I was at a local coffee shop and saw the cutest old couple sipping their coffee and staring lovingly into each other's eyes. As I sat with my coffee and watched as they were deeply engaged in conversation and focused on each other. I thought to myself, these two are clearly still enamored with each other after what may be 20, 30 or even 40 years of marriage. I thought up names for this couple and I thought up the backstory of how they met, how many kids they had and what they did for a living prior to retirement. The man got up to use the restroom and the woman looked over at me, caught my stare and we exchanged smiles. I feel like we see fewer smiles since our faces are covered with masks due to COVID (I feel like the preceding sentence will date this blog in about a year. Note to future self, remove that sentence in a year to keep this blog relevant. Sorry my A.D.D. flared up for a moment there.) So me being who I am, I decided to walk over and ask this sweet lady the secret to a long and happy relationship.
I smiled and said, the two of you look so happy. What is your secret? She smiled and replied that they play like they are teenagers and she said that her husband is her best friend. I let out an audible aww and she smiled at me. I asked how long they had been married and she told me they had been married four wonderful years. Not at all the narrative that I had created in my head. By her response, I knew that she caught the puzzled look on my face. She said that this was her second husband and they both had lost their spouses. As I started to say an obligatory "I'm sorry", she waved her hand to dismiss my obligation and told me that they both wanted to just enjoy what time they have left. They found each other and decided to have a good time and be silly and fun together. I thanked her, smiled and walked back to my table as her husband returned from the restroom.
As I sat there, sipping my seven dollar macchiato, I played that conversation back and it made me think about the relationship at play blog that I wrote several years ago. This lovely woman's statement made me want to revisit that blog. What I read into our brief conversation is that she was probably married to her late husband for a few decades and raised a few children together. At some point they lost the spark and their marriage became transactional and mundane. They stayed together because that's just what you do. His passing, while clearly devastating for her caused her to get back out there and it re-lit a fire of passion and excitement in her.
The previous blog I referenced discussed being playful, spontaneous and filled with loving teasing. In the last year, I think we've all come to realize just how fragile life can be. We take everything so seriously and our lives or our partner's lives can be taken from us without warning. I am not trying to be a downer but I am trying to cast a veil of "don't take it too seriously" across everything in life. Will it matter in 5 years? No? Then don't sweat it!
Our time with our partner is too short already. Once we find someone that truly "gets us" and is worthy of our time and commitment, make the best of your time with your person. Kev is defiantly my person and my best friend. We joke, we play and for the most part we are devoid of any real drama. When I do something that upsets him, he is great about communicating. When he does something that upsets me, I do my very best to tell him right away. Communication is the key to a successful relationship but a close second is play.…
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GREAT POST!!! I’ve been following EYM for about a year, and am grateful for the insights and perspectives that you continue to share that lead to further openness and enlightenment! Our relationship has been through many seasons, with ups and downs–however, our mantra remains…”I wouldn’t rather be going through this with anyone else.”–even in the darkest of times–which can break the tension. YOUR wisdom to with regard to ‘play’ in relationships is transcendent! My wife and I are well educated and of the growth mindset/lifelong learning mindset. Sometimes, as adults, we forget to ‘play’, even moreso when it comes to our sexuality! With deepest gratitude for your post/blog as a gentle reminder…
3 years ago
We had finished our morning snuggling session and neither one of us felt like getting up and attending to the day’s chores so I went and got my little chrome book and we started reading this latest blog.
We got to the part about small penises and Stephie said, “She made a whole section just about you.” I retorted, “If your the last girl that gets to choose a man this is what you get stuck with.” She said, “I’ll let you know I could have any man I wanted.” I came back with, “And still you drew the short straw, or should I say penis.”
With that she grabbed her pillow and started swatting me so I grabbed mine and we had a pretty good pillow fight until we knocked the computer on the floor. Fortunately it survived. We kissed and made up (LOL) and went back to reading.
@Emma is right. Being a kid again for a bit feels great. Our day is off to a wonderful start.
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GREAT POST!!! I’ve been following EYM for about a year, and am grateful for the insights and perspectives that you continue to share that lead to further openness and enlightenment! Our relationship has been through many seasons, with ups and downs–however, our mantra remains…”I wouldn’t rather be going through this with anyone else.”–even in the darkest of times–which can break the tension. YOUR wisdom to with regard to ‘play’ in relationships is transcendent! My wife and I are well educated and of the growth mindset/lifelong learning mindset. Sometimes, as adults, we forget to ‘play’, even moreso when it comes to our sexuality! With deepest gratitude for your post/blog as a gentle reminder…
We had finished our morning snuggling session and neither one of us felt like getting up and attending to the day’s chores so I went and got my little chrome book and we started reading this latest blog.
We got to the part about small penises and Stephie said, “She made a whole section just about you.” I retorted, “If your the last girl that gets to choose a man this is what you get stuck with.” She said, “I’ll let you know I could have any man I wanted.” I came back with, “And still you drew the short straw, or should I say penis.”
With that she grabbed her pillow and started swatting me so I grabbed mine and we had a pretty good pillow fight until we knocked the computer on the floor. Fortunately it survived. We kissed and made up (LOL) and went back to reading.
@Emma is right. Being a kid again for a bit feels great. Our day is off to a wonderful start.
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