I received an email from a reader named Samira and her story is a powerful example of how exploring new dynamics can revive sexual energy in a marriage. After struggling with sexual disconnection, she and her husband decided to bring a “bull” into their lives. This choice helped her rediscover her desire, not just with the new partner, but also with her husband, ultimately repairing a broken bond.
What stands out in Samira’s email is the importance of communicating sexual needs openly. Her experience shows that with the right approach, couples can reignite passion and bridge emotional distance Samira’s story proves at least in her case that changing something that isn’t working is a path to a very real path to a more fulfilling, connected relationship.
Samira’s Story
I never thought I would be in this place, you know? Looking back, it feels like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, the memories are still fresh—too fresh.
Before Patrick came into our lives, my husband and I had already stopped pretending. We had gone through the motions, we had tried all the recommended “fixes”—date nights, intention, communication—but it never addressed the core issue. The truth? I just didn’t want him. Not sexually. Not anymore. And it wasn’t just about him—it was my desire in general. It was like something in me had shut down. I felt stuck in this hollow space between wanting sex and knowing I didn’t want it with him. I loved him, of course, but that spark had long since faded.
We eventually just stopped. The pressure of making love when I didn’t want to, the disappointment in his eyes when I wasn’t emotionally there with him, it all became too much. We let it go, and without making a conscious decision, we found ourselves in a sexless marriage. I still had needs, of course, but I took care of them myself. In secret. That part stings the most when I look back on it. I remember waiting for him to leave the house, listening for the sound of the door closing, feeling a sick sort of excitement because it meant I could finally have a moment to myself. I was rewarding myself sexually for his absence and I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty for it. I only felt pure joy that he was gone so I could give this sexual gift to myself. It was, after all his own fault in my head.
That’s not what marriage is supposed to feel like.
I didn’t want to live the rest of my life that way.
Then I read one of your blogs. I don’t even remember which one exactly, but something in it hit me hard—this realization that my sexuality wasn’t some luxury or “extra” in my life. It was a part of me, a necessary part, and I was starving it to death. If we didn’t fix this, if I didn’t fix this, our marriage was going to dissolve into something neither of us wanted.
I remember the conversation as clear as day.
“We need to talk,” I told him. My voice shook, but I held my ground. “I can’t live like this. I can’t live a sexless life.”
His face fell. “I know, I am so frustrated every day.” he whispered.
“I need to feel wanted,” I admitted, my voice raw with emotion. “I need to feel craved. I need… a bull.”
I said it in the heat of the moment, not even knowing if I meant it. But the words were out now, and there was no taking them back. What I didn’t expect was his reaction. He didn’t explode, didn’t laugh, didn’t call me crazy. He sat there, staring at me for what felt like forever. Then, slowly, he nodded I think in disbelief he thought I was going to say divorce I think.
That’s when I found out he liked hotwife porn. It was the first moment of honesty we’d had in a long time, and for the first time in months, maybe years, we weren’t avoiding the truth.
It wasn’t long before we were searching together, navigating dating apps, looking for the right man. We didn’t want just anyone. I wanted someone who would make me feel sexy again, someone whose desire for me was undeniable. Finding this man for me, for us was playful and because a thing for us to do together that was full of sexual energy. And eventually, we found Patrick.
Patrick was a few years older in his mid 40s, confident, charming. We had very brief chat in the app before we met him for the first time at a small winery, I couldn’t believe someone like him was into me. He showed up in a suit and he looked dashing but he looked at me like he wanted me. Like he needed me. I hadn’t felt that in so long, I nearly melted under his gaze. And my husband? He saw it, too. He saw the way I lit up under Patrick’s attention, and I think, deep down, he knew this was what we needed. I knew my husband wanted me but I felt like I owed himself to him and feeling like I owe myself to anyone was enough to make me not want it. He doesn’t own my sexuality and I don’t owe my body to him.
The first time Patrick came over, we set boundaries. No sex—just touching, playing, exploring. We started in bed because I knew myself, knew if we didn’t start there, I’d lose my nerve. My husband brought us drinks, sat beside me, watched. And as Patrick’s hands moved over me, as his lips found my neck, I felt something stir in me that had been dormant for so long. A hunger. A desire. My body reacted in ways I had forgotten it could.
And my husband? He saw it, too. He saw me alive again, saw me relishing in my own sexuality.
We kept seeing Patrick. The tension built. The chemistry grew. And eventually, the rules changed. I wanted more. I needed more. And the first time Patrick and I finally had sex, it was everything I had been missing. Passionate, desperate, unrestrained. It was exactly what I needed. And as I looked over at my husband, watching, I saw something in him that surprised me—he wasn’t just okay with it. He was turned on by it.
But it wasn’t just about me. My husband clung to this new reality like it was saving him, too. He loved watching me with Patrick, but more than that, he and Patrick became mates. I didn’t expect it, but they genuinely got on well. They talked, laughed, shared drinks together. At first, I thought it was just part of the act, part of what made all of this easier, but it wasn’t. My husband genuinely liked him. Trusted him.
It made everything even smoother, even better. Patrick wasn’t just some random guy—we cared about him, and in a weird way, he cared about us, too. There was never jealousy, never awkwardness, just this mutual understanding of what we all needed from each other.
I can’t explain how it all worked, but it did. Somehow, bringing Patrick into our lives didn’t drive my husband and me further apart—it brought us closer. I started craving intimacy again, not just with Patrick, but with my husband, too. The desire that had been dead in me was revived, and it wasn’t just directed at Patrick. My husband and I started reconnecting in ways I never expected. We started touching more, kissing more, finding each other again in the space between our encounters with Patrick.
Now, six months later, Patrick is still part of our lives. And our marriage? It’s stronger than it’s been in years.
Some might judge. Some might say we should have just gone to therapy, tried harder to fix things the “normal” way. Both of us were shut off and a year of therapy would never have made us open like Patrick did. But the truth is, every relationship is different. Every marriage has its own rhythm and needs. This worked for us. And for the first time in so long, I feel whole again. I feel desired, I feel sexy, I feel like a woman.
For anyone out there struggling in the same place I was, know this—you don’t have to accept a sexless life if it isn’t what you want. Do not silence your needs. There is hope. There is always hope.
Restraints are like the cherry on top of a deliciously dominant sundae—they’re not strictly necessary to enjoy the treat, but wow, do they elevate the experience. When your partner is tied up and pegged down, you’re not just introducing kink gear into the bedroom; you’re setting the stage for a profound mindset shift—for both of you.
Let’s get real about what restraining your man adds to the experience, how it deepens submission (hello, subspace!), and why a little extra aftercare afterward is the unsung hero of this kind of play.
Tied Up And Pegged: The Mindset of Restraints
Restraints are both literal and symbolic. Yes, they prevent your man from moving or touching, but they also strip away his ability to control the moment. That’s where the real magic lies. Pegging already flips traditional roles upside down—you’re taking him in a way that society has conditioned men to think of as taboo. Add restraints into the mix, and it amplifies his surrender tenfold.
Restraints create a psychological shift – by strapping him to the bed, positioning his body exactly how you want it, and holding all the power, you’re reinforcing the dynamic: You’re in charge; he’s there to be used and taken. This isn’t about hurting him (unless he’s into that); it’s about owning the experience and relishing his vulnerability.
For the submissive partner—your husband in this case—restraints help them let go of control more easily. In daily life, men often carry societal pressure to “be in charge” or “stay stoic.” But when you tighten those straps or click those cuffs, he no longer needs to think. He is free and the physical inability to move forces his mind to surrender, freeing him to focus entirely on the sensations you’re delivering.
And let’s be honest, there’s a wicked thrill in knowing his only option is to feel and take what you give him. His body is yours to tease, torment, and pleasure—all while he’s helplessly under your control.
Taking Subspace to New Heights
Let’s talk about subspace—one of the most misunderstood yet powerful states in submission. Subspace is that floaty, euphoric, almost meditative mental state a submissive can experience during play. Restraints are a shortcut to this blissful zone.
When your husband is tied up and pegged, the sensory overload—being touched, teased, filled, and helpless—can send him spiraling into subspace faster and deeper. Why? Because he’s fully present. Restraints strip away distractions. He doesn’t have to worry about where his hands are, how to position himself, or whether he’s “doing it right.” All he has to do is surrender and let you guide him.
In this state, his body and mind can process pleasure in a way that feels almost primal. The pressure of being filled by you, combined with the inability to move or resist, creates a cocktail of vulnerability, trust, and pure sensation.
Pegging Pro tip: If you want to take him even deeper into subspace, alternate between teasing and taking. Run your hands across his chest, gently drag a fingernail over his skin, and then pause. Make him wait. Restraints allow you to control the rhythm entirely, so use it to tease him mercilessly. By the time you peg him, his mind will be swimming in submission. You can even leave the room for a few minutes, the idle time brings him back inside and gives you time to rest.
The Power of Restraint for You
Restraints don’t just benefit your submissive partner—they empower you as the dominant. If you’re anything like me, you relish the sight of him spread out and at your mercy. There’s something incredibly liberating about positioning him exactly how you want, knowing you have full access to his body. It allows you to fully step into your dominant role without interruption.
Here’s the kicker: when he’s restrained, there’s no room for hesitation or second-guessing. As women, we sometimes hold back during dominance because we worry about going “too far” or overwhelming our partner. But with restraints—and a good understanding of limits (hello, safe word)—you’re free to explore your desires with confidence. Whether you want to tease him endlessly, stroke his body until he’s begging, or claim him fully with your strap-on, restraints remove the gray area.
The sight of him caged so he can’t touch himself? Delicious. Seeing him fully immobilized, unable to escape your teasing, your touch, or the fullness of you as you enter him? Even better.
You hold the reins—literally—and it’s intoxicating.
Aftercare Is Even More Important Post-Restraints
Here’s where things get tender. Aftercare is always crucial in dominance and submission, but it’s even more important when you’ve restrained your partner. Why? Because full immobility creates intense vulnerability—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Your husband may come down from subspace feeling a little raw or emotionally exposed, and that’s perfectly normal. Aftercare helps you bring him back to reality and reinforces the love and trust that make this dynamic so fulfilling.
What does aftercare look like?
Physical Comfort: Unstrap him gently, offer blankets, and snuggle up. Let him feel safe and grounded.
Verbal Affirmation: Reassure him. Thank him for his trust and let him know how much you enjoyed the experience. A little praise—”You were so good for me”—goes a long way.
Hydration & Snacks: Subspace can leave your submissive feeling lightheaded or depleted. A glass of water and a sweet snack can work wonders.
Gentle Touch: Soft kisses, strokes, or a warm bath can help transition his body out of the restraint mindset.
Think of aftercare as the warm embrace that ties everything together. It’s the loving counterbalance to the intensity of pegging and restraint, ensuring your husband feels cherished and safe after such a vulnerable experience.
Spicing It Up: Ideas for Restraint Play
Ready to turn up the heat? Here are a few restraint ideas to inspire your next pegging session:
Simple Caging: Start mild by keeping him in a chastity cage and/or tying his hands to the headboard. He can’t touch, but he can still squirm and enjoy.
Full Immobilization: Use wrist, ankle, and thigh restraints to restrain and spread him out on the bed completely. You’ll have full access to tease, touch, and take him. Don’t limit this to the couch, do you have a chair or couch that might mix well with restraints? Try anything at your disposal and keep him on his toes knees. Repetition breeds expectation, the less that this is like last time, the less he has to compare it to.
Over-the-Edge Teasing: Restrain him, blindfold him, and mix in sensory play. Use a feather, ice cube, or warming lube to keep him guessing.
Pegging on Your Terms: Position him with pillows under his hips, strap him down, and take him at your pace. Stop, tease, and restart as often as you like—he’s not going anywhere. Remember to prioritize your comfort as you restrain him. If you are going to need to peg from an uncomfortable position, you won’t enjoy it as much.
The Safe Word Game: Playfully challenge him not to use the safe word. Make him beg or plead to make it stop (even though you both know he doesn’t want it to).
Restraints Aren’t About Control—They’re About Trust
At its core, restraining your husband for a pegging session is about trust. It’s the ultimate act of vulnerability for him and an act of empowerment for you. You’re not just tying him up; you’re creating a space where he can surrender fully, both physically and emotionally.
For you, it’s an opportunity to own your desires, explore your dominance, and revel in his submission. For him, it’s an experience of complete trust, deep connection, and intense pleasure.
Evolving Your Conversation
Ready to bring up this playful shift with your partner? Here are some thought-provoking questions to explore together:
How does the idea of being restrained during a pegging session make you feel—excited, nervous, or something else?
For the dominant partner: How do restraints help you feel more in control and confident?
For the submissive partner: How does physical restraint enhance your experience of surrender and pleasure?
Happy pegging, lovers! Tie him up, take the lead, and don’t forget the aftercare.
Relationship power dynamics define how partners connect and interact and “The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” by Mistress Lorelei offers an exploration into female dominance. Female dominance gives women tools to embrace their power and navigate consensual power exchange dynamics in a modern marriage. This book isn’t new, originally published in the late 1990s, this book remains relevant, especially in the context of modern female-led relationships (FLRs). In this blog, we’ll talk about how these concepts apply to evolving relationship dynamics that just might apply to your unique situation. Let’s get started.
What is The Mistress Manual About?
Mistress Lorelei’s book serves as a guide for women who want to explore the role of a dominant partner in their relationships. Written with humor, clarity, and practicality, it challenges myths about dominance being an inherently male trait or being cruel or unnatural. Instead, it reframes female dominance as empowering, loving, and a catalyst for deep connection and communication. While primarily focused on BDSM dynamics, the lessons in the book resonate far beyond the dungeon and into everyday life.
By introducing five archetypes of dominance—the Goddess, the Queen, the Governess, the Amazon, and the Nursemaid—Lorelei provides women with relatable personas to embody their personal style of power. Each archetype aligns with different psychological and emotional needs, both for the dominant and the submissive partner. The book also delves into the psychological aspects of power exchange, providing actionable advice on rituals, communication, and practical dominance skills.
“To dominate is not to control, but to create an environment where both partners can flourish.” – Mistress Lorelei
Key Takeaways from The Mistress Manual
Dominance is Psychological as Much as Physical: True dominance stems from understanding and fulfilling the psychological needs of both partners.
The Five Archetypes of Female Dominance: Each archetype offers a unique lens through which dominance can be expressed.
Consent and Communication Are Essential: Negotiating boundaries and expectations creates a foundation of trust.
Female Empowerment Through Dominance: Women can step into their power while nurturing their relationships.
Practical Tools for Dominance: The book provides rituals, discipline methods, and scenarios for creating a healthy power exchange dynamic.
“A dominant woman is not a dictator but a leader, guiding her partner toward a shared vision of mutual satisfaction.” – Mistress Lorelei
The Five Archetypes of Female Dominance in Modern Relationships
Let’s explore each archetype in detail and discuss how these personas intersect with female-led relationships, modern marriage dynamics, and psychological needs.
1. The Goddess: The Center of Worship
The Goddess archetype is about being adored, worshipped, and revered. As a Goddess, a woman commands devotion and receives affection through acts of service and rituals designed to honor her presence. This persona thrives on being the center of attention and sets the tone for the relationship dynamic.
Applications in Modern Relationships:
Cuckolding: The Goddess persona aligns well with cuckolding dynamics, where the submissive partner worships the dominant woman and views her pleasure (with others or otherwise) as sacred.
Psychological: This archetype fulfills the submissive partner’s need to serve and adore while boosting the dominant partner’s self-esteem and sense of empowerment.
Key Rituals: Foot rubs, acts of devotion (like writing poetry or gifting), and daily affirmations of her superiority.
2. The Queen: The Ruler of the Realm
The Queen is a regal and commanding figure. She doesn’t just demand obedience; she expects it as her birthright. Her leadership is rooted in dignity and authority, and her primary focus is on creating structure and order within her relationship.
Applications in Modern Relationships:
Male Chastity: The Queen’s authoritative nature lends itself well to chastity dynamics, where she controls her partner’s sexual access and ensures that his focus remains on pleasing her.
Psychological: This archetype satisfies a submissive’s need for clear structure and boundaries while allowing the dominant to express control and confidence.
Key Rituals: Rules about behavior, daily or weekly check-ins, and rewarding good service with affection or privileges.
3. The Governess: The Nurturer and Disciplinarian
The Governess blends care and discipline, much like a teacher guiding a pupil. She sets firm boundaries but does so with the intent of nurturing her partner’s growth. This archetype is ideal for couples who enjoy playful discipline as part of their dynamic.
Applications in Modern Relationships:
Role Reversal: The Governess dynamic works well for role reversal scenarios where the dominant partner takes on a mentoring or teaching role.
Psychological: This persona balances dominance with care, meeting a submissive’s need for guidance and attention.
Key Rituals: Writing lines, corrective punishments (e.g., spanking), or setting goals for personal improvement.
4. The Amazon: The Warrior Woman
The Amazon is bold, physically assertive, and unafraid to take charge. She represents strength and courage, leaning into physical power dynamics and confidence. This archetype is perfect for women who want to channel their inner warrior.
Applications in Modern Relationships:
Pegging: The Amazon’s assertive nature makes pegging a natural fit, where she physically dominates her partner.
Psychological: This archetype appeals to submissive partners who crave strong, confident leadership and physical expressions of power.
Key Rituals: Fitness challenges, physically commanding scenarios, and incorporating physical dominance into intimate moments.
5. The Nursemaid: The Caregiver and Protector
The Nursemaid embodies a softer form of dominance, focusing on caregiving and emotional support while maintaining control. She ensures her partner’s well-being while establishing herself as the authority in the relationship.
Applications in Modern Relationships:
Karezza and Orgasm Control: The Nursemaid’s nurturing dominance aligns with dynamics like karezza, where intimacy is about connection rather than climax, and orgasm control.
Psychological: This archetype fulfills a submissive’s need to be cared for while allowing the dominant to express her love through authority.
Key Rituals: Bedtime routines, preparing meals with intention, and creating a safe, controlled environment.
“When a woman steps into her dominance, she reclaims not just her bedroom but her sense of self.” – Mistress Lorelei
Psychology in Female Dominance
The Mistress Manual emphasizes that female dominance is deeply rooted in psychology. Dominants are not simply seeking control for its own sake—they are fulfilling a unique set of emotional and psychological needs. For dominant women, this may include:
Self-Discovery: Exploring dominance can help women better understand their desires and strengths.
Emotional Fulfillment: Leading a relationship enhances emotional intimacy and builds confidence.
Breaking Societal Norms: Female dominance challenges traditional gender roles, empowering women to redefine their relationships on their terms.
For submissives, the psychological appeal of submission includes:
Surrender and Trust: Letting go of control and placing trust in their partner.
Service and Devotion: Finding satisfaction in pleasing their dominant partner.
Structure and Stability: Thriving within the boundaries set by a dominant partner.
“True power lies in understanding and nurturing the needs of those who serve you.” – Mistress Lorelei
Female Empowerment Through Dominance
At its core, The Mistress Manual is about empowerment. By stepping into the role of a dominant, women can:
Redefine Power: Embrace a version of power that is rooted in care, connection, and mutual satisfaction.
Enhance Intimacy: Dominance fosters open communication and deeper emotional bonds.
Break Free from Societal Expectations: Women can shed passive roles and confidently express their desires, needs, and boundaries.
“The Mistress Manual” is a roadmap for women seeking to embrace their power and redefine their relationships. Whether you resonate with the Goddess, the Queen, the Governess, the Amazon, or the Nursemaid, each archetype offers unique insights into how dominance can transform the dynamic of your modern marriage. By incorporating psychological awareness, communication, and practical rituals, female dominance can create a relationship dynamic that’s not only exciting but deeply fulfilling.
Evolving Your Conversation
Which of the five archetypes resonates most with you or your partner, and how can you explore that dynamic in your relationship?
How do you and your partner currently communicate your needs and boundaries? Are there areas where you could improve?
What role do you think power dynamics play in creating emotional intimacy and trust in a relationship?
How could embracing dominance help you grow as an individual or enhance your confidence?
Jelqing is a controversial and widely discussed technique among men seeking to enhance their penile size. This manual stretching exercise is believed by some to increase length and girth over time. The method involves repetitive, controlled stroking movements intended to increase blood flow and stimulate tissue expansion. But is jelqing effective, safe, and worth the time investment? Let’s dive into the facts, myths, and expert opinions to answer these burning questions.
What Is Jelqing?
Jelqing is essentially a penile massage technique. The process involves:
Lubrication: To minimize friction and discomfort.
Semi-Erection: The penis should be semi-erect, not fully hard, to avoid injury.
Hand Technique: Using an “OK” hand gesture, the user starts at the base of the shaft and slowly pulls toward the glans, applying gentle pressure.
This process is repeated for several minutes daily, with proponents suggesting a gradual increase in duration and frequency over time.
The Promises of Jelqing
Advocates of jelqing claim it can lead to:
Increased Length and Girth: By encouraging micro-tears in penile tissue that repair and grow stronger over time.
Improved Blood Flow: Some believe jelqing enhances vascular health and erection quality.
Boosted Confidence: A perceived or actual size increase can positively impact self-esteem.
Does Jelqing Work?
Unfortunately, there’s no robust scientific evidence supporting the effectiveness of jelqing. Here’s why:
Lack of Clinical Studies: No peer-reviewed research has conclusively proven that jelqing results in permanent penile enlargement. Most claims are anecdotal.
Temporary Gains: Some users report temporary increases in size due to swelling or improved blood flow, but these are not permanent changes.
Anatomy Limitations: Penile size is largely determined by genetics, and there’s no solid evidence that manual manipulation can significantly alter it.
Is Jelqing Safe?
Jelqing is not without risks. Common issues include:
Tissue Damage: Overzealous or improper techniques can lead to micro-tears, scarring, or even penile curvature.
Bruising and Redness: Excessive pressure can cause broken capillaries and bruising.
Decreased Sensitivity: Some users report numbness or reduced sensation due to nerve damage.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED): Severe cases of injury may impact erectile function.
Experts caution against jelqing, noting that the risks often outweigh the unproven benefits. If you’re considering trying jelqing, consult a healthcare provider first to discuss potential dangers and alternatives.
How Long Does Jelqing Take to Show Results?
For those who swear by jelqing, results are said to take weeks or months to appear. Anecdotal reports suggest:
Short-Term Effects: Temporary size increases may be noticeable after a single session due to engorgement.
Long-Term Changes: Proponents claim visible changes occur after 3-6 months of consistent practice, though scientific validation is lacking.
It’s essential to note that any perceived growth is likely due to swelling or subjective perception rather than actual tissue growth.
Are the Results Permanent?
Even among jelqing enthusiasts, there’s debate about whether gains are permanent. Without clinical evidence, most experts agree that any changes are temporary. Over time, the penis typically returns to its original size once jelqing stops, much like muscle tone diminishes without regular exercise.
Alternatives to Jelqing
If penile enhancement is your goal, consider these safer, evidence-backed options:
Penile Extenders: These devices apply gentle, consistent traction, with some studies suggesting minor gains over months.
Vacuum Pumps: Often used for erectile dysfunction, these can create temporary size increases by improving blood flow.
Surgical Options: Penile enlargement surgeries exist but come with significant risks and costs.
Psychological Support: Therapy can help address self-esteem issues related to perceived inadequacies, fostering a healthier body image.
Final Verdict
Jelqing is an unproven method that I personally think has more potential risks than rewards. While the appeal of natural penile enlargement is understandable, the lack of scientific support and high likelihood of injury make it a questionable practice. For those genuinely concerned about penile size or function, consulting a urologist or sex therapist is a far safer and more effective approach.
Evolving Your Conversation
Here are some questions to spark a thoughtful and open dialogue about this topic:
What motivates individuals to seek changes to their bodies, and how can partners support them without reinforcing insecurities?
Are there societal pressures or personal insecurities that play a role in wanting to change physical appearance?
How can couples foster better communication about body image and self-esteem?
What healthy alternatives exist for improving confidence in the bedroom without resorting to risky practices?
How do you balance self-improvement with self-acceptance in a relationship?
By exploring these questions together, couples can deepen their understanding of each other’s insecurities, desires, and shared values.
When it comes to relationships and intimacy, many of us carry unexamined beliefs that shape how we view sex, love, and connection. The concept of the scarcity vs abundance mindset in polyamory is one of the most powerful frameworks for understanding these beliefs comes from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This simple idea holds profound implications, especially when applied to non-monogamous dynamics, where notions of scarcity can amplify insecurities and jealousy.
Let’s dig into how these mindsets influence our thinking around sex and explore how gratitude and abundance can transform jealousy into compersion—a feeling of joy for your partner’s pleasure. Spoiler alert: sex isn’t pie, but let’s dive into why many of us still act like it is.
What is the Scarcity Vs Abundance Mindset in Polyamory?
The scarcity mindset is rooted in the belief that resources are limited—if someone else gets more, it means there’s less left for you. Think of a pie: every slice taken is one less for everyone else. Covey suggests this view fosters competition, fear, and a zero-sum game where other people’s success feels like a threat to your own.
In relationships, this scarcity mindset often manifests as jealousy, insecurity, or possessiveness. If you believe love or intimacy is a finite resource, sharing it with someone else feels like a loss. If your wife is with another lover, you may instinctively feel that he’s taking something from you—your wife’s affection, time, or, in the most primal sense, her body.
Sex Isn’t Pie
Here’s the truth: I am not a pie. Not pumpkin pie. Not apple pie. Not even rhubarb pie.
Just like love, sex is not a resource that depletes when shared. In fact, love and sexual excitement and intimacy often beget more excitement and intimacy. The sexier and more desired I feel, the more sexy and desired I want to feel, it’s like a drug. I am not dolling out sex as a sex or kink dispenser, I want to share my abundance of love and sexual energy with my husband. I want my confidence and excitement to grow so we can continue to grow and experience heightened love and sexual energy together.
Think about it: when your wife comes home glowing after a passionate encounter, that energy can spill over into your shared intimacy. Her pleasure becomes an invitation for you to connect with her more deeply, emotionally and physically. Far from taking something away, her lovers may actually add to the richness of your relationship. You can be sad and dejected about losing some of your pie or you can dive in to intimacy and appreciate the abundance that you can experience together.
But to see it this way, you need to flip the script and adopt an abundance mindset.
The Abundance Mindset in Non-Monogamy
An abundance mindset, as Covey describes, is rooted in the belief that there’s enough for everyone—more than enough, in fact. It encourages you to see opportunities rather than limitations, to focus on collaboration instead of competition, and to celebrate others’ wins because they don’t diminish your own.
Applying this to non-monogamy means recognizing that your wife’s pleasure isn’t a threat but an opportunity. Her connections with other lovers don’t take away from your relationship; they can enhance it. Here’s how:
More Excitement, More Energy: The novelty and variety she experiences can reignite her sexual energy, making your time together more passionate and fulfilling.
Emotional Growth: Seeing your partner with someone else can push you to confront insecurities and grow as a person, making you a better partner in the process.
Shared Gratitude: When you adopt an abundance mindset, you can feel gratitude not only for your wife but also for her lovers, who contribute to her happiness and satisfaction.
Gratitude: The Key to Unlocking Abundance
Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting from scarcity to abundance. Instead of focusing on what you think you’re losing, try focusing on what you’re gaining.
Gratitude for Your Wife: Appreciate her openness, her desire for adventure, and her willingness to share her experiences with you.
Gratitude for Her Lovers: Instead of seeing them as rivals, view them as collaborators in her happiness. They are helping her explore her desires and, by extension, enriching your shared intimacy.
Gratitude for the Dynamic: Recognize the courage it takes to explore non-monogamy and celebrate the deeper connection and communication it requires.
By practicing gratitude, you can train your brain to see possibilities for growth and connection instead of threats.
Why Society Pushes a Scarcity Mindset
It’s not entirely your fault if you’ve fallen into scarcity thinking—society programs us this way. From fairy tales to romantic comedies, we’re taught that love is exclusive, that a partner’s attention must be yours alone, and that sharing intimacy is inherently a loss.
In this framework, a wife’s sexual energy belongs to her husband. If she shares it with someone else, she’s taking away something that “belongs” to him. This narrative reinforces possessiveness and jealousy, making it harder to see the potential for abundance.
Breaking free from this conditioning requires a conscious effort to reframe your beliefs about sex and relationships.
From Jealousy to Compersion
Jealousy is a natural response to scarcity thinking—it’s the fear of losing something you value. But in non-monogamous dynamics, this fear can be transformed into compersion, the joy of seeing your partner happy and fulfilled.
To cultivate compersion, start by reframing how you view your wife’s experiences. Instead of asking, “What am I losing?” ask, “What are we gaining?” For example:
She’s gaining pleasure and excitement.
You’re gaining a partner who feels fulfilled and confident.
Together, you’re gaining new opportunities to explore your dynamic and deepen your connection.
Compersion doesn’t mean you won’t feel pangs of jealousy—it means you choose to focus on the positive aspects of your partner’s happiness.
Practical Steps to Shift Your Mindset
If you want to move from scarcity to abundance in your thinking, try these steps:
Practice Self-Awareness: Notice when scarcity thinking shows up. Are you feeling possessive? Insecure? Fearful? Acknowledge these feelings without judgment.
Reframe Your Thoughts: Challenge scarcity-based beliefs. Instead of “She’s giving less to me,” try “She’s gaining more for herself, which enriches our relationship.”
Communicate Openly: Share your feelings with your partner in a non-blaming way. Open communication fosters trust and understanding.
Focus on Gratitude: Write down three things you’re grateful for in your relationship every day.
Celebrate Her Joy: Make a conscious effort to find joy in your partner’s happiness, even when it’s outside your shared experiences.
Abundance Thoughts
Non-monogamy challenges traditional notions of love and sex, but it also offers profound opportunities for growth, connection, and abundance. By shifting from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, you can transform jealousy into compersion and see your wife’s lovers not as rivals but as contributors to your shared happiness.
Remember, sex and love are not pie—it’s an endless buffet if you’re willing to approach it with an open heart and mind. Gratitude is the secret sauce that turns every bite into a feast.
Evolving Your Conversation
How does your mindset about sex and relationships shape the way you view non-monogamy?
What are some ways you can practice gratitude in your relationship, especially if you’re feeling insecure?
How might embracing an abundance mindset enhance your connection with your partner?
What societal messages about love and sex do you feel have influenced your beliefs, and how can you challenge them?
How can you and your partner work together to cultivate compersion in your dynamic?
My name is John, though I go by rgjohn, and I’ve written a few erotic books and some content for Literotica. When Emma read my work, she suggested I write about loving, female-led relationships—a genre she’s passionate about. It’s been a while since I’ve written, but a fan recently reignited my interest by asking me to turn his detailed journal into a story. Initially skeptical, I found myself captivated by his account of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR), a concept I hadn’t explored before. With a mix of curiosity and research, I’ve decided to craft a multi-part story spanning over 20 chapters. If you are just starting, you should begin your journey back at chapter 1.
Chapter 22: Anna Lets Sally Perform Tease and Denial On Jason, Jason Uses His Mouth on Both Women All Night, Sally And Jason Have a Heart to Heart.
“Let’s get started.” Anna patted the space on the sofa between her and Sally. “Come here, Jason, and sit with us.”
I hesitated, unsure of what was about to unfold, but I obeyed. Sitting between them, my thigh brushed against Sally’s bare skin, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. My emotions wavered somewhere between excitement and intimidation.
Sally’s gaze fell to my caged penis, and she let out a soft chuckle. Reaching down, she gave the cage a light, teasing squeeze. “Poor little thing, all locked up,” she said with a mischievous grin. She was clearly enjoying herself.
Anna leaned in, her voice calm but commanding. “Why don’t you unlock the cage so we can begin teasing and denying him properly?”
Sally’s eyes lit up. “Oh yes, I have a key.” She giggled and reached into her top, pulling out a small key hanging from a chain.
I noticed that she’d been wearing it all day, and I’d seen it more than once. Still, seeing her hold it now sent a rush of nervous anticipation through me. I assumed that she would take it off once she got home… or face questions from her husband.
With deliberate movements, Sally lifted my caged penis, slid the key into the lock, and turned it. The mechanism clicked softly, and a moment later, she removed the cage, leaving the ball ring in place.
My freed erection sprang out like a pop-up greeting card, eliciting a playful laugh from Sally. “Well, look at that,” she said, amused.
“He’s an anxious little guy, isn’t he?” Sally said.
“It’s been a couple of days since he has been teased and denied,” Anna returned.
“Do I take that off too?” she asked looking at the ball ring.
“You can do it either way, but let’s just leave it, that way we don’t have to squeeze his little balls back into the ring,” Anna said with clear amusement.
Sally giggled. He’s about the same size as Chris… around five inches.”
Anna nodded. “When we started, he was 5.5 inches. He’s a little under five now.”
“Wait, it’s shrinking?” Sally asked in surprise.
“Yes, long-term confinement can cause some shrinkage,” Anna said nonchalantly. “They say it comes back, but it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t need it for penetration anymore.”
“Wow,” Sally murmured. “So, you’re never letting him inside you again?”
“No, not unless we decide to have kids,” Anna replied with a shrug.
Anna handed Sally a bottle of lube. “Here, why don’t you take his little guy into your hand? Just hold it gently because he’s very sensitive right now. We don’t want an accident, do we Jason?”
“No,” I said right away.
Anna giggled. “An accident requires discipline.”
Sally smiled and wrapped her fingers around me. I moaned softly, and a bead of pre-cum dripped from the tip. “Oh, look, he is dripping already.”
“I call that his little penises’ tears,” Anna said. “It’s crying because it knows he will not be climaxing tonight, or maybe ever again.”
“Never?” Sally said in surprise.
Anna just shook her head rather sadly. “It is probably not in the cards for him.”
Anna explained, “Stroke him slowly. When he says ‘hold,’ stop immediately. The goal is to eventually let the fluid dribble out without spurting. Dribbling is the key word. It won’t give him pleasure but will activate his prostate and testicles.”
I winced. “I don’t think I can do this. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow.”
Anna’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t make the rules. Either you control yourself, or Sally and I will cane your ass until you learn.”
Sally’s eyes opened wide in surprise… and excitement. I now feared that she would make me climax in order to use a cane on me.
I clenched my jaw as Sally began to stroke me, her touch slow and deliberate. It only took a few strokes before I gasped, “Hold.”
Sally immediately stopped, giggling. “This is fun.”
Anna nodded approvingly. “Good. Wait a moment, then go again.”
Sally repeated the process, and I fought desperately to maintain control. I tried to distract myself, thinking about anything other than the sensation… sports, spreadsheets, even the bar fight earlier. But my body had a mind of its own. Finally, after several cycles, I trembled as a steady stream of fluid began to dribble down my shaft.
“There it is,” Anna said with satisfaction. “He’s expelled his prostate juices along with a little sperm. Perfect.”
Sally’s eyes widened in fascination. “That’s incredible. He’s still hard! Can he do it again?”
“Yes,” Anna replied with a smile. “But let’s give him a moment to rest first.”
The women began chatting casually as I leaned back, gasping for breath, my eyes closed, my erection still throbbing and unrelenting in Sally’s hand.
When Sally started again, she was more confident, her strokes more deliberate. This time, I didn’t have to say “hold” as often. She brought me to the edge repeatedly, each time coaxing out more fluid while my arousal burned stronger. By the end, I released four times and was utterly drained but still hard, my body humming with need.
“You see how hard he still is?” Anna said, turning to Sally. “He’s expelled what he needs to, but he didn’t receive enough pleasure to lose his focus. That’s the key to maintaining his excitement and discipline.”
Anna ordered me to get some ice cubes in a towel, then she gently pressing it against my erection. The cold stung but gradually softened me enough for her to reapply the cage.
“So, that’s how you get him small enough to go back in his cage,” Sally observed, nodding.
“Yes, otherwise, it might stay that way all night, and and that is not healthy either.”
“All night, man I would love that,” Sally said.
Anna smiled as Sally slid the cage back on and locked it with her key. She said, “I love that click. It seems so powerful, like I have all the power in the world over his penis and balls.”
“With a cage you do have that power over a penis and balls… you basically own them. But more importantly you have total power over his sexual needs and desires.”
Smiling down at me, Anna said, “You did well tonight, Jason. But don’t think you’re off the hook, you’ve racked up twenty demerits today. And they have to be paid. Beyond that, it’s going to be a long night because my pussy still needs attention… and I think Sally’s does too.”
“He’s going to do it to us again?” Sally said with a wicked grin.
“We got him, so why not use him. His poor jaw is going to be sore. He’ll have to eat with a straw for a couple of days,” Anna said and both girls laughed loudly.
A few minutes later the three of us headed to Anna’s bedroom, me naked, with Anna still in her silky pants and top. Sally carried her pants, her naked ass swaying provocatively as she walked in front of me. I admired her sexy butt, knowing that Anna couldn’t see me ogling her. I felt my penis trying to get hard for the tenth time.
I wasn’t sure what time it was when I was finally allowed to retreat to my room. The night had been an intense experience… one filled with a whirlwind of emotions and physical exhaustion. I had dedicated hours to pleasuring both Anna and Sally, taking turns attending to their needs, ensuring their satisfaction. Several time they had turned over on their stomach’s at the same time, baring their ass for me. I knew what to do and we all loved it. They giggled and wiggled like teenagers at a pajama party.
I was exhausted before they drifted off to sleep and I went back to my room. Sally, I realized, enjoyed the full experience as much as Anna, and I took pride in knowing I had given them both my all.
When I woke up early the next morning, a deep sense of contentment settled over me despite the lingering fatigue. There was something fulfilling about being able to serve two strong, confident women so completely. My jaw was sore, and the area under my tongue felt raw, but it was worth it.
Yet, as I stood at the stove preparing breakfast, I couldn’t shake the lingering questions in my mind. Why had Anna allowed me to do all of that with Sally? They were incredibly close, yes, but I couldn’t quite reconcile it with Anna’s typically possessive nature. She didn’t even like it when I glanced too long at another woman, and Sally was certainly a woman worth glancing at.
Wearing my bib apron with my chastity cage visible through the gap, I prepared batter for blueberry pancakes. The cage kept me confined, my penis securely locked away while my balls hung exposed… a vulnerability Anna enjoyed seeing. I, on the other hand, was still wary of hot grease splattering where it shouldn’t.
“Good morning,” came a soft voice from behind me.
I turned to see Sally entering the kitchen. Her terrycloth robe was loosely tied, her damp hair clinging to her neck and shoulders. Even without makeup, she had a natural beauty about her. The way her robe draped over her body made it impossible not to notice the gentle sway of her breasts as
she moved toward the table
I quickly averted my gaze, knowing that getting caught staring would likely earn me serious demerits later. Instead, I focused on her face… her striking red hair, creamy complexion, and the freckles that gave her a natural beauty untouched by the need for makeup.
“Coffee?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Yes, please,” Sally replied with a sleepy smile as she settled into one of the chairs.
“Is Anna still sleeping?” I asked.
Sally nodded. “She’ll probably sleep in for a bit. Last night was… intense.”
“For all of us,” I said with a smile.
Sally had smile on her face too. “Oh yes, you were there weren’t you?”
I laughed. “Would you like some blueberry pancakes and sausage?” I offered, grateful for the opportunity to focus on breakfast instead of the growing sexual tension that exuded from Sally.
“That sounds amazing,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “I’m starving.”
I chuckled. “Well, you did burn a lot of calories last night.”
Sally laughed softly. “We all did.”
I poured her a cup of coffee and set it down in front of her. There was immediate laughter from Sally. When I glanced at Sally her eyes were twinkling with amusement.
It hit me… she had noticed the cage sticking out from my apron. I’d become so accustomed to wearing it that I had completely forgotten about its visibility.
“Oh… sorry about that,” I said sheepishly. “Anna likes it when I wear this apron while cooking. She likes to see my caged penis at all times… that’s why she keeps me naked. It’s sort of our compromise.”
“I think it’s… cute,” Sally said with a sly grin. “But since you’re exposing something, maybe I should even the score. I noticed you’ve been sneaking glances at me.”
I froze, my face flushing crimson. It was true… I had glanced at her, albeit unintentionally, and now I was caught.
Before I could stammer out an apology, Sally casually shrugged off the robe from her shoulders, revealing both breasts. Her bare skin glowed softly in the morning light, and I could feel my confined penis attempting to strain against its cage.
Sally leaned back in her chair, seemingly unfazed by my reaction, her smile playful but kind.
I cleared my throat. “Would you like cream or sugar in your coffee?” I managed to ask, desperate to redirect the conversation.
“Black is fine,” she replied, still smiling. Then her tone turned more serious. “Mind if I ask you something?”
“Of course,” I said hesitantly. “May I sit down?”
“Sure,” she said, gesturing to the chair across from her.
I put the cooking aside, and slid myself into the seat, wincing slightly as I adjusted to the discomfort of the cage.
Sally studied me for a moment before asking, “Why did you ask for permission to sit down in your own home?”
“Technically it’s Anna’s home,” I explained. “Anna pays the rent. This is her space, not mine. Plus, that’s one of Anna’s rules… sometimes she likes me to stand so she can see the cage, or my ass, other times it’s just her way of signaling that she doesn’t want to be disturbed.”
Sally nodded thoughtfully. “You and Anna have such a unique relationship.”
“By most people’s standards, yes,” I replied with a smile. “But it works for us. We’ve never been happier.”
Sally returned my smile, her expression softening. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. It’s clear how much you love her, and how much she loves you. That’s what matters most.”
I nodded, a warmth spreading through my chest at her words. The conversation shifted to lighter topics after that, and I went back to cooking. I could feel Sally’s eyes on my still smarting ass. Soon, the kitchen was filled with the sounds of sizzling pancakes, soft laughter, and the clink of coffee mugs.
In that moment, I realized how lucky I was to have Anna, to have trust, and to have a connection built on mutual respect and love. Her sleeping in the bedroom, her best friend here with me gave me a warm feeling that was difficult to explain… but I liked it a lot.
I hope you’re doing well today. I’m reaching out because I’m in a tough spot. My wife and I have been married for years, and we’ve hit a place where we just don’t see eye to eye anymore. Our relationship has become strained, and we’re currently in a sexless marriage. We’ve tried therapy multiple times, but things don’t seem to be improving.
I really don’t want to get a divorce, though. I’m hoping there’s a way to reignite something between us. I’ve read some of your work on male chastity, and I’ve started wondering if this might help us reconnect. I still love her and miss the days where we felt that spark and chastity seems like it could be a way to bring us closer. Most of what I’ve read says that you need to have a solid marriage to even consider it in the first place. So, I’m feeling kind of stuck, unsure if I’m just reaching for something that might not work.
I’d really appreciate any thoughts or advice you have on this. Is there any hope for a relationship like ours with something like male chastity?
Thank you so much for reaching out with you question. I can hear how much you’re struggling right now, and I truly sympathize with where you’re at. Strained relationships—especially sexless strained relationships—can feel like an insurmountable obstacle. The fact that you’re looking for ways to reconnect, to reignite the spark, is already a great sign. I love that you haven’t given up hope and that you still care about your wife and value your marriage. Without that, there is absolutely no hope to fix anything.
Male chastity isn’t a common tool that couples look towards when couples look to repair a relationship but I applaud you for asking the question – “Can Male Chastity Fix My Marriage?” In terms of considering male chastity as a potential way to help, my answer isn’t a resounding yes, it is a resounding maybe . I do think it is worth exploring, but here’s the thing: male chastity isn’t just about locking up a man’s genitals and calling it a day. It’s about reshaping the dynamic of your relationship in a way that fosters trust, communication, and possibly even a road back to intimacy. Let’s break down how male chastity might be a key to revitalizing your relationship.
Male Chastity: A Shift in Power & Energy
Most of the things I propose really require a relationship on solid footing but male chastity really only requires strong communication. If there’s too much resentment and too many unresolved issues to have strong communication, it’s unlikely anything will help. If you and your wife have the ability to let those things go for now, you may be able to focus on starting fresh and using chastity to strengthen your connection in a way that redefines your intimacy. Those issues must be discussed and addressed eventually but it might be helpful to focus on creating a baseline connection before hitting them head-on.
Here’s the thing: male chastity isn’t just about denial. It’s about shifting power. As a woman, the opportunity to control your partner’s sexual release can feel incredibly empowering. It’s not about punishing your husband or removing pleasure—it’s about giving you the power to guide the relationship in a way that feels more fulfilling.
For women in female-led relationships, this type of power dynamic can be incredibly freeing. You get to decide when, where, and how your husband experiences sexual pleasure. And the beauty of it is that it’s not just about your pleasure or his. It’s about reworking the entire sexual and emotional dynamic so that both of you benefit. By holding the key (literally) to his sexual release, you have a level of control and authority that can transform the way you interact.
Male Chastity: A New Kind of Intimacy
One of the key benefits of male chastity from my perspective is how it creates a new form of intimacy. Think of it like this: instead of focusing on achieving orgasm or constantly negotiating sex, you and your wife can begin to focus on the emotional and mental connection that builds during the process. The act of withholding orgasm for an extended period brings anticipation, which can be an incredibly bonding experience. The build-up of desire leads to an entirely new type of closeness.
For many couples, especially in long-term marriages, sex can start to feel like something that’s “routine.” Male chastity forces you both to slow down and re-evaluate how you experience intimacy. It allows you to explore what turns you both on without the rush to orgasm. This shift in perspective can actually lead to a deeper emotional connection, where intimacy is built on shared anticipation, trust, and mutual respect.
The Trust Factor: Vulnerability and Power
I’m sure you’ve heard that male chastity requires a lot of trust, and that’s absolutely true. When you hand over control of your orgasm to your wife, there’s a vulnerability there that’s deeply intimate. But here’s where it gets interesting: by embracing this vulnerability, you both get a chance to experience a deeper level of trust.
For you, Andy, the act of surrendering control over your sexual pleasure can bring you closer to your wife, because it’s a gesture of trust. And for her, it’s about stepping into a powerful, assertive role that can feel incredibly empowering. She’s not just controlling when you orgasm; she’s also controlling the emotional and physical rhythm of your relationship. This power shift can create a new layer of respect and connection, which can ultimately improve your entire dynamic.
I don’t know the reason behind the two of you not having sex but routine sex doesn’t sound like the core issue here, the issue sounds like conflict and resentment. I also don’t know if she would even be interested in talking about male chastity. I could see her saying something like “Put a cage on your dick? Why don’t you take out the trash or clean the kitchen first?” Proposing something that seems so foreign to the baseline issue may be ill advised at this point. You need to make an effort to get to the point where she might want to entertain something like this.
Breaking the Cycle of “Sexual Negotiations”
A lot of long-term couples get stuck in what I like to call the “sexual negotiation” cycle. It’s that push and pull where both partners try to figure out who wants sex more, who’s initiating, and whether it’s the “right time.” Male chastity can eliminate a lot of that back-and-forth. Instead of constantly negotiating who’s going to be the one to ask for sex or who’s feeling “in the mood,” chastity allows the woman to set the terms.
This shift can take a lot of pressure off of both of you. For you, it removes the need to be constantly “performing” or worrying about whether or not you’re pleasing your wife. And for her, it provides the freedom to control your sexual relationship in a way that feels empowering, without the constant tug-of-war.
Without going too deep into the specific issues that you are having, I think there are specific conversations that need to be had before she would be on board with this. If so, start slow and describe why this would benefit her before focusing on why it would benefit you. She may see it as a selfish subtle negotiation for your sexual needs without consideration for her emotional needs.
A Commitment to Communication
Like I mentioned earlier, male chastity doesn’t work unless both partners are fully committed to the process. It requires open, honest, and ongoing communication. If you and your wife are going to try this, you need to discuss your boundaries, desires, and the potential emotional impacts of taking on a dynamic like this.
For you, Andy, this might mean being vulnerable and admitting to your wife that you feel frustrated or disconnected. It also means showing her that you’re willing to be patient and understand her perspective, too. For your wife, it might mean letting go of any preconceived notions of what sex and intimacy should look like and being open to exploring this new dynamic.
When done right, male chastity opens the door to some powerful conversations about intimacy and desire. You’ll both need to check in regularly about how it’s going, and be willing to adjust as needed. The beauty of this is that it’s not a “one and done” approach—it’s something that can evolve as both of you learn more about what works for you.
Harnessing Sexual Energy: Can Male Chastity Fix My Marriage?
Male chastity is not about denying a man’s pleasure for the sake of it. It’s about harnessing sexual energy in a way that goes beyond traditional sex. As a couple, you will have to find new ways to express affection, pleasure, and closeness without the constant pressure of orgasm. In doing so, you will begin to notice how much more emotionally connected you become—not just in your sexual dynamic, but in your everyday interactions as well.
By removing the constant negotiation for sex and replacing it with controlled, deliberate intimacy, male chastity helps shift the energy in your relationship. It makes everything feel more intentional and meaningful, without being driven by the constant desire to achieve orgasm.
She may have zero desire in doing any actions that would lead to your orgasm but she could unlock you and then ask you to go into the other room to take care of those needs and lock you back up. Thereby she is disconnected from whatever you decide to do while locked up, all she would need to do is take the ownership of your sexual energy. It may seem crazy but there is a huge contingent of people on this site that can comment below about the seemingly magical transition that happens to a man when locked.
So, Andy, yes—male chastity can absolutely be a powerful tool to help you and your wife reconnect. But like anything, it requires both of you to lean in with open hearts and minds. It’s not going to be an immediate fix, but with patience, commitment, and honest communication, it could help you both rediscover the spark and build a more intimate and trusting relationship.
If your wife is willing to take this seriously, and if you’re both ready to embrace the vulnerability and empowerment it offers, I think you’ve got a good shot at reigniting your connection. It’s a journey, and it’s one that you don’t have to take alone. Good luck, Andy.
Best, Emma
Evolving The Conversation:
How can male chastity help a couple break the cycle of sexual negotiation in long-term relationships?
What do you think is the most important conversation to have before introducing something like male chastity into your relationship?
How do you think vulnerability and power can coexist in a healthy sexual dynamic?
In what ways can male chastity deepen a couple’s emotional and physical connection?
How can both partners ensure that they are getting their emotional and sexual needs met while exploring new power dynamics?
My name is John, though I go by rgjohn, and I’ve written a few erotic books and some content for Literotica. When Emma read my work, she suggested I write about loving, female-led relationships—a genre she’s passionate about. It’s been a while since I’ve written, but a fan recently reignited my interest by asking me to turn his detailed journal into a story. Initially skeptical, I found myself captivated by his account of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR), a concept I hadn’t explored before. With a mix of curiosity and research, I’ve decided to craft a multi-part story spanning over 20 chapters. If you are just starting, you should begin your journey back at chapter 1.
Chapter 21 Sally Lets Jason Pleasure Her With His Mouth, Tells Her About Tease And Denial
Anna’s eyes sparkled. “Well, Jason’s tongue is right there if you’re interested.”
Both Sally and I froze. I didn’t think I heard her correctly. Our eyes were wide with shock.
“I couldn’t,” Sally stammered. “I couldn’t cheat on Chris.”
Anna smiled slyly. “Come on Sally, it wouldn’t be the first time. I remember quite a few times you cheated on him in college. I am not sure about afterward.”
Sally’s face turned red and she couldn’t deny that something had happened, even after they were married. Anna would find out.
“Besides, it’s not cheating if it’s just his tongue,” Anna said. “There’s no emotional connection between the two of you, and Chris never has to know.”
Sally bit her lip, hesitating. “I don’t know…”
Anna leaned in closer. “He’s amazing, and he really gets into it. In fact, he has a special little thing he does for me.”
“What?” Sally asked.
Anna leaned over and whispered something to Sally and I surmised from her shocked look what it was about.
“Oh my,” Sally said with a giggle.
“He likes doing it, so don’t worry,” Anna said.
Sally groaned softly. “Oh my God. Fuck it. It’s been too long since I’ve had a good pussy eating… and Chris is pretty worthless with his mouth. Yes. I’d love it.”
Anna grinned. “Right here or in the bedroom?”
“Here is fine,” Sally said, already slipping off her pajama pants quickly and spreading her legs.
I sucked in my breath as Sally revealed herself. She was clearly excited. Her pussy was beautiful… shaven and glistening with juices. I looked at Anna just to confirm that she really wanted me to do this. She nodded.
Determined not to disappoint Anna, I resolved to give Sally the best experience possible. Gently, I lifted her legs and placed them on my shoulders. She was already moaning softly in anticipation. I began by kissing her thighs, slowly working my way upward, teasing her skin with my lips and tongue before moving back downward to prolong the moment.
When I was done with her thighs, I moved to her center. I started slow, licking the soft skin without venturing inside. Occasionally, I nibbled on her outer lips or sucked them lightly into my mouth, eliciting sharp gasps from Sally.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, he is good,” she gasped, her voice filled with pleasure.
Finally, I moved lower, dipping my tongue into the pool of juices at her entrance. Slowly, I pushed my tongue inside, exploring her opening. Suddenly, and much sooner than I anticipated, Sally began to climax.
“Fuckkkkk, fuckkkkk,” she cried out, her thighs clamping around my head as she held me tightly against her pulsing core.
I kept my tongue moving, guiding her through the waves of pleasure until her breathing began to steady. Then, I continued, starting a slow journey upward, licking ever so slowly, flicking my tongue as I moved. Each time I neared her pleasure center, I paused and retreated, drawing out her anticipation.
When I reached the top, I pulled back and flicked my tongue gently around her clit. Her hips bucked wildly into my face, and her moans grew louder. She was desperate for more.
Finally, I reached up, spread her lips, and revealed her pleasure button to my eyes and my tongue. I pressed my tongue against it firmly, and Sally immediately climaxed again. Her body convulsed as I gently lapped at her sensitive button, helping her ride out the intense contractions.
As her breathing slowed, I didn’t stop. Instead, I teased it even more with the tip of my tongue, circling and flicking it lightly again.
“Fuck, you’re gonna make me… fuck, fuck,” she gasped as another orgasm tore through her.
This time, I didn’t pull back. I kept working on her, building her up again. I lost track of time and the number of climaxes she had as I slipped into a trance-like state, like I often do with Anna, my focus entirely on pleasuring her. The rest of the world disappeared. I could feel her body against my face, taste her juices on my tongue, and hear the sounds of her cries of pleasure… they seemed far away. My caged penis throbbed painfully, straining against its confines, but I ignored it, this was for her pleasure, not mine. Still, I surrendering myself completely to the act.
When Sally thought I was done, I lifted her legs higher and moved my tongue lower. I found her rear hole and began to tickle it.
“Oh fuck, he’s doing it,” Sally gasped. “I never… oh… no ones ever…” she hissed. As I pushed my tongue inside, she started to climax again, bucking her hips so much I had to hold on in order to continue licking her, forcing my tongue as deep as it would go. Sally went over the top several more times before her hips fell back to the sofa.
At some point, Sally stopped moving, but I didn’t notice right away. I was too lost in my rhythm, in the sensations and the moment.
I felt Anna’s hand on my shoulder and I realized Sally was limp. Anna was holding her in her arms, gently stroking her hair.
“She passed out,” Anna said calmly, smiling with a gleam of satisfaction in her eyes. “Thank you. I’m proud of you. Now, go get a cold washcloth.”
I could tell from the gleam in her eyes that she was proud of me.
I hurried to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto a washcloth. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I saw my face was completely coated in her juices. I quickly grabbed a towel, wiped myself clean, and returned to the living room.
By the time I got back, Sally’s eyes were fluttering open. She looked dazed, her expression one of pure disbelief.
“What the fuck happened?” she murmured, her voice weak.
“You passed out,” Anna said with a satisfied smile.
“Holy shit,” she said. “Fuck, that’s never happened to me before. Your husband almost killed me.”
“He can do that,” Anna replied, throwing me a wink.
Sally laughed. “I can’t believe how good that was. I’ve never experienced anything like it. You’ve got a gem there, Anna.”
Anna laughed and said, “Get us some more wine, Jason.”
I hurried to the kitchen, grabbed two glasses of wine, and brought them back. Anna and Sally accepted. Sally was now sitting upright, looking more composed.
Sally glanced at my caged penis, then said, “I think every man should be caged if they’re like your husband.”
“I agree,” Anna said. “It’s amazing how much a man can change when you restrict his climaxes. Jason is so attentive now. It’s like he gets excited just seeing me, no matter what I look like. I could have my hair in curlers, wearing an old robe with a face mask on, and he’d still look at me like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. What woman wouldn’t want that?”
“So this is what a female lead marriage looks like?” Sally said.
“Well, it is for us,” Anna confirmed.
“But isn’t it cruel to lock him up and never let him have a full release? I know what you two have said, but I don’t know if I could do that,” Sally said, her brow furrowed with concern. “I mean, I gotta have my cock.”
Anna smiled gently, her tone firm yet understanding. “You have to shift your mindset. Remember, Jason was the one who suggested the FLR in the first place. He did his research on chastity cages, discipline, the whole dynamic. He decided this was what he wanted,” she said, glancing down at me for confirmation.
I nodded silently. There wasn’t anything more I could add.
“He convinced me it would be the best thing for both him and our relationship,” Anna continued. “I’ll admit, it wasn’t an easy adjustment. I always believed in an equal partnership, and the idea of locking up his penis felt… well, foreign. And discipline? That was something I never imagined myself doing.”
“I don’t know if I could do that… you know, spanking or whatever,” Sally said.
“Sally, you are a lot like me in many ways. I am betting you could get into it. The power, the control… it turned me on in a way I never expected. That said, I would never have done it if Jason hadn’t wanted it first. This FLR thing only works because of mutual trust and consent. The bottom line is, he doesn’t want to be released, and now I wouldn’t do it, even if he wanted it. I know what is best for him… and me.”
Sally shook her head in amazement. “It really seems to work for you guys. I’m going to have to figure out how to explore this with Chris.”
Anna nodded. “The truth is, he has to initiate it.”
“How do I make that happen?” Sally asked.
“I’m not sure,” Anna said thoughtfully, “but as I said earlier, I have a lot of information that might help you get started.”
“I absolutely do want to learn more,” Sally said.
“If you really want to try a FLR, Jason and I are more than willing to help,” Anna said to Sally.
“Let me think more about it,” Sally said.
“Fair enough,” Anna said. Then she changed the subject.
Anna looked at Sally with a smile. “Would you agree that Jason’s been a good boy today. And in FLR, good boys deserve rewards. Don’t you think he deserves a reward?”
My ears perked up at her words, and Sally grinned. “Yes, absolutely.”
“As I mentioned earlier, one of the things you have to do with a caged lover is maintenance,” Anna explained.
“Maintenance? Like discipline?” Sally asked.
Anna shook her head, her expression firm yet thoughtful. “You will have to wait a bit on that,” Anna said. “Of course, discipline is important, but maintenance goes beyond that it’s also about his physical health. The prostate and testicles require regular stimulation to stay functional. They produce testosterone, sperm, and other vital chemicals. Without some form of release, a man’s levels can drop due to factors like age, diet, environmental conditions, or inactivity. Stimulating the system helps maintain balance. But perhaps the most critical aspect of maintenance is keeping him in a heightened state of arousal all the time. This is key to ensuring his focus remains on you, and you alone. I can’t emphasize this enough: his arousal is everything. We call the process ‘tease and denial.’”
Sally leaned forward, clearly captivated. “So, what does that look like in practice?” she asked.
Anna smiled knowingly. “For Jason, I make it a point to tease him regularly. I’ll stroke him for about 15 minutes, at least a few times a week, sometimes longer, depending on my mood or how many days it’s been since his last maintenance session. This routine keeps his body active, stimulating testosterone production and maintaining overall health.”
“Do you ever let him finish?” Sally asked, her curiosity piqued.
Anna laughed. “No, not in the way you’re thinking. I bring him right to the edge, over and over, but I never allow a full release. Denying him signals his body to keep producing sperm and hormones, which is the primary goal. Occasionally, I will allow a ruined orgasm to release some fluid, so he doesn’t get ‘blue balls’, but even then, it’s controlled and deliberate. The real focus is on the stimulation and maintaining that delicate balance.”
Sally tilted her head. “I heard men can get blue balls, but I never really thought it was true. Explain to me again why you don’t let him climax fully?”
“Jason and I just recently had that conversation after I gave him a blowjob. Basically he doesn’t want a full release, because a full orgasm disrupts the process,” Anna explained. “It leaves him lethargic and less focused on pleasing me. The goal is to keep him in a constant state of arousal and euphoria, where he’s always excited to serve me. That’s the magic of this system.”
Sally nodded slowly. “That makes sense. But what’s a ruined orgasm?”
Anna smiled. “First, it is not really ruined, per se. It’s when the orgasm is cut short. Instead of a full release, the fluid dribbles out, and dribble is the key word. The sensation is minimal, barely a fraction of what a full climax feels like. He stays unsatisfied, so the arousal continues. It’s effective and keeps everything working as it should without disrupting the balance. So he releases some prostate fluid and some sperm, which helps with ‘blue balls’. But, because it is not a full and satisfying climax, we have to use ice on his penis because his erection won’t go down.”
Sally laughed loudly.
Anna continued. “As I explained, just the other day, I insisted on giving him a full blowjob. It was a big mistake that I only came to realize when Jason told me how he felt afterward. He didn’t like it!”
“That’s crazy. I know what you said, but I can’t believe any man wouldn’t want a blowjob?” Sally stated again.
“Well, let’s not get hung up on that now. Jason can explain it later and do a far better job. Right now, I can show you a major part of how this all works.
“This so interesting… and exciting,” Sally said, her curiosity growing.
“As I said, maintenance is critical to keeping the process going,” Anna explained. “It took me a long time to perfect it, and just as long to train Jason. He had to learn to identify exactly when he’s at his peak, when he’s just seconds away from climax. That’s when he has to tell me to hold. I decide how long the teasing goes on, and sometimes I’ll take him to the edge ten times in a single session. That’s a bit extreme and completely exhausts him, but it’s effective. If he messes up and doesn’t warn me in time, there’s a severe caning waiting for him. Let’s just say he’s become very in tune with his body,” Anna said with a sly smile.
When we think of marriage, we often picture it as an emotional and spiritual bond. But beneath the surface lies a biological foundation that holds relationships together: the sexual system. Rooted in our evolutionary history, this system is responsible for not only sparking romantic connections but also emotional resilience, attachment and sex. In modern marriages, understanding how the sexual system evolves over time can unlock deeper intimacy and strengthen the marital bond.
Attachment and Sex: A Bridge to Connection
At its core, the sexual system is designed to ensure reproduction and survival of our species, but its role extends far beyond biology. It encourages proximity, affection, and bonding between partners. Acts of intimacy—whether through physical touch, shared vulnerability, or moments of passion—trigger the release of neurochemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin, often referred to as “bonding hormones.” These chemicals create feelings of closeness, trust, and attachment, acting as the glue that holds couples together during the emotional highs and lows of life.
In the early stages of a relationship, sexual attraction is often the spark that draws two people together. It acts as a “compatibility test,” where sexual chemistry can signal mutual suitability. At this stage, frequent and passionate sexual encounters are often a hallmark of the relationship. These moments not only satisfy physical desires but also deepen emotional bonds, creating a foundation of trust and connection.
Sex in Relationship Development
As relationships progress, the role of sex evolves. During the honeymoon phase, sex often serves as a tool for emotional bonding and trust-building. But as the partnership matures, the functional significance of sex begins to shift. Studies suggest that while sexual frequency may decrease over time, the emotional significance of sexual intimacy becomes more nuanced.
For many couples, sex transitions from being the primary means of connection to becoming one of many ways to express love and care. Emotional intimacy, shared goals, and mutual support often take center stage, with sex playing a supporting role. In long-term marriages, the emphasis shifts from raw passion to nurturing a sense of partnership and stability. Interestingly, this evolution mirrors the human need for emotional security in relationships rather than purely reproductive goals.
However, this shift isn’t universal. Some couples find that their sexual connection strengthens over time, becoming a vital part of their emotional toolkit. For others, particularly women, the significance of sex may wane. Research indicates that many women in long-term relationships find that sex detracts from emotional quality, particularly if it feels more like an obligation than an act of connection. This divergence highlights the importance of communication and adapting to changing needs within the partnership.
Sex as a Tool for Resilience
Even as sex becomes less central in some relationships, it can still play a vital role in fostering emotional resilience. During moments of conflict or emotional distance, sexual intimacy can serve as a reset button, helping partners reconnect. The act of coming together physically can break down barriers and reignite feelings of closeness, even when words fail.
Interestingly, the sexual system has a built-in adaptability that helps couples navigate the ups and downs of marriage. In the early years, it fuels passion and connection, but as relationships mature, it supports stability and emotional security. This adaptability makes sex a dynamic tool for building and maintaining resilience in a marriage.
Sex Across Different Stages
The role of sex shifts dramatically depending on the stage of the relationship:
Initial Suitability and Attraction: At the outset, sexual chemistry acts as a litmus test for compatibility. It helps individuals determine whether a potential partner aligns with their physical and emotional needs. Sexual desire is often at its peak, driven by novelty and excitement. This stage lays the groundwork for emotional attachment, as frequent intimacy fosters trust and bonding.
Building Emotional Bonds: As the relationship progresses, sex becomes a means of deepening emotional connection. Intimate moments provide a safe space for vulnerability, encouraging partners to open up emotionally. During this phase, sex is not just about physical pleasure but also about strengthening the emotional tether between partners.
Maintenance in Long-Term Relationships: Over time, the intensity of sexual desire may wane, but its role in relationship maintenance becomes more significant. For many couples, sexual intimacy serves as a reminder of their connection, even if it occurs less frequently. However, this stage is also where differences in sexual desire can emerge, leading to potential conflicts. Communication and compromise become crucial in navigating these changes.
Later Years and Emotional Quality: In later stages of marriage, sex often takes a backseat to other forms of intimacy. For many women, the focus shifts to emotional closeness, shared experiences, and companionship. This stage highlights the importance of adapting to new definitions of intimacy that go beyond the bedroom.
When Sex Becomes Less Central
For women, sex may lose its appeal or even detract from emotional quality in later years. Hormonal changes, life stressors, and evolving priorities can all contribute to this shift. For some, the emotional labor of maintaining a sexual connection can feel burdensome, especially if the relationship lacks open communication about needs and desires.
However, this does not mean that intimacy disappears. Couples often find new ways to connect, whether through shared hobbies, meaningful conversations, or acts of care. These non-sexual forms of intimacy can be just as powerful in maintaining a strong emotional bond.
For men, sex is deeply tied to their sense of self-worth, shaping how they feel about themselves and their relationship. Society often reinforces the idea that being desired physically equates to being valuable and loved. When intimacy is frequent and passionate, it boosts confidence and reassures a man of his importance in the relationship. Conversely, a lack of sex can lead to feelings of rejection or insecurity, even if the emotional bond remains strong. While sex is an important aspect of intimacy, it shouldn’t be the sole measure of personal value or relationship success.
When men don’t feel sexually validated within their relationship, they often seek that validation elsewhere—not necessarily through other women, but through porn, fantasies, or even excessive work or hobbies that provide a sense of accomplishment. This isn’t always about physical pleasure; it’s about reaffirming their own desirability and worth. The need to express themselves sexually is just as fundamental as their need to express themselves emotionally. For many men, sex isn’t just a physical act but a way to feel deeply connected to their partner. When that connection is lacking, they may struggle to feel emotionally safe, making it harder to open up in other areas of the relationship.
This is why sexual and emotional intimacy are so closely linked for many men. Often, they need to feel sexually desired before they can truly feel accepted emotionally. If a man senses rejection or disinterest in the bedroom, it may make him hesitant to be vulnerable in other ways, fearing further rejection. Women, on the other hand, often need emotional intimacy before they feel comfortable expressing themselves sexually, which can create a cycle of frustration. Understanding these differences and communicating openly about needs and desires can help break the cycle, ensuring that both partners feel valued, desired, and connected on every level.
Sex and Attachment
Recent research sheds light on how the sexual system adapts to different stages of relationship development. For example, studies have shown that in the early stages of a relationship, sexual attraction is a key factor in partner selection. It acts as a gatekeeper, helping individuals determine whether a potential partner is worth pursuing.
In established relationships, the role of sex shifts toward maintenance and emotional regulation. Couples who engage in regular, satisfying sexual activity often report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and resilience. On the flip side, couples who struggle with mismatched desires or sexual dissatisfaction may experience greater relationship strain.
Interestingly, some studies suggest that sex can even serve as a diagnostic tool for relationship health. A decline in sexual desire or satisfaction may signal deeper issues, such as unresolved conflicts or emotional distance. By addressing these underlying problems, couples can often restore both their sexual and emotional connection.
The Evolution of Intimacy
Understanding the evolving role of the sexual system can help couples navigate the challenges of a long-term marriage. Communication is key to adapting to these changes. By openly discussing needs, desires, and concerns, couples can ensure that their intimacy evolves in a way that supports their emotional connection.
It’s also important to redefine what intimacy means as the relationship matures. While sex may remain an important part of the relationship for some, others may find fulfillment in non-sexual forms of connection. The key is to honor each partner’s changing needs and to approach these transitions with empathy and understanding.
The sexual system is a powerful force that shapes our relationships in profound ways. From the initial spark of attraction to the enduring bond of a long-term marriage, it plays a central role in fostering attachment and emotional resilience. But like any aspect of a relationship, its significance evolves over time.
For couples willing to embrace this evolution, the sexual system offers endless opportunities for growth and connection. Whether through passionate encounters, quiet moments of intimacy, or shared experiences outside the bedroom, the dance of intimacy continues to strengthen the bond between partners.
You might be asking how this plays into modern marriage dynamics, stay tuned for more on this one!
Evolving Your Conversation
How has the role of sex changed in your relationship over time, and how have you adapted to those changes?
In what ways does intimacy—sexual or otherwise—help you and your partner feel closer?
How do you navigate differences in sexual desire or expectations in your marriage?
What non-sexual forms of intimacy bring you the most joy and connection with your partner?
How can understanding the evolution of the sexual system improve your communication and strengthen your bond?
When it comes to bringing fun and playful exploration into the bedroom, sometimes it’s about more than just the physical connection—it’s about the mental stimulation, a verbal penis comparison, and embracing a little taboo. One of my favorite scenarios to explore involves both Erik and Kev in a moment that blends teasing, tactile comparisons, and a little bit of SPH (small penis humiliation) play. Whether Kev is locked in his cage or enjoying a moment of freedom, the playful dynamic between us never fails to keep everyone engaged and excited. Let’s dive into why these moments are so satisfying and how verbal exploration can bring a whole new level of intimacy and fun to your relationship.
Side-by-Side Penis Comparison
Picture this: Erik and Kev lie side by side on the bed, both eager and curious about what’s to come. Kev, depending on my mood is most likely locked in his chastity cage with his key playfully on my necklace, his vulnerability adding an extra layer of spice. Erik’s larger size often provides a natural contrast to Kev, and that’s where the fun begins. I unlock Kev take them both in my hands, comparing their size, weight, head shapes, and even the size of their balls. I speak to them openly, alternating between teasing remarks and genuine compliments.
“Erik, you’re so girthy here, but Kev’s head has this cute, distinctive shape that I just love,” I might say. Or, “Kev, you’re so smooth and delicate; Erik’s size feels heavier in my hands.” The words are always intentional—playful, flirty, and aimed at keeping both men deeply engaged and physically responsive to my every word. The goal isn’t to tear anyone down but to create an environment where size and differences are celebrated, explored, and even fetishized.
Why Verbal Exploration Works
What makes this scenario so exciting is the way verbal communication becomes a tool for connection. By describing what I feel and see, I’m creating a shared experience where everyone is fully present. For Kev, the teasing and comparison often lean into SPH territory, which fuels his arousal in a way that’s deeply psychological. For Erik, the attention and praise feed his confidence, keeping him equally invested. It’s a balance of playful dominance and genuine appreciation that keeps the energy electric.
Being verbal during intimate moments also removes the guesswork. There’s no silence to fill or awkward pauses to navigate; instead, it’s a constant flow of dialogue that keeps everyone in sync. It’s an exercise in vulnerability for all three of us, and that’s where the magic lies.
Choosing a Culmination
These sessions usually end with a decision—who will take the spotlight as the play continues? More often than not, the evening culminates with Kev being locked securely into his cage while Erik takes center stage. There’s a thrill in the build-up, the teasing remarks that lead to that moment of choice.
“Kev, you’ve been so good tonight, but I think Erik deserves the grand finale,” I might say with a sly smile. Or, on some occasions, I might let both men stay involved, ensuring everyone feels included in the experience. The choice is always based on the energy in the room, the connection we’ve built, the playful dynamic we’ve cultivated and my fickle finger of selection.
Multiple Partners in SPH Scenarios
There’s something undeniably thrilling about involving multiple partners in a sexual scenario, especially when SPH comes into play. The contrast between partners, whether in size, demeanor, or response, creates endless opportunities for exploration and arousal. For many, the idea of verbal comparisons taps into a deep fantasy of being observed, judged, and ultimately chosen or denied.
In SPH scenarios, the focus isn’t just on size but on the power dynamics at play. It’s about surrendering control, embracing vulnerability, and finding excitement in being part of a shared experience. For the lucky and empowered woman in the center of it all, it’s a chance to revel in her sexual power, to explore her desires openly, and to create a space where everyone feels both challenged and cherished.
The Taboo of Group Play
Unfortunately, the idea of women enjoying multiple partners—even within the context of a committed relationship with one or both men—is still steeped in taboo. But why should it be? Group play, when approached with consent, communication, and mutual respect, can be an incredibly empowering and fulfilling experience. It challenges traditional monogamy and encourages couples to explore new dynamics together.
Historically, group sex has existed in many forms, from ancient rituals to modern swinger communities. In the 1960s and 1970s, key parties and wife-swapping became symbols of sexual liberation, though they were often shrouded in secrecy. The 1980s saw a more discreet approach as AIDS awareness brought caution to the forefront, while the 1990s introduced birth control, a renewed interest in open relationships and ethical non-monogamy. Today, we have the language and resources to discuss these dynamics openly, making it easier than ever to explore fantasies like SPH and group play in a safe and consensual way.
Why the Excitement Shifts to One Partner
In scenarios with multiple partners, it’s natural for the focus to shift to one person as the evening progresses. This isn’t about playing favorites but about following the energy and chemistry in the moment. Often, the verbal teasing and comparisons help guide this process, creating a sense of anticipation and climax. For Kev, being locked back into his cage is a symbol of devotion and submission, he loves my compliments and satisfaction at hearing him click back into place. When Erik’s role as the chosen partner allows him to step into a more dominant, confident position and smile at a natural hierarchy in the bedroom.
The dynamic works because it’s rooted in trust, understanding and a tremendous amount of communication. Kev knows not to enter into these types of scenarios with any expectations, and Erik understands the boundaries we’ve set. By keeping the focus on play and exploration, we’re able to create an experience that keeps everyone on their toes while still being exciting and satisfying for all three of us.
Bringing Play to Your Bedroom
If you’re curious about introducing verbal comparisons, SPH, or group play into your relationship, the key is open communication. Talk with your partner(s) about your desires, boundaries, and fantasies. Start small, and very slow perhaps with verbal teasing during one-on-one play, and gradually build up to more elaborate scenarios as your comfort level grows. Remember, the goal is to create a shared experience that’s fun, consensual, and free of judgment. Frequent starts and stops show that you are in control and call the shots as to when play begins, ends and specifically how it ends for each party involved.
Don’t be afraid to explore the taboo. Group play, SPH, and other forms of erotic exploration are only as shameful as we allow them to be. By approaching these scenarios with honesty and curiosity, you can create moments of intimacy and connection that bring you closer together. By opening the door to these conversations, you might find new ways to deepen your intimacy, explore your desires, and create unforgettable experiences together.
Evolving Your Conversation:
How do you and your partner(s) feel about incorporating verbal teasing or comparisons into your intimate moments? Does it excite you or make you feel nervous?
Have you ever explored SPH or similar kinks? What boundaries or rules would you set to keep it fun and safe?
How do you view the idea of bringing a third person into your relationship? What appeals to you, and what concerns would you need to address?
How do you challenge societal taboos about sexuality within your relationship? What’s one fantasy or idea you’d love to explore but haven’t yet?
I have a question for you. I can’t cum with my husband. When I first married him he had no trouble getting me off but we have been married ten years now and I don’t really even want to have sex with him because I know I can’t have an orgasm with him. He is a great guy and we are very close but it is almost embarrassing and dare I say pathetic that he doesn’t get me off anymore.
I know its not me because I can get off by myself no problem. I feel so very resentful that he can’t do what he used to do so easily in the past. Is it him or is it me, what is even going on. I want and deserve a good sex life but I feel like I am starving for good sex and I am so frustrated with him.
-Tara
Hi there Tara!
First off, let me say I understand your frustration—intimacy is such a cornerstone of a thriving relationship, and feeling disconnected in the bedroom can feel like losing a lifeline. What you’re experiencing is more common than you might think, and it has some fascinating psychological and biological underpinnings. So, let’s unpack this together with equal parts empathy and science.
I Can’t Cum With Him: Attraction vs. Familiarity
When you first got together with your husband, your brain was likely swimming in a cocktail of feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are the same chemicals responsible for that “can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you” feeling in the early stages of love. Scientists often call this the honeymoon phase, and it’s driven by novelty and the thrill of discovery.
Here’s the kicker: over time, your brain adjusts. Studies show that after 6–24 months of being in a relationship, those intense chemical surges naturally decrease. This is when oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” takes over, reinforcing emotional closeness rather than fiery lust. While oxytocin is amazing for trust and long-term attachment, it doesn’t exactly scream “mind-blowing orgasm.”
A 2017 study published in Biological Psychology found that couples in long-term relationships often report lower levels of sexual desire than during their early years. This isn’t about love fading—it’s about your brain craving novelty, which is hard to find when your partner’s every move feels predictable.
Why Familiarity Can Kill Orgasmic Response
The fact that you still feel close to your husband emotionally is fantastic, but emotional closeness alone doesn’t always translate to physical desire. In fact, some psychologists argue that too much emotional intimacy can suppress erotic tension. This phenomenon is often referred to as the “erotic paradox.”
As Esther Perel, a leading relationship therapist, explains in her book Mating in Captivity, “Desire thrives on mystery, and mystery is the opposite of familiarity.” In other words, the very things that make your husband feel safe and dependable—predictability, routine, and familiarity—are the same things that can turn the lights off in the bedroom.
It’s not that your husband can’t get you off—it’s that the sparks from the early days of your relationship have likely settled into something more predictable. Familiarity, while comforting, can sometimes sap the element of surprise and excitement that fuels erotic connection. When we’re with the same person over time, our brains don’t always react to them as a fresh, stimulating erotic stimulus.
It’s not a flaw in your partner or your relationship; it’s how desire works. Esther Perel, the queen of modern relationship wisdom, often reminds us that the tension between intimacy and eroticism is natural. Familiarity brings safety, but novelty breeds passion, and those two forces can clash in long-term relationships. The issue isn’t about blame—it’s about rethinking how you approach arousal and intimacy together.
The trap many couples fall into is a feedback loop of frustration: if you blame your partner for your lack of arousal, you might subconsciously create resistance to intimacy. This loop can deepen the divide, making it even harder to rekindle that spark. What’s important is shifting focus from what isn’t working to what can reignite desire.
Could it be about introducing new experiences together or exploring fantasies you’ve never shared? Or maybe it’s about cultivating a sense of mystery again—yes, even with someone you know so well. Desire thrives in the space between, in the unknown and unexpected. It’s worth reflecting: Is it really him, or is it the dance between the two of you that needs a new rhythm?
The Erotic Paradox: Is It Him or Is It You?
The short answer? It’s both. Your body and brain are reacting naturally to long-term partnership dynamics, but there’s also a good chance that both of you have fallen into sexual routines that no longer excite you. Many couples develop a sexual “script” over time—a predictable sequence of actions leading to orgasm (or, in your case, frustration). When the brain knows what’s coming next, it’s less likely to release the dopamine needed to feel aroused.
But here’s the silver lining: this isn’t a dead end. The desire and pleasure you’re seeking are absolutely within reach—you just need to rewrite the script.
How to Bring Back the Spark
Introduce Novelty Your brain loves surprises, and novelty is a surefire way to reignite the sexual fire. This doesn’t mean you need to reinvent the wheel or try things that feel unnatural to you. Start small—wear lingerie you’ve never tried before, have sex in a new location, or experiment with role-playing. A 2016 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that couples who engage in novel activities together report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and sexual desire. It’s all about creating a sense of adventure that reminds your brain of those early, dopamine-filled days.
Communicate Openly It’s tempting to tiptoe around the issue, but honesty is key. Tell your husband how you’re feeling—not as a criticism but as an invitation to explore new ways of connecting. Use phrases like, “I miss feeling wild with you,” or “I’d love for us to discover new ways to turn each other on.”
Focus on Sensuality, Not Orgasm Sometimes, the pressure to achieve orgasm can create a mental block that makes it nearly impossible to relax and enjoy the moment. Shift your focus to sensuality instead. Explore each other’s bodies with no goal in mind, practice extended foreplay, or even try techniques like tantric breathing.
Consider Scheduling Sex I know, I know—scheduling sex doesn’t sound sexy. But when life gets busy, setting aside time for intimacy can actually be a game-changer. Treat it like a special date night where the sole purpose is to reconnect physically and emotionally.
Solo Exploration If your own body feels like a stranger, spend some time getting reacquainted. Masturbation isn’t just about self-pleasure—it’s a way to learn what turns you on, which you can then share with your husband.
Therapy or Coaching If the resentment you mentioned is creating a wall between you and your husband, consider working with a therapist or a sex coach. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you navigate complex emotions and rebuild intimacy.
Let’s Get Kinky!
Sometimes attraction levels in a marriage get totally out of sync. He’s still all over you, and you’re… well, kind of over it. Maybe it’s stress, routine, or just a shift in desire, but whatever the reason, it can start to breed resentment, guilt, and even avoidance. Instead of shutting down or feeling guilty, you get to flip the script, channel those frustrations into an erotic power play, and make his relentless desire part of the fun. Rather than suffering through the imbalance, you get to control it, giving him a fantasy framework where he can eroticize your disinterest while you get a sexy, guilt-free way to express it.
For him, this isn’t just about being denied—it’s about fully embracing his natural obsession with you in a way that fuels the dynamic instead of draining it. Women simply aren’t wired for constant arousal in long term monogamous relationships. Locking him in a chastity cage or teasing him with the idea of it takes his frustration and turns it into a game and men like games. In this game, you happen to be the one holding all of the cards. He gets to feel the thrill of being completely at your mercy, knowing his pleasure (or lack thereof) is in your hands. Meanwhile, you get to air out all those little annoyances—his constant neediness, his inability to turn you on like he used to—without it being an actual relationship issue. Instead, it’s part of the play. He’s not just pining after you helplessly—he’s serving you, desperate for whatever scraps of attention you decide to give.
And here’s the beauty of it: it’s not about being cruel (unless that’s your thing—no judgment). It’s about giving both of you a way to process shifting attraction levels in a controlled, exciting way rather than letting them quietly erode the relationship. If left unaddressed, mismatched libidos can create distance, resentment, and lead to avoidance.
Reddit’s deadbedrooms subreddit is full of people who have turned into roommates in their own marriage, do you want to take matters into your own hands or become one of them (no offense to the deadbedroomers). If you take charge of the situation, add a little playful humiliation, and maybe even introduce chastity, suddenly you’re in control of the narrative. His frustration isn’t a problem anymore—it’s entertainment. And let’s be honest, watching him squirm, beg, and hang on your every word is a huge rush.
At the end of the day, relationships are about evolving together, not just letting things happen to you because of the way you are naturally wired. If his attraction is sky-high and yours is fizzling out, why not guide your natural tendencies and make it work for you? Tease him, deny him, mock his desperation, and if you really want to up the ante—lock him up and make him prove his devotion.
You get to reclaim your female power, he gets to channel his obsession into something productive, and suddenly, instead of feeling like you’re stuck in a rut, you’re playing a game that keeps both of you excited. Who knew that his frustration could actually be your fun? Well, I did.
You deserve a fulfilling sex life, and the good news is that your current situation doesn’t have to define your future. With patience, honesty, and a willingness to try new things, you and your husband can rediscover the passion that brought you together in the first place.
Evolving Your Conversation
Here are some questions to spark a meaningful dialogue with your partner:
What’s one thing we’ve never tried in the bedroom that you’d be open to exploring?
How do you think our sexual relationship has changed over the years, and what do you miss most about the early days?
When was the last time we talked openly about what turns us on? How can we make this a regular conversation?
Are there non-sexual ways we can build excitement and novelty in our relationship?
How can we support each other in creating a sex life that feels fulfilling for both of us?
In many relationships, there’s an unspoken agreement that feels a little like a bad business deal—men commit to secure a steady supply of sex, and women get cast in the role of sexual gatekeepers. In this role, women ration sex to the man in a stale and dysfunctional pattern where intimacy becomes more about transactions than passion.
Before the couple knows it, sex no longer is a source of physical and emotional intimacy but something to be earned, like a gold star on a behavior chart. The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way! There are ways to focus on redefining intimacy in your marriage and break free from the “gatekeeper” dynamic and step into a more connected and fulfilling relationship.
This transactional structure and foundation of obligation leads to an unhealthy sexual dynamic for both partners. For the woman, it creates an obligation to “service” her partner, at the cost of her own sexual agency and pleasure. For the man, it fosters a regressive, dependent relationship dynamic where he is left in a perpetual state of seeking approval through sexual access, much like a child seeking nourishment from a mother. In other words, sex becomes a commodity that is exchanged rather than a mutual, pleasurable connection.
In this blog, I will explore how this deeply ingrained societal norm contributes to unsatisfying relationships and how shifting to alternative structures, such as open relationships or cuckolding dynamics, can redefine intimacy in ways that liberate both partners. By challenging the idea that a wife is the sole provider of sex in a relationship, couples can break free from a cycle of obligation and resentment, creating healthier, more fulfilling sexual relationships.
The Sexual Economy of Monogamy: Transactional Sex as a Social Norm
Monogamous relationships follow a pattern where men enter a committed relationship expecting a stable and consistent supply of sex, while women use sex as leverage to secure commitment and emotional investment. The imbalance in this exchange creates a foundation that is inherently unequal and unsustainable.
Men are socially conditioned to believe that sex is a necessity, something they are owed in return for being good partners. Women, in turn, are conditioned to believe that sex is a resource they control, something they can use to negotiate emotional security, fidelity, and good behavior from their partners. This sexual economy is reinforced by pop culture, media, and even advice from older generations.
The problem with this model is that it strips sex of its intrinsic joy and mutual pleasure, turning it into a bartering tool rather than an expression of love, attraction, or connection. Over time, the woman may feel burdened by the obligation of providing sex, while the man may grow resentful if he perceives that his sexual needs are not being met on demand.
The Mother/Son Dynamic: Infantilizing Men Through Sexual Access
When a relationship revolves around the woman controlling sexual supply, the dynamic begins to takes on a mother/son quality. The man becomes dependent on the woman for his sexual needs, much like a child depends on his mother for nourishment. The woman, in turn, becomes the gatekeeper who doles out affection and intimacy based on her partner’s behavior.
This dynamic creates a problematic power imbalance where the man is perpetually in pursuit of sexual approval, and the woman feels burdened by the responsibility of managing his needs. In many relationships, women complain of feeling like their husband’s mother rather than their lover, which leads to a decrease in attraction and desire.
Additionally, when a woman withholds sex as a means of punishment, it reinforces the idea that sex is something men take from women rather than something both partners mutually enjoy. This fuels a cycle where men either resent their partners for denying them access or attempt to manipulate their way into getting sex, leading to dishonesty, frustration, or affairs.
The Grieving Process of Non-Monogamy: Losing the Illusion of Sexual Ownership
When a monogamous couple transitions into an open relationship, men experience an intense emotional response that can feel like grief. They mourn the loss of exclusivity and the illusion that their partner’s sexuality belongs to them alone. This is fundamentally different from the emotional reaction that women have in these situations.
For many men, their wives represent the exclusive source of sexual validation. When that exclusivity is removed, they are forced to confront an uncomfortable truth: sex was never something they were entitled to, but something their partner was offering them by choice. The realization that their wife can experience pleasure with someone else, that she can desire another person, and that she may even prefer sex with another man, shatters their sense of sexual security.
The analogy I use is that of a cow and its milk supply. In a monogamous framework, the husband assumes that he has exclusive access to the “milk” (sex). When an open relationship is introduced, he is forced to recognize that not only is the milk not exclusively his, but someone else may enjoy it as well—and possibly in a way that the cow (his wife) enjoys more.
This creates a deep sense of loss and fear, which manifests as jealousy, insecurity, or even anger. If men do not fully process this grief, they may quickly retreat back into monogamy, seeking to re-establish the familiar power structure where their wife is once again their primary source of sexual fulfillment. However, if they allow themselves to sit with the discomfort and process the emotions fully, they can emerge with a more mature, evolved understanding of sex and relationships.
Breaking Free from the Sexual Parasite Relationship Dynamic
If a man successfully grieves the loss of exclusive access to his wife’s sexuality, he can shift from being a passive recipient of sex to an active participant in his own sexual evolution. Instead of seeing sex as something to be provided to him, he can start to engage with his own sexuality in new and healthier ways.
One possible outcome is that the wife may not be able to overcome the resentment built from years of a transactional sexual relationship. She may come to the realization that she no longer wants to have sex within the old paradigm and instead fully embraces her new exploration into non-monogamy. In some cases, the couple may transition into a “nesting partner” relationship, where their bond is primarily emotional and practical, while sex occurs with other partners outside the marriage.
Another outcome is that the couple finds ways to redefine their sexual connection in a way that works for both of them. For some, this might involve introducing elements of erotic teasing, cuckolding, or erotic humiliation—dynamics that reinforce new sexual motivations and allow for healthier sexual bonds.
In my relationship with Kev, we have found that erotic teasing, guided masturbation, and cuckolding have created a more sustainable and fulfilling sexual connection. Unlike the transactional sex of monogamy, where I would “give” sex when I felt he had earned it, our new framework allows for a more natural and liberating experience. I no longer feel like I have to provide sex out of obligation, and Kev no longer feels like he has to chase after approval to get his needs met.
Male Chastity and the Mother/Son Dynamic: A Fundamental Difference
Male chastity, while sometimes misunderstood, operates on an entirely different framework than the mother/son dynamic. While the mother/son relationship infantilizes men and makes them dependent on their partner for sexual access, male chastity is built on the principles of consent, erotic power exchange, and intentional sexual discipline. It is not about withholding sex as a punishment but rather about shifting the focus of pleasure and control in a consensual and fulfilling way.
Unlike the traditional model where the man passively waits for his partner to grant him sexual access, male chastity encourages an active engagement with desire. When a man is in chastity, he is not being denied sex in a punitive sense but rather embracing a dynamic that enhances anticipation, builds connection, and deepens intimacy. This makes him a participant rather than a dependent, differentiating it from the unhealthy mother/son pattern.
Additionally, chastity fosters a sense of equality and partnership that is missing in the mother/son sexual dynamic. Instead of the man feeling deprived or infantilized, he finds excitement in surrendering control and experiencing arousal in new ways. The key difference lies in the intent: the mother/son dynamic enforces an unbalanced and regressive model of sexuality, whereas male chastity is about exploration, play, and reinforcing mutual pleasure.
Modern Marriages: The Key to Sexual Freedom?
Modern marriage dynamics fundamentally differ from the parasitic mother/son sexual dynamic because they removes the notion of entitlement and shifts the focus from obligation to erotic empowerment. In a traditional monogamous structure where the man views his wife as his sexual supplier, he takes on a passive role—waiting to be “fed” sexually when she deems it appropriate.
In contrast, modern marriages redefines this power structure by placing the woman in a position of ultimate sexual autonomy. She chooses when, how, and with whom she engages sexually, while her husband’s role is one of participation through voyeurism, submission, or supportive encouragement. Rather than the man feeling like a child pleading for sex, he actively derives pleasure from his wife’s authority over her own sexuality, liberating both partners from the problematic mother/son sexual dynamic.
Cuckolding for example fosters an intentionality and excitement around sex that the mother/son sexual paradigm lacks. In a parasitic dynamic, the husband’s desire is framed as a need to be met, whereas in cuckolding, his arousal comes from a place of psychological stimulation rather than mere physical satisfaction. Erotic humiliation, teasing, and denial reinforce the idea that sex is not a duty but an experience shaped by power exchange, trust, and playfulness.
Instead of feeling deprived when his wife engages sexually with another man, the husband finds pleasure in her pleasure, transforming his role from a passive recipient of sex to an engaged, emotionally aware participant in their erotic world. This creates a dynamic rooted in excitement and fulfillment rather than one-sided parasitic sexual obligation.
Moreover, cuckolding eliminates the transactional nature of monogamous sex by removing the expectation that sex should be evenly exchanged between partners. In a traditional setup, a wife may feel pressure to “give” her husband sex to keep him happy, reinforcing a cycle of duty-based intimacy.
Cuckolding, reframes the husband’s relationship with sex by incorporating elements like chastity, erotic teasing, and submission, which teach him that pleasure is not simply about ejaculation or sexual access but about the deeper thrill of anticipation, control, and emotional surrender. This shift allows the couple to break free from societal norms that reduce sex to a routine transactional obligation and instead turn it into an experience of psychological depth and emotional discovery.
Redefining Intimacy: A New Framework for Sexuality
The traditional model of monogamy, which positions women as sexual gatekeepers and men as persistent seekers of sexual validation, is fundamentally flawed. It creates resentment, stifles genuine intimacy, and perpetuates an unhealthy mother/son dynamic that leaves both partners unfulfilled.
A decade or two in a parasitic mother/son sexual dynamic would feel incredibly draining and repetitive to most of us. After so many years, you can imagine how emotionally exhausting it would be to feel like you are stuck in a loop, where the wife is constantly giving while the husband is just taking, not leaving much room for any kind of balance or growth. Over time, the excitement and intimacy that should come from mutual care would get lost in the routine, leaving both partners feeling stuck in a never-ending cycle of appeasement and obligation.
And when you think about the sexual side of things, it would be the same story—just a hollow transaction. With the wife calling the shots, any sense of real passion or connection would be replaced by an overwhelming focus on fulfilling obligation. After years of this, it wouldn’t be surprising if both people felt emotionally drained, like they were just going through the motions, missing out on the spark that should naturally come with a loving, healthy passion filled relationship. It would be incredibly isolating, with the weight of it all slowly turning everything into one giant, exhausting routine.
The trope of men claiming that sex “dries up” once a couple gets married has some truth to it, but it’s more about the shift in the dynamic rather than a natural loss of attraction. Marriage, with its vows of “to have and to hold, till death do us part,” can sometimes bring about a sense of obligation in the sexual relationship. The excitement and novelty that accompany dating give way to routine, and what was once a mutual desire can turn into something driven by duty or expectation.
For some, this shift becomes a subtle, unspoken contract, where sex is no longer about connection or passion but about fulfilling the role they’ve agreed to as spouses. In more unhealthy dynamics, this can evolve into a parasitic cycle where one partner, without realizing it, starts to see sex as something they “owe” their spouse, further diminishing the intimacy that once existed. Instead of a partnership based on shared desires and passion, it becomes more about fulfilling responsibilities, leaving both partners feeling disconnected.
By breaking free from this model and embracing alternative frameworks such as open relationships, cuckolding, and erotic teasing, couples can redefine their sexual connections in ways that are healthier and more mutually satisfying. Men can learn to move past the grief of losing exclusive access to their partner’s sexuality and grow into a more evolved version of themselves—one that sees sex as a shared experience rather than a commodity to be obtained.
The key to a fulfilling sexual relationship lies in dismantling the old paradigms and embracing new, more empowering ways of connecting. It’s time to move past the outdated model of sexual supply and demand and into a future where sex is about pleasure, choice, and genuine connection. Is it time to evolve your relationship?
Evolving The Conversation
Do we approach sex as a shared experience or as something that needs to be given or earned?
When I feel dissatisfied or disconnected, how do I express that in our sexual relationship?
Do we feel safe and free to explore new desires together without fear of judgment?
How do our cultural or family backgrounds shape the way we view sex and intimacy?
What would our sexual connection look like if it were truly liberating and fulfilling for both of us?
When it comes to relationships, energy fuels everything. From emotional connection to intellectual stimulation, every interaction either adds or subtracts from the dynamic that keeps a couple thriving. Among all the different types of energy in a relationship, one reigns supreme: sexual energy. It’s raw, primal, and uniquely positioned to transform not just your intimate life but the entire dynamic of your partnership.
In female-led relationships (FLRs), understanding and guiding this powerful force can unlock deeper levels of trust, connection, and fulfillment. One of the most effective ways to channel sexual energy is through the practice of orgasm control. It might sound like a daring concept, but when used thoughtfully, orgasm control is an empowering tool for guiding your relationship with love and purpose.
Let’s dive into the art of orgasm control, exploring how it harnesses sexual energy, why it works so well, and how it can become a cornerstone of a more connected and fulfilling FLR.
Understanding Energy in Relationships
Every relationship thrives on a mix of different energies:
Emotional Energy: The feelings of safety, trust, and affection that create a solid foundation.
Intellectual Energy: Stimulating conversations and shared ideas that keep the relationship engaging.
Physical Energy: The non-sexual aspects of touch, like cuddling or holding hands, that nurture closeness.
Sexual Energy: The magnetic force of attraction, passion, and intimacy that fuels desire.
While all of these energies are important, sexual energy stands out because it’s both deeply motivating and self-regulating. Unlike intellectual or emotional energy, which can require external validation or reinforcement, sexual energy has a built-in reward system: the orgasm.
But here’s the thing – an orgasm doesn’t have to be the finish line every time. By delaying or controlling release, sexual energy can be redirected into other areas of your relationship, creating a more intentional and guided dynamic.
Why Sexual Energy Is the Strongest Force
Sexual energy is one of the most powerful motivators for human behavior. It’s tied to our survival instincts and is one of our most basic needs. When guided thoughtfully, it can:
Build Tension and Anticipation: Sexual energy builds gradually, creating a sense of focus and purpose.
Foster Connection: Shared moments of intimacy deepen emotional bonds.
Encourage Vulnerability: Opening up about sexual desires and boundaries builds trust.
Promote Self-Control: Delaying gratification strengthens discipline and mindfulness.
Think of it like this: controlling someone’s access to food or water is downright cruel because those are non-negotiable needs for survival. But sex? While still a basic need, it operates differently. It’s not bound to a strict timetable or physical necessity. This makes sexual energy uniquely suited for playful exploration and controlled dynamics in a relationship. By guiding your partner’s access to sexual release, you’re not depriving them of something essential; you’re transforming it into a tool for connection and growth.
Orgasm Control: What It Is and Why It Works
Orgasm control involves managing when and how your partner experiences sexual release. This can range from short-term teasing to long-term denial or the use of devices like chastity cages. While it’s often seen as part of kink or BDSM dynamics, it can be equally powerful in a non-kinky, loving relationship.
Why It Works
It Builds Focus: Without the immediate gratification of an orgasm, your partner’s sexual energy stays heightened. This creates a powerful focus on you and the relationship.
It Encourages Positive Behavior: When release is tied to effort, communication, or specific actions, it creates a fun and rewarding feedback loop.
It Deepens Intimacy: Sharing this level of vulnerability strengthens trust and connection.
It’s Playful: Orgasm control adds an element of fun, teasing and flirtation to your dynamic, keeping things exciting.
The Role of Male Chastity in FLRs
Male chastity takes orgasm control to the next level. By physically limiting your partner’s ability to engage in self-release, you create a sense of exclusivity and intentionality around intimacy. Chastity devices are more than just symbolic; they serve as constant reminders of the dynamic you’ve chosen to embrace together.
Why Chastity Works So Well
It Increases Devotion: When sexual energy is directed toward you, it heightens your partner’s focus and affection.
It Encourages Communication: Discussing boundaries, desires, and expectations is essential for chastity to work, fostering deeper understanding.
It Reinforces Female Leadership: By holding the key, literally and metaphorically, you solidify your role as the leader in the relationship.
The Emotional Side of Orgasm Control
While orgasm control and chastity are rooted in sexual energy, their impact goes far beyond the bedroom. They create emotional intimacy by fostering:
Trust: Your partner trusts you to respect their boundaries and guide their release responsibly.
Vulnerability: Opening up about desires and fantasies deepens your connection.
Communication: Clear discussions about expectations and limits strengthen the relationship.
Remember, orgasm control is not about wielding power over your partner but about guiding the relationship toward shared goals and mutual fulfillment.
Practical Steps to Introduce Orgasm Control
Ready to explore the art of orgasm control in your FLR? Here’s how to get started:
1. Start the Conversation
Bring up the idea in a lighthearted and open way. Use language that emphasizes mutual benefit and curiosity. For example:
“I’ve been reading about how controlling sexual energy can bring couples closer. What do you think about exploring something like that together?”
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Discuss what each of you is comfortable with. This could include:
How often release will occur.
What behaviors or actions might influence release.
Whether chastity devices will be part of the dynamic.
3. Create Rituals
Introduce small rituals that reinforce the dynamic, such as daily check-ins, playful teasing, or setting specific rules for when release is allowed.
4. Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge the ways orgasm control is enhancing your relationship. Share how it makes you feel more connected, empowered, or playful.
Benefits Beyond the Bedroom
Orgasm control doesn’t just improve your sex life; it strengthens your entire relationship dynamic. Here’s how:
Improved Communication: Regular discussions about desires and limits translate into better communication in other areas.
Increased Intimacy: The heightened focus on sexual energy deepens your emotional bond.
Stronger Connection: The trust required for orgasm control builds a more solid partnership.
Empowered Leadership: As a woman in a female-led relationship, guiding sexual energy reinforces your confidence and leadership role.
Common Misconceptions
“Isn’t this manipulative?” Not at all! Orgasm control is about supporting shared relationship goals. It’s a collaborative effort, not a one-sided power grab and consent is absolutely key.
“Won’t this frustrate my partner?” Some frustration is natural and a key part of the appeal. But when done with love and care, it’s a playful, positive frustration that enhances connection. Suffer for me, baby.
“Is this only for kinky relationships?” Absolutely not. While popular in kink communities, orgasm control can be a gentle and loving practice in any relationship.
Harness His Sexual Energy
Orgasm control is more than just a bedroom experiment; it’s a powerful way to guide your relationship with intention, love, and purpose. By harnessing the strength of sexual energy, you can deepen your connection, inspire positive changes, and create a dynamic that’s both playful and empowering.
The art of orgasm control is not about restriction but about channeling energy toward something greater: a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.
Evolving Your Conversation
How do you think sexual energy compares to other types of energy in your relationship?
What boundaries and expectations would you set if you were to explore orgasm control?
How do you see the balance of power and trust evolving in a dynamic like this?
What non-sexual ways could you redirect sexual energy to enhance your relationship?
How would you introduce a conversation about orgasm control to your partner?
When it comes to kink and BDSM, many people enjoy the physical aspects—hands-on dominance and submission, sensory play, or even bondage. But there’s something especially electrifying about a psychological experience, and nothing captures the essence of that quite like erotic humiliation. And if you’re looking for a deeper layer of connection, there’s nothing more intimate than hearing your partner’s voice reading or recording a script just for you.
Now, I know what you’re thinking—humiliation can sound pretty intense. But it’s important to remember that erotic humiliation is all about consensual power dynamics and pushing boundaries in a safe, controlled environment. The emotional rollercoaster of humiliation can be incredibly sexy, intimate, vulnerable and empowering.
What Exactly Are Erotic Humiliation Scripts?
Erotic humiliation scripts are pre-written or improvised monologues where one partner plays a dominant role, often humiliating or degrading the other in a playful, sexy, and consensual manner. These can range from light teasing to more intense forms of psychological play such as small penis humiliation (SPH) or cuckold humiliation. The key here is consent, trust, and mutual enjoyment—it’s never about crossing a hard limit.
A script might involve calling your partner names, mocking their appearance, or playing with their insecurities—all while building up that intense feeling of power imbalance that makes it so exciting. What makes it unique, though, is that the script is often read aloud (or recorded) in your voice, which deepens the intimacy of the experience. The words themselves carry a heavy weight, but hearing the voice of someone you trust and love amplify the message? That’s where the magic happens.
The Erotic Power of Your Partner’s Voice
There’s something wonderfully primal about hearing your partner’s voice speaking directly to you. It’s personal. It’s intimate. It’s something that doesn’t just feel like you’re role-playing with a stranger or a fantasy—it feels like your relationship is at the center of it. This is no longer just about what is being said, but about the emotional connection between you two as the words flow.
Voice adds a layer of intensity that can’t be matched by text alone. When you hear the subtle nuances of your partner’s tone—whether it’s a mocking lilt, a commanding force, or even just the way their voice crackles with desire—it becomes much more than words. The voice adds an emotional depth and a sense of control that physical interactions may lack. Remember to read slow, very slowly, with long pauses between sentences. If you think you are going slow enough, you should probably slow down a little bit more.
“You’re Mine to Control”
“Look at you, sitting there, all hard and desperate in your little pink cage. You can’t even touch yourself, can you? You know exactly what I’m doing to you, don’t you? Every word, every little movement I make is driving you crazy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re locked up, and that’s where you’ll stay. I hold all the power now with this shiny little key, and I’m enjoying every second of it.
Do you feel it? That aching, desperate need? The kind that eats at you, makes your thoughts spiral out of control? You thought I’d give in, didn’t you? You thought maybe you’d get a little relief. But I’m not done with you yet. I know how much you want to cum, how much you need to feel that release. But you’re not getting it. Not yet.
You’re mine to control. And right now? Right now, you’re going to sit there and feel that frustration build. You’re going to squirm, and you’re going to beg me to let you out of that little tiny cage. But you know what? It’s not happening. Not until I say so.
Isn’t it adorable? How badly you want to touch yourself, to break free from that lock, but you can’t. You can only sit there and feel that pressure, feel that need crawling under your skin. You don’t get to decide when you come. I do. And today, you don’t get that satisfaction. I’ll decide when you get your release, and it won’t be until I’m ready.
You’re nothing but a toy for me to play with. And it’s so cute how desperate you are, how much you need me. But don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll let you out eventually. I’ll give you that sweet release when you’ve learned your lesson. But for now? You can sit there, locked up and useless, waiting for my permission. You’ll thank me when I finally decide you’ve earned it. But until then, just remember—you’re mine. Every part of you, every inch of your frustration, belongs to me.”
“Get Ready for Your Spanking”
“Alright, my love, it’s time to get things straight around here. You’ve been a bit too lax, haven’t you? I can tell, and I’m not letting this week slide. You know what that means, don’t you? It means you’re about to get the spanking you need to remind you who’s in charge. This isn’t a punishment. Oh no. This is just a little maintenance, to keep you in line and make sure you remember who runs things.
You’ve been slipping, and I’m not going to let that go. I can see it in your eyes—you’re probably thinking you can talk your way out of this, but we both know you won’t. It’s just how we do things now. You need to stay in your place, and I need to remind you of that. The fact that you know what’s coming is exactly what makes this work. That anticipation, that tiny bit of fear mixed with excitement—it’s all part of the plan.
So, you’re going to bend over, right here, over my knee like a little child. I want you to think about the little things you’ve done—or not done—that got us here. The attitude, the little acts of defiance, the lazy moments. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go overboard. Just enough to keep you in check, enough to keep you aware of the power dynamics here. After all, you’re mine, and it’s my job to keep you focused.
You know what to expect, right? The way your body tenses up, that sharp sting as my hand connects with your skin. You’ve felt it before. The way it makes you focus on me and only me. You’ll be uncomfortable, but you’ll also be reminded why this is necessary. It’s a quick reminder that you don’t get to slack off in this relationship. You’re not the man in this house, I am. I run the show, and you’ll always need to stay in line for me.
I’m not doing this because I don’t love you. In fact, it’s the opposite. You need this. You need to feel that control, that structure. And deep down, I know you like it too. Don’t pretend you don’t. Because when I’m done with you, when you’ve taken your spanking and we’re done here, you’ll feel that discipline in your bones. You’ll know I’m the one in control, and you’ll be better for it.
This is a simple reminder. A maintenance spanking. Nothing too serious, just enough to bring you back into focus. You’ve been a good boy for the most part, but I won’t let things slide. You’ll learn, just like you always do. So, get ready. It’s time for your spanking, and it’s exactly what you need to keep you in line for the rest of the week.”
“You’re Just Not Enough for Me”
“Look at you… I know you try so hard to please me, but let’s face it, darling, you just aren’t enough. You can’t satisfy me the way I need, the way I deserve to be satisfied. I don’t even think you realize how small you’ve made yourself in my eyes. But that’s okay, because you’re good at other things… things like cleaning up after me or taking care of my needs in ways you know don’t involve your cock.
When I’m with my boyfriend—he knows how to fuck me. He’s so much bigger than you, and he knows how to please me in ways that you can only dream of. You’ve seen us, haven’t you? You’ve seen how effortlessly he makes me moan, and how you can barely make me feel anything. I know it must hurt your ego, but this is what it’s come down to.
I can tell you’re aching to be the man who can satisfy me, but sweetie, you’re just not built for it. Your cock is so small… so pathetic, so unimpressive. I can feel how inadequate you are when you try to get close to me. It’s cute that you try, though. I’ll give you that. Maybe you can find another way to please me… but I know you’ll never be able to do it sexually like my boyfriend can.
Does that sting? I bet it does. But you’re still mine, aren’t you? You’ll always be mine to humiliate, to use as I please. You’ll just never measure up.”
“You’ll Never Be Enough”
“God, it’s almost embarrassing, isn’t it? How small you are. It’s honestly laughable sometimes. I mean, when you try to show me how hard you’ve gotten, it’s so adorable. Like, ‘Oh, look at that tiny thing trying to make an impression.’ But no, sweetheart, it’s just not working.
I’ve had bigger—better—and honestly, I don’t even know what you’re expecting from me when you pull that little thing out. Do you think it’ll make me somehow aroused? Excited? Do you think I’m supposed to be impressed? Because it’s the complete opposite.
I’ve learned to appreciate you for other things, but let’s be real: Your cock is not one of those things. It is a joke. It’s pathetic, really. I could barely feel you if I wanted to. But you? You still act like you’re the man of the house, like you can actually satisfy me. How cute. I can’t even take you seriously when I look at it. It’s almost like a little novelty item… fun to play with, but nothing I would ever truly care about.
You get so frustrated, don’t you? You know you’ll never be able to give me what I need. But don’t worry, darling, I’ve got plenty of real men who can show me what it means to be satisfied. You? You can just stand there and watch. It’s what you’re good for. I’ll let you clean up after me, though. Maybe that’ll make you feel like you’re doing something. But just know—you’ll never be enough.”
“Thank You for Supporting Me”
“Look at you, sitting there, just the way I like it. You know how much I appreciate you letting me do this, right? You know that I’m not just using you; I’m thanking you for letting me fulfill the needs I’ve always had. You’ve been so good to me, letting me take control of my desires, even when it means seeing me with someone else. You’re not just my husband—you’re my rock, my foundation, and in this, my willing partner.
It’s hard for a lot of people to understand how something like this could be so fulfilling, but you’ve always been open, haven’t you? You’ve allowed me the space to explore, to embrace the things I crave, and to feel wanted in ways I never thought possible. And I need you to know, every time I’m with someone else, it’s you I’m thinking of. It’s because you love me enough to let me have these experiences that I feel so alive, so complete.
I know it’s not easy for you. There’s a part of you that gets jealous, I’m sure, but deep down, you trust me, and that’s what makes it work. You see the way I light up when I’m with someone who can fulfill my needs in ways you can’t, and you’re not angry, you’re not resentful. Instead, you step aside, give me space, and let me have what I need. And that is such a rare, beautiful thing. It shows me how much you care for me, and how deeply you respect me.
So yes, I’m with someone else, and yes, you’re here, watching, taking it all in, and feeling every wave of humiliation wash over you. But don’t you ever doubt that I’m grateful for you. Don’t you ever think for a second that this is anything less than a gift. You’ve given me the chance to truly experience everything I want, to feel the lust I crave, and to explore my desires without shame. And that’s a gift that most people don’t get.
I’m so lucky to have you, to have someone who so deeply desires me to be happy, satisfied—even if that means you watch me with someone else. You’re not some weak man, and you’re not lesser for this. You’re strong, and in your own way, you’re the one keeping us grounded. Without your love and acceptance, none of this would be possible.
Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for letting me fulfill my desires and for standing by me, even when it’s difficult. You are the most amazing husband, and even when I’m with someone else, it’s you I’m coming home to. You’re my first love, my forever partner. And nothing will ever change that. Now come over here my love, and clean up the mess he just made.”
“I’m Fucking Him, Not You”
“Do you ever wonder what it feels like, knowing that while you’re sitting here being good for me, I’m with him? I’m fucking my boyfriend, while you’re sitting here in your little corner, acting like everything’s fine. Do you ever wish you were the one making me scream? The one making me feel things I know you never will? But that’s the reality of it, sweetheart. I’m his now. You just get to sit back and watch.
You’re pathetic, really. Look at how tiny you are. My boyfriend doesn’t even have to try, he’s so much better than you. I can feel him pounding me deeper than you ever could. Your cock is just a sad little thing in comparison, and you know it. You can try to put on a brave face, but deep down, you know your place. You can never compete with that.
I know this stings, but honestly, I’m just enjoying my time with him. It’s not even that I want you to see me with him, but I know you’ll just sit there, and you’ll take it because you know your role. You’ll clean up after us, make sure we’re comfortable, and you’ll remember who really gets to please me.
It’s humiliating, isn’t it? But you’re not a real man. Not in the way my boyfriend is. And you know it.”
“You’ll Watch Me Get What You Can’t Give”
“Isn’t it funny, darling? You think you can give me everything I want, but we both know the truth, don’t we? You can’t satisfy me like my boyfriend does. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you beg, I’ll always find more in him than I ever will in you. You’re cute, though—thinking that just because you’ve got a tiny bit of hardness, you’re doing something. But I don’t need you like that.
I need someone who knows how to fuck me, someone who understands how to take control. Someone who doesn’t stop when I say “harder,” but pushes me until I’m begging for more. I’ve got my boyfriend now. He makes me feel things you couldn’t even imagine. You’ll just have to watch. Maybe you’ll get off on the idea of me being taken the way you never could, or maybe it’ll hurt your fragile little ego.
But really, what does it matter? You’ll sit there, watching me get fucked like a woman should be fucked, while you sit and take notes. Maybe you’ll see what real cock feels like. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally understand your place. But no matter what, sweetie, you’re stuck in the background. Because when I want satisfaction, I know where to get it. And it’s not from you.”
“You’ll Never Fill Me Up”
“It’s honestly laughable sometimes. Watching you pull that little thing out, thinking it’ll do anything. Do you think it turns me on? Really? Do you think I’m impressed when you show me just how small you really are? Because I’m not. I don’t even feel it when you touch me, it’s that insignificant. But, oh, don’t worry, sweetie, I still love you. I really do. But you? You’ll never fill me up.
I’ve had real men, men with real cocks, who know how to fuck a woman right. And I’m not talking about the little thing you try to pass off as something worth noticing. No, darling. You don’t even come close. I could barely feel you if I tried. And honestly, I don’t want to. I want someone who can truly give me what I need.
I don’t think you’ll ever get it. I think deep down, you know it, too. But you’ll stay, won’t you? You’ll stand there, trying to make yourself feel good about something that was never meant to impress me. You’ll watch as I get the satisfaction I deserve from someone who’s worth my time.”
“You’ll Never Be My Real Man”
“God, you really are something, aren’t you? Thinking you could ever be the man I needed, the one who could fill me up. But look at you now—weak, small, pathetic. I let you think you could please me. I gave you the chance, hoping you’d rise to the occasion. But you never did.
Instead, I found my boyfriend. And let me tell you, there’s no going back now. He knows what a woman needs. He knows how to take control and fuck me the way I deserve. He knows how to make me scream, while you can barely get me wet. It’s pathetic, really. You’ve spent all this time pretending to be my man, but the truth is, you’re just my plaything.
I won’t pretend anymore. You’ll watch me get fucked by someone who actually knows what they’re doing. Maybe that’ll put things into perspective for you. Maybe you’ll finally realize what a real man looks like. But it doesn’t matter. You’re still mine. You’ll clean up after us, watch me get fucked the way I need, and maybe you’ll even get to smell him on me when we’re done.
But don’t ever think you’ll be my real man. You’re the one I keep around for the emotional connection because you can’t compete with the physical connection that I get from bigger, better men. You’ll never be enough for me in that way, but you know that. Don’t you.”
“Your Money Isn’t Enough”
“Isn’t it cute, darling? You think you can buy my attention, my affection, my love. You think you can bribe me into noticing you. But the truth is, no matter how much money you throw at me, it’s never enough. You’re just a little wallet to me, aren’t you? A walking ATM, desperate to please me. And I’ll take your money, sure, because it means nothing to me. But you? You’ll never mean anything more than my financial security.
I’m so much more than just some woman you can buy. You can’t purchase my respect, my admiration, or my attention. And yet, you keep on trying. How pathetic. I take your money, I let you spoil me, but that’s all you’ll ever be—my little money pig. Your hard-earned cash, wasted on someone who doesn’t even care about you. It’s adorable, really. You’re just a tool for my enjoyment, a means to get what I want without ever having to lift a finger.
Every time you give me more, I just laugh. You think I’m impressed? You think you’re going to buy your way into my heart? How naive. You’ll never be enough. The more you give, the less I care. All your attempts to buy my affection just make me see you for what you really are—weak. Nothing but a desperate little man hoping that his money will make him worthy of me. But it never will. You’ll never be enough.
You want to be used? You want me to humiliate you with your own wallet? Fine. Keep giving, keep begging. It’ll never fill the hole in your pathetic little ego. Because I know, deep down, you don’t just want to please me. You want to prove you’re worthy. But sweetie, no amount of money will ever make you worthy. You’ll never be my equal. You’ll always be just my car payment, my credit card bill—nothing more.
So keep it coming. Keep sending me what you have left. The more you give, the more I’ll take. But don’t think for a second that it’ll make you important to me. I want to be clear that your money isn’t enough to buy my love, and it sure as hell isn’t enough to buy my respect. You’ll always be beneath me, just another pathetic little pig with a fat wallet and a fragile ego.”
“You Were Always Just the Safe Option”
“You know, darling, when we first met, I saw something in you… But I also saw something in me, didn’t I? A part of me that was settling, a part of me that was choosing comfort over desire. Because let’s face it, from the start, I knew you weren’t the man I deserved. You were just the safe option, weren’t you? You were easy, predictable… someone I could rely on, but not the kind of man I really craved. And now, years later, to nobody’s surprise you’re still not enough.
I’m not attracted to that belly of yours, your bald head, your distinct lack of any body tone whatsoever, and your cock—well, let’s just say it never measured up to the kind of man I need to satisfy me. I need someone strong, someone young, someone fit that makes me feel like a woman. Someone with that energy, that stamina, that hunger that you’ve never had. I need a man who can keep up with me, who can fuck me hard and make me feel the kind of pleasure you’ve never been able to give me.
You’ve always wanted to be that guy, haven’t you? The tall, strong, athletic, hung man. The kind of man I deserve. But sweetie, no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to be him. You’re never going to be the kind of man who turns me on the way these young, fit men do. And that’s hard for you to accept, isn’t it? You’ve always wanted to be that man—just for me—but you’ve never been able to deliver.
I used to think you could change, that maybe you could become that person, or maybe I could learn to be turned on by comfort and safety that you bring to our marriage, but deep down I always knew. You were never going to be the man I fantasized about. I’ve never fantasized about you when I masturbated, not once. And now that I’ve experienced what a real man feels like, there’s no going back. I’m done pretending you’re something you’re not. I’m done pretending that you can satisfy me when I know there are men who can do it better, harder, and longer than you ever could.
You’re getting older, darling. You’re getting chubby, your body isn’t the same anymore. I look at you, and I see a man who’s lost that spark, lost his youth, and I feel sorry for you. Because I want the best, and I know you’ve never been able to give me that. The truth is, I settled for you. And now, I have someone who actually fulfills me, who makes me feel wanted, desired, and worthy. But you? You’ll never measure up. You’ll never be good enough for me. Not when I can have the kind of men you’ve always wished you could be.”
Why Audio Porn Is Fantastically Erotic
Audio porn itself has a massive appeal. There’s something undeniably erotic about the experience of listening to someone’s voice describing intimate scenarios, teasing, or setting the scene with sensual detail. Audio allows you to create an immersive experience where your mind fills in the gaps, and your imagination takes over. If you like these types of scripts and want more like them, check out /r/gonewildaudio on reddit.
When you add personalization to that—by having your partner read an erotic humiliation script—it elevates the experience to a whole new level. It’s a form of emotional and psychological play that makes you feel seen and heard, both literally and figuratively. The sound of their voice, crafted specifically for you, taps into deeper desires and creates a connection that’s both erotic and emotionally fulfilling. I’ve provided a few examples below, fill in some names, edit the script to be more relatable to specifics in your life and your relationship and improvise a bit to make it seem more real,
Recording and Saving the Experience
One of the best things about erotic humiliation scripts recorded by your partner is that you can listen to them anytime. Saving the recording as an audio file lets you revisit the experience over and over. It’s like keeping a personalized erotic treasure trove at your fingertips. Maybe you’ll listen to it when you’re feeling a little lonely, or maybe it’ll become a tool for keeping that sexual energy alive when you’re apart.
Having it as a recorded memory makes it even more intimate—it’s not just an experience; it’s something tangible that you can hold onto. The voice becomes a part of the memory, something you’ll always connect with the person speaking those words.
This is a great option for men who are trying to wean themselves off a porn addiction or when you simply want to refocus his erotic energy on you. It might be something you can ask him to play when you permit him to masturbate.
Erotic humiliation scripts can create a level psychological arousal that’s out of this world, especially when read by our wife or girlfriend. It taps into the vulnerability of submission and the power of dominance, all while connecting you to your partner on a deeply emotional and sensual level. Whether you’re just starting to explore this kind of play or you’ve been in it for a while, using your partner’s voice to enhance the experience creates a sense of closeness and understanding that few other activities can replicate.
If he is going to be listening to these recordings on his own, it might be a really good idea to have an aftercare sound clip recorded, just for him. After every one of these little humiliation sessions, it’s important to come back to a safe and comforting place. This aftercare recording would be a reminder of how much he is valued, cherished, and loved, no matter how intense or deep the scene was.
A little reassurance can go a long way—reminding him that, even though he has been pushed to the edge, he is still the person I adore and respect. That emotional reset is essential, and he deserve it. Something for him to listen to whenever he needs that grounding, with or without the humiliation.
I had so much fun writing these scripts but I couldn’t have done it without a little help from Kev and Erik. I have to admit, their creativity and, frankly, their meanness really helped take these to the next level. I may have the words, but when it comes to pushing boundaries and getting into that raw, unapologetic zone, I can always count on them to bring out the best (or worst?) in me. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. Which one was your favorite? Let me know in the comments below.
Evolving Your Conversation
How do you feel about the idea of your partner using her voice to read or record an erotic humiliation script? Would you be more or less comfortable if it were personalized and in their voice?
In your relationship, how do you navigate the balance between playful humiliation and maintaining emotional safety? What’s the key to ensuring that both partners feel good during and after such play?
When it comes to audio porn or voice-based erotic play, what’s more appealing to you: a script that’s scripted in advance, or one that’s improvised based on the mood and energy between partners?
A reader recently mentioned Peyronie’s disease to me, and I had never come across it before. Whenever I encounter something new, I love diving in to learn all about it. So, here’s my deep dive into the unwelcome curve of Peyronie’s disease. A disease named after François de la Peyronie, a French surgeon who first described the condition in the 18th century. He was the one who observed and documented the abnormal and sometimes painful curvature of the penis that some men experience. While Peyronie didn’t have an uncomfortable curve of his own, it was named after him because he was the first to formally describe and document it. He was treating a patient with this condition and noticed the abnormal curvature of the penis, which led to… science!
What is Peyronie’s Disease
Peyronie’s disease is a condition that causes a noticeable curvature or bend in the penis due to the formation of fibrous scar tissue (plaques) within the penile shaft. This can lead to pain, discomfort, and even erectile dysfunction. While minor penile curvature is normal, Peyronie’s disease is a medical condition that can worsen over time if not treated (so get it treated).
What Causes Peyronie’s Disease?
The exact cause of Peyronie’s disease isn’t always clear, but there are several contributing factors:
Penile Trauma or Injury – The most widely accepted cause is repeated microtrauma or a significant injury to the penis, often during sex, sports, or accidents. This can lead to internal bleeding and scar tissue formation.
Genetics – If a close relative has Peyronie’s disease or Dupuytren’s contracture (a similar condition affecting the hands), there’s a higher likelihood of developing it.
Connective Tissue Disorders – Men with conditions like Dupuytren’s contracture or plantar fibromatosis may be at greater risk.
Autoimmune Response – Some researchers believe that Peyronie’s may result from an abnormal immune response, where the body mistakenly attacks its own tissue.
Age-Related Changes – While Peyronie’s can happen at any age, it’s more common in men over 40, as the penis becomes less elastic and more prone to injury over time.
Certain Medications – While not directly proven to cause Peyronie’s, some medications, like beta-blockers used for high blood pressure, have been linked to increased risk.
Understanding these causes can help with prevention and early intervention, especially if you notice any unusual changes.
How to Detect Peyronie’s Disease
Early detection is important in managing and potentially reversing Peyronie’s disease. Some initial warning signs include:
Unexplained lumps or hard plaques – Small, palpable nodules or bands under the penile skin, typically located along the shaft.
Pain during erections – Even in the absence of visible curvature, pain while erect can indicate underlying scar tissue development.
Changes in shape or curvature – A sudden or progressive bending, indentations, or narrowing (hourglass deformity) of the penis, especially during erection.
Shortening of the penis – A noticeable loss in penile length due to tissue contraction.
Weaker erections – Reduced erectile firmness can occur as the plaques interfere with normal blood flow.
Men should routinely inspect for changes in their penis, especially after an injury or trauma, which can sometimes trigger Peyronie’s disease.
What Does Peyronie’s Disease Look Like?
A significant curve – The penis may bend upward, downward, or to the side, depending on plaque location.
Indentations or hourglass shape – Some men notice areas of narrowing, creating an uneven or pinched appearance.
Visible plaques – In some cases, hardened scar tissue may be noticeable under the skin.
Shortened penile length – Loss of elasticity in the affected area can result in a visibly shorter penis.
The Risks of Not Treating Peyronie’s Disease
Progressive curvature – Without treatment, the bend can become more severe, making sexual activity painful or impossible.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) – As plaque stiffens and affects blood flow, it can lead to persistent erection issues.
Psychological distress – Many men with PD experience anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem due to the changes in their sexual function and appearance.
Penile shrinkage – The condition can result in irreversible loss of length, making early intervention crucial.
Is Peyronie’s Disease More Common in Circumcised or Uncircumcised Men?
There is no conclusive evidence to suggest that circumcision significantly increases or decreases the risk of developing Peyronie’s disease. However, some studies indicate that uncircumcised men may have slightly lower risks due to increased penile flexibility. Conversely, circumcised men may experience more direct trauma to the penis during intercourse, which is a potential risk factor for PD.
Treatment Options for Peyronie’s Disease
Fortunately, Peyronie’s disease can be managed and, in some cases, improved with the right approach. Treatments include:
Non-Surgical Treatments
Oral Medications
Pentoxifylline: May help slow the progression of plaque formation.
Potassium para-aminobenzoate (Potaba): Can reduce plaque size in some cases.
Collagenase Clostridium histolyticum (Xiaflex): FDA-approved for breaking down plaque in moderate to severe cases.
Topical and Injectable Treatments
Verapamil injections – Help to break down scar tissue and reduce curvature.
Xiaflex injections – Target and weaken the plaque to restore a more natural shape.
Shockwave Therapy (ESWT)
Low-intensity shockwave therapy is being studied as a non-invasive way to break down scar tissue and improve blood flow.
Traction Therapy
Devices like penile traction therapy (PTT) can help stretch the penis and prevent further curvature. When used early, this method may improve penile length and shape.
Lifestyle Adjustments
Managing conditions like diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease can improve circulation and slow PD progression.
Avoiding trauma to the penis, especially during vigorous sex, can prevent further damage.
Surgical Treatments
For severe cases that cause significant pain or functional impairment, surgical intervention may be necessary:
Plication Surgery – Involves stitching the opposite side of the plaque to straighten the penis.
Plaque Excision and Grafting – Removes or reduces plaque and replaces the affected tissue with graft material.
Penile Implants – For men experiencing severe erectile dysfunction, inflatable or semi-rigid implants can restore function and correct curvature.
You Can Fix the Curve of Peyronie’s Disease
Peyronie’s disease is a manageable condition when caught early. If you notice any changes in your penile shape, pain, or function, seeking medical advice sooner rather than later can prevent complications and preserve your sexual health. Whether through non-invasive treatments or surgery, there are multiple ways to restore confidence and intimacy.
Evolving Your Conversation
Have you or your partner ever noticed changes in penile shape that might indicate early Peyronie’s disease?
How do you approach difficult or sensitive health topics with your partner?
What concerns would you have about seeking treatment for a condition like this?
Do you think circumcision or lack thereof plays a major role in male sexual health beyond Peyronie’s disease?
If you or your partner were experiencing symptoms of PD, how would you support each other emotionally and physically?
My name is John, though I go by rgjohn, and I’ve written a few erotic books and some content for Literotica. When Emma read my work, she suggested I write about loving, female-led relationships—a genre she’s passionate about. It’s been a while since I’ve written, but a fan recently reignited my interest by asking me to turn his detailed journal into a story. Initially skeptical, I found myself captivated by his account of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR), a concept I hadn’t explored before. With a mix of curiosity and research, I’ve decided to craft a multi-part story spanning over 20 chapters. If you are just starting, you should begin your journey back at chapter 1.
Chapter 20: Jason Explains His View of FLR, Anna Has Jason Show His Cage And The Results of Discipline, She Tells Sally How Good Jason is at Using His Mouth
“Holy fuck. This is wild. So his cock is locked up, and he never gets to put it in you?” Sally asked incredulously.
“That’s true,” Anna said. “We stopped having sex with his penis long before he got the cage. And I don’t suck him off either.”
“You don’t like sucking cock?” Sally asked.
“I do, or I used to, but with Jason being small, it’s not that enjoyable. Besides, I’ve chosen not to reward him like that anymore, except on special occasions. Though, I do miss it sometimes, even if he doesn’t,” Anna admitted.
Sally didn’t pick up on the last couple of words, but laughed and teased Anna, “Maybe you should find one of those lawyers you work with who has a big cock and suck it. You know, like that guy Michael you always talk about.”
I saw Anna’s face flush red, and it surprised me. There was that name again. For a moment, I wondered if the thought had crossed her mind.
“I’m sure there are plenty who would let me,” Anna said with a sly smile. “Maybe one day, if Jason’s really bad, I’ll punish him by sucking someone else’s cock.” She turned to me with a playful grin, but there was an edge to her tone that made me shiver.
“What do you do, if you two don’t fuck… I mean, just with an artificial cock, that seems crude?” There was a look of total disblief on Sally’s face. “What pleasure do either of you get?”
“Jason can answer that,” Anna said, turning to me.
I took a deep breath and said, “First, other than using the strap-on, I get to use my mouth on her as much as she wants. So, I get to pleasure her with my mouth and hands and the strap-on. Most importantly, I get to have her in my life… she is my life. I feel sexual excitement all day, every day, especially when I’m around her. That feeling never leaves me. My pleasure comes from giving her pleasure. Before, when I climaxed, I’d quickly lose interest in her pleasure. It’s just nature, and that’s a big problem for men.”
“Tell me about it,” Sally said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
“Exactly,” I continued. “Think about it. Say you suck off your husband. Once he climaxes, he’s done. He won’t want to pleasure you anymore… he certainly can’t fuck you for a while at least. But if he never climaxed, he’d always be motivated to make you happy. Over time, he’d start doing it because he genuinely enjoys your pleasure, and not because he expects to get him off in return.”
Sally frowned. “I still don’t get it. That sounds crazy.”
Anna chimed in, “Jason used to do things just for physical pleasure, like fucking me or getting his penis sucked. Once he wasn’t allowed to climax, he had to learn that his pleasure comes from my pleasure. Now, he can’t enjoy it any other way and doesn’t want to. Right Jason?”
“Yes, exactly.” I added, “It’s hard to understand unless you’re in a relationship like ours. For example, if I hated eating her but did it anyway, she’d get pleasure, but I wouldn’t. Under the old way of thinking, since I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t do it, at least not without a lot of cajoling. That’s how many marriages fall apart. But now, I eat her because she gets pleasure, and that gives me pleasure, too.”
“I’m still not there,” Sally said, shaking her head.
Anna smiled knowingly. “I have a lot of documentation you can read. Maybe it will help you understand.”
“Okay,” Sally replied, still skeptical.
Anna turned to me. “Tell Sally about what you don’t like about our FLR. For example, do you like being caged?”
I hesitated, then said, “Yes and no. It can be uncomfortable at times, and I used to miss climaxing… though now it’s hard to even remember what a real climax feels like… except recently.” I shot Anna a playful smile.
Anna grinned. “I did suck Jason off for the first time in forever. He was a really good boy recently. But he didn’t like it.”
“You’re shitting me… he didn’t like it?” Sally said.
“I can explain that too you later,” Anna returned.
I chuckled and continued, “But honestly, I think the cage is the key to everything. It changed my whole mindset. Before, I was rude and entitled, thinking I had a right to climax whenever I wanted. The cage taught me discipline and respect.”
“All men think fucking or getting off is their right. If they can’t get it from someone, they do it themselves,” Anna said. Anna made a hand motion as if jerking off.
Sally nodded knowingly.
I said, “Exactly. Most men are chronic masturbators. I was. It’s a waste of sexual energy, serving only themselves. After climaxing, I’d lose interest in anything else, especially her pleasure. Then I’d jerk off again, hours later or the next day, falling into the same cycle. There wasn’t even time to truly desire her, or anyone else.”
I paused and added, “But by being denied that release, I’ve learned to appreciate the constant sexual excitement that comes from not climaxing. I’m always aroused. Not because my penis is always hard, but because the excitement is in my mind now, not just my body. Women can climax multiple times and still feel sexual. Most men can’t.”
Sally nodded slowly. “Okay, I think I’m starting to understand a little more.”
Anna said, “So, you don’t particularly like the cage, but you know it keeps you in a high state of arousal, and you like that.”
“Well, that is mostly true, but I do like the cage because it represents you… I feel like your hand is on me all the time. So, I do like it now,” I said. I saw Anna smile and my heart skipped a beat.
Sally sighed. “This is still hard to believe.”
Anna added, “You should know Jason was the one who suggested the cage in the first place.”
“Really?” Sally asked, surprised. “Why on earth would you do that?”
I explained, “I knew I couldn’t stop masturbating on my own, and the cage was the only way to do it. I tried about ten different ones before I found the one I’m wearing now. It is the smallest one yet and is custom made for me.”
Surprisingly, Sally blushed and hesitated. “Can… can I see it?”
Anna laughed. “Sure! Jason, take all your clothes off. He’s required to be naked around the house anyway… unless we have guests.”
Sally’s eyes opened wide in shock.
I was just as shocked and started to say, “We have guests.” But the look from Anna stopped me.
“Why naked?” she asked.
“Because I like to see him naked and know that he’s caged. He can’t get hard, no matter how much I tease him. It’s a power thing. Besides, I make him do it because I can. Its about control,” Anna said with a smile.
My face turned beet red. I had never shown anyone but Anna the cage, or ever been in front of two women while naked. I hesitated.
“Now, Jason,” Anna said firmly.
I stood up, and pulled my shirt over my head, and then paused for a moment. I saw a look of appreciation in Sally’s eyes as she scanned my muscular chest… it had taken a lot of work… at Anna’s encouragement. Then I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my sweats, and pulled them down. I didn’t have underwear on and suddenly my cage was on full display. Before I said anything, Sally leaned in to get a closer look. It felt like I was being inspected… and I supposed I was.
“Holy fuck, that’s amazing,” Sally said. “But it looks like it would hurt.”
“It does if I try to get hard or do something physical, but most of the time, I hardly notice it. It is part of me now,” I said.
“Fuck a duck, that’s so small you can barely see your cock,” Sally said bluntly.
Anna corrected her. “We call it a penis now. It would have to be a lot bigger to qualify as a cock.”
Sally laughed. “Oh. I guess Chris has a penis, too, then.”
“Most men do,” Anna replied with a chuckle. “Most men are about five to five and a half inches.”
Sally said, “Except black men?” Then her face turned red and she giggled.
Anna looked shocked, and so was I. “Are you speaking from experience?” she asked.
“I’ll never tell,” Sally answered.
Anna’s eyebrows rose. She would find out, of that I was certain.
Sally changed the subject and said, “I love that he is entirely shaved. I’ve always hated pubic hair on men. I wish I cold get Chris to shave. Can I… uh… can I touch it?” Sounding uncharacteristically shy.
Anna laughed. “Go ahead. It won’t bite.”
Sally reached out and cupped my balls and the cage. She tilted it to look at the sides and underneath. My penis twitched, straining against its restraints.
“Holy shit,” Sally whispered. “This is wild.”
Anna said, “Look at the opening. You can see his penis expanding because you’re touching him. But it can’t actually get hard. And now, he is starting to drip.”
“Oh yes, I see that,” Sally said, leaning closer. “Do you ever let it get hard?”
“Yes, of course,” Anna replied. “There are maintenance routines that require his penis to get hard. If we never allowed that, he might lose the ability to achieve an erection, and I wouldn’t want that.”
“What kind of maintenance?” Sally asked, her curiosity clearly piqued.
“I’ll show you in a bit,” Anna said with a wink.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I couldn’t believe that Anna was actually letting Sally fondle my caged penis, but it was right there in front of me. My face turned a deeper shade of red as more of my fluid began to appear.
Sally giggled. “Oh, I can feel it moving, and he is really starting to dribble. He’s getting excited.”
Anna smirked knowingly. “He’s always excited. What you’re seeing is just the physical manifestation of it.”
Anna turned to me. “Jason, what else don’t you like about our new life?”
Sally kept my balls and the cage cradled in her hand, waiting for my answer.
I took a deep breath and decided to be honest. “The discipline spankings. ”
Sally already knew about the spankings. She looked at Anna and said, “How often does he get punished?”
“He gets punished at least once a week for any offenses he’s accumulated. He earns demerits throughout the week, and on Saturdays, we settle accounts. It’s rare for him to have a week without at least a dozen or so.”
Sally turned her wide eyes to me. “So you don’t enjoy being punished, do you?”
“No,” I said. “The discipline isn’t for my pleasure… it’s to teach me. I know Anna enjoys it, but I never do. That said… afterward, if my cage isn’t on, I do tend to get an erection.”
“Wait, it excites you afterward?” Sally asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
“Not during the punishment,” I clarified, “but afterward, sometimes, yes.”
“Why would you get hard after being punished?” Sally asked, baffled.
I sighed, trying to explain. “Like a lot of things we do, its hard to understand unless you are in a FLR. When I’m punished, it’s because I’ve disappointed Anna, and that hurts me emotionally. The punishment clears the air. Once it’s over, I know I’m forgiven, and the tension is gone. It’s like a reset. The excitement comes back because I know she cares enough to correct me and help me be better. It’s not about the pain, but about the release of guilt and the reconnection.”
Sally stared at me, still processing. “Do you spank him with your hand?” she asked Anna.
Anna chuckled. “No, never with my hand. That would hurt me. I have a variety of implements. As you know, I use a paddle or a hairbrush sometimes, but my favorite is the rod. It’s effective and precise.”
“Like a cane?” Sally asked, her eyes widening.
“Yes, exactly,” Anna replied. “I like to use the paddle to warm up his ass until it is a nice red. It makes it tender and makes the cane more effective.”
“This happens weekly?” Sally shifted in her seat excitedly, her interest growing.
“Usually,” Anna said. “But if something urgent comes up, I address it immediately.”
Sally’s cheeks flushed as she murmured, “I’d love to see that.”
Anna smiled. “That can be arranged. Would you like to see the results of his last punishment? He got a pretty severe spanking earlier today.”
Sally’s eyes lit up. “Oh yes, I’d love to see, can I?”
Anna turned to me, and with a resigned sigh, I turned around, exposing my marked backside to Sally. My face burned with embarrassment.
“Oh my God,” Sally gasped. “That looks like it really hurt.”
“You can see the older marks… the faded brown ones, from two days ago,” Anna explained. “The red ones are from today. Both probably still sting.”
So he got punished twice this week?” Sally asked.
“Yes, he did. He fucked up some reports that had to be filed with the court. That was pretty serious, so he got punished immediately, but that didn’t replace his normal weekly punishment.” Anna said.
Sally reached out without thinking and rubbed her fingers across one of the welts. I flinched slightly, startled more than hurt.
“It feels warm,” she murmured as she pressed the palm of her hand to my still burning cheeks.
Anna nodded. “Right after it is done, it is burning hot. Aftercare is important, however. I always apply a balm to prevent scarring. I love his cute butt too much to let it get permanently marked.”
“It is cute,” Sally admitted with a wistful tone. “Even with the stripes, or maybe especially with them.”
Anna grinned. “Discipline requires self-control. The first time, and even the second time, I spanked him, I bruised him badly. If you remember, that was the day he came to the market.”
Sally nodded. “I remember that.”
Anna continued. “He could barely sit for days, and the offense wasn’t even that serious. It taught me to be more measured. It took time to learn, but when necessary, I can still be pretty stern.”
“Why did the first one happen?” Sally asked, intrigued.
Anna laughed. “It was impulsive. Well, let me go back to two days before the market. One evening were talking about spankings while we were studying FLR online. Somehow I ended up with a hairbrush in my hand and the next thing you know I was blistering his ass. I think I gave him thirty hits.”
“Thirty-five,” I slipped in.
“Anyway, that was a pretty good spanking,” Anna said. “But then two days later, I did it again.”
“So you spanked him one evening and then just a couple days after, like the latest punishment?” Sally said.
“Yes, and that always makes the punishment much worse. Generally, I don’t want to do it again until he is mostly healed,” she said.
“He was making breakfast, and the spatula was right there. I swatted him on the butt in a whim, and it left a bright red mark, on top of what he already had. He overreacted and started yelling at me… which was very out of line. Things escalated from there.”
“It was my fault,” I added quietly.
“Regardless,” Anna continued, “I really went after him. By the time I stopped, his entire backside was swollen. It scared me, but mostly because I enjoyed it so much.”
Sally said, “I remember he was walking kind of stiff legged.”
“Exactly,” Anna said.
“So, you enjoy it?” Sally asked Anna, her voice low, with an excited tint.
“Oh, I do now,” Anna admitted. “Disciplining him is a power trip. And afterward, I’m so turned on that he always has to take care of me with his mouth.”
Sally squirmed in her seat. “Talking about this is making me so fucking horny.
Let’s talk about penis sensitivity. Some men wish they could feel more—like every little touch, lick, or tease is an electric jolt of pleasure. Others? They wish they could feel less, because finishing too soon can be frustrating (for both of you). And then, of course, there’s us women—who, if we’re being honest, generally wish he could last just a little bit longer.
If you’re in a female-led relationship, male chastity dynamic, or just love experimenting in the bedroom, understanding how to manipulate sensitivity is an absolute game-changer. And one of the biggest keys to this? Substance P.
What Is Substance P (SP)?
Substance P is a neuropeptide (a fancy way of saying a small protein that affects the nervous system). It plays a major role in pain, pleasure, and sexual sensitivity by controlling how nerves communicate. My neurobiology classes are paying off with today’s blog. When you have more Substance P, nerve endings become hypersensitive, making touch feel more intense. When you have less Substance P, nerve endings are numbed and less responsive, meaning a man can last much longer before orgasm. I’m sure others could do a much better job of describing what Substance P is but for the purposes of this blog I’ll leave it at that.
Think of it as a pleasure dial—more Substance P = more sensitivity, less Substance P = more control. And guess what? Controlling him can be fun.
Capsaicin: The Magic Lever for Controlling Penis Sensitivity
Capsaicin is the active compound in chili peppers that makes spicy food burn. It directly interacts with the vanilloid receptors in nerve endings, which control heat, pain, and (most importantly) sensitivity. When applied topically in small amounts, capsaicin temporarily blocks Substance P, creating an effect that’s like turning up the volume on sensation. When taken internally (like in food or supplements), capsaicin actually depletes Substance P over time, leading to a long-term reduction in sensitivity.
So depending on how you use it, capsaicin can either boost his penis sensitivity for a night of fun, or train him to last longer over time.
Increase Penis Sensitivity With Substance P
If you want him to feel every single touch, making him moan, squirm, and beg for more, these are the best ways to increase Substance P:
Applying a very small amount (pea size or smaller) of capsaicin-based cream directly to the penis about 15-20 minutes before play can make him insanely sensitive.
External use only – Keep the cream away from his pee pee hole.
Wait about 5 minutes and wash your hands and the entirely area thoroughly with soap and water.
This works by temporarily blocking Substance P and activating nerve endings.
The effect lasts a few hours, making it perfect for an edging session or a special tease-and-denial night.
Be careful and start with a very small amount, too much will burn. Think of it like Icy Hot—but on his most sensitive area. Not fun if you use too much.
Short-Term Alcohol Use
A glass of wine or a cocktail can temporarily increase nerve sensitivity and blood flow. Just don’t overdo it—long-term alcohol use has the opposite effect (more on that below).
Exercise & Blood Circulation
More blood flow = more Substance P. Regular cardio and strength training can naturally increase nerve sensitivity over time.
Abstaining from Spicy Foods
Since capsaicin depletes Substance P over time, cutting out spicy foods for a while can naturally make him more sensitive in bed.
Teasing, Edging & Chastity Play
The longer he’s denied, the more sensitive he becomes. Keeping him locked for days naturally build up nerve sensitivity, making every touch feel mind-blowing when you finally set him free.
I picked this generic capsaicin cream that did the job perfectly, but really, any cream with capsaicin should work as long as you’re checking the label. You want to get a low dosage, 0.025% is plenty and be sure to avoid anything with lidocaine or menthol. Creams with too many additives can potentially cause irritation or reduce the effectiveness, I have sensitive skin so I always read labels carefully.
Decrease Penis Sensitivity With Substance P
If he’s finishing too quickly, or if you want to train him to last longer, you’ll want to decrease Substance P over time. Here’s how:
Capsaicin Supplements or Spicy Foods
Taking capsaicin supplements daily or eating spicy foods regularly will slowly deplete Substance P, leading to reduced sensitivity over time.
This is perfect for men who struggle with premature ejaculation or just want to increase stamina.
Long-Term Alcohol Use (Not Recommended)
Chronic alcohol consumption lowers Substance P over time, leading to numbness. (Obviously, this isn’t the healthiest option, but it’s a known effect.)
Cold Therapy
Applying cold (like a cool compress) before sex can reduce nerve sensitivity temporarily, which can help with lasting longer.
Numbing Creams
Creams with lidocaine or benzocaine are designed to temporarily dull sensation, giving more control.
Deep Breathing & Mindfulness
Sensitivity isn’t just physical—it’s mental. Training the mind to slow down arousal through meditation or tantric techniques can naturally reduce overstimulation.
I did not purchase this one but here is an example of a capsaicin supplement which should deliver a sufficient amount of capsaicin without unnecessary fillers or additives. Any quality supplement should work, just be sure that it clearly lists the capsaicin content on the label. A higher-quality supplement will focus on natural ingredients and avoid additives, artificial colors that can interfere with your body’s absorption.
Delayed Ejaculation and Substance P
Delayed ejaculation (DE) is when a guy has trouble reaching orgasm, even after lots of sexual stimulation. It can happen for a variety of reasons, like nerve problems, stress, anxiety, or taking certain medications like antidepressants. Other health issues, such as diabetes or hormone imbalances, can also make things harder. On the mental side, if a guy is feeling pressured or anxious about sex, that can slow things down too. An increase in Substance P can make him more sensitive and remove that orgasm delay.
Premature Ejaculation and Substance P
Premature ejaculation (PE) happens when a guy ejaculates too quickly during sex, often before he or his partner is ready. It can be caused by both mental and physical factors. Mentally, stress, anxiety, or worrying about performance can cause the body to react too quickly. Physically, things like hormonal imbalances or sensitive nerves can make a man ejaculate faster than he wants to. It’s usually a mix of both mental and physical issues that causes PE.
When there’s too much Substance P, it can make the body feel overly sensitive, causing orgasm to happen too soon. If you lower the levels of Substance P, the body becomes less sensitive, which helps delay ejaculation and gives a man more control during sex.
Erectile Dysfunction and Substance P
When a man becomes aroused, nerves send signals to the penis to increase blood flow, which leads to an erection. But if there’s too much Substance P, the nerves can become too sensitive or even overactive. This means the body might not respond the right way, leading to problems with maintaining an erection or getting too excited too quickly, which can cause erectile dysfunction. Essentially, high levels of Substance P can throw off the balance needed for normal penis go up and penis go down function (scientific terms).
Lowering Substance P levels may help improve erectile dysfunction. By reducing the amount of this chemical, the nervous system calms down and can respond to sexual stimulation more normally. This can help with both getting and keeping an erection.
Why Have I Never Heard of Substance P?
Even though Substance P plays a huge role in how we feel sensations, it’s not something that typically gets brought up in everyday conversations. Most of us know about things like endorphins (those “feel-good” chemicals) or dopamine (the reward chemical), but Substance P is a little more under the radar. It’s effects aren’t as commonly researched and hidden in the more specialized areas of neurobiology or pain research, which is why it doesn’t get the same spotlight.
I fell into the research rabbit hole on this one and did WAY too much research but I wanted to keep this blog to a reasonable length so if you have questions, please ask below, I might know a little bit more than I’ve let on so far.
Substance P is a fun tool for penis sensitivity. Use it carefully, and have fun. 😉
Evolving Your Conversation
If you could control your partner’s sensitivity like a dial, what setting would you put him on?
Have you ever experimented with sensation play? What worked (or didn’t)?
Would you rather tease him to the point of hypersensitivity or train him to last as long as you want?
The question of whether men should be inherently dominant and women inherently submissive is as old as human civilization itself. Gender, submission, power, cultural norms, religious doctrines, and traditional family structures have historically reinforced a very clear assumption of what marriage should be. Modern psychology, sociology, and personal experiences suggest that dominance and submission exist on a spectrum rather than being strictly gendered roles. This distinction is vital in understanding how power dynamics function within relationships and broader societal structures.
From an evolutionary perspective, many argue that dominance in men and submission in women stem from biological imperatives. Evolutionary biologists often reference sexual selection, where women have historically sought dominant partners for protection and resource allocation. Studies from the field of evolutionary psychology, such as those presented in David Buss’s The Evolution of Desire, support this claim, demonstrating how ancestral mating strategies influence modern relationship preferences. However, others argue that societal conditioning plays a larger role than biology, emphasizing the impact of upbringing, cultural influences, and personal experiences in shaping one’s dominant or submissive tendencies.
Where Did These Societal Expectations Come From?
Historically, the idea that men should be dominant and women should be submissive can be traced back to early human civilizations, religious texts, and economic structures. In early societies, men were often hunters and warriors, roles that required physical dominance, while women took on nurturing roles such as child-rearing and homemaking. These divisions were largely practical at the time but eventually became deeply ingrained as gender norms.
Religions also played a significant role in reinforcing these expectations. Many religious texts, such as those in Christianity, Islam, and Confucianism, emphasize male leadership and female submission. For example, traditional Christian doctrine often cites Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Such teachings have historically been used to justify patriarchal structures, making it difficult for women to assert dominance without facing social backlash.
Economic structures further reinforced gender roles. For centuries, men controlled financial resources, education, and politics, which meant that women who wanted independence had few opportunities. The Industrial Revolution started shifting these roles, as women entered the workforce and gained financial independence, challenging the notion that submission was their “natural” state.
The Real-Life Consequences of Breaking These Norms
Although societal norms are evolving, there are still real-world consequences for individuals who do not conform to traditional gender roles.
The Submissive Man: Weak or Secure?
Men who exhibit submissive traits often face scrutiny in both their professional and personal lives. Society still expects men to be assertive, ambitious, and dominant, particularly in leadership roles. A man who expresses emotional vulnerability, defers decision-making to his partner, or prefers a more supportive role in his relationships may be labeled as weak or unmanly.
In the workplace, submissive men may be overlooked for leadership positions, as traditional corporate structures often reward assertiveness and competitiveness. According to a Harvard Business Review study, men who demonstrate more nurturing or cooperative behaviors are often perceived as less competent in high-powered roles. This can lead to career stagnation, workplace discrimination, or pressure to conform to more traditionally masculine behaviors.
Socially, submissive men often struggle with dating, as many women—conditioned by societal norms—still expect men to take the lead. However, this is changing, especially as more women embrace dominant roles and seek partners who are comfortable in a more supportive or egalitarian dynamic.
The Dominant Woman: Bossy or Empowered?
On the other hand, dominant women face their own set of challenges. Despite progress in gender equality, women who display confidence, assertiveness, and leadership often face labels such as “bossy,” “intimidating,” or “cold.” Studies show that while men are praised for being decisive and ambitious, women who exhibit the same traits are often criticized or disliked.
In the workplace, dominant women frequently encounter the “double bind”—if they are too assertive, they are seen as aggressive, but if they are too accommodating, they are seen as weak. A report from Lean In and McKinsey & Company found that women in leadership positions are often held to higher standards than their male counterparts and face greater resistance when making authoritative decisions.
In relationships, dominant women may struggle to find partners who are comfortable with their leadership. Some men feel emasculated by a woman who earns more, makes decisions, or takes charge in the bedroom. However, just as with submissive men, this perception is shifting as gender roles become more fluid.
Nature vs. Nurture: The Psychology Behind Dominance and Submission
The debate over whether dominance and submission are innate (nature) or learned (nurture) continues to be explored by psychologists and anthropologists. Studies have shown that while testosterone is often linked to dominance-related behaviors, social conditioning plays a significant role in how dominance is expressed. For instance, men in collectivist cultures may express dominance differently than those in individualistic cultures. Similarly, women raised in environments that encourage leadership and assertiveness are more likely to exhibit dominant traits.
Biological explanations for dominance and submission often focus on hormonal influences. Higher levels of testosterone are commonly associated with increased dominance in men, while oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone,” is often linked to submissive and nurturing behaviors. However, this is an oversimplification, as psychological and social influences significantly modulate these biological predispositions.
The renowned psychologist Dr. Valerie Greene argues that “while hormones can influence behavior, they do not dictate it. Societal expectations and personal experiences are just as crucial in shaping how people express dominance and submission”.
Relationship Compatibility: More Difficult Than Ever
In today’s world, compatibility has become more complex than ever. Traditional relationship models once dictated clear-cut gender roles—men were expected to lead, women to follow—but modern couples are navigating a much more fluid and individualized dynamic. With people openly identifying as dominant, submissive, or somewhere in between, and with evolving understandings of gender and sexual orientation, finding a partner who complements your unique traits without forcing compromise can feel like solving a puzzle with infinite possibilities. Instead of relying on societal expectations, individuals must now do the work of self-discovery, communication, and negotiation to determine how they best fit together.
This shifting landscape has given rise to less restrictive relationship dynamics in modern marriages. Instead of conforming to rigid gender norms, couples are now structuring their relationships around their personalities, values, and needs. Some may prefer a more traditional dominant-submissive partnership, while others adopt an egalitarian or role-reversed approach. The rise of non-traditional relationship models—such as polyamory, FLRs (female-led relationships), and consensual power exchange—reflects a growing awareness that compatibility isn’t about forcing oneself into a predefined mold, but about aligning naturally with a partner’s energy in ways that foster mutual growth and happiness.
As a result, relationships today are becoming more intentional, with fewer compromises that lead to resentment or dissatisfaction. The priority is no longer simply staying together for societal approval but rather building a connection where both partners can thrive. Open dialogue about power dynamics, sexual preferences, and emotional compatibility is becoming a standard part of dating and marriage, leading to partnerships that feel freer and more fulfilling. This evolution doesn’t mean relationships are easier—if anything, they require more introspection and effort—but it does mean people are more empowered than ever to create partnerships that truly work for them, rather than settling for a one-size-fits-all model.
The Evolution of Gender Roles in Relationships
As gender roles continue to evolve, more people are embracing the idea that dominance and submission are personal choices rather than predefined roles based on sex. Research from sources like the National Institutes of Health has shown that relationships built on mutual understanding, regardless of power dynamics, tend to be more fulfilling.
With consensual power exchange dynamics in relationships such as female led relationships, more individuals feel empowered to explore more natural power dynamic without societal constraints. Whether in professional settings or intimate relationships, the freedom to express one’s true nature leads to more authentic and satisfying connections.
Ultimately, dominance and submission are not about gender but about preference, personality, and relationship dynamics. Submissive men and dominant women are not less valuable than their counterparts; they simply express themselves differently. By challenging traditional gender expectations, society moves closer to embracing the rich diversity of human relationships and identities.
Evolving Your Conversation
Do you see dominance and submission as fixed traits, or do they change depending on the relationship?
How has your upbringing influenced your views on gender roles in relationships?
Have you ever felt societal pressure to conform to a specific role in your relationship?
What are some ways that couples can explore dominance and submission in a healthy, consensual manner?
How can we challenge societal expectations to create more inclusive conversations around gender and power dynamics?
The modern marriage dynamic is vastly different within each partnership, uniquely shaped by the values, beliefs, and desires of those involved. Domestic discipline offers an alternative relationship dynamic where correction, including spanking, is consensually integrated into the relationship.
In many marriages, the pressures of daily life, financial concerns, and emotional burdens often create tension that can feel overwhelming, especially for women. In a society that expects women to juggle multiple roles—professional, personal, social—stress levels can build quickly.
For some, the idea of using domestic discipline as a form of emotional release may seem unconventional, but it can offer a distinct outlet to let go of built-up energy in a safe and controlled environment. In this article, we’ll explore what domestic discipline means in a modern marriage, its potential benefits, and how couples can navigate and embrace this dynamic with respect and understanding.
The Purpose of Domestic Discipline in a Female-Led Relationship
Domestic discipline, often practiced within a female-led relationship (FLR), refers to a consensual structure where the wife takes on the role of the dominant partner, providing guidance and discipline to the husband. The use of spanking, corner time, and other methods of punishment are not intended to cause harm but to serve as corrective measures or emotional releases within the relationship.
The purpose of domestic discipline can vary from couple to couple, but it often includes the following objectives:
Emotional Relief for Women: Women often carry significant emotional burdens in relationships, whether from the pressures of work, family, or societal expectations. This pressure can manifest as stress, anxiety, and frustration. For some, using spanking as a form of emotional release in a safe, consensual space allows them to channel and express these feelings. While talking through problems is important and incredibly effective, physical discipline can provide an immediate sense of relief. It allows for an outlet that doesn’t require words but instead communicates through action.
Building Trust and Connection: In a loving, consensual relationship, domestic discipline can foster a deep sense of trust and intimacy. The husband trusts his wife to provide guidance in a firm yet loving manner, knowing that the discipline is not punitive but corrective. The wife, in turn, takes on the responsibility of ensuring that the discipline is always given with love and care, reinforcing the connection between them. The mutual respect in this dynamic can deepen the emotional bond of the relationship.
Reinforcing Healthy Boundaries: A husband might engage in domestic discipline when there are behavioral issues or lapses in the relationship, whether it involves lack of respect, communication problems, or not following agreed-upon rules. By incorporating discipline, boundaries are established and reinforced in a way that allows both partners to feel secure in their roles and responsibilities within the marriage.
Creating Structure: Just like any other aspect of a marriage, domestic discipline can be a tool for maintaining a sense of structure. Regular practices such as weekly maintenance spankings or rituals like corner time create a predictable rhythm within the relationship. This structure can offer stability, not only as a form of discipline but as a form of connection that allows both partners to know what to expect from each other and from themselves.
Accepting Discipline from Your Wife
For many men, the idea of accepting discipline from their wives can be difficult. Cultural norms and traditional gender roles often suggest that men are the dominant figures in relationships, making the shift to a dynamic where the wife takes on the role of disciplinarian a challenging transition. However, for couples in a female-led relationship, the ability to embrace this dynamic is crucial for success.
One of the first steps in accepting discipline from your wife is open, honest communication. The foundation of domestic discipline is consent, and both partners must be on the same page regarding what discipline will look like in their relationship. It is essential for the husband to understand that the wife’s discipline is not an act of anger, resentment, or control but a loving act designed to correct and strengthen the relationship.
It’s important for husbands to address any fears or discomforts they may feel about receiving discipline. Is it a fear of vulnerability? A concern over emasculation? By discussing these feelings openly, couples can explore why these feelings exist and how to address them. This process is vital for creating a deeper sense of trust between the couple, as well as a greater understanding of the roles each person plays.
Administering Discipline to Your Husband
Administering discipline to your husband is about striking (pun intended) the perfect balance between authority and care. As women, we’re often expected to be gentle, loving, and soft, but discipline isn’t about coddling—it’s about reinforcing boundaries with a firm and unwavering hand. A light tap or hesitant swat won’t do the trick; he needs to feel the lesson, not just hear it.
If he thinks this is just a fun little game after a couple of taps, he’ll never take it seriously. After two well-placed swats, he should be stinging. By four or five, he should be genuinely feeling the weight of his actions. Go beyond five, and he should be teetering on the edge of tears or deep reflection—not out of fear, but out of an understanding that discipline in a female-led relationship is real and meaningful.
For many women, the real challenge isn’t receiving obedience—it’s overcoming the discomfort of administering discipline in the first place. We’re conditioned to be caregivers, not disciplinarians, so it can feel unnatural at first. Most men are larger and stronger than you but he is submitting to you and accepting your dominance. Remember that letting discipline slide or delivering weak, ineffective spankings only creates inconsistency, which leads to frustration on both sides.
He needs to respect the structure, and that only happens if you enforce it with confidence. Think of it like a workout—proper form matters. A weak grip or timid swing won’t make an impact (on him or the relationship), and if you’re hurting your arm more than his backside, then something is off. A paddle or strap not only makes the process easier on you but ensures the discipline is felt without exhausting your strength.
The number one reason domestic discipline fails—ours included at times—is improper spanking form and intensity. Too soft, and he shrugs it off. Too high or too low and it doesn’t give the stinging pain that helps him reflect on the correction. The sweet spot (literally) is in administering just enough to make him truly reflect on his behavior while still feeling your control and guidance.
You’re not just enforcing rules—you’re strengthening your dynamic, reinforcing respect, and ensuring that his submission is genuine. When done correctly, discipline isn’t about punishment—it’s about accountability, structure, and deepening the trust between you. And trust me, once he feels the real deal, he’ll know this isn’t just a playful little kink—it’s a foundational part of your leadership.
Creating a Discipline Routine
Once the couple has agreed upon domestic discipline as a practice, establishing routines and rituals is key to making the practice effective and meaningful. Domestic discipline works best when there is consistency, which is why weekly maintenance spankings, corner time, and other rituals play a central role in maintaining the dynamic.
Maintenance Spankings
Many couples who practice domestic discipline find it beneficial to engage in regular maintenance spankings. These are typically not used as punishment but as a form of reinforcement for the agreed-upon structure of the relationship. It is a time for the husband to reflect on his behavior and for the wife to reassert her role as the loving disciplinarian. Maintenance spankings can serve as a reminder of the dynamic and can prevent larger issues from brewing under the surface. The emotional release from this practice can help reset the couple’s emotional balance, making their relationship stronger.
Corner Time
Another ritual often employed in domestic discipline is corner time, where the husband is sent to stand in a corner to reflect on his behavior, most often after a spanking. The purpose of corner time is not to humiliate but to give the husband a moment of reflection and introspection. It is a form of separation that provides time for emotional recalibration. It also helps the wife maintain her authority in the dynamic while reinforcing the understanding that discipline comes from a place of care, not anger.
Other Punishment Types
Other forms of punishment may include verbal reprimands, time-outs, or additional tasks designed to reinforce lessons. For example, a husband may be asked to perform an extra chore or adhere to a specific behavior for a set period. These methods of discipline help create a consistent and structured way of correcting issues while maintaining the emotional connection between partners.
Seeking Mentorship: Finding Guidance Along the Journey
Like any new venture, the practice of domestic discipline can benefit from mentorship. For couples just starting their journey, or those who are looking to refine their practices, seeking guidance from a mentor online resources or forums can provide valuable insight and support. Mentors can be found in your local BDSM community as well, often found on sites like Fetlife. Mentors can help couples navigate challenges, establish effective routines, and ensure that the discipline remains consensual and loving.
A mentor may provide resources on communication techniques, help with developing rituals and routines, and guide couples in understanding the deeper psychological aspects of domestic discipline. These professionals often have experience working with couples in similar situations and can offer advice tailored to specific needs. They can also provide reassurance to both partners that they are engaging in these practices in a healthy, positive way.
Mentorship can be particularly beneficial when it comes to understanding the balance between discipline and love. It’s easy to get caught up in the rules and rituals of the practice, but a mentor can help remind couples of the underlying reason for domestic discipline: strengthening the relationship through trust, respect, and understanding. I am not a mentor in this field, I can point you to other resources but domestic discipline is something that I am still learning. If you have good DD resources, please help us all out by posting them in the comments below.
Key (🔑) Considerations
Communication is Key: As with any dynamic within a relationship, communication is essential. Regularly checking in with each other about how the discipline is working for both partners, whether it’s too much or not enough, is necessary to ensure the practice remains positive and healthy.
Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries and agreeing on limits is crucial in maintaining a safe and consensual dynamic. A successful domestic discipline arrangement is based on mutual respect, and boundaries should never be crossed.
Flexibility and Adaptability: Domestic discipline is not a one-size-fits-all approach, and it may evolve over time. Couples should be flexible and willing to adjust the practices based on their needs and circumstances.
Aftercare: After a disciplinary session, it’s important to have aftercare. This could be physical comfort (such as hugs, holding hands, or cuddling) or emotional support through reassurance and tender conversation. This step helps the couple reestablish their emotional bond and reminds both partners that the discipline is always delivered with love. Aftercare is more important than the punishment itself, you can administer aftercare with no punishment. Aftercare, beforecare, care is a wonderful thing and you can really never have enough of it.
Is Domestic Discipline Right For Your Marriage?
In a modern marriage, domestic discipline and practices like spanking can offer a unique way to release stress, reinforce boundaries, and foster emotional intimacy. For some couples, this dynamic can bring a sense of structure, trust, and connection, helping them to work through difficult emotions and maintain a healthy, balanced relationship. However, it’s important to remember that these practices must always be consensual, well-communicated, and loving to be effective. Open dialogue, trust, and mutual respect are the cornerstones of any successful domestic discipline arrangement.
Evolving Your Conversation:
How do you and your partner manage stress and emotional release in your relationship?
What are the key components of trust in a female-led relationship, and how can they be nurtured?
How do you feel about incorporating rituals or routines into your relationship, and do you think they could strengthen your bond?
In what ways do you set and respect boundaries in your relationship, and how do you handle when those boundaries are tested?
How can couples maintain a balance between discipline and care to ensure that the dynamic remains loving and supportive?
In a female-led relationship (FLR) intimacy is about more than just physical pleasure. It’s about reinforcing power, devotion, and acceptance in the most intimate way possible. And what better way to do that than through the art of one-way oral service?
For many dominant women, oral sex isn’t just a fun indulgence—it’s a statement. It’s about being adored, worshipped, and prioritized without the pressure of reciprocity. And for a submissive man? Well, getting on his knees to serve his queen isn’t just a privilege—it’s a duty, a mindset, and a daily affirmation of his role.
One-Way Oral: It’s About Priorities
Let’s be clear—this isn’t about fairness, and it certainly isn’t about taking turns. This is about power, balance, and pleasure. In an FLR, the expectation is simple:
He gives. She receives. End of discussion.
His pleasure is in pleasing her.
When this dynamic is fully embraced, it becomes second nature. The husband doesn’t need oral pleasure—he thrives on giving it. His tongue becomes an instrument of devotion, and every kiss, lick, and worshipful moment is about her satisfaction and dominance.
Why Oral Worship Reinforces Submission
Oral sex isn’t just about technique; it’s about psychology, power, and surrender.
The Kneeling Factor: There’s something deeply submissive about dropping to your knees and focusing entirely on your partner’s pleasure. It’s an act of humility and reverence—whether in prayer, proposal, or, well… this.
One-Way Pleasure Reinforces the Power Dynamic: In a traditional setup, sex is often about mutual satisfaction. In an FLR? The power exchange means she’s the focus, and he’s the giver. There’s no need to “return the favor” because his role is to serve, not to receive.
Denial Fuels Desire: For submissive men, denial and service go hand in hand. The more they’re focused on giving, the more devoted they become. Over time, this form of sexual submission deepens the dynamic, making oral service not just a physical act, but a daily ritual of devotion.
Oral as a Ritual: A Daily Act of Service
For many FLR couples, oral sex isn’t a special occasion thing—it’s a daily expectation for him to offer. It becomes as routine as morning coffee or a goodnight kiss. Some dominant women enjoy being gently pleasured while scrolling their phones or watching tv while others prefer a slow, indulgent session before bed, and some love the idea of being woken up to devoted service. Figure out what works and be intentional about getting the devotional time that you need.
Whatever the routine, the consistency reinforces the power exchange. It’s a reminder, day in and day out, that his role is to serve, and her role is to be worshipped.
The Power of Withholding
One of the most defining aspects of this arrangement is that he doesn’t get oral in return. It’s not about being cruel—it’s about reinforcing the dynamic.
It reminds him of his place. He’s not there to take; he’s there to give.
It builds sexual tension and longing. The more he’s denied, the more devoted and eager he becomes.
It strengthens the psychological hold. Knowing that his wife’s pleasure comes first—always—deepens his submission and commitment.
For many wives, this level of control is intoxicating. Knowing that his greatest joy and relationship satisfaction comes from her pleasure, not his own, makes the power exchange even more meaningful.
Having the Conversation: Clear Expectations
Introducing this shift in dynamic requires clear communication and a firm verbal agreement. A dominant wife should express her expectations confidently, ensuring her husband understands not just the rule itself but the reasoning behind it. Here’s how that conversation might go:
“As we continue deepening our female-led relationship, I want to talk about oral sex—specifically, me giving it. I want to be very clear that, at least for the foreseeable future, I will no longer be providing oral sex. It doesn’t align with the power dynamic we’re building, and it sends the wrong message about who is in control. You, on the other hand, will continue to give. That is your role, your duty, and your privilege. Do you understand?”
At this point, it’s important for him to not only agree but to verbalize his acceptance and commitment. Having him explicitly ask her to stop reinforces his submission and cements the agreement as a mutual, understood expectation.
He might respond:
“Yes, I understand. I fully accept that oral sex is something I provide for you, not something I receive. I have no expectation or desire for oral sex because it goes against the structure of our relationship. I want to focus entirely on your pleasure and fully embrace my role in serving you.”
This verbal contract solidifies the one-way nature of oral pleasure, making it clear that her satisfaction is the only priority. Once spoken aloud, it becomes not just a preference, but an expectation, ensuring that both partners are aligned in their dynamic.
By having him ask for the rule to be enforced, it shifts the power entirely to her. She isn’t simply “taking something away”—he is actively requesting that she maintain control, deepening his submission and reinforcing their FLR.
Every Couple’s Dynamic is Unique
Of course, not every FLR looks the same. Some women enjoy reciprocating on occasion, while others fully embrace the one-way nature of oral pleasure. There’s no single rulebook—just what works best for your dynamic.
For those incorporating non-monogamy, oral before and after a date adds another layer of intimacy, power, and reassurance. It allows both partners to embrace their roles fully, making the dynamic even stronger and more fulfilling.
Male Chastity: Deepening the One-Way Dynamic
Male chastity aligns perfectly with the one-way nature of oral pleasure in a female-led relationship. By keeping the husband locked, his focus remains entirely on her satisfaction, not his own. Just as he provides oral service without the expectation of reciprocation, chastity ensures that his pleasure is secondary—or even irrelevant—compared to hers. This reinforces the power imbalance, making every act of service more meaningful. When he kneels to please her, he does so with no distraction, no ulterior motive, and no physical release waiting for him at the end. Instead, his reward is the privilege of worshiping her body, the mental high of submission, and the deep emotional connection that comes from knowing his pleasure is completely in her hands. By combining oral servitude with enforced chastity, the dynamic shifts entirely in her favor—where it belongs.
Oral Before & After Dates: Submission, Support & Acceptance
For couples exploring any form of non-monogamy, oral sex before and after dates is a powerful, symbolic way for the husband to show his submission, support, and acceptance of the dynamic.
Before the date: Performing oral sex on his wife before she heads out with another man cements his role as a devoted, supportive partner. It’s an act of reassurance, a moment where he affirms that her pleasure, desires, and choices come first. It also helps ground both partners in their dynamic, reinforcing that her satisfaction is the priority.
After the date: The husband offering oral service upon her return isn’t just about physical pleasure—it’s about acceptance, reclaiming, and devotion. Whether it’s an act of aftercare, a form of reconnecting, or a way for him to embrace the reality of their arrangement, it keeps the power balance clear and deeply felt.
Some husbands crave the opportunity to clean, worship, and savor their wives after an experience with another man, making it a deeply psychological form of reaffirming their role and devotion. Others simply see it as another chance to please and serve—because, at the end of the day, that’s the whole point of an FLR.
A Celebration of Devotion, Power & Pleasure
Remember also that submission isn’t about humiliation – if that’s your view, you’re looking at it completely wrong. True submission isn’t about shame or degradation—it’s about trust, devotion, and the freedom to surrender to someone worthy of that power. The only time submission should feel humiliating is if you’re ashamed of your dominant, and if that’s the case, you’ve got bigger problems to address. A strong, loving dominant uplifts their submissive, creating a space where surrender is empowering, not embarrassing. It’s not about being less than—it’s about choosing to give yourself fully to someone who cherishes that gift. If submission feels like a loss of dignity, maybe it’s time to ask yourself: is it submission that’s the problem, do you have deeper issues around submission, or is it who you’re submitting to?
At its core, oral worship in an FLR is about more than just physical gratification. It’s about reinforcing the hierarchy, deepening the bond, and ensuring that pleasure flows in one direction—toward the queen. For the submissive husband, giving without expecting in return isn’t a loss—it’s a privilege. And for the dominant wife? Well, knowing that her satisfaction is the priority, without question, makes the experience all the sweeter.
Let’s talk about it! Drop your thoughts in the comments. 💋
Evolving Your Conversation
How do you and your partner view the idea of one-way pleasure? Does it excite or challenge you?
If you’re in a non-monogamous or cuckold dynamic, how do you feel about oral before and after a date?
What are some ways you can incorporate daily rituals of submission and pleasure into your relationship?
Do you think denial and service strengthen submission, or do you prefer a more reciprocal approach?
How does reinforcing power in the bedroom translate into power dynamics outside of intimacy?
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