In this sixteen part series over the next five weeks, we will explore how we can use our bodies and our sexuality with a partner with whom we've completely accepted as a soulmate and an extension of ourselves. Don't feel like you've met that person? Consider that you may want to hold off before going completely into the water until you are completely sure that he is your guy. Oh yeah and I was kidding about the sixteen part series. This is just a normal length blog, nothing crazy.
I don't want to be objectified. I don't present myself as a sex object. I want to be respected as a person; the sum of the individual that I am. I don't want my humanity and dignity to be ignored or my worth to be reduced to my physical appearance. All of that is an absolute given but what happens when you've found a partner that treats you as a partner and their favorite human. What happens when you accept that you've found your person and you acknowledge that you are indeed his sole sexual supply? When your guard is down and your walls have crumbled, can you intentionally reverse those objectification habits? Can you accept that he must use your body as the object of his affection within the context of your relationship?
Ok so you are married or in some sort of an exclusive relationship with a man. You understand that masturbation and self-pleasure have negatives and you've either accepted those negatives or come up with a method of regulating his behavior. Understand that all aspects of our being thrive when we are sexually satisfied and both of you are no exception. Through communication and intimacy, come to an understanding about sexual expectations within the context of your marriage. What is ok? What is out of bounds? What is an effective way for each of you communicate those seasons when your sexual needs are not being met?
While I would agree that objectification is not compatible with a loving relationship, I would also agree that objectification is also essential. I want to be the object of his desire and I want him to be the object of mine. I think we both need to objectify each other because I want to be the object of his affection just as he is mine. My incompatible view of objectification made me do some more research (nothing new there, folks). Objectification is fine in a sexual setting but the problems happen when objectification denies the autonomy of the objectified. If you can mentally interchange the person with objects or a you can mentally reduce him or her to body and appearance objectification is a serious problem.
There also needs to be a distinction of general objectification and objectification within the boundaries of a romantic relationship. If I dress sexy for Kev, I absolutely want him to sexualize and objectify me. It would be a lie if I said that I didn't want him to sexualize me. It is important to my self confidence and my sexual image of myself. I sexualize and objectify myself sometimes and I think it is perfectly healthy to do so. When I have a strong sexual image of myself, I can better enjoy my sexuality because I feel like I am more comfortable with the way that others see me.
I am not without flaws but I feel good about myself and that includes the parts of me that aren't perfect. The problem is when objectification is at odds with the flaws. If elimination of perceived flaws becomes tantamount to happiness then objectification is an issue. Have you ever experienced a partner that was obsessed with your weight? Contrast that to a partner who accepts you at whatever weight you feel most comfortable at. …
“Married? You should be each other’s sexual supply because a sexually healthy relationship fosters an incredible bond. The key is that your marriage must be much more than a sexual transaction. The healthiest types of bonds are a best friends with benefits sort of relationship.”
This! Is! Truth!
“What do you think? How does economics play into your relationship? What do you think about objectification? Is it compatible with a romantic relationship/marriage?”
Sexual economics plays a vital role in our relationship. With Ms. K. being my Fed Chairman and setting the monetary policies, the economy is robust.
In the text of our marriage, objectification (of me by her) happens often, and whenever she chooses. Also in our context, it’s the true love that is the marinade for mutual joy that we receive from it. It’s positive objectification and so yes, it is very compatible with a romantic marriage. Compersion! Love that word.
Thanks for a great post!
I found the title triggering but I enjoyed yet another thought provoking blog.
I read the deep dive linked article and found both the blog and the article very informative and representative of my experience. I wonder if the accumulation of resources by males has a point of diminishing returns i.e., is there a point where additional resources are not going to lead to a more desirable mate. Of course, I really like Prof. Emma’s addition of chastity into the supply and demand equation. Staying with the economic angle for a second, could it be that in part locking your fella up caters to his fantasy and therefore makes him even more committed to providing resources (a broad term that could include intimacy and fidelity). The article made the point that women much more than men compete against other women. What better way to compete against other (perhaps younger) women than by providing something that may not be easily replicated by him with another partner.