There is little question that orgasm denial is manipulation of something by someone. The real question is whether you are manipulating something (the body) or someone (the husband). Specifically, what exactly is being manipulated? The word manipulative is typically used in the negative context but is it really negative all of the time? The dictionary defines manipulation as unscrupulous control over a situation or person. Unscrupulous of course means not having moral principals, not honest or fair. My take is that manipulation of a situation is very mechanical and measured while manipulation of a person can be negative and occur with a cost to that person.
Now that we’ve ironed out the definition, I’d like to frame my response as either something you do with your partner or something you do to your partner. If you work together to manipulate your husband’s sex drive by way of his orgasm then you are working with him to harness the power of his body and hormones. If you are using orgasm control to manipulate your husband and make him do your bidding than you are being manipulative of your partner. Directly manipulating your partner may be great in a D/s context but I don’t feel that it is beneficial for mainstream vanilla relationships to which my blog is geared. For the purpose of this blog, we will talk about working together to manipulate his body in a way that benefits the greater good of the relationship.
In some relationships, men have been trained and conditioned by women into becoming financial or emotional slaves. This is neither healthy nor sustainable in a long term relationship. As compensation for sticking around, men are given periodic use of the woman’s vagina as a form of carnal payment or relationship currency. A relationship based on this sort of dynamic is an emotionally abusive relationship and it should be seen as such. The book “The Manipulated Man” by Esther Vilar is a very interesting look into antifeminism and male perspective and the full text is linked above. Although I don’t feel that women are inherently less sexual than men, I feel like women have a greater control of sexual urges than men do. This means that women are capable of being more sexually manipulative by using their body for purposes other than outright carnal pleasure. Even if it isn’t an intention from the onset, I know that I take a more measured approach to sex than many men do. I assume (perhaps wrongfully) that other women take a similarly analytic approach to sex where I weigh the pros and cons of each encounter.
I feel like I’ve gotten this far and haven’t actually gotten to my point yet, as is typically the case with my disjointed writing style. The point of this blog is that orgasm denial in your relationship should be an exercise in teamwork and not manipulation. Through orgasm denial, you can unlock a caring and loving relationship that fosters compersion, by understanding his orgasm and sexual response cycle. Men are conditioned to be very physical and look to physical affection to indirectly receive emotional validation to ultimately feel love. Using orgasm control and pegging, you can help your guy unlock a new and exciting emotional side. Ultimately this comes back to the balance of genders that all of us have. I don’t know how much of our upbringing is nature vs nurture but I do know that our society has unfairly stunted the emotional growth of every man that I’ve ever known intimately. There are walls and barriers created by parents, church and friends that must be torn down if there is any hope of having a meaningful emotional connection.