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Male Sex Hormones

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Here are some details about the sex hormones that make all of this so exciting:

We hear a lot about testosterone, and it is a huge thing in male bodies but the key players in this game are named Dopamine, Prolactin, and Oxytocin. Here is a simplistic picture of what those three are:

Dopamine
The intense pleasure hormone. A built-in reward system. The heroin of hormones. High highs followed by a deep crash.
(he wants this)

Oxytocin
The “cuddle hormone.” It is what I was given to induce labor. It is involved in bonding, intimacy, trust, and maybe anxiety.
(you want this)

Prolactin
The satisfaction hormone. Like an antidote to the Dopamine & Oxytocin. It shuts down sex stuff.
(nobody wants this)

So now lets look at two patterns in terms of male bodies. The first is a regular “masturbate and have sex whenever I feel like it” pattern and the second is the tease and denial pattern. The “regular” pattern: orgasms on a regular basis. In this pattern Oxytocin builds up slowly in each cycle, then at orgasm a huge heroin rush of dopamine explodes his brain, and immediately it is all killed by Prolactin, so he instantly loses desire, intimate feelings, submissiveness, and trust. It then takes a few days or weeks to build those up again properly. The tease and denial pattern: no orgasms for longer periods, but CONSTANT teasing. In this pattern there are no big blasts of dopamine except for the occasional releases. Oxytocin builds up and stays high all the time, making him attentive and horny and affectionate and obedient and very eager to please the woman. The more teasing, the more Oxytocin! They have done experiments with suggestibility tests before and after doses of Oxytocin by nasal mist, and Oxytocin makes men up to 400% more open to taking and embracing the suggestions of their partner.…

The Life and Times of Vegas Ang

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This is part 1 of Vegas Ang's Story, a forum member who joined earlier this month. We had two phone interviews which I recorded and took furious notes. Great story, please feel free to reply to her thread in the introductions forum to thank her for sharing.

My husband George and I are normal to middle class couple. We had two kids who went off to college some time ago. We moved from the midwest to Las Vegas and we've been enjoying our retirement. Life was busy for us, we both worked professional 50+ hour per week jobs. George worked for a big company and flew all around the world doing big sales pitches and acquisitions. I was a secretary and moved my way up to an executive assistant in corporate America. Once we retired we were now tasked with getting to know each other all over again.

George plays some golf now with his friends and I play some bridge and enjoy socializing with all of the other folks that came to retire in the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas. We are really enjoying all that retirement has to offer. Shortly after moving here, we were greeted at a community event by a very nice couple that lives in the same neighborhood. They are both born and bred here in Las Vegas and it is a bit of a rarity to find someone actually from this oasis in the desert. Everyone seems to be from somewhere else. They seem to know people everywhere we go and are able to get us concert tickets, show tickets, sports tickets. You name it! If they weren't already fabulous people, we would probably do well to associate with them just for the side benefits! We were lucky enough to have met them shortly after moving here and have grown pretty close to them since we've been in here.

In any case, that couple whom we can call Marge and Rodney were sitting out in our back yard by the fire pit overlooking our pool with us. and we were talking about getting to know each other and the whole courtship process, followed by raising a family together and never really knowing how to get back into that getting to know each other phase. It seems that when raising a family, your role changes to parent rather than husband and wife. Marge giggled and looked at Rodney and they said that it was difficult for them too, their situation was similar. Marge said that there is a trick to it and it all comes down to sex. We laughed too, explaining that we were re-learning about our sex lives and even learning about our bodies with creaks and aches in places that we didn't even know existed.

Marge looked at Rodney and signed, saying that there is a trick to getting to know each other again. George and I were a bit confused and honestly, we thought for a moment that they were swingers or something like that. I think Marge could see that I was starting to get strange vibes about the way this conversation and said - Rodney just tell them. Then Rodney stuttered over his words and said "Well this is embarrassing and we've talked about this being our little secret but I guess we know you guys well enough so here goes. Marge controls my orgasms. She tells me when I get to have an orgasm and when I don't." I looked over at George and I swear I couldn't keep a straight face. We both started laughing. Then we looked over at Marge and Rodney who weren't. They were just looking at us with a dead serious look on their faces. We did our best to stop laughing but after a few mixed drinks, hearing news like that isn't quite something that you can take without a giggle or two.


George looked at Rodney and said so you're telling me that you don't have sex anymore? Rodney replied and said oh no, our sex life has actually never been better but she dictates when things start and when things end. Still, a bit confused George asked, "…but how do you have sex without an orgasm?" Laughing a bit he added - "that's not really how it works." Rodney signed a bit and agreed that typically things don't work that way but their marriage has changed for the better since they started changing things. …

Monogamy is Boring

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Monogamy Is Boring

Alright maybe men aren't boring but monogamy can get boring. Our entire lives we are taught that we need to find our prince charming, marry him with some big extravagant wedding and live happily ever after. Our husband should be our best friend and our soulmate. That one man should be our only sexual partner for the rest of our lives. Despite society telling us that monogamy is the only way that a woman can respectively have sex, it isn't how we are wired. Long term relationships are safe and comfortable but our bodies simply aren't wired for them.

You probably think I am going to start making a case for polyandry or cuckolding or something like that. I'm not. I actually love the idea behind society's relationship partnership concept. Maybe I've been brainwashed or don't know better but I just like the idea of feeling comfortable with finding my "one". Even if you sometimes feel like you may not be wired that way, it is important to figure out how to keep sex with the same guy interesting. I will say that the "newness" of a relationship is enticing. The butterflies, the unknown, the new touch, the new smells, everything. How can you recreate those without venturing out to a different lover?

If you haven't already figured it out, I love figuring out how to manipulate the way our bodies are wired to increase happiness and relationship success. This article is about figuring out what we can do to manipulate our bodies into being happy with this one-man concept. It is a fact that women get bored in bed faster than men do. Newsweek recently published an article stating that moving in with your boyfriend can kill your sex drive. So what is a lady to do?

Let's mix things up a bit! I think much of this comfortability is to blame. When men get comfortable, they stop courting us. Since our sex drive is strongly driven by emotions, we stop getting our emotional needs met. We need to constantly be the object of their affection and planning a weekly date night just doesn't cut it. Remember what we did at the beginning of our relationship? Remember what we did when you were trying to win my affection? At the beginning of the relationship, he was submissive to us.


Let's start with why the courtship was there in the first place. He wanted sex! It doesn't matter if sex happened on the first for fifty first date, we controlled when sex happened. That gives us the obvious conclusion that courtship was driven by sexual desire. If courtship was driven by sexual desire, how do we get that sexual desire back? We create sexual desire by taking control of his orgasms! With focused sexual desire, we can get the courtship that we need back int our relationship. It may sound crazy but it works and you will see results very quickly. Check out this blog on managing your man's release for more information.

You will find that his entire personality can change in just a few short days after you start taking control of his orgasms. Until his body is familiar with the process he will get a bit cranky for the first few days but after that, the magic really starts happening. Don't take my word for it, give it a shot!…

Male Chastity: When do the Training Wheels Come Off?

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training wheels

As you undoubtedly know from reading my site, I successfully use the cage as a behavior modification tool to help him learn to restrict himself to the orgasm schedule that I dictate. Part of me realizes that caging him for the rest of his life isn't realistic however caging him for weeks or months isn't out of the question. Some guys live with a cage for years but I wonder how long we go before he is capable of managing his own releases. We've made a couple failed attempts and had to resort to the cage each time.

I trust him, I really do but I know that idle hands make cages necessary. When he is at home the easiest thing to occupy his time is his little guy and a little flicking turns to a little tugging and before you know it, cleanup rag is required. I do intend to go cageless again but I wanted to do some research first to find out what we can do to help increase our chances of success.

There are some huge positives of using the cage:

  • Constant state of semi arousal - This is a big one. He has commented that it feels like I've always got my hand loosely gripping him. Just enough to constantly be reminded that I am present in his life.
  • The lock - The sound the lock makes when it snaps shut. I love this and hate to give it up. Such a great mental reinforcement of my dominance. We've been using the holy trainer style cages recently so while there is less of a sound, there is still a distinctive moment when control of his orgasms are transferred to me.
  • The key itself - One thing that I refuse to give up is the key. Locked or unlocked, I've learned to love having the key as a symbol of our relationship. I have dozens of key necklaces, anklets and even little decorations around the house. I had a friend comment that I was probably a locksmith in a past life.
  • Sitting down to pee - This is a big one. I love the changes that it makes for the man's urination tactics. Even if he doesn't have to sit down to pee, he always uses a bathroom stall rather than the urinal. This makes me happy.
  • Morning erections - I like to see these restrained. Personal preference I suppose.
  • Cuddling - Cuddling without using the cage can turn into humping. I usually correct this by just saying "you're cuddling wrong" but it is still annoying.
  • Cage Modeling - Call me crazy but I like seeing him walking around the house nude aside from his cage. This reminds me of our relationship and everything I love about it, and everything I love about him.
  • Psychological - There is a psychological aspect here that can't be measured. Something about knowing that it is quite literally impossible makes him feel helpless. On the flip side, I feel powerful since I hold the key to his castle.
  • Restraining while playing - When I am teasing, I enjoy seeing his penis trying to expand its way out of the cage. I enjoy seeing him cringe as he knows that he is truly helpless and he cannot do anything about it. Even if we go cageless day to day, I'll never give this up.
  • Fun - They are fun.

Some negatives to using a cage:

  • Uncomfortable - He complains of discomfort from time to time, not to mention it changes the way that he must do physical activity. From my side, this is almost a positive since his willingness to endure some minor discomfort shows his commitment.
  • Awkward - It can be a bit awkward, sideways hugs, being careful when playing with the kids, the dogs, etc.
  • Unsanitary - That sounds wrong but it does require frequent cleaning to keep things in tip-top shape. Removal is typically the only way to ensure that things are as clean as a whistle.

Attraction & Courtship

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Typically men find themselves most attracted to women their age or younger. Women, on the other hand usually find men older than them to be most attractive. The male attraction to younger women may be because younger women have a higher likelihood of reproducing successfully. Women on the other and find established men to be more attractive. This may be due to an older man being more established and having more likelihood of sticking around during pregnancy and after birth of a child. A recent study found that, at least in the online dating world, women reach peak desirability around age 18 with men peaking at age 50. I was surprised by this age disparity.

The top 10 traits that men find attractive about women are:

  1. Happy - Men find women who are happy and deal with situations using a positive attitude and mindset. Men like women who try and enjoy every moment in their life.
  2. Good sense of humor - Men like women that have a good sense of humor, are playful and not easily offended by jokes.
  3. Intelligent - When a woman doesn't succumb to the "dumb blonde" stereotype and shows that she is not only a very smart blonde but she is capable of thought provoking conversation, it can be a very attractive trait.
  4. Pretty - Men seek women who are attractive and youthful looking. The traits that men seek are typically linked to reproduction such as breasts and hips. Whether looking to have children or not, men are subconsciously seeking women who are suitable to carry their young.
  5. Ambitious - Women who are ambitious with passions, goals and priorities are attractive. When women are independent and don't depend on anyone for financial and emotional needs, men find them attractive.
  6. Confident & Strong - Women that are strong, don't care about what others think about her and willing to stand as an equal with their partner can be very attractive to men.
  7. Emotionally stable - We all know how emotions can get the best of us sometimes. Men do have it easier in that their emotions typically aren't as overwhelming and debilitating.
  8. Dominant - Women who can show her man that not only is she capable of receiving his love and adoration, she is capable of dishing it out and showing him how she wants to be loved.
  9. Honesty - Nobody wants to be lied to and honesty is a trait that is respected and attractive. Dishonesty is an enormous turn off for both genders.
  10. Kindness - Men love a woman that exhibits a nurturing and kind personality. For example if you lock him up and he is whining about being locked for two weeks, show some compassion and give him a swift swat on the butt and a peck on the cheek.

The top 10 traits women find attractive about men are:…

The Dark Side of Male Chastity

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This isn't going to be an article about the twisted underworld of chastity, this is about feelings. This is about ensuring that the feelings that you are hoping to enforce with chastity are the ones that you get. If done improperly, chastity can bring feelings of resentment, distrust and anger when that is the opposite reason that you brought it into your life. Chastity is a huge mind fuck and is capable of bringing up some pretty intense emotions but my intent is to help you get positive a outcome when you put the ol' hubby on lockdown.

I've received a couple emails from couples where it simply wasn't working. The only results the woman is seeing is an angry, upset man who doesn't want to play this game anymore. Chores are begrudgingly completed, massages happen but he is clearly unhappy and neither of them is seeing the result that she expected. Things just aren't working. So what went wrong?

When done properly, woman cages man, man whines, woman teases, man whines more, woman teases man, man cries and begs to have his cage removed, woman determines that the man's had enough and allows him a release. Rinse, repeat for as long as you both want chastity to continue. Time doesn't really matter as long as the teasing is frequent and merciless. The frustration that he feels is intense, so intense that he actually gets a euphoric high from the frustration and desperate lack of control. That high is turned around and focused on you which makes the game oh so much fun to play. You feel confident, powerful and are truly in control. That is how things are supposed to work.

All too often, the woman thinks that the cage is the magic here but it isn't! The magic is you. The cage simply forces him to redirect his sexual energy toward you instead of allowing it to escape the tip of his weenie when he jerks off. If you want to ruin the experience for both of you, lock him up and leave him. This gives him time to stew and to regret this little game. The secret is constant and frequent teasing to keep his focus directed at you and to keep him constantly yearning to please you with massages, oral sex and household tasks. Not only should you take advantage of his desire to please but you should expect and demand it as a condition of your role in his orgasm control.

Then make him do some of the chores that were taking up your time. Now you have time to tease him. You will be shocked at the amount of time a properly motivated man can find.

Check out my article on teasing, you can spend as little or as much time on teasing as you want. Only have 30 seconds a day? No problem. 5 minutes a day? No problem.…

The Sex Calendar

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In your relationship, one of you likely keeps track of the sex calendar. You know what I mean, the formal or informal calendar that lists the last time you had sex and how many days it has been since you've had sex. This is part of the sex barter system where one partner uses time as a way to guilt the other partner into fulfilling their relationship duties. For the partner on the receiving end, this doesn't create a very satisfying sexual relationship. It does create resentment, and make sex far less likely to be enjoyable.

When you've got your man locked, he may find it important to count the amount of days that he has been locked but it becomes work when he is also counting how many days it has been since you have been coital together. Many couples use chastity to help align mismatched sexual desires and it works fantastically for that purpose. Eliminating the counting is a great way to help focus on aligning mutual needs and desires rather than resorting to sex to temporarily resolve feelings of obligation and guilt.

I'd encourage both of you to stop focusing on the number of days and split lovemaking into many different forms. Sex can be full sex, oral sex, oral, sexual teasing, pegging and so much more. For me, sexual play and teasing can be vastly more enjoyable than sex itself especially when it leaves him sexually charged and eager to please. From a strictly teasing standpoint, you are better off doing five minutes per day than thirty minutes per week because it keeps his body in a constant state of mental and physical arousal with very little opportunity to become discouraged.

Imagine if your man has been locked up tightly and hasn't been permitted an ejaculation for five days. Now imagine unlocking him and asking him to place his penis inside you while you masturbate to orgasm. If he moves, thrusts or so much as quivers, all you need to say is one word, the session ends and he is to lock himself back up. This will also help condition him to respond better to instructions that you've been implementing throughout your relationship, especially while having sex.

Sex feels wonderful for me but the best part is at the very beginning, feeling stretched and full as he enters, then the first couple thrusts as my body adjusts to having him inside me. Focusing on the sensation of him filling me, the chills down my spine. Then the rest is a race to have an orgasm before I get sore and need to stop. A race for an orgasm that I may not even want or need every night. I challenged myself to microdose sex for a week. Microdosing sex involves very small amounts of daily sex to experience the pleasure that is most enjoyable for you. For example, if you are thirsty you may fill an entire glass of water but you will only drink until your thirst is quenched. With sex, try just having sex until you've gotten what you need from it, then stop and redirect to something else. If you are just looking for some quick penetration from him, do that and then use your vibrator to finish if you choose. We aren't talking about a quickie here, we are talking about taking the best ten percent of a quickie and running with it.

Do you enjoy the foreplay of getting him aroused but don't really want it to progress beyond that every night? Sometimes the right amount of foreplay can get you in the mood but sometimes you just aren't feeling it. Unlock him, do some foreplay. If you are feeling it, proceed until you've had enough. If you aren't feeling it, say the word and he goes back under the control of your key.…

In Defense of Submissive Men

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So much of the material that you find on the internet about male submission and female dominance tends to minimize the value of the submissive man. If a man shows his feelings, he is somehow less valuable than a "macho" man. Boys are still taught to suppress their emotions and the boys that show emotions are valued less than the boys who express themselves. I wholeheartedly reject the alpha-male, beta-male concept entirely.

Traditional men are seen as conquering women and moving on to the next until they grow weary of the sexual conquests and settle for a woman that checks all the boxes. Submissive men are typically serial monogamists that seek to honor and become friends with their woman without "conquering" them. Submissive men seek to avoid the traditional power struggle from a relationship since they desire to be supportive and devoted.

As a society, we minimize these men who seek to bring value and loving submission to a relationship. These men crave women that make relationship decisions for them. A submissive man searches for a woman suitable of his loving devotion and dedicates himself to her. The femdom stereotype seeks to suggest that a woman should degrade the man and make him feel that he is worthless. This is remarkably easy to do since the submissive man takes the majority of his self worth and relationship validation from his ability to please his woman.

I would argue that a woman's responsibility with a submissive man is to build him up and support his submission inasmuch as she feels comfortable. If he wishes to give foot massages every night, do all of the housework and take care of the children - who are we to say that this is not normal or acceptable in our society?

So much of the dominant female stereotype suggests that submissive men should be locked, cuckolded and cast aside for another, stronger more virile man. I personally believe that as submissive man does not equal a weaker man. A man can be both submissive and strong just as a dominant man may be weak. My father, for instance was a submissive man at home.

Much of the profile that I wrote about in my article entitled The Boss was about my father. Without repeating that entire article, my father was a man who was in charge at work but came home and recognized my mother's authority in the home. My mother's authority while loving was the final say at home. I feel that I was lucky to have role models like my parents. My father passed a few years ago but my mother and I have discussed this topic and she said that a female led household was very common in their generation. Today, it seems that a female led household is frowned upon and the man is seen as weak where I say they are strong.…

Punishment & Correction

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2020 Update - this blog was written over a year ago and I decided not to take it down but it doesn't really represent the relationship that we have any longer. I encourage you to try whatever you feel is right for your relationship but we found that punishment pulled us apart. Although the site's name is evolvingyourman, if I didn't go through some personal evolution with my amazing guy I would be a fool indeed. Check out this blog for a more recent take on our relationship dynamic.

There comes a time where a bit of domestic discipline needs to come into play. Perhaps he is getting resentful, angry, snippy or just not responding to extensions of his lockup time. Here are some ideas to get you started.

This one is pretty obvious, if he is grounded he loses time with his friends or activities that he typically enjoys. TV, phone, video games, early bed time. The same sort of punishments that you probably do with your children if you have them.

This one can be effective if your man is a foodie. Very simply, you restrict him to boring bland foods for a period of time. For example, the only foods he is able to eat for the next three days is chicken broth. You can pick the food and be creative, maybe he is to eat foods that you know he doesn't like.

Note - Do not limit his intake of water, this can be very dangerous.

Corner time is a planned time out when your man stands in a corner with no distractions such as television, phone, music etc. He is to stand in the corner, facing the wall to think about whatever it is that you wish him to think about. …

Sweet Release

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Sweet Release

When you deem the timing appropriate, your man will need to be allowed a release. The timing of this is completely up to you but usually ranges between one week to two months. Once you determine timing, you will need to determine how you will let him have his orgasm. I'll go through each of the methods and their pros and cons for your relationship.

Pre-cum is one great way to tell how ready for an orgasm he is. Allow him to give you a massage or tease him for a bit. A man who is physically ready for release typically has a fairly steady stream of pre-cum leaking out of his cage. Thin, clear pre-cum typically means that his body does not need a release and I'd advise leaving him locked a bit longer. If it is thicker and white, he is ready for a release whenever you are ready to offer it. Again, the decision is completely yours and it can be today or next month. The consistency of his semen certainly has no relevance on when he should be released, that is solely up to your discretion. I typically base my decisions on his behavior, his attitude and a quick check of his pre-cum.

I discourage this one because I feel that sex and orgasm need to be separated to avoid accidents during the month. We typically have frequent sex during the week so I don't want his body getting confused about the appropriate time to release.

With this method, she doesn't have to touch him or provide any stimulation. In fact, she doesn't even have to be in the room! I've heard of sending him to the bathroom for a quick wank.

A twist to this would be allowing him to masturbate on something, perhaps onto the floor or while sitting on his knees in front of you. If it has been a while, it shouldn't take long for him to finish.

Allowing him to masturbate while you are doing something else such as watching TV or playing on your phone can be humiliating as well. Impatiently watching him and making comments about how long it is taking can be fun too.…

Introduction – What is Chastity?

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If you haven't read my article entitled taking the reigns and you are new to the concept of a female led relationship I would recommend that you start there.

Enforced chastity is the practice of denying sex to someone. This is typically done with the use of a penis cage. Penis cages confine the growth of the penis during an erection and can become quite uncomfortable which results in the brain telling the penis to become flaccid again. Eventually this constant correction trains his mind to make his penis hard only when you request and authorize it. It also has the added benefit of preventing masturbation which is a hidden killer of relationships. An enormous part of a healthy relationship is sexual energy.

I used to worry that chastity was creating an illusion of intimacy. The more we experiment with orgasm control, the more I feel that he is not behaving this way to get uncaged but because we feel closer and more intimate. The results are very quick so it can almost appear like a night and day difference which made me initially suspicious.

Cock cages are growing in popularity as they are getting visibility in mainstream press and the designs are less intrusive to movement than barbaric cages of yesteryear. Cages are easily purchased on Amazon, eBay or other online retailers. They are cheap, especially if you go with the Chinese brands and I would suggest that you start there. If you want this to fail, pull out the cage and tell him to put it on. You need to approach this more delicately. Tell him that you've got a kinky new game to play. That may pique his interest and start a conversation. You don't want the cage to be a punishment but more of a tool that you can use together to heighten your love life. From his standpoint you want this to be a new and exciting toy. From your standpoint, you want this to be a tool to help mold his behavior. If you are denying and controlling the sexual aspect of your relationship he should be compliant because he is used to your sexual dominance by this point.

When you try on the cage with him, do it for a short period of time. 10 or 15 minutes. He should have minimal discomfort during that time and may even find the attention to his nether regions kinky or arousing. Wait a day or two, then see if he can go an hour. Two hours. See if he can make it overnight. They can be uncomfortable but a swipe of Vaseline against the touch points on the underside of the cage will get him through the night without complaint. Make sure that you unlock him first thing in the morning. Wipe him with a washcloth and reward him with some praise, a few tugs or a quick blowjob. No cumming of course.

You want him to associate the cage with pleasure and positive affirmation from you but not necessarily with sexual release. Check on him several times a day, grab his crotch when you are alone and tell him that you are just doing a cage check. Compliment him on how he looks and how sexy the cage makes him. At this point I really do like the look of a locked penis over the a flaccid penis so for me at least, that isn't any stretch of the truth. You want the cage to equal your sexual acceptance for him, with time the cage itself will bring emotional satisfaction and self-worth. You want him to feel wanted when wearing the cage, you want him to desire wearing the cage because of the way you treat him. Again, don't go for too long with him in the cage this time as the discomfort (negative) may start to outweigh the praise and reward that you are providing. You want to keep it on long enough to reinforce the positive stimuli that you are attaching to it. From there, put the cage on a shelf for a week or two and ignore him sexually for the most part. He will quickly remember the attention that he received while in the cage and subconsciously yearn for it. You want him to want the cage and actually request it. You really want him to think that it is his idea to be locked. …

The Sex Barter System

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sex barter system

The concept of bartering involves one party giving something to another party in exchange for something of similar value. As one of the world's oldest professions, prostitution is the ultimate in sex bartering. In the context of relationships this equates to the bargaining for sex.
We've all heard it before:

The barter system is much more than that, when men are in the mood a great deal of his day is spent trying to placate his wife in an attempt to earn sex. You aren't getting his genuine self when so much energy is being spent on convincing you to have sex. Love should not be earned nor bought and sex should be something that a couple enjoys with each other devoid of strings or manipulation. Our society and television have changed our guys expectations about sex and they have reinforced this barter system.

The barter system uses these tasks to guilt the other party into having sex. Ask any woman and she will tell you that guilt sex is never good sex. The guilt system is the primary way that many couples have sex and then we, as women ask ourselves why we have negative feelings when the topic of sex comes up. Resentment isn't far behind when the woman is treated like an object to be used for the purpose of sex. Many men would be shocked to hear that they are objectifying their wife. By the very nature of the barter system, they are treating her body like an object that can be bought or sold by virtue of his actions.

You might ask yourself, doesn't chastity simply reinforce the objectification of women? On the surface, it might appear so but once you dig a little deeper you will find that chastity fundamentally changes the reward system. By handing the keys to your woman, the man is handing control of his sexual pleasure. While this may seem like giving control of a very tangible thing, it is actually more of a symbolic gesture that constantly reminds his unconscious mind that he is no longer capable of doing this on his own. It gives his body and mind the realization that he is truly powerless in his situation. Make no mistake, he is entrusting an enormous part of his life to you and is allowing you to hold the power to something that is key to his existence and self worth.

He will go through a couple stages, during which he might get frustrated, angry, resentful and even depressed. After a period of two to three days in lockup, he will simply lose that less desirable side effect. That period of misbehavior will shorten as his body and mind get used to being locked up. You will find that subsequent lockups have far less negative behavior. The positive changes aren't gradual, it is a nearly immediate change, his mind essentially gives up and places the responsibility of sexual needs in you. From that moment until the moment that you unlock him, you wield the power in the relationship. Even after unlocking, you will find that a simple reminder about the cage will help him get back to good behavior much more quickly.

The first and most obvious will be unsolicited massages, he will want to let out that pent up sexual tension in other ways such as touching. Sounds great, right? If you are anything like me, this is the type of touching you crave. Not butt or boob grabbing. He will really start to enjoy those massages as an outlet for his sexual tension and you should reward and encourage him. Compliment his massage skills and tell him how aroused the massage makes you feel. Many times, after having an orgasm I ask myself if I would rather watch him have an orgasm or lock him back up and allow him to give me a massage. If he has been retaining for at least a few days, he usually typically feels very rewarded to give you a stress-relieving massage in lieu of having an orgasm of his own. Your body is so relaxed and sensitive after having an orgasm, it is the absolute best time for relaxation. …

Lock Him Up For Date Night

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I had a conversation with a friend of mine - she knows all about my love for keeping my fella under lock and key. So far she has shied away from doing anything and her concern was about altering the dynamic of her marriage. If your relationship is working, I fully understand not wanting to rock the boat. We chatted through it and I explained that a cage can be a relationship changer or just a sex toy to keep things interesting. I suggested that she try just locking him up for date night. If he is a good date, he gets unlocked. Just a bit of a power transfer similar to a very vanilla version of pegging. Here is her story recounted by me from a conversation that we had. I really am a bad influence.

I was getting ready to go out; hair, makeup the whole nine yards. I watched my husband as he did his absolute minimum effort to get ready, he didn't even bother to shave. Then I remembered the conversation I had with Emma about the lock. She lent me one of her boyfriend's locks with several sizes of tubes and rings when we met for lunch about a week prior. I fiddled with it when she lent it to me but I couldn't quite figure out how it worked and how it all fit together with the anatomy inside of it. I put it all back in the zip lock baggie and stuck it in my purse and forgot about it.

I was a bit annoyed that there wasn't much self-care required for my husband to get ready, so I figured this was a good time to give it a shot. He brushed his teeth but didn't even take the time to shave or cut his fingernails.

I told him that I wanted him to try something different for date night. A little sexual role playing. His eyes perked up when he heard that sentence and he looked at me with full attention. I told him that I've got an idea that puts me in control of his penis and he only gets to use his penis tonight if I tell him that he can. He scoffed and said something about it being the same as any other night. I looked at him sternly and said you better think twice before any more comments like that. I reached into my purse and produced the zip lock baggie and handed it to him.

I acted as if I knew exactly how to put it together, handing the pieces to my husband. This ring goes around your balls, find one that is snug but not uncomfortable - you might be wearing this for a while if you don't behave. Then your penis goes into this tube, you can use some lotion to slide it into the tube if you need to. He asked me who's tube it was and if it was washed. I had no idea, Emma and I hadn't discussed it so I just repeated "Do it." he complied and started fiddling around with it. About the time he had it figured out, he started getting hard and the tube slid off his penis. I laughed a bit and told him so snap the lock and bring the key with him. I would be waiting for him in the kitchen. He looked up at me while still fiddling with his apparatus and nodded in acknowledgement, almost timidly. I laughed to myself as I walked to the other room.

He met me in the kitchen a couple minutes later and handed me the key, honestly I was a bit surprised that he allowed himself to be under lock and key with no conversation or argument of any kind. Not really what Emma told me to expect, I was ready to try and convince him to do this for me. I put the key on my necklace and we headed out the door. He headed to the drivers seat and I said no sweetie, I'll drive tonight. He looked confused since he always drives when he and I are in the car together. …

April Fools Day <3

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No blog today, just an April Fools pic to get your day going.

The Sexually Frustrated Man

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Aren't they all? Seriously though. This guy has an unrealistic expectation of sex in this relationship. He may have gotten into a relationship expecting that he would have daily sex with you. He may not have taken into account that you are an actual person that may not be in the mood some of the time. Then he takes it a step further by constantly badgering you for sex which is an enormous mood killer. Why would he think that a guy begging for sex is ever a turn on? Has this somehow been effective for him in the past?

I would be remiss if I didn't take the time to address why he is sexually frustrated in the first place. You might just be mismatched in the libido area or just not all that attracted to him. If the libido mismatch is the culprit, a good conversation explaining sexual expectations would be a good idea. Make sure to have this conversation while he is locked to ensure that you've got his full attention. Many times, a guy has a bit of a heightened sense of self importance in the bedroom.

I think most of us have been in relationships with guys who we aren't 100% attracted to. He is maybe 70% there and his personality or other traits make up for the rest. We don't want perfection, we just want a guy who looks good, keeps himself groomed and we aren't afraid to introduce to our friends. That is totally ok, guys are a bit more forgiving when it comes to women. If she is the least bit in to him and he finds her attractive, he will usually forgive most imperfections. That's just the way things work, or at least the way I've seen things work.

Your guy has too much sexual energy and that is a good thing, you just need to redirect that energy. With just a few short weeks, he will be eager to please you both in and outside the bedroom.

An interesting thing here is when a sexually frustrated man brings male chastity to you rather than the other way around. This may seem counter intuitive since he is sexually frustrated but wants to be locked. Men bring chastity to their wives and girlfriends more frequently than you might expect!. Over the years, as you've conditioned him man to ask for sex with frequent denial makes makes him feel powerless in the sexual aspect of his life. He may masturbate frequently and feel guilt about his porn or masturbation frequency. He may also want to formalize the power transfer since he feels like he has already handed you control of his sexuality.

A cage simply reinforces what he feels you want, a man that does not have sex or masturbate unless given specific permission. He is, in a sense trying to please you, pleasing women is very natural for men and does bring them pleasure especially when used as an outlet for sexual energy. Much of this happens at the subconscious level so he may not even know why. The sexual urges that he is feeling are probably extremely uncomfortable and distracting. The sexual urges that men feel are much different than the urges that we feel. …

Was it good for you?

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We are obviously a sex-positive blog and I found this infographic to be very interesting. I haven't fact checked all of the points and it doesn't really have sources but most of them sound right. Enjoy!

Male Chastity: Motivating his weight loss

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Looking good for your partner is an important thing for every relationship. Sometimes you feel like your partner may need a bit of work to motivate him to get to the gym or change his diet, cut back on the beer or whatever the situation may be. A couple must stay sexually attracted to each other for that spark to stay alive. As much as you want to be attracted to the whole person and not physical appearance, let's be realistic. It is difficult to be attracted to someone who is overweight. Sometimes you feel like you would do anything to get them to make healthier choices for their body and for their health. Experts say that you can't motivate someone else to lose weight but I beg to differ.

Too much fat makes sex less enjoyable because the bodies don't mesh together quite as well, men with more belly fat have lower testosterone levels which will decrease their sex drive. If he is overweight, he will be out of breath and wheezing before things even get underway.

I do recommend that you lead by example, telling him to make healthy choices and then eating a box of donuts in front of him simply isn't fair. In my opinion, it is also important for you to always be more attractive than him to keep the scale tipped in your direction. If leading by example doesn't work, a lockup period in a chastity cage defined by a number of lbs is a great way to help keep him motivated.

Start with a goal in mind, let's say that goal is twenty lbs. You can tell him that you will weigh him each Saturday and if he meets his weekly goal of five lbs he can have an unlock & release. Make sure you break things down and do small weekly goals rather than one large goal. That will ensure that he stays motivated and achieves a goal that will make you both happy.

Will he get resentful? Resentment is something that I haven't covered much but it is important that your motivation methods contain lots of teasing and attention or he absolutely will get resentful. Nobody is advocating a sexless relationship, what fun would that be. Keep the sex life strong but the frequency of his orgasms are under your control. …

Pegging For Beginners

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broad city pegging

Pegging is new, pegging is exciting, pegging is scary. Read my previous blog about how pegging feels to a woman.

In his newly discovered and highly emotionally aware state, he will likely be very open to trying new things especially things of a sexual nature. This might be a great opportunity to try pegging which will only serve to make you feel empowered and make him feel somewhat more emasculated. This is a great way to assert your relationship dominance and help him understand what it is like for us, being on the receiving end. There is no doubt that a pegging session or two will make him a better and more considerate lover. We resort to pegging at least once a week and I always initiate. Typically I will go into the night stand, grab my strap-on and tell him to roll onto his tummy. I don't like to overthink it by asking him to do an enema etc. By turning it into an ordeal, it becomes less impactful and less dominant of an act.

You want your tone to come off as "Roll over, I want your ass!" instead of "Tonight I'd like to peg you so please make sure that you clean yourself out after your shower and get dressed for bed". Pegging loses all of it's inherent dominance if you don't make it spontaneous and immediate. One thing I've found is that this allows me to be rougher and less delicate with him. I like holding his arm down, his legs back, tell him what position I want, tell him to push back on it when I get tired. Make sure that you be dominant and assert yourself, don't ask him so many questions about what he wants, how he likes it. He will tell you if he doesn't like something. I also really enjoy having him suck on my strap-on before we have a session. I find that the the act of him looking up at me while I reassure him and instruct him how best to suck my rubber penis is very arousing and further empowers me and turns me on for the act that is to come. 

If anything in this blog will get him out of his comfort zone, this one is going to be it. Pegging is very exciting for both of you and it requires a great deal of trust from both sides. I can't write a blog about pegging without including the wonderful Ruby Ryder. Ruby is the absolute best source of information on pegging and truly the best source of sex positive information about the amazing world of pegging. Ruby Ryder has an incredible podcast including this one specifically for the ladies. I highly recommend that you stop and listen to that podcast before you go any further. Ruby also has a website that answers questions and dispels myths about pegging at pegging 101. Also look around for the right "apparatus" because it is important to feel sexy while you are doing such a sexy activity. I've found a couple that are incredibly comfortable and aren't your typical "Strap On Harness".

I reached out to Ruby for her thoughts on pegging and this is what she said:

Back In The Saddle

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We tried the honor system. We tried it, didn't have any slip-ups and it worked but it wasn't as fun for either of us. Kevin got his weekly release yesterday, on schedule. I can't help but feel like it wasn't as effective, it was more like a mutual consent agreement. There was no constant reminder of my inescapable dominance over everything that defines his sexual self-worth. We tried it, we really did but now we are going back. If I am being honest with you all, the main reason is that I didn't feel as powerful when I wasn't holding his key. I want to feel powerful. I want to feel turned on, knowing that I am holding something so valuable to him.

So I decided to start off strong. I left early this morning so I set his cage out neatly on his night. I am sure that he was surprised to see that I left the spiked cage out. He isn't a fan of that one. Even though the spikes are soft/silicon, they are still sharp enough to be more than a gentle reminder when he gets too excited. Today is going to be a good day.

I'll start your week with some tips to help encourage your man.

  1. Remember to touch him more when he is locked than you ever do when he is not. Any touch. This will create a positive response and make him yearn to be locked.
  2. Remind him that you were destined to be together and that you two are meant for each other. Some positive comments about your yin/yang and how you balance each other out. This will help reassure him, especially when the cage gives him self-doubt.
  3. Complain about little things but say things like "not a big deal, but..." or "next time". This will ensure that things go your way next time and will almost never need an argument to get you there.
  4. Ensure that the guys he hangs out with are harmless or that you've got an understanding with their wives or significant others. You aren't looking to isolate him but you are looking to distance him from friends that could have a negative impact on your relationship.
  5. Try not to sit in front of him when asking or persuading, sit beside him to ensure that your body language is trusting, encouraging and non-confrontational.
  6. This one may seem obvious but ensure that he is working out, has a balanced diet. Also takes a multivitamin especially zinc since since that keeps his testosterone production high and ensure that his male behaviors are strong and predictable.
  7. Even when you are in control, remind him of your weakness. This will help him see your vulnerable side and increase his confidence in your relationship. Remind him that where he is weak, you are strong and can help lead him. Remind him that you respect him and that you appreciate him allowing you to control the sexual aspect of your relationship to make you both stronger together.
  8. Learn to confuse him by asking him about his emotions and talking about yours. This doesn't come natural to men like it does to us. This is a great way to take control of a conversation that could easily become an argument. Appeal to his compassion and his desire to satisfy you.
  9. Ask for something big. If he says no, he will almost certainly say yes to something smaller.
  10. Do something nice for him, do it from your heart but remind him that he is next. This will make him feels like he owes you something and sets a tone of submission.

Starting Out – Part 4

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starting out

This is a continuation of the previous post entitled Starting Out. You probably want to catch up on that one if you haven't already read it.

As we left the previous article, we locked our buddy for two days in exchange for answering a few questions about female control. I answered his questions and he held up his end of the bargain by staying locked for two days. We got through that evening but the struggle began around bedtime as he took a shower and attempted to clean in and around the cage area. He asked how to clean himself and I opened the shower, squeezed some of my liquid body wash onto the top of his cage and told him to rinse thoroughly. He grinned and asked if I would help him rinse thoroughly. I replied and told him that we need to set some ground rules. When you are locked, I don't want to hear little sexual quips like that.

I told him that if the little comments and questions continue, I add a day. No warnings, I just add a day by holding up a finger. Don't bring up the cage, don't bring up washing, don't bring it up at all. If in doubt, don't bring it up. Before you bring up a question about having trouble sleeping overnight, apply some Vaseline on the base ring of your cage before you go to bed and you will be fine overnight. I don't want to hear it now and I especially don't want to hear it at four in the morning.

That got my point across, we laid in bed and talked for a bit before I rolled over to read on my kindle before going to sleep. I woke up again at about three am to hear him in the restroom. I didn't hear anything beside him going to the restroom and coming straight back to bed. A smile came across my face as I went back to sleep.

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