Male ejaculation is fascinating to me, almost as fascinating as my own orgasms. I've written about delayed ejaculation and ejaculation training but it might be time for another blog about the subject. Each of us have our own preference for how long a guy should last. My preference varies but it is usually around fifteen to twenty minutes but sometimes a quickie would be nice too. I spoke to forum member @ultimatekim wife of @locked4wife who has helped him through his delayed ejaculation. Let's hear how they worked through this together.
Hi Kim, welcome to EvolvingYourMan and thanks for volunteering to chat with me about your experiences with delayed ejaculation! Can you tell me about yourself and the challenges when you first met your husband?
So what is the problem? Why didn't you keep that up forever?
Ok so you decided to try and fix things. Tell me about that.
Does he have a certain type of masturbation that is different than most? Did he have some emotional baggage that brought this on? How old are the two of you?
Ok so how did you solve it?…
Hello ladies,
I have known this problem for years. Indeed, it comes from conditioning through masturbation. It took me to have frequent intercourse and over a period of several months for me to discover orgasm during intercourse.
It’s about repackaging his brain for a man.
Michel
Interesting. Thank you for weighing in @servant
A question that ultimatekim and I got into but I didn’t include in the blog is whether a feeling of “not good enough” due to sexual difficulty (delayed ejac, premature ejac, erectile issues) makes the man more submissive or more interested in chastity as a form of sexualized penance? I couldn’t figure out how to add that into the Q&A but your question was a great lead-in.
I don’t know if there is a link between a problem with ejaculation and a desire for chastity.
When I had this problem, I was very sad because I could not live with a woman the pleasure that I experienced in masturbation. It’s like I can’t tell her how much I want her. I was ashamed. I was hiding my problem.
And then I met a woman who trusted me, and over time and having frequent sex, I was able to grow.
From my perspective, using a timer to train a man is likely to cause him stress. Which is never good for reaching an orgasm. I think it takes time and no imperative for a man’s brain to relearn how to cum without masturbation.
What I have found in the domination of a woman is control over sexuality which frees me from all guilt. Not cumming, learning to cum, cumming according to orders, all of this is done under the control of a woman and therefore frees me.
It is not a penance, it is a liberation.
Great topic.
When I was young I had pretty normal function.
I then got with this particular girl, dated for a long while and eventually we married. This was not the brightest idea as we had very different libidos and sexual interests. Between this and other things, we ended up in a dead bedroom situation for about 10 years during which I took matters into my own hands most of the time.
What was interesting about this is over time, it seemed like my brain wired itself to need the combination of stimulation of my dick and my hand combined for normal function. I definitely noticed a substantial drop in sensation in PIV sex, BJ’s and other outside stimulation like hand jobs and fleshlights etc, but it didn’t feel like a desensitized situation like you get with hands doing hard work, or feet adjusting to long hikes type thing. I didn’t need heavy stimulation with my hand for things to work, the lightest touch could be fine. It was a matter of the combination.
This manifested as delayed sometimes and premature at other times. Delayed was just a lack of sensation. Premature was I think a stress reaction to that.
And yes, this did lead to leaning into kinks that masked it as I was never comfortable with it not working as normal.
As it turned out, when I got with my second wife, we where very compatible and she ran with my interest in chastity and orgasm control and the situation resolved it self as me taking matters into my own hands wasn’t something on the table so to speak.
As to “A question that ultimatekim and I got into but I didn’t include in the blog is whether a feeling of “not good enough” due to sexual difficulty (delayed ejac, premature ejac, erectile issues) makes the man more submissive or more interested in chastity as a form of sexualized penance?.”
The Not good enough created anxiety and fear but never a since that I should do a penance for it. I think if I knew I was the cause I could have felt responsible and want to atone, but I didn’t know my masturbation was the cause until after the situation resolved as a side effect of other practices.
As to more submissive? For me, yes. It definitely did not feel very powerful or dominant to have a hit or miss penis.
My lady and I have been together almost two years. She knows all about me and loves me completely, as I do her. Prior to that I was in a long, unhappy marriage (a crossdresser in an unhappy marriage, who would have thought?) and then single for a number of years. Rosie Palm has thus been my sex partner for years. It’s a challenge climaxing any other way than by my own hand. I think it’s a combination of conditions. First, having a penis and hand working under a single, central control system with immediate feedback and adjustments makes dynamic stimulation difficult to beat. Second, my submissive nature gets a turbo-boost from orgasm denial, so there’s a psychological switch that often flips to the “Off” position, such that no type of physical stimulation will work. Our sex lives are thus focused on her orgasms, which I am quite happy with.
That being said, she likes when I climax, too, and so I am working on being better at PIV climaxes (they do happen) but also cumming from oral sex. We’ve accomplished that only once and she loved it. I’ve been spending more time locked in chastity (except nights, which are difficult to endure due to random erections being a bit painful), and we’ve extending my intervals between orgasms as she grows more comfortable in the dominant role. One hope that I have is that eventually, with a long enough build-up period that I’ll be able to climax how she wants, when she wants. Or not, if that’s what she decides.
The previous comments on this post about hand stimulation continuing to affect other means of climax has me thinking. I do save my orgasms for her, but am prone to edging during the intervening periods. Perhaps I need a more hands-off approach. I think it’s worth trying, and I am grateful for this blog, this post, and the comments. Thank you for the idea.
Regards,
Jen
https://jennifersomeofthetime.blogspot.com/
If he has this, I GUARANTEE he masturbates daily or maybe more than one time a day. No masturbating and this idea with a fleshlight is a good way to get rid of the death grip on his dick.
This is similar to what I did with my husband and it worked amazingly! I love hearing Kim’s success story. Here is ours. I think it is years of him training himself for a certain type of stimulation makes it impossible to cum with regular sex.
https://evolvingyourman.com/community/everything-else/thank-you-a-delayed-ejaculation-success-story/
That is absolutely correct. He becomes accustomed to the pressure and intensity of his hand. It’s way more pressure than he gets from our vaginas, and unless we get very aggressive, it’s more pressure than we can provide with our mouths. That’s not my idea of a pleasurable blowjob.
This was an excellent article. I was having this exact problem and it was very helpful insight and suggestion on the training. Thank you.