A blog about sexuality and I don't think I've ever done a blog about penis size. I should be ashamed of myself. Oh well, time to make amends.

I like to look at large penises. As I said in a previous blog about penises, they fascinate me. Penises fall into two categories for me; novelty and functionality. If you've got a big one, I am very interested and aroused. Using both hands, watching it double or triple in size is completely fascinating. Sorry big guy, that thing isn't going inside me. Why? It isn't comfortable. Porn has a fascination with something the size of a baseball bat going into a tiny woman. This can't be comfortable for the poor girl as she stretches to accommodate the fellow's massive schlong. Nope. No thanks.

On the flip side, the guys with the tiny micro-penis. I love these as well Watching it swell up, get soft. Fit nicely into my hand and grow and shrink. These are the absolute best for cuddling and spooning.

Guys with a completely average penis are the best of both worlds. I have what I would imagine as an average vagina (I guess?). An average penis just fits and the mechanics of it all feel great. These are the best for intercourse. A guy in the 5" to 6.5" range are perfect for me. Now remember, this is completely a personal preference thing and I am only speaking for myself. I've only ever owned this one vagina and that just how things work from my experiences while using it.

Penises are more interesting than vaginas. Vaginas have different shapes and sizes but they aren't as varied as penises. You never know what to expect when you see his fella. Is it big, small, fat, skinny, cut, uncut, straight, hairy, trimmed, curved the list goes on and on.

Assuming he keeps his member neat and tidy, I pretty much like all of them. Part of the allure of newness is the mystery of what he's packing. Fellas, this isn't an invitation for your dick pic. I really don't want it. …

I received an email from a reader who asked about their husband's "masturbation" problem. An excerpt of her email is below:

Well, first off. Don't feel guilty. You have different needs and he has taken matters into his own hands as a way to help make up for the differences between the two of you. Sexual differences are a major reason for breakup divorce so you aren't alone. Your bodies are different so let's leave it at that.

Is your current level of desire something new or did you desire him more earlier in the relationship. Our bodies are cruel mistress as female desire wanes as we get comfortable. If the desire was there and is no longer, you may just need to do some things to give yourself a kick start.

So he isn't willing to try the cage and he isn't willing to give up his daily orgasms. Let's look at the problems individually. Problem number one, he masturbates daily and you aren't a part of the fantasy or the activity. Problem number two, he takes forever to cum and sometimes loses his erection during sex.

Let's talk about number two first because I see it as the bigger of the two problems. Perhaps not bigger but possibly more impactful to the relationship. Even when he gets what he wants, he isn't able to be satisfied since he takes forever to cum and/or loses his erection. If he is masturbating to internet porn, he is seeing lots of visual stimuli and clicking through sexual scenarios that you are never going to be able to hope to fulfill. I would say that he is masturbating to the wrong stimuli. He should be masturbating to you.

Take some sexy photos of yourself or better yet, have him take them for you in provocative poses. Perhaps some with eye contact. You can even look at some porn together and come up with some poses that turn him on. Request that he use those photos exclusively for any masturbation for the next 30 days. During this time, he need not reduce his masturbation. The only difference is that you will be the object of his fantasy, as it should be.…

He probably does want to be locked! Once he grows accustomed to the feel of the cage and managing his releases, many men grow to feel more comfortable when caged. In a previous blog I mentioned that most men are hard wired to want to please their partner. For a man, pleasing his partner gives him a feeling of accomplishment and validation in his role as a boyfriend or husband. If he feels that the cage or your behavior while wearing the cage brings you joy or satisfaction then he values being caged.

For some men, it can be very challenging to not resort to frequent masturbation. Knowing that his orgasms are being managed by someone else and giving up that control is a huge leap of faith in his partner. This showing of trust is a wonderful way to enhance the bond between the two of you. When he trusts you to manage his releases and he places his faith in you to do the right thing for your relationship and at the same time, a tremendous weight is lifted off his shoulders.

When caged, many men resort to being uncharacteristically affectionate, or physically sensual. They reach out to give unsolicited massages, value hand holding and find more passion from kissing or hugging. Knowing that being uncaged may not bring you the same level of happiness subconsciously or consciously makes him want to be locked.

In our relationship, locking is a bit of a game. We are very playful and I will lock him as a punishment, sometimes real and sometimes imagined. If I am feeling needy, I'll lock him to feel loved. If I am feeling bossy, I'll lock him to feel powerful. You get the idea. Locking him up fills an emotional need in me and on the flip side it also fills a need in him.

He knows that an orgasm is a short lived endorphin rush that doesn't do much of anything for our relationship. He also knows that sacrificing a few of those orgasms may bring a great deal of additional happiness to our relationship. Most men, including Kev are hard wired for pleasing their mate and the cage is a fantastic metaphor and tool for that emotional need.

The cage is a metaphor for more than that. We all have a tendency to sexualize insecurities and the cage can become a healthy fetish. The cage can be a symbol for many things; differences in libido, infidelity in current or previous relationships or simply a symbol for the fact that the woman is typically the gatekeeper for sex in a relationship. …

Let's talk about motivation. A typical man's sexual energy is very closely linked to his desire to please you. That may seem odd but men in fact are hard wired to derive pleasure when you are happy and content. When there is conflict or unrest, they will do their best to resolve the conflict and get back to a state of calm.

Helping him control his orgasms builds up that sexual energy and keeps him focused on pleasing you. Once he has reached orgasm, he loses his focus and it may take several days to get him back into the zone. With Kev, I have found that it takes about three days to rebuild his energy and refocus on me. Assuming Kevin is wired the same as every other guy and knowing that no two humans are alike, the answer will vary but it might not be all that different. It takes three days to build that focus, how long can you keep him focused?

It seems like a month would be about the longest that you want to go, at least in my experience. After the first couple days, his interest focuses directly on you. His attention shifts from the tv or his phone to you. He is magnetically drawn to you, massages and other touching seems to amplify. After the first week, it does start to taper and even decrease unless you keep his attention and focus. I recommend that you come up with some sort of daily or nightly ritual to help keep him focused and keep his hormones flowing. We do nightly massages and I enjoy holding (cupping) his cage as we watch TV or spend time together. We also like spooning with him being a very frustrated "big spoon". His twitching cage is a great reminder of the sacrifices that he is making for both of us.

By limiting his erections and orgasm, we have an enormous psychological impact on his arousal level. Assuming that you use a cage, his inability to get an erection or touch himself becomes his complete focus. For the first couple times that you lock him up, he will want to talk about it constantly. You will need to put an end to the constant conversation or you will grow weary and find yourself distancing yourself from him. I found myself literally moving to the other room.

The moral of the story is - lock it up and keep him teased. Frequent teasing will keep his hormonal attention pointed directly at you. When the attention becomes too much, redirect him with chores and other tasks to keep him productive around the house. Experiment with duration of lockup periods and indulge in his kinks to keep his hormonal drive very high. The higher the drive the more fun you will have.