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New Stay At Home Partner: 10 Tips To Set Relationship Expectations

The stay at home spouse is an increasingly popular role as families adapt to the absence of in-person school. Many men and women are choosing to take a step back from work and focus on the family. As I write this blog, I will do my best to keep it gender neutral since it applies to both men and women who take this role. At the end of the blog I will recap some of ideas for male stay at home partners since I have some personal experience there.

1) Create a Task List or Routine

Without a routine it can be difficult for complete tasks that are set out for him. I have an expectation that an alarm will be set no later than 7am to begin his day. The shared task list will ensure that things are actually getting done and his productivity can be rewarded. The shared list also allows her to add new things to the list and help keep her plate full by delegating household tasks to him. This includes setting doctors appointments, car repairs, home improvement projects and other tasks. Stretch his expectations to learn new skills and do household labor that would otherwise be paid to a painter, gardener or handy man. The cop-out of not knowing how to do something is moot with YouTube on his side; he can learn most any skill if properly inclined.

2) Gain Perspective & Focus

This one is the least tangible item in the list but it is perhaps one of the most important. Gaining perspective and focus is about separating yourself from the day to day and doing something that gives your life meaning. This can be personal development, reading, yoga, online classes, learning a language, playing a musical instrument. If you stop learning, you lose your sense of self. This can also be some sort of hobby or side-hustle, it can be anything that brings your spouse joy in their life. It is unfair for your spouse to expect you to be everything as we can’t be everything to everyone. Gaining perspective an focus is about soaking in the bigger picture, staying positive and making sure that your needs aren’t dwarfed by the other person.

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3) Dress Appropriately

There is nothing worse than coming home to a spouse that is still in pajamas and never took a shower. There is an expectation the he or she will be showered and dressed every day shortly after his alarm. The act of getting dressed will start his day off with motivation and the routine will discourage laziness.

4) Take Care of Yourself & Stay Fit

Part of this goes with dressing appropriately but if a spouse is staying home, he or she is expected to maintain a certain level of fitness. If I am working a job, it may be difficult to hit the gym every day and supplement my workout with some home exercises. I am not saying that I expect him to be some musclebound gym stud but I have an expectation of being able to appreciate an above average fitness level if I am the primary breadwinner. This may sound sexist or perhaps a callous expectation but if I am bringing home the paycheck I have certain expectations. Fitness inspires productivity and a fit boyfriend keeps my arousal levels high which is key for both of us.

5) Quiet Time

When I come home, the last thing I want is to be hounded by my spouse. When coming home, I want to decompress and relax prior to hearing about all of the day’s problems and accomplishments. I’m proud of you honey, I really am. Just give me some time and space.

6) Get Out of The House

It is important to get out of the house. We can all become stir crazy or depressed if we don’t make a conscious effort to get out of the house at least a few times per week. If you have errands to do, don’t stack them all into one day even though it may seem more efficient to do so. Life isn’t always about efficiency, get out of the house a few times a week and run errands, volunteer or socialize with friends.

7) Connect With Others

This goes along with getting out of the house but I wanted to specifically call out cultivating interpersonal relationships. This isn’t a brief conversation with a bank teller or a cordial greeting with a grocery store employee. This is an interpersonal relationship with men, women, couples that allows for deep conversation and self expression. The stay at home partner isn’t a literal term, he isn’t expected to stay at home all the time. He has taken on a role which does not involve him taking a job or contributing to the household in a financial way but he is still expected to foster friendships and pastimes outside the house. If he were to expect her to provide all of his emotional stimulation, he would be severely disappointed and she would be exhausted.

8) Meals

It is expected that meals will be provided and ready at the anticipated time. If the spouse has agreed to have dinner ready by 7pm it is expected that dinner will be ready within a few minutes of the expected time. This is of course unless he has informed her of the delay or they have mutually decided on the change of plans. There is nothing worse than coming home hungry and finding out that dinner plans were not as anticipated. This is a great opportunity for him to learn to enjoy cooking and to enjoy providing a home cooked meal for his family. There is no better way to a man (or woman’s) heart than through her stomach.

9) Control Masturbation

Most of us don’t have any idea how much of a distraction his little guy can be. Without rules or expectations, masturbation can become a problem that prevents other tasks from being completed. Masturbation takes key hormones and sexual attention from your spouse. This one is male specific because of the different physiology. Masturbation is selfish and has negative consequences for your relationship and for his overall motivation. I highly recommend either using the honor system or using a locking device to help keep things under control. Idle hands will undoubtedly result in broken masturbation promises so I recommend that you employ some type of device. Specifically a cock cage that can be used to reward productivity and positive behavior. Sexual motivation is an incredible motivator for men with both positive and negative results.

10) Communicate, Connect & Level Set

I’ve laid out some rules that are applicable to my experience but they might not be completely relevant to yours. I recommend that you set aside time to communicate and set expectations. This conversation should be grade of how the week went from both of you. It is important that you aligned your expectations and that both partners validate the stay at home partner’s progress. Communicate freely and openly, resentment is a massive burden for even the strongest relationship to bear.

Gender Role Acknowledgement

The reversal of gender roles is deeper to the male psyche than it may seem. The man has traditionally been the breadwinner and his ability to provide for the family determines much of his perceived value and self-worth; as a man. Role reversal should not be overlooked in this scenario. The man is unquestionably taking on a role that has traditionally been reserved for females. If you don’t think this will bleed into the sexual aspect of your relationship, you are either kidding yourself or consciously choosing to suppress these urges.

Does his decision to work from home or take a hiatus from his job mean that you must immediately lock him in a cock cage and start pegging him? Of course not. What it does mean is that you are treading new ground as a couple and he is taking a role that is presumably new to him in your relationship. As you explore where that takes you, you might begin to see sex differently as it relates to your changed relationship dynamic. Many relationships see sex as a relationship perk earned by the man for providing either financial or emotional resources for the woman. When reversing the roles, things may not feel quite as natural at first. It may simply not feel as natural to take a passive role in the bedroom or with initiating sex.

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Taking a more active role in the bedroom may feel more comfortable as it does in my relationship. In my relationship, I use #9 above and strictly control masturbation and ejaculations. We have sex several times per week but ejaculations are saved for specific times, typically once per week. We also enjoy pegging which is a unique gift for a man to give his partner and a showing of trust and complete sexual surrender. I highly recommend it but can almost guarantee that it will be a turning point for communication and intimacy in your relationship.

Conclusion

After the rollercoaster of Covid-19, the scenario of one partner staying at home has never been more lucrative to some families. I highly recommend that you do whatever is right for your family and that includes the stay at home spouse scenario. Know that a stay at home husband is a non traditional role and it may be fraught with challenges. A written agreement may help the two of you stay on course with goals and expectations. The stay at home husband topic continues to be one of the most popular on this site so please share your experiences like this reader did in her Q&A.

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lbp6855

I imagine that women face at least as many difficulties with a gender reversal like this as well. Stereotypes, pre-conceived notions, and attitudes towards such a dynamic that she has to be criticized and judged for. Most women might even be scared away from this reversal because of what society will think of her and of him.

servant

(Google translation)
Thank you Emma for this very interesting post.
I have always thought that housework is a very big proof of love that you can give to your partner.
And for that, you don’t have to be a housewife. Many women have jobs and take care of household chores. They have a double life. Why couldn’t a man do this?
If this practice is still too rare, it is surely for a question of education, culture but also of the environment. And the environment is his wife.
A man who takes care of the household chores needs help, especially at first. Need to be guided, but also need to be praised, and above all, need to be controlled.
Why controlled? Because it reassures him, it shows him that his dedication is appreciated, expected and valued.
Her work at home then becomes an act of love. A gift of oneself. Daily attention to his wife.
It’s like giving sexual pleasure without expecting it in return. By doing housework, I make my wife’s living environment more pleasant, I free her and I am happy to see her express her potential.

To add to your list of very good advice, I would say that it can be useful to set goals, challenges to avoid routine. It could be progress in the kitchen, organize a surprise party, write an erotic story and read it to her.
This couple is very advanced in this area, I love to follow them.
https://poppetsubslut.blogspot.com/2021/03/culinary-challenge-creme-brulee.html

Michel

HappyCuckold

I am not surprised that the “stay at home husband” topic is popular. For some of us guys who identify as submissive, the gender role reversal implied by the concept of “house husband” is erotically potent. I don’t think a division of labour where one spouse is the breadwinner, working outside the home, and the other spouse stays at home to do the domestic labour would necessarily have a D/s vibe. My wife opted to be a stay-at-home mother for several years when our kids were young. There was nothing submissive about her homemaker status. But then I didn’t dominate her by setting myself up as her superior, assigning her chores and laying out my behavioural “expectations” for her. She would never have allowed herself to be managed by me the way you propose managing a stay-at-home husband, Emma. You are basically laying out a vision of a breadwinner wife as the stay-at-home husband’s boss and sexual superior. I find your vision powerfully erotic because of my sexual submissiveness, but I imagine some men would find such a domestic arrangement unacceptably humiliating.

Russ195

I wasn’t a stay at home husband exactly, I retired a few years before my wife did and was home all day. Before I retired, we came up with what would help us have more free time on the weekend together and enjoy each other more. My wife worked a normal M-F schedule. we used something very similar to your list.

That list included making sure all bills got paid, do all grocery shopping, all laundry to be done by Friday afternoon. The house would be cleaned late in the week, including floors, kitchen and all bathrooms. All lawn work would be done. Cars gassed up. Basically, all house items would be done.

I would cook meals during the week or we would go out and eat or eat leftovers.

I exercised almost daily. Showered and cleaned up by the time wife got home from work.

Masturbation was a tough one. My wife thought I did it 2 or 3 times a month until we had a talk about it and I admitted to 3 or 4 times a week. She didn’t like that at all, she was working and I was at home wanking. So, that had to be addressed. She didn’t want me doing it at all while she was at work. That is when we started some chastity play, I would lock up before she left for work and she would unlock me when she got home.

Worked for us. I think a lot of women would enjoy having a husband that would do that for them and know they aren’t home wasting time masturbating.

Russ195

I was no different, I love to read erotic stories and wasted a lot of time doing it. Once you masturbate, it is like, “that is done” and you get on with other things. But it does waste some time getting to that point.

I like that, “just grab the rabbit”., you get done what you need to do and doesn’t take long, nothing wrong with that. It’s different for men though, once they orgasm, they do get on with the day, but also lose interest in their spouse somewhat.

As far as changing anything in the bedroom, I wouldn’t really say it did. We didn’t have sex much during the week at all. but it was fun on the weekend. It made more time for us on the weekend to do whatever we wanted to do, go hiking or something like that without worrying about the house, shopping etc. Everything was done.

The only thing I think it changed is she said it showed how much I cared for her and wanted us to enjoy our weekend together. I had the time to get it all done and honestly, it sounds like a lot, but it’s not really. I wasn’t just doing all that for 8 hours a day. I usually cleaned one day, part of a day shopping, an hour for paying bills etc. An hour starting dinner before she got home. Probably another 3 hours doing lawn work. The other times I used for hobbies.

It’s didn’t change her role in our relationship.

We started out with a decent fitting cage, I would take it off after she got home, but as I used to wearing it, I would just leave it on some and sleep in it sometimes too.

HappyCuckold

Emma, I can attest to the truth of your statement that masturbation can be a great waster of time and energy for us guys because of the time spent seeking inspiration in porn or erotic stories. I find it fascinating that you don’t need the same kind of long build-up when you decide to scratch that itch. I wonder whether that is a general difference between men and women?

LocknKey

I like your lock schedule. I think that would fit with me since my wife likes to feel my cock any time she wants.

Spfccmt

I pondered the difference between the FLR servitude I demonstrate to my goddess every day and what I would call the chivalry I attempted before this change in our relationship. They are similar in result yet different in their genesis. Chivalry was almost meant as much for my own self esteem as for my lady. My FLR service is out of love and lust as well. I am not a slave, but I willingly slave over the stove, dishes, laundry and cleaning for the joy of my goddesses appreciation. I love it when she says “good boy!” With a smirk letting me know she acknowledges my efforts and desire. A thrill of excitement rushes through me that I may get some sexual intimacy tonight. When I was chivalrous I expected intimacy as if I was a proud superior who bent the knee to my lady demonstrating I was a good man. I get a lot more satisfaction and attention today rather than in days of old. Our intimacy and connection are a quantum leap forward as well. I definitely have improved over time at cooking and cleaning.

Last edited 4 months ago by Spfccmt
HappyCuckold

Well said. I am like you, being turned on by “FLR servitude”.

mstara

Of course there is another permutation to this scenario. It’s the one we have found ourselves in during the pandemic and looks set to continue for many people even after our places of work reopen. And that is working from home more.
My husband has been working from home since March 2020, his office probably won’t reopen until the autumn this year (September in the UK) and even then he’ll probably only go in two or three days a week. This means that he has had ‘extra’ time on his hands, this is the time he’d previously spent travelling to and from work and also in his lunch hour.

It is time that I have repurposed for him!

So he gets up at the same time as he did instead of having a lie in and at the end of the day he doesn’t watch more TV but does jobs. Also in his lunch break he does jobs as well as eating. As I’m still going out to work this prevents him wasting his time while I’m not there. Although he can’t easily masturbate as he’s in almost full time chastity, it does prevent him idling the time away reading erotica or looking at pics on the internet.

Last edited 4 months ago by mstara
HappyCuckold

Mstara, I think you are absolutely right that the best way to prevent a man from wasting time on erotica/porn is to give him domestic duties that limit the time available to him for such pursuits. I have never been locked in chastity, but often when I am going to be home alone, my wife gives me a list of chores that leaves me little free time. I think that is probably better than relying on a chastity device because we men don’t seek online erotic stimulation only for the purpose of masturbating. We get pleasure from erotic stimulation, even when it is not possible to have an orgasm. That’s why tease and denial is so erotic for some of us.