There. I said it. Unleash the flood gates of hate mail. I'll start with the preface that nothing is inherently bad or good but cuckolding is a fetish that is hard wired into many of us. Many of us; men in particular find a sort of emotional high from cuckolding that can be traced back to psychological trauma and use fetishization and sexualization to turn the psychological frown of infidelity upside down. I'm not one to speak to how healthy it might be to romanticize past traumas but be self aware and realize if this fetish may be doing more harm than good.
I'll use husband and wife for the blog but please know that the roles can be flip-flopped and cuckolding is just as common in the LBGTQ community. Despite my pronouns, this applies to you too!
In so many couples, the man researches cuckolding and watches cuckold porn for years desensitizing him to the idea. He then throws the idea out to his wife and expects her to jump onboard with the idea. She on the other hand is confused. What am I doing wrong that I can't satisfy his needs? Why would he want to see someone have sex with me?
Many men make cuckolding purely about the pang of jealousy and rush of endorphins that they receive when they watch another man with their wife. He wants to experience this high at the expense of the relationship and the wife's wants and needs. A true cuckold relationship is a construct where the woman's sexual needs are first and the man's needs are secondary. She is truly empowered and not used as a tool for the man's erotic fantasy. In the fantasy, the man gives another man permission to fuck his wife. This is not only objectifying the woman but whoring her out. No wonder she doesn't like the idea! Women are often eager to please their husband and will agree to something that will make her resentful and sabotage the relationship.
Cuckolding is a long list of fetishes and while fetishes can be great for a couple to enjoy together, they are something that should be enjoyed together with plenty of communication and discussion. If cuckolding is a checkbox on your list of sexy things to try, be aware that you should take it seriously. Cuckolding will unquestionably give her feelings of guilt and confusion. It will undoubtedly give him feelings of jealousy, confusion and perhaps anger. In the perfect world the couple will experience pure joy and compersion but that rarely happens the first time. Cuckolding can become a spectacle and may lead to other things such as male chastity, pegging, crossdressing etc. Realize that none of these things are related to cuckolding. If the two of you decide to experience cuckolding or any of these other things together, approach them all separately. Have a conversation about what you hope to get from it, potential pitfalls and an exit strategy or safe word to end things abruptly if they cause unpleasant feelings. …
Another excellent post Emma. Thank you. I know you occasionally catch some shit from a variety of sources about the (wrong) perception that you overly promote cuckolding and thus putting healthy and happy relationships at risk. It’s bullshit. It was then and it is now, should anyone still believe that.
Arguably, the previous blogs of yours mentioned in this blog may be perceived as “pro cuck”, while this might be perceived as “anti-cuck”. The most important, no vital, things are front and center in all of them, and that is meaningful, complete and deep communication between husband and wife. It’s one the things that is great about you and this entire site.
I’ve mostly always felt that the cuckolding kink is and can be a beautiful thing that can deepen an already deep relationship … depending of course on the people involved. As you so expertly pointed out in this blog, there are plenty of men who have desensitized themselves through year of marinating in porn and fantasizing about watching their woman fuck someone else. Eventually these men present the idea to their wife and in doing so, basically relegate their wife to a fetish peddler or their personal porn star (whore) … AND have basically convinced themselves that they are doing their wife a favor by giving her a hall pass for sex with other men. I’m no expert, but I do know that when a couple enters into non-monogamy i this way, it almost invariably ends in disaster for many of the reasons you point to here.
However, it’s an entirely different matter if it originates with the wife. It’s been my belief that when it is something the wife wants to pursue, then and only then can compersion have a chance to be really experienced by the husband. I’ve mentioned to you and others before that Ms. K. presently has no interest in pursuing another lover. Her reasons are hers. Ever since we first got together almost 25 years ago, it was not something I had thought of as a kink for us and so I’ve never nudged her in that direction. In the early days, especially before entering our WLM, it would’ve been a hard limit NO for me. Currently, although I still don’t want it to happen as a kink of mine, but I have evolved (see what I did there Emma) into the kind of husband that would allow it to happen if it were something that decided she wanted to do. Because …. of compersion, which is something I have truly been able to not only learn and embrace, but has become my primary source of sexual pleasure with her.
Thanks for the great read Emma! Once again, you knocked it out of the park!
Although my wife and I have enjoyed cuckolding, I have to acknowledge that the psychological dangers you outline are real, so you aren’t going to get any hate mail from me.
I think you bring up some very important problems with cuckolding here, but the title of the post is misleading. It’s not cuckolding in itself what’s unhealthy, but cuckolding done for the wrong reasons or in a bad and selfish way.
In my opinion cuckolding can be a beautiful and in many aspects natural extension of a female led marriage, and if done right, it can and does make the relationship stronger.
In our case it started because my wife (after 15 years of monogamous marriage) expressed her interest dating other men. I decided to support her, even though it was hard and very challenging for me in the beginning. I believe that this allowed us to evolve together and now we’re closer than ever.
This is an excellent article my wife and I dealt with many of the issues listed above by entering into a cuckold relationship without the tools or communication in place. I would love to see you revisit this article from the place your relationship is now and see what you feel about the subject