In your relationship, one of you likely keeps track of the sex calendar. You know what I mean, the formal or informal calendar that lists the last time you had sex and how many days it has been since you’ve had sex. This is part of the sex barter system where one partner uses time as a way to guilt the other partner into fulfilling their relationship duties. For the partner on the receiving end, this doesn’t create a very satisfying sexual relationship. It does create resentment, and make sex far less likely to be enjoyable.
When you’ve got your man locked, he may find it important to count the amount of days that he has been locked but it becomes work when he is also counting how many days it has been since you have been coital together. Many couples use chastity to help align mismatched sexual desires and it works fantastically for that purpose. Eliminating the counting is a great way to help focus on aligning mutual needs and desires rather than resorting to sex to temporarily resolve feelings of obligation and guilt.
I’d encourage both of you to stop focusing on the number of days and split lovemaking into many different forms. Sex can be full sex, oral sex, oral, sexual teasing, pegging and so much more. For me, sexual play and teasing can be vastly more enjoyable than sex itself especially when it leaves him sexually charged and eager to please. From a strictly teasing standpoint, you are better off doing five minutes per day than thirty minutes per week because it keeps his body in a constant state of mental and physical arousal with very little opportunity to become discouraged.
Imagine if your man has been locked up tightly and hasn’t been permitted an ejaculation for five days. Now imagine unlocking him and asking him to place his penis inside you while you masturbate to orgasm. If he moves, thrusts or so much as quivers, all you need to say is one word, the session ends and he is to lock himself back up. This will also help condition him to respond better to instructions that you’ve been implementing throughout your relationship, especially while having sex.
Sex feels wonderful for me but the best part is at the very beginning, feeling stretched and full as he enters, then the first couple thrusts as my body adjusts to having him inside me. Focusing on the sensation of him filling me, the chills down my spine. Then the rest is a race to have an orgasm before I get sore and need to stop. A race for an orgasm that I may not even want or need every night. I challenged myself to microdose sex for a week. Microdosing sex involves very small amounts of daily sex to experience the pleasure that is most enjoyable for you. For example, if you are thirsty you may fill an entire glass of water but you will only drink until your thirst is quenched. With sex, try just having sex until you’ve gotten what you need from it, then stop and redirect to something else. If you are just looking for some quick penetration from him, do that and then use your vibrator to finish if you choose. We aren’t talking about a quickie here, we are talking about taking the best ten percent of a quickie and running with it.
Do you enjoy the foreplay of getting him aroused but don’t really want it to progress beyond that every night? Sometimes the right amount of foreplay can get you in the mood but sometimes you just aren’t feeling it. Unlock him, do some foreplay. If you are feeling it, proceed until you’ve had enough. If you aren’t feeling it, say the word and he goes back under the control of your key.
If you know that penetration isn’t going to be in the cards, leave him locked. No sense with taking your toys out of their box if you aren’t going to be playing with them. If you want to be extra cruel, switch his cage to one with spikes. Watching him dive in to the teasing and back off repeatedly can be great fun. Each time he backs off, make sure you ask him what is wrong. This is so much fun since you can see the inner struggle in your poor fella. The spiked cage can be lots of fun if you have sexy lingerie and offer him a strip tease as a reward or just as part of your daily teasing.
Your man doth protest because he is wired differently but as you read more of my site you will see just how powerful it can be to leave him in a constant state of tease and want. His reaction when he goes back into his cage after three strokes and/or ten minutes of foreplay is priceless. This really just equates to turning up the volume on your teasing regimen. The intention here is also to take away the sex calendar by blurring the lines of what exactly sex is. In my opinion, sex is every interaction that you have that causes one or both of you to become aroused. If he lives in a near-permanent state of arousal, his body is producing hormones constantly which will keep him absolutely infatuated with you and the ground you walk on.
So. Get rid of the sex calendar or at least don’t worry about adhering to it. Have frequent sex and tease him regularly, use very brief sex and teasing sessions as rewards for his good days and to keep you both feeling a heightened level of closeness and connectedness. Don’t feel like you need to “endure” the parts of sex that you don’t enjoy. Take control of your sex life and do the things that make you feel good so you can start embracing and loving your sexuality again.