Here’s an email exchange with a reader over the last couple days:
Reader– We have a somewhat female led relationship and my husband wears a chastity cage regularly, we do pegging somewhat regularly, is the next step cross-dressing?
Emma– Has he expressed interest in cross dressing?
Reader– Well no but I’ve watched some of the porn and female led relationship websites and it seems like that that is the next step.
Emma– Ah I see. As with your relationship, everyone and everything is different. If your husband wants to cross dress, more power to him. If he wants to skydive, more power to him. Many of the female led relationship material that you read is male based fantasy and isn’t a reliable source of information. The ONLY reliable source for information about your relationship than talking to your partner.
There are tons of things on the sexual spectrum and absolutely zero of them are linked to one another. Does he like pegging? Does he like waffles? Which sports team does he like? None of these things are related unless you make them related.
A man who likes chastity or pegging isn’t necessarily a feminine guy. He could be. He could be craving a transition to transgender. Maybe not. Anybody that you see on the street could be coping with their gender or assigned sexuality.
The vast majority of couples who enjoy pegging and/or chastity simply do it because it suits their relationship. Some couples tumble down a rabbit hole of fetish like Kevin and I did with our foray into the whole discipline side of things. We then decided it wasn’t for us and took a path back to the more vanilla approach that suits our relationship. Your rabbit hole may be forced feminization, sissification, diapers or puppy play. If any of those things work for the two of you, there’s nothing absolutely nothing wrong with it. Do what makes you happy.
Sometimes exploration is required for us to understand our likes and dislikes and that is totally fine. I went through an exploratory phase with women because I absolutely love the female form but I didn’t enjoy the anatomy that accompanied. Does that make me a lesbian? Hardly.
Some, such as Dan Savage have even suggested that kink is a sexual orientation. One survey from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom found that 35 percent of BDSM practitioners are bisexual.
Depending on the type of kink you are into, I’d suggest that you are more in-touch with your sexuality and open to trying new things than the normies that walk among us. We are all individual humans and we are all learning up until the day we die. If you stop learning, you might as well be dead inside anyway.
I think you’d find a wide variety of kinks among the couples who practice male chastity. Ours does involve crossdressing and pegging but it’s evolved over many years. I knew about hubwife’s desires before we were married. Yes, I’ve exploited those desires in some subtle and not-so-subtle ways but I would never call it “forced.” Couples have to figure out what works for them.
I enjoy reading about couples who practice male chastity in various ways. It would be rather boring if everyone did it like I did!
Diane
“Reader– Well no but I’ve watched some of the porn and female led relationship websites and it seems like that that is the next step.”
Emma – “Many of the female led relationship material that you read is male based fantasy and isn’t a reliable source of information.
Thank you Emma for repeatedly beating the drum of the importance of actual communication. Communication is not relying on assumptions (from either party) that what may appear in the FLR websites, or even porn, is an accurate foretelling of what he likes or is into/hopeful for from his wife. It’s not.
Emma – “The ONLY reliable source for information about your relationship than talking to your partner.
This is probably my favorite part of chastity. If you partner understands the cage concept he/she is more inclined to go further. I never thought of wearing panties or stockings until chastity and now I somewhat enjoy when I am forced to put it on. I am a big guy, football player type so you can imagine the look on my 105 lb wife. Lol. I am into the humiliation part more than the cross dressing.
While my wife do enjoy chastity and pegging, cross dressing was not for us. However when I called her before leaving work she would tell me that we are going out and she would lay out my clothes. Often times this would include panties, not as a form of cross dressing but a show of authority.