Managing modern relationships can be difficult for both genders. Women can find this especially challenging due to all of the expectations of today's woman. I don't know about you but finding a guy who is appreciative of what we go through is challenging if not impossible. I was working on a master's program in the psychology field and recently had to put that on hold due to the pandemic. In the meantime I've continued to use my personal relationships as guinea pigs (sorry fellas). Truth is, they don't mind because it enhances intimacy, closeness and the overall quality of the relationship. I've had a couple long term and very fulfilling relationships that followed this formula. I've currently been with my boyfriend whom I reference frequently on this blog. We've been together for about five years, have a wonderful relationship and marriage may be in our future.
More attractive women typically have traits that the male mind finds more suitable for reproduction. When you do something to subconsciously limit his ability to find value in a woman, he puts all of that value and admiration directly into you. This may seem manipulative and maybe it is but it directs his hormones and sexual energy in such a way that he is laser focused on your emotional and physical needs. Nobody else in the world can exist but you.
How can I get my boyfriend/husband to focus his energy on me? The number one thing that I attribute to this success is being in complete control of the sexual aspect of your relationship. I don't mean that you have to be on top every time, do the act of sex however you want but ensure that he must ask you for sex. If he attempts to initiate sex without asking permission, break off sexual activity and shoo him away.
Maintaining control of his sexual release ensures that you are of sexual value and importance to him. Women are of a certain value to men, prettier women are more valuable than less attractive women. While one can argue that it isn't fair, that's fine and frankly I would agree with you but that is just how it is. I know, I've upset a few of you. Sorry. My point is that men find value in attractive women because of the prospect of having sex with them. If your limit his sexual release, the inherent value that he sees in you changes and his brain tells him that you are the most valuable woman in his little world. This little brain hack ensures that he doesn't look elsewhere and his brain fixates directly on you.
If he asks for sex, don't answer right away. Consider it for a moment before responding. This will ensure that he knows you are weighing the pros and cons and not overly anxious to hop in bed with him. Suggest and tease sex through the day and change your mind once you get home and comfortable. Too tired, headache, explosive diarrhea, we've all used these reasons before. You want to show him that sex with him is a privilege and never something that you owe him. Although you want him to sexualize your body, you don't want him to objectify it. You are in a partnership and both of your bodies are part of the enjoyment of that relationship. Make him feel important to you in all ways but sex, in that department you should make him feel important but unnecessary.
Sex is certainly not something that he will receive from you simply because you promised it earlier in the day. This will continue to reinforce his sexual needs coming second to yours in the relationship. You want to demonstrate a level of sexual superiority and as you build this dynamic, he will begin to feel less confident in the bedroom. As his confidence wanes, he will come to you for more and more of his confidence. Eventually he will come to gain confidence by pleasing you. As such he will be greatly impacted if you are displeased. …
You are one crazy lady. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
Haha thank you Jess <3
I appreciate your comment. I'd love to hear more about what you think is crazy and what you think might be acceptable to the boundaries that you've got in your relationship. Seriously, I do appreciate your feedback and anything that you might be able add to our conversation. What did you find specifically crazy? When you came to the site, what were you hoping/expecting to find?
You sound more clever than crazy to me!
@Jess
Not surprisingly, most men in the know would envy her boyfriend. He’s a lucky man.
Dear Emma, I perfectly agree with your post and I confirm that for a male the reactions under orgasm controll (with and without cage) are exactly as you described.
I would like to add some details experienced in my last two years…
During first weeks/months the man would continuously ask for release or at least he will try to speak about sex, so it’s necessary to be very fair but clear and demanding to stop this, some hard punishments can help a lot… in my case I remember once …she added a whole week to my release with very hard teasing session in the morning and in the night… since then I never asked for sex when unauthorized..
Another important detail in my previous experience is a kind of training to renforce male strengh and will to controll himself to serve her better and better (incrasing the pleasure of the relationship in the end).
Usually in that condition (with the cage) the orgasm becomes almost the only man’s goal: this is not good because for reciprocal happines the final goal is woman’s pleasure (and therefore male pleasure to serve her and finally his own orgasm). So after some days of arousal, teasing etc, unlock him an tell him (under your supervision) “would you like to masturbate for me? while I watch and appreciate your beautiful body and wonderful cock” you can imagine the reaction…. but tell him that the masturbation must be very slow and that the speed is under your control… of course you know that approaching the orgasm the man wants to increase speed while you’ll ask to slow down and sometimes pause, and repeat as long as you want. This requires a very high will and self control, in the end (when you want, 15 minutes or two hours is always up to woman’s decision) you simply say “I would appreciate a lot if now you stop and wait for your release next week…I like so much to see you so horny dear, but if you like we can put the cage on and then you can lick me to orgasm”.
Of course I’ve tried to explain the idea, words are only for this (sorry because I can’t explain exactly emotions in english) and every couple will find the natural way of doing it, but I can assure that within some months the man will increase a lot his will and his self control with very pleasurable results for him and expecially his Lady
Love this ………
“Usually in that condition (with the cage) the orgasm becomes almost the only man’s goal: this is not good because for reciprocal happines the final goal is woman’s pleasure (and therefore male pleasure to serve her and finally his own orgasm).”
This is an incredibly important thing for any man that is retaining or having his orgasms/ejaculations controlled. Only the man really ever knows but if the goal for the man is orgasm, it is my belief that there is a structural deficiency in the relationship that will prevent him, and in particular her, from reaping the relationship benefits of orgasm control and retention through chastity.
once after this game she said “I want that even when you masturbate you feel that I control you, I perfectly know the speed and the way that YOU like, but you will do what I like”
This was wanderful for male devotion?
Hi, Emma how much male orgasm control enhanced intimacy, closeness and the overall quality of your relationship?What are the benefits and advantages of man who practices semen retention? Women can evolve and cultivate good values and habits in men,if they control theirs orgasm and sex life. Free ejaculators take women for granted,they are egoist, instead men who retein respect women,take care of their needs,they want to please and serve them. They know women come first,your satisfaction and pleasure are their priority.Thanks
I agree. If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn’t. Intimacy has increased exponentially and we are closer than ever. I am not afraid to show him physical intimacy – previously I was afraid that intimacy and affection would lead to expectations of sex.
Emma, just rereading around in your blog I feel compelled to repeat your statement, “I agree. If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn’t. Intimacy has increased exponentially and we are closer than ever. I am not afraid to show him physical intimacy – previously I was afraid that intimacy and affection would lead to expectations of sex.”
That this might describe the frame of mind of not just you but that of many younger and older women, of the woman in my life, is a little mind boggling for me. I’m not wanting to dispute this at all but wish you would unpack it for the thick-headed among us (namely me). Accepting the statement that ejaculation control leads to communication and communication to intimacy you seem to be saying that emotional intimacy eliminates your fear of expressing physical intimacy and that from the former flows the latter. But in the next sentence you say that (without ejaculation control) you had feared that intimacy (emotional?) would lead to physical or sexual intimacy. Does the difference between these two have to do with a quantity of intimacy? There is more when he is controlled or when you are controlling him, and reaching a certain threshold trust allows physical affection to be expressed, or is the character of the intimacy simply different. Is it simply that the intimacy with a retaining man, a caged man isn’t predicated on his ultimately being the penetrator and so it is somehow less threatening or more authentic? Is this the sex barter issue?
JD
Emma, you mentioned you used this approach in a couple long term and fulfilling relationships in the past. I hope this is not too personal, but did those relationships end due to standard relationship issues or did your requirement to retain or having an FLR create a challenge your past boyfriends could not accept?
Nothing is off limits with me! One of them got very resentful about orgasm control and absolutely wanted nothing to do with it. I told him that was fine and just explained my expectations and he simply refused to meet my expectations of respect, conversation about feelings and there was no closeness and intimacy. I ended it because we really weren’t on the same page. The other was very shy, just wasn’t a good fit for my personality so we ended that. I might consider having them post about it in the future as I am still friends with both of them.
I’m glad I stumbled across your blog. My wife and I just started using a cage and she is seeing some added benefits. We have been together for 30 years and have an active sex life. I rarely masturbate solo as it just does not have the enjoyment it does with her involved. Three years ago I offered her my service in an FLR. She was hesitant at first put began enjoying daily foot massages and help around the house. About a 18 months ago she started limiting my orgasms. I had some difficulties as I was going from five orgasms a week to two and then to less than one. Occasionally, I ask myself why I want this as it seems very restrictive to my wants. My answer always comes around to my discovery of enjoying her pleasure and feeling submissive to her.
This was a great post – Thanks
It truly does seem counter-intuitive for men to WANT this sort of lifestyle but I think that men are hard wired to desire to serve women. Seeing a woman happy and satisfied gives a man self worth and he feels that she is A happy woman makes a happy man. When he is able to value the joy that he receives by giving someone else pleasure as greater than the menial task itself, he is evolving beyond himself. It is confusing at a glance but once you really understand the motivation, it brings a whole new meaning to the bond between two people. What you described is what I hope to help every couple achieve. Kudos to the both of you and especially to you for bringing this lifestyle to your marriage.
You don’t love your boyfriend. In a healthy relationship the woman wants to fuck the man and sex is not something that is weaponized. This strategy only works with betas who lack the self-respect and confidence to get sex elsewhere. You would be more happy with a real man that you desired to have sex with at all times. Desire cannot be negotiated. If you take a long hard look at your relationship, you should realize that you don’t desire your boyfriend but the power your relationship brings. It’s sad.
Thanks for your comment Zachary. We actually have sex several times a week but he is not permitted to ejaculate. I don’t advocate sex being weaponized but I see it as something that can be used as a relationship tool to allow a couple to grow closer together. I am very happy and so is he. We both desire the power that I have in the relationship. Are you suggesting that a dom/sub relationship cannot be a healthy relationship?
Great post! i think this shift will become naturally more and more common as those who participate are SUPER satisfied and fulfilled!
Sad to read some of the comments. In my industry (Information Technology) there’s lots of men and women are commonly mistreated (sexualized, considered less, disrespected in other ways).
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the phone, stop the Bus. You 2 have been together for five Years???
Kevin, buddy, what the hell are you waiting for?????
Emma is smart, funny and cares about you deeply. This whole blog is a giant love letter about you and how much she loves you and how she wants your relationship to amazing.
Don’t waste time like I did. I was with the love of my life for 12 years before I committed. It was too long.
When you find someone who not only completes you, but wants you to be a better version of yourslef…you put a ring on it.
My wife and got married in Vegas and it was amazing. Simple and intimate.
Sorry if this is none of my business but you both seem so in love.
Being Husband and Wife takes your relationships to another level. I thought I was in love with my wife before getting married…that love pales in comparison to what we have as Man and Wife.
Sorry for derailing the topic. But I have been reading this blog about a wonderful Woman who loves a Good Man and she is always talking about how she wants him to be better.
To me it just seems right.
I am sorry if I offended both you, but sometimes my heart just needs to speak.
Sincerely,
Phenious a.k.a Adam.
No offense taken. I’m sure he will respond but I’ll be the first to say that it’s by no lack of asking. I just don’t like the word fiance.
It took us close 7 years of being together before we officially got married. Even then when we did we eloped because fornicate everyone else’s expectations. My family is large and many are well off so a wedding is expected.
Even with that I only proposed because I was told I was allowed to. This was well before any FLR aspects, she had always told me she was not sure about marriage to begin with. We picked out a ring together and I got to pick when where and how I did it. Half way into planning we realized it was a shot show and not worth our time, so we decided to do it our way and have fun with it instead. We had a killer 1 year anniversary party though. That was very low key and much more enjoyable. You don’t need to be a fiancee for long if that’s the only gripe.
Phenious,
I can’t speak to how your call to action will be received but I’m sure that your enthusiasm for Emma and Kevin is widely shared in the peanut gallery. Who here wouldn’t want to help heft the chairs on which these two sat and dance the hora.
jd