Getting Started · Having Fun With It · Sexuality

Soaking: The Dock and Talk Approach

In countless previous blogs, I’ve discussed the merits of separating sex from ejaculation. I’ve received comments that make it seem impossible but it really isn’t that difficult. The problem is getting started and changing what you’ve taken for granted all of these years.

Soaking is an interesting concept of inserting a penis into a vagina and waiting until it gets flaccid or your bedroom pal needs to pull it out to prevent accidental spillage. So what do you do while you and your guy friend are all intertwined? You talk. You touch each other. You do everything aside from thrusting and poking and bouncing.

It really isn’t that crazy. Talking is that thing the two of you did while you were getting to know each other and it really shouldn’t be too much more awkward now that you are up in each other’s personal space.

If your guy is new to the idea, talk about bills, chores or holiday plans to help keep his mind distracted. Start off slow and work your way to sexual or erotic conversation. If he is a seasoned pro, you can rub each other’s shoulders and connect on a more sensual level.

The point is to feel the deep physical connection that PIV sex provides while working to separate the end-goal of ejaculation from sex. Sure, sex can end with ejaculation sometimes but it shouldn’t be the expectation and his penile eruption shouldn’t be the focus of your experience together.

How do we know when we are done? This one is easy! You are done when he violates the thrusting rule or you’ve had enough. If he gets soft during the experience, that is ok! This is a new experience and his body will be very confused about what is going on. If he gets soft and slips out, you can continue cuddling and talking perhaps starting once more in a few minutes. If you run out of things to talk about or simply get tired of hanging out together, simply end it and go about your day.

Once you are ready for pro-mode, you can mix soaking in with PIV sex. Kevin is excellent at holding back when it comes to ejaculation but we still really enjoy soaking for a while after sex to reconnect. Five or ten minutes of thrusting followed by another five minutes focusing on connection and giggling together and simply enjoying our intimate time.

If you are practicing chastity using a cage device like we do, this is a wonderful break for him to get the physical connection that he craves in the middle of a long lockup period. Remember that teasing and maintaining an emotional and physical connection is important even if your fella is under lock and key. Lock him and leave him is a recipe for resentment and sexual challenges.

Which position works best for soaking? All of them! Missionary is one of the most intimate since you are face to face but sitting on his lap with my back to him while he cups my breasts is also very intimate. Spooning and doggy work just fine too.

If you practice your Kegels, this is a great time to show off your hard work and dedication to pc muscle fitness. When in position, you can substitute movement with some good, old fashioned pc muscle flexing.

What happens if he insists on thrusting or won’t stay still? This one is very easy, you simply stop. Ending the activity and moving on to something different is the best way to nip this right in the bud. If he doesn’t want to participate on your terms, he doesn’t need to participate at all. If your guy is locked, you can use a term like “playtime is over” which is the universal cue in our household to put the cage back on. You can certainly give warning or two if you wish but it might take tough love for the first time or two before he realizes that you mean business.

I find that soaking is a wonderful time to discuss sexual fantasies. You can talk through some scenarios and have an instant indication of how hot he might find it due to the rigidity of his member. Talk about sports or chores and he goes soft but switch the conversation a fetish or sexual fantasy and things firm right up. The feeling of control is quite intense, shifting the conversation to inevitable lock-up after your session usually gets rock hard arousal followed by a guttural whimper. Denial is a hell of an aphrodisiac.

So where did soaking come from? I researched this topic ad nauseum in my typical fashion. From what I can find, it looks like soaking or at least the term came from sexually frustrated Mormon girls who thought it to be a loophole for maintaining their virginity.

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subhubphx

I LOVE this Emma. I’ve never heard of it until now but what a great way to have intimate, one-on-one, alone, sexy time together.

This is going to get printed on paper and go to the very top of the list of articles that I read to Ms K. in bed every Sunday morning.

The point is to feel the deep physical connection that PIV sex provides while working to separate the end-goal of ejaculation from sex. Sure, sex can end with ejaculation sometimes but it shouldn’t be the expectation and his penile eruption shouldn’t be the focus of your experience together.”

During our sex, it is rare that it ends with being ejaculating. Ms. K. is a studious believer of orgasm control and semen retention. That said, the sex we have is the most incredible sex I have ever been involved with in my entire life, precisely because our sex isn’t focused on my orgasm or ejaculation. Well, sometimes it is purposeful ruined orgasm which includes ejaculation and NO orgasm for me. Orgasms for her? Absolutely and always … each time … without exception.

Because of our orgasm control and semen retention style of sex, I have evolved (see what I did there?) to absolutely cherish the mere feeling of being inside of her. It’s almost a spiritual feeling. Check that it IS a spiritual experience. Like being on the very peak of Bliss Mountain. I really can’t wait to share this article with her. Thank you for adding to our growth and our journey Emma with yet another EYM article being enjoyed by the two us together.

Astriel

Wow… I have many, many times since my teenage years thought about how wonderful it would be to do something like this… or to thrust really, really slow for a very long, long time, like a many hours. However, In my mind I’ve never really thought much about the conversation part.
I recall having this thought about going out on a long hike to a desolate backcountry with that special someone and then basking in each other in this way out in the open or in an open tent, with the sounds of nature all around us and maybe even bathing in some warm, gentle, sunrays!
Wheeew… I’m having a daydream!!! 😉

Astriel

BTW… I think in most cases, calling it “simmering” might be more descriptive. 😉

Raul

Simmering, perfect! And if it comes to a boil, which it will occasionally, just let it gently erupt (ruin it..?) but don’t withdraw, you may be surprised at have little or no refractory period if you stay motionless. Orgasm now, that’s a whole different thing for me – whole body quivering and shaking, back arched, mind completely gone, on and on, with no ejaculation. Lots of nice slippery Cowper’s fluid though, which she loves. Simmer on.

Raul

Our favourite soaking position is scissors. We can see each other, touch easily, talk, she can rock her hips, I can thrust with variety, and I can keep my muscles relaxed to prevent an ejaculation, We can be so relaxed that sometimes we fall asleep, wake up, and keep going. We feel SO close to each other, and as we usually connect before we get up in the morning, it sets up our day. 🥰

Russ195

We have done this for several years. We cuddle when we do it. The trick is not do a lot of foreplay and get so turned on you are heated and ready to finish. We kiss a little, touch, I get erect and use some coconut oil for lube and enter her from behind while we cuddle.

We snuggle like that and I move just enough to stay erect. I rub her breasts lightly or her arms. Give her a gentle back and neck rub. We talk some too. We usually do this for at least 1/2 hour.

The thing is to do it relaxed and if orgasm is a 10 on a 1 to 10 scale, don’t go above about a 6 on excitement. Just take it easy.

We do it at least twice a week and know before we start we are not finishing with orgasm. We used to do it more often. I would go a couple of weeks before orgasming again.

Try it! It is really nice. It is a nice way to take a break from the world or a good way to end or start your day. We usually do it at bed time, but sometimes in the afternoon.

subjack

this is more than casual, it is important for my wanting to learn..

subhubphx

Yeah …. um, yup. This …. this soaking thing works just like advertised. Thanks so much for sharing.

Bluesboy

Thank you, thank you Emma for this fantastic article. My wife and I are having a weekly chat w her in the cowgirl position and me looking up adoringly and listening intently. Adding spice and variety is so great for our communication and closeness.

Justacouple

We actually tried this after reading your blog and we must say, we love it! It’s just so fulfilling, liberating and intimate to cuddle, kiss and talk with it being inside without thrusting and not focusing on performance or an end goal. It’s also a super nice treat in the middle or at the end of longer lock up periods and reinforces the mindset that releases doesn’t necessarily mean an orgasm can be expected.

Rectrix

We’ve only done this a few times, but as a chaste submissive husband it’s my favorite sex ever. Note to self: do this again next time I get over 60 days or so.