The role of staying home to take care of the household is nothing new and the role itself is gender neutral but traditionally female. After posting my interview with Vikter, a stay at home dad I received more than a few inquiries from both men and women. Men were fascinated by the role and the unanticipated relationship consequences that came along with taking a stereotypically female role. Women had many of the same concerns but expressed a fear that their spouse may sit around and do nothing all day.
With a Covid-19, many households have gone down to a single income and things are a bit tighter. Paying for a housecleaner, gardener and other luxuries are a thing of the past for some families. That isn't to say that families hurting for cash are the only ones going through this sort of transition. For those who remain employed, the demand of a Zoom based telecommute workforce with constantly compounding expectations is causing some families to reevaluate their careers and make a conscious shift.
In this blog I hope to go through some concerns presented by both genders and outline a written agreement that you and your partner can sign if you decide to move forward and take this step together. Let's start by going over the pitfalls of this kind of relationship and then we can talk about how you can successfully navigate the challenges together.
In the traditional household model, the man pays for everything and in turn; the wife gives him sex. While this is clearly an outdated assumption, it is still an implied expectation that is very much present in our society. The concern among men is that the inverse might also be true. When she pays for everything, he doesn't contribute to the family and therefore does not earn sex. Let's get to the root of the concern, he is worried that a transition to the home may result in his sexual needs not being met.
Some of this also ties directly to traits that we generally use to determine how attracted we are to someone. Women as a general rule will typically gravitate to more outgoing and "manly" men. The perception of his more female household role is something that you will need to work together to overcome. Ask yourself honestly - Do you think you would still be able to find a stay at home dad spouse sexually appealing? However you answer isn't a reflection on you, it is simply a reflection on how you are wired. If your answer is no, I would most assuredly not go down this path.
It is no secret that a family with a male homemaker has a much higher divorce rate. In most cases, the woman typically builds up a level of resentment over 12 to 18 months before getting to a breaking point. This typically manifests itself in resentment which leads to a lack of sexual interest. The lack of sex is often accurately perceived lack of respect. This slippery slope is a self perpetuating cycle that often ends in needs not being met and ultimately separation or divorce.…
