let them know there is a place for them in our communities if they want to explore them.
Multimedia edits made acronyms and terms stick, did you have any tricks with your graphics and animations?
Dillon: We knew very early on that doing animations and cutaways was going to be a core component of the film. It’s sometimes just the best way to give info to the audience. When you’re making a documentary, you want the information you’re giving your audience to not only be interesting but visually striking. Definitions and Acronyms can get pretty boring to look at and hear explained. We took major inspiration from the VOX media series Sex – Explained. We thought they had such a clean and interesting visual storytelling style that we wanted to do our take on it, and I’m very happy with how all the animations turned out.
Any special thanks to contributors to the film? Key interviewers, editors, or backers who made the film possible?
Dillon: We just want to deeply thank anyone who was involved with the film at all stages. Any time you make a movie, it’s this massive labor of love; it takes so much time, so much energy, but it’s so rewarding because you get to work with and meet so many people. We’ve been working on this movie for 5 years, in that time we’ve met, interviewed, and talked with so many fantastic people, and were still doing it as we try to bring the film out into the world. So thank you for even taking the time to interview us, and for the people reading, thank you for reading this and finding out more about our movie. It means a lot!
What was the rawest heartbreak or success story that you came across when you were interviewing couples?
Dillon: So we sadly had some interviews that just didn’t make it into the film. It’s just the nature of filmmaking that you have to make cuts, and unfortunately, that means leaving some stuff on the cutting room floor.
But we heard a heartbreaking story of a couple who were basically disowned by their family and had CPS called on them when their family found out they were part of the lifestyle. The woman in this couple we talked to had a previous husband who hated that she had moved on and found love in the lifestyle and told her whole conservative family.
Stories like that are pretty uncommon. We talked to a lot more people who had amazing things happen for them within the lifestyle, but sadly, there will always be close-minded people who just can’t deal with other people’s happiness and want to ruin it for them.
Your documentary seems perfect for streaming services because it evokes a certain curiosity among viewers, even those who may never explore the lifestyle. Do you think we will see More Than Monogamy hitting Netflix queues anytime soon?
Dillon: We certainly hope so! We made this film in the hope of reaching as many people as possible, so we’d love for it to be picked up by a major streamer. We are currently only offering the film directly via our website, so that we can recoup as much revenue as possible (making movies is expensive). Still, we hope by the end of 2026 to be on multiple streaming platforms to make sure the film can get to as many eyeballs as possible. But for right now, if you want to see the film, you have to buy it directly from us.
I know it hasn’t been out for very long but now that the film is out, have you received any reactions? Stories of monogamous couples rethinking their open-ness after watching the film together?
Dillon: We haven’t heard of any direct stories of people opening up their relationships, but we have heard a lot of people learning new terms and concepts from the movie that they never knew about. Which is always fantastic to hear. We designed the film to be as educational and fun as possible for viewers to learn more about the lifestyle, and it definitely seems like it’s doing that.
You’ve nailed the basics, what follow-up documentary will be next? Here are some ideas for you, feel free to use them!
- Locked & Loaded: The Male Chastity Revolution
- The Cuck Stops Here: The Real Story Behind Cuckold Relationships
- Strap It On: How Pegging Is Rewriting Bedroom Dynamics
- She Holds The Keys: Inside Female Led Relationships.
Dillon: Those are Fantastic! Honestly, now that I’ve made two documentaries on sexuality, which has taken up over 10 years of my life, I think I want to branch out into different subject matter. I’ll always be fascinated by sexuality; it’s an evergreen topic to explore in film, but I’m looking forward to exploring other subjects and maybe even moving more into narrative filmmaking and YouTube stuff.
The film industry is in such a weird place right now, and we’re all trying to figure out what comes next. But you never know, maybe another documentary is what I will do next 🙂
What was the best part of creating the film? Was there a moment where the magic came together and made it all worthwhile?
Dillon: For our team, I think it had to be our first screening of the film. We rented a very cool space in Denver to premiere the film and had a burlesque show and Q&A. It was an incredible night.
When you’re making and editing a movie, you’re watching it so many times, thinking about it so much, and overall just getting so close to it that it can kinda blind you. You can start to question if it’s good, if it works, if it’s too long, too short. It’s easy not to see the forest for the trees. But when the film was finally locked, and we showed it to this room full of people, and they loved it…it’s just the best feeling. To know all that hard work was not only appreciated but genuinely enjoyed. It’s a feeling that we’ll never get tired of.
What’s the one thing you want everyone to take away after watching this movie?
Dillon: We just want people to know that they should find love and happiness where they can. If it’s monogamy, awesome; if it’s swinging, that’s fantastic; if it’s poly, great!
There is no perfect way to have a relationship; there is no one-size-fits-all solution to dating, sex, and love…Everyone, Monogamous, Swinger, Polyamorous, and everything in-between, has to figure out what makes them happy and fulfilled when it comes to the relationships they bring into their lives, but just remember…There’s More Than Monogamy.
Thank you so much for making the film and for agreeing to an interview. We are excited for whatever comes next for you and your team. I may be biased but my money is on Locked & Loaded 🔒: The Male Chastity Revolution.
Go Buy This Movie
More Than Monogamy is all about communication, information and inclusivity. Themes I share on my site. Here is a whole bunch of information, ommunicate with your partner and try whatever you feel comfortable with. Use sex as a means for connection and experimentation because new and novel experiences reinforce your bond and create the chemical reactions that strengthen love.
This may just be the primer the lifestyle community has been waiting for, something you can sit down and watch with your partner or recommend to friends to help them learn what you do on your Friday nights. It’s the conversation starter that doesn’t require either of you to be an expert and meets you exactly where you are. If you want something to watch with your partner and safely introduce them to some new relationship ideas, buy it today.
I’m incredibly proud to spotlight this film on Evolving Your Man and very stoked that Dillon agreed to share some behind the scenes look at this movie with us. You’re at the end now so stop reading and go buy the movie at morethanmonogamy.com, your relationship might just thank you for it.
Evolving the Conversation
- Has monogamy ever felt like a constraint rather than a choice in your relationship?
- Which term from the film’s glossary surprised you or challenged your assumptions most?
- What’s the one conversation you and your partner have been avoiding that a film like this might finally open up?
- If you could rewrite your relationship rules from scratch today, what would change?
- What’s one thing you wish someone had told you earlier about modern relationship options?
- Are there any topics discussed in the movie that you would like me to cover here on the site?
Did this movie challenge or make you question your own dynamic at all? From you postings you make it clear that you don’t believe the husband should get to experience the same joy of sexual freedom as you do, unless your view on that has also evolved. I always saw ENM as something to be enjoyed by both the wife AND the husband with total transparency and shared goals. It seems like you put ENM on a pedestal while also gatekeeping it at the same time. Not trying to be a dick here, but that duality is a bit confusing.
Great question and you know I love the challenging ones but if anything, the opposite.
It’s very basic in depth, I don’t mean that in a bad way, it goes over the basic framework of ENM and reaffirms that your relationship can be whatever you want it to be. Communicate and decide what works best and roll with it, adapting as you go.