In countless previous blogs, I’ve discussed the merits of separating sex from ejaculation. I’ve received comments that make it seem impossible but it really isn’t that difficult. The problem is getting started and changing what you’ve taken for granted all of these years.
Soaking is an interesting concept of inserting a penis into a vagina and waiting until it gets flaccid or your bedroom pal needs to pull it out to prevent accidental spillage. So what do you do while you and your guy friend are all intertwined? You talk. You touch each other. You do everything aside from thrusting and poking and bouncing.
It really isn’t that crazy. Talking is that thing the two of you did while you were getting to know each other and it really shouldn’t be too much more awkward now that you are up in each other’s personal space.
If your guy is new to the idea, talk about bills, chores or holiday plans to help keep his mind distracted. Start off slow and work your way to sexual or erotic conversation. If he is a seasoned pro, you can rub each other’s shoulders and connect on a more sensual level.
The point is to feel the deep physical connection that PIV sex provides while working to separate the end-goal of ejaculation from sex. Sure, sex can end with ejaculation sometimes but it shouldn’t be the expectation and his penile eruption shouldn’t be the focus of your experience together.
How do we know when we are done? This one is easy! You are done when he violates the thrusting rule or you’ve had enough. If he gets soft during the experience, that is ok! This is a new experience and his body will be very confused about what is going on. If he gets soft and slips out, you can continue cuddling and talking perhaps starting once more in a few minutes. If you run out of things to talk about or simply get tired of hanging out together, simply end it and go about your day.
Once you are ready for pro-mode, you can mix soaking in with PIV sex. Kevin is excellent at holding back when it comes to ejaculation but we still really enjoy soaking for a while after sex to reconnect. Five or ten minutes of thrusting followed by another five minutes focusing on connection and giggling together and simply enjoying our intimate time.
If you are practicing chastity using a cage device like we do, this is a wonderful break for him to get the physical connection that he craves in the middle of a long lockup period. Remember that teasing and maintaining an emotional and physical connection is important even if your fella is under lock and key. Lock him and leave him is a recipe for resentment and sexual challenges.
Which position works best for soaking? All of them! Missionary is one of the most intimate since you are face to face but sitting on his lap with my back to him while he cups my breasts is also very intimate. Spooning and doggy work just fine too.
If you practice your Kegels, this is a great time to show off your hard work and dedication to pc muscle fitness. When in position, you can substitute movement with some good, old fashioned pc muscle flexing.
What happens if he insists on thrusting or won’t stay still? This one is very easy, you simply stop. Ending the activity and moving on to something different is the best way to nip this right in the bud. If he doesn’t want to participate on your terms, he doesn’t need to participate at all. If your guy is locked, you can use a term like “playtime is over” which is the universal cue in our household to put the cage back on. You can certainly give warning or two if you wish but it might take tough love for the first time or two before he realizes that you mean business.
I find that soaking is a wonderful time to discuss sexual fantasies. You can talk through some scenarios and have an instant indication of how hot he might find it due to the rigidity of his member. Talk about sports or chores and he goes soft but switch the conversation a fetish or sexual fantasy and things firm right up. The feeling of control is quite intense, shifting the conversation to inevitable lock-up after your session usually gets rock hard arousal followed by a guttural whimper. Denial is a hell of an aphrodisiac.
So where did soaking come from? I researched this topic ad nauseum in my typical fashion. From what I can find, it looks like soaking or at least the term came from sexually frustrated Mormon girls who thought it to be a loophole for maintaining their virginity.